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We all know we have a conscience. Our conscience is the awareness, the registering of all we do and are. We may want to deny that kind of awareness by delivering our minds and thoughts to worldly affairs, problems and many other idol thorns, which might prevent us to be consulted, advised, rebuked or even encouraged and defended by our own consciousness.

I don’t believe it is possible to lose the awareness of what we are and do –even if we believe it is. Not even a mind-handicapped person or a demon-possessed loses that kind of awareness. Not even a fool loses it – if he did, he would not be that foolish anymore.

I believe the books which will be opened when Jesus sits to judge people are the sealed and the seared consciences of the very people He judges. I might be wrong, though, but it makes sense that it should be so, since even what we may have forgotten is registered somewhere inside us. It also conditions and marks our natural future behaviour. “And I saw the dead, the small and the great, stand before God. And books were opened, and another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works”, Rev.20:12.

I believe, too, that conscience (for the normal daily outfit and needs) can and must be sharpened, trained, awakened, enlightened, quickened and made instantaneous in its reactions towards truth or against lies. Unless it is so, it will become slack, stigmatized, seared, sleepy and lazy or awakened to aggressiveness due to the bitterness every sinner is ascertained to through habits of slackness and lack of solid food and care. The truth is that there are ways to sharpen what we are and do. But, we should always call to mind that there are specific ways that work out in a marvelous and spontaneous way whenever we have found the way of how to follow Christ. There is a way to follow Christ in a most natural way and, also, for real. It opens our hearts and minds up in, by, through and for Christ whenever we keep track and walk through the light we have – however little that light may be at any point of our lives. Keeping a small ray of light hidden and away from our awareness because we fear the greater darkness of that stage and which may still surround us, doing that at the cost of not trusting God and of not walking forward through Christ (because we can and must do so), will inevitably confuse the awareness of truth and of light within us. It is better to be found stumbling, staggering and walking ahead because we have only a little ray of light, than to be found in anguish and afraid to walk on when Christ leads us to the multiplication of light we have. That multiplication must be accomplished anyhow, anytime and without delay or fear. “Blessed is that servant when his Lord comes, finds him so doing…”, Lk.12:43.

Anyway, we cannot but become aware of anything which surrounds us. We act, react and reveal through that what we really are – and not necessarily what we believe we are. Learned habits of acting and reacting can be created; or, one can become resolute and spontaneous enough to live according to the light and the goals set and poured within us through God and Light – as it is done in heaven and no other way. If so (or when it is done so), conscience and awareness can become a mighty tool towards real life within and without in others. Awareness is not force upon our inner being – if it is, it becomes altered, deceiving and deceived. When conscience is clean and spotless, it should be fed and kept awake only – not forced to believe things it already knows or believe it contrary to what it knows. We cannot hinder it to be alive. It has means of its own to react, commune and watch over itself and all of that at the same time; and all of those work together just as a mighty army would do with its different cabinets and aspects. God has made it to work that way – no one will ever be able to change that. It is always aware of everything that goes on, outside and inside – even when not taking notice of certain aspects of things, it registers. If it doesn’t, it means things are not within the realm of awareness. But, when it is, things get registered without a possibility of hindrance. No one can ever avoid conscience to register anything at all. It is unavoidable that it so happens.

There are also people (most people in this world) who seem to be always defensive, as if there is some kind of continual threat aiming at them. Selfishness does that, since enmity is an imaginary quest against life. Since these imaginary questions live in the mind of man, his prayers will be accordingly - if he prays at all. Consequently, the answers to such prayers will also be either imaginary or non-existing.

I have someone in my family who believes he needs to steal and to be dishonest all the time because, he says, this kind of world we live in demands that he does so. Unless he is better than the world, he will lose for them, he believes. Whenever he goes to work, he is always thinking of how he should talk to someone and how he should try all he can to gain the most. He is always on the watch against the threats he imagines there are. Of course, no one can be aware of many things at once and, since he is concentrated upon stealing or not being stolen from, his work does not come out as perfect as it should be. We need our whole heart to do well at something. If it is divided, the success of what we do will also be harmed. “The wicked man flees when no man pursues him”, Prov.28:1. The kind of awareness people have or breed always affects their conduct, actions and reactions and make it poor. Whatever is allowed to live in the mind determines the way we live and act. Also, if conscience is done harm unto, it will never react the same way towards things as when it remains untouched and pure at whatever cost. However, let us never allow realities to be replaced by unrealities.

We find conscience talking all the time. Even when it is at ease because it is spotless and washed, it remains searching for purer light and for stronger, better and more peaceful ways and means to remain as it is or even better. It is from here that came the thought into my heart to write something, some kind of a conversation between a dirty conscience and a clean one, which cannot deny what they are and know. Eventually, a conversation came out which gives some light to the way, to the efforts each of them fights for to be able to keep their kind of peace. Peace within should be a consequence of inner, Godly righteousness and not a forced work. It must be a consequence. Peace inside a free mind means the conscience is clean. And “peace where there is no peace” means the conscience is seared and, also, that the mind is not allowed to move or think freely on any issue it remembers. There is this association between bondage and a dirty conscience no one can avoid having and, also, there is always a great complicity between real freedom and a clean conscience.

We know that consciences act and react for many reasons. It can react because of pressure, because of sin, because of cleanness; and it can be selfish, opposing and always on the guard against accusations; it can be pressured and selfish; or it can be pressured and unselfish because people still maintain those old weapons darkness defended itself through; it can be without pressure and selfish or unselfish, too, depending on what people approve. “And know His will and approve the things excelling, being instructed out of the Law”; “Blessed is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves”, Rom.2:18;14:22. Whatever the case is with you, I pray this writing will be a blessing to you, for without God’s blessing it can achieve nothing.

At first, I thought to write about ten dialogues. However, as I started it, a friend asked to read it as I would write it. He would continually ask for more and more; he would lovingly ‘demand’ that I write another chapter and another and another. He loved it. It encouraged me to double the dialogues. More dialogues could be written, though, because a bad conscience affects many other aspects of our lives. It affects faith deeply and directly, hope, love and, in fact, anything we should or can be in the Lord. So, there is much we can say about a bad conscience and its consequences, excuses and ways. But, I feared it would become too long a book and too boring. I wanted it simple and to the point. I wanted to leave only a hint as to what a bad conscience can do and achieve, or, should I say, can refute, refuse or renounce.

The conversation will be between DIRTY_C (Dirty Conscience) and CLEAN-C (Clean Conscience). May God bless you. Amen.




 Clean_C wanted to start a conversation with Dirty_C. He did not know how to start. Then he started to talk about filled his heart. It took the first thing that came up into his heart.

CLEAN_C: The image of God within us is perfect. God also saw that what He did was good when He made us. That’s why I believe we are normal when we are perfect, since we have been made to be that way.

DIRTY_C: But, why are we born sinners nowadays? There is someone in my church who lives a perfect life. I hate him. I can’t think of him as a normal person at all. He must have some hidden sins somewhere. I believe he is a hypocrite.

CLEAN_C: Maybe he has no hidden sins at all. If sins are exposed and gone, it causes our face to glow the glory of God and sinners hate it when they prefer no change. And hidden sins are seen in the bitter expression of our face too.

DIRTY_C: I think he has hidden sins somewhere. Everyone in this world has some kind of sin. How can he be without sin? I don’t like the expression of his face. He is too holy for me! He is always smiling for some reason I can’t figure out and it makes me annoyed and feel accused as a bad person. I can’t stand him.

CLEAN_C: If it were not normal to go without sin, Jesus would never have commanded, “Go, and sin no more!” It would be a strange command to give to people who cannot be holy or perfect. But, tell me, aren’t you contradicting yourself somewhat? I mean, on the one hand you say he lives a perfect life; on the other hand, you state he has some hidden sin. Isn’t it a contradiction? Perhaps the heart you have and not the man causes you to say such things about him. Perhaps you are the cause of that grudge.

DIRTY_C: Oh, I don’t like him at all. He makes me feel bad. He annoys me. Having him around makes me feel like a sinner. And I don’t see this as a grudge either, but rather as a kind of annoyance against a hypocrite. Oh, I hate the feeling he brings up in me!

CLEAN_C: And what could the problem then? I mean, you’re saying no one can be without sin and, still, you feel bad because you feel like a sinner. You should be happy that you feel as sinful as you really are and that he feels as holy as he really is! It is a basic principle of honesty to be yourself and to be as you are. Shouldn’t you be honest with yourself as well?

DIRTY_C: No, I don’t know! I feel dirty when he is around! And, besides, he always says he is sinful. How can it be? That sounds plain hypocrisy to me! What is he trying to show? Couldn’t that be what people call a false humility? Why would he demand people around to be holy if he claims to be a sinner? The expression he carries around tells people to be holy. I just can’t stand it. I can’t explain what is really at stake here either. You must experience having him around to understand me.

CLEAN_C: A friend of mine said once that any holy man feels like a sinner; and that any unholy man tries to feel holy all the time and to show off with it! Maybe that’s what is happening with you and with him.

DIRTY_C: What do you mean? Are you saying I am a liar or a bad person?

CLEAN_C: No, not at all. You have said that, not me. It seems to me your reasoning contradicts itself in some ways. You say one thing to prove another. But, tell me, why shouldn’t you like him? Have you tried to love him as he is? Perhaps, by listening and by taking heed to what he shows you indirectly, you would be saved.

DIRTY_C: I am already saved! What do you mean? And I did try to love him once. Not that I hate him either. Let me put it this way: I feel irritability inside my heart when he is around and I cannot control it. It is beyond my control. It seems as if he is able to smile with his eyes when his face is serious! That doesn’t seem normal to me. He seems to me more like a hypocrite when he does that. And the worst part is that he seems to be so unaware that he is smiling! Such natural behaviour must be a very high degree of hypocrisy, so high people who have it can’t be aware of it anymore!

CLEAN_C: Would you prefer that he would smile with his face and his eyes would look hard as a rock, bitter or even unhappy? I mean, if a person smiles with his face and his eyes are not able to smile along, as you often do, isn't that person pretending?

DIRTY_C: I firmly believe that whoever smiles should always be able to show his smile, he should show his teeth too.

CLEAN_C: I believe whoever smiles with his eyes shows his heart around, even when his teeth are hidden and discrete. Jesus said that the light of the body is the eye, not the teeth.

DIRTY_C: It is no wonder that you uphold him that way – I have seen that same look in your eyes before. Why don’t I have it? I sing in church, I have accepted Jesus, I pray as you do, read my Bible, perhaps even more than you do!

CLEAN_C: Well, hardness and glory of the heart is often displayed in the eyes. And, truth be said, the smile many times exists only to hide sin and hardness away from the eyes of people because we might wish to believe only what others see in us. And that’s why we show people what we aren’t or even what we suppose we are or could be, I mean, so that they can say about us what we wish to believe we are. The lightness and the happiness in the eyes often reveal that one is clean before God and people.

DIRTY_C: What kind of lightness are you talking about? We need to feel as sinners or we will never enter heaven.

CLEAN_C: It is not true. You mean we need to carry conviction around every day to be pleasing to God? The Bible says that God will never reject truthfulness coming from the heart, whether it is a sad look or happiness it reveals. A holy heart – or at least a heart which is starting to become holy – is a broken heart which reveals itself as it is. Sinful people who pretend to be holy never have broken hearts. And the eyes often reveal what goes on inside the heart. If I have a sin, I would want to be myself before God and reveal my sin till it is forgiven or gone forever. Jesus is able to take my sin away from me. Why would I want to carry it around forever by hiding it?

DIRTY_C: But, when a sinner starts to live out what he is inside, God will make plans to destroy him! If all sinners start to be what they are or as they are, the whole world shall be like Sodom and Gomorra in a blink of an eye! We cannot dare to be what we are! Sin will take over in no time and this world will be completely corrupted!

CLEAN_C: This world is corrupted already. And you shall become holy if you come to Christ that way and come to people as you are and having Christ with you. What I mean is that we should be honest even towards ourselves. The basic principle of humility is to be outside exactly as you are inside. Besides, what you are saying could be true if God did not create us according to His image and had God committed some mistakes in the kind of creation we are.

DIRTY_C: I agree God created us without making mistakes. However, Adam made a mess out of us. Now we are all like him. And it works for us in such a way that it is as if we have Adam inside us.

CLEAN_C: And why would you have Adam in you? Did you accept Adam as you Saviour perhaps? Or did Adam receive any power to change people? Can you believe Adam can do more in you than God is able to do right now or that he overpowers his Creator? Or isn’t it convenient to you and to all sinners in general to hold on to a reason to sin and which makes them believe their sinning is Adam’s fault? Most people use it as an excuse to carry on sinning. And I am not saying Adam did not start it all. All I am saying is that you are hiding behind Adam to carry on as you would love to do.

DIRTY_C: Oh, I don’t know anymore! It is obvious you know more than me about the Bible. How is it possible that you know more about the Bible than me if it seems I read it more? I don’t know how to explain this. But, my pastor says in every sermon he preaches that we have been born with what he calls an “Old Man” inside of us and it seems he believes we cannot get rid of it until we die. Now you are telling me it is convenient for me and for him to think that way? You cannot say such things of a man of God!

CLEAN_C: And why would Christ care to come down and die for us were there no solution for the problem of sin, seeing that is what He mainly came for? And why would we need to be born again if we will keep the “Old man” still with us all the time? And did Christ not provide a way for the so-called “Old Man” to die at the cross with Him? I mean, really die? What does it mean to be a new creature, then, if old Adam carries on living? I don’t think your pastor is telling you the whole truth and neither to people listening to him; at least, I am sure he is not explaining it as accurately as he should.

DIRTY_C: You are not allowed to talk against pastors, because they are the servants of God.

CLEAN_C: And what could I say in favour of him if he says there is no way out for man and that no one can live up to God’s standards? I don’t think he would say that were he indeed a man of God. Is it, perhaps, Good News he is spreading around?

DIRTY_C: What do you mean?

CLEAN_C: Do you know why it is called the “Good News”? That’s good news only because it is promised and announced that Adam dies if Christ takes full control of our being through His resurrection in us. Choose between Christ and Adam as quickly as you can. Has Christ really been resurrected in you? Had He been lifted up in you, I am sure you would never say such things. Only ignorance can speak in such a convincing way about important things such as these! May God have mercy on you!

DIRTY_C: But, I have already accepted Christ and there is no way I can stop sinning. I have tried so hard to stop, but found that I sin more every time I think of stopping it! This is why I firmly believe my pastor is preaching the truth. The harder I try, the more I think sin and the more I sin.

CLEAN_C: Couldn’t it have another explanation? It could mean that Christ either did not come into you as you suppose He did; or that He got out sometime after He got into you – if He did come in at all. When He comes in, He makes sure He can come to stay. He must be able to dwell freely in our hearts afterwards or His coming would avail us nothing. That is the only reason why He comes in for. And unless He cleanses the house, temptations will grow.

DIRTY_C: What do you mean? I have accepted Jesus! Do you mean I didn’t? And concerning He getting out of me again after He came in, my pastor says that it is impossible. No one loses Christ after having accepted Him! My pastor even quoted from some places in the Bible to prove that salvation cannot be lost.

CLEAN_C: Did Christ make Himself present in you? Were you aware of Him stepping into your heart? Or did your imagination trick you into believing He did?

DIRTY_C: Well, people say Christ comes in when we accept Him. We ask Him to come in and He comes into our hearts. I even went to the front, in my church, to accept Him. My pastor said He came in.

CLEAN_C: Did your pastor see Him coming in? Did he make sure Jesus came in? Did you? This is not something we can play around with. This is a very serious issue! And it is very important that Christ accepts us as well. It could be He did or it could happen that He rejected the offer to come in. I don’t know. But, I am sure we cannot decide on Christ’s behalf to accept us at all. Unless sin goes out, He won’t come in. Of that I am pretty sure. We cannot mix perfume with a rotten smell! Either the perfume is spoilt or the stench is minimized and disguised. Perfume is for clean people just as Jesus is for a clean heart. “Blessed are the pure in heart! For they shall see God”, Mat.5:8. “And the Redeemer shall come to those who turn from transgression, says the Lord”, Is.59:20.

DIRTY_C: What does perfume have to do with accepting Jesus? Why do you always mix up my mind and say things in a way hard for me to understand? The way you talk makes it difficult for me to accept what you say. I have had a hard time understanding people like you. Your eyes shine as if what you are saying makes sense, but it simply doesn’t.

CLEAN_C: The lack of understanding, especially concerning such simple truths as these, only show Christ might not be in your heart as you suppose He is. Maybe He is still knocking. If He did come in as you say He did, you would surely understand truth. If you plead Christ to come in so you can be happy sinning, I am sure He won’t come in at all. If Christ comes into you or makes Himself present while you either hold or simply uphold sin, you shall be the most unhappy and terrified person on earth. Christ shall be a stumbling block to you then, surely. Besides, He does not come in to make happy, but to remove sin which makes people unhappy and bitter.

DIRTY_C: How so? You are just destroying my faith away! I cannot carry on believing after having any kind of conversation with you. I need to go now! I am sorry.

CLEAN_C: Maybe if you stay right here the only kind of faith you lose is a false one. Faith is to believe what is true and is not mere believing. Unless it is true that Jesus indeed came into you to dwell there forever, you cannot believe it is true. That can’t be taken as faith at all. If you believe Christ came into you and it is indeed so, that can be translated as faith. We must be able to believe whatever is true. And there is another thing we should consider: if Christ comes in to dwell in us forever, surely even the consciousness of sin shall depart from us. He indeed cleanses our consciences fully.

DIRTY_C: It seems so easy for you. You are either lying to me or I am missing the whole point somewhere. This is why I don’t like talking to you! It leaves me unsure and without rest in my mind for a long time. I can’t stand it to feel that way.

CLEAN_C: Jesus cleanses our consciences for real. Our conscience is like a book where every deed and every thought is written down to be remembered later on and, also, to correct our behaviour before we die. It serves a twofold purpose. And what is written there manipulates our behaviours along our whole life. If conscience is clean and defends us, we shall be confident and encouraged to carry on the way we should always have been. If conscience is not clean, we shall be bad, restless and an easy pray to temptation, and resentful towards everything; we shall also conceive many false ideas about God and about truth - which is most convenient to a false behaviour. A false behaviour is to live according to sin and not according to what we have been created for. Our conscience has a direct influence over us. It has a direct influence upon our faith as well. It can cause us to shipwreck or to rise to heaven. We can choose between being influenced positively through a clean conscience or by struggling along trying not to think evil or not to be evil. A bad conscience also teaches itself how to hide, excuse or laugh sin away. It is able to deceive us and tell us people around are not able to see or smell our sins if we ignore them. It makes us feel we owe something to people around as well and drives us to please them. But, all it does is nothing but hiding and excusing itself the best way it can.

DIRTY_C: There is another thing I cannot understand from you guys. How is it possible for you to say you have no sin? We are all sinners!

CLEAN_C: If we have been born to sin, if holiness and clean walking were impossible to us at all, then hell is not a righteous decree coming from a righteous God. And, consequently, we may assume God is not as good as He tells us He is. He cannot be righteous by sending any of us to hell then, because people cannot stop sinning. Can He be righteous?

DIRTY_C: I see you also say bad things about God, just as you have said about my pastor whom I consider a man of God!  

CLEAN_C: If God created us to be sinful how could He ever damn us for sin and how could He demand holiness from us at all? Can you tell your dog to fly? Or could you demand from a duck never to go into the water? Wouldn’t it be unfair? If you cannot be holy God cannot ask you to be holy, just as you couldn’t ask your dog to fly.

DIRTY_C: And why did my pastor say we are all sinners, every one of us, and that unless we say we are sinners we shall never enter heaven at all?

CLEAN_C: Well, we are indeed sinners, some in one way and others in another. Perhaps that person you do not like is putting it in the light you should see it yourself. Because we are sinners, we need to be transformed. Tell me, why would we need to be transformed were it impossible to us to be holy and were we to remain as we have always been?

DIRTY_C: Well, I believe we shall be pure once we get into heaven for always. But, I just cannot believe it is possible to be that pure here on earth at all. It doesn’t make sense to me. Experience tells me it is impossible.

CLEAN_C: I believe you believe amiss, mainly for two reasons: one is that Jesus said He would be able to save us from our sins and even from ourselves; (and before He tells us to be perfect, He mentions the fact that all power belongs to Him); the other is that the kind of heart we have now shall go with us wherever we go, even if it is to heaven. You cannot believe you shall change by dying physically. You may adapt yourself to some extend were it possible, but it is impossible to change the heart you have there. Only here is it possible to change what you are through the power of God.

DIRTY_C: And how does a person change that way? It seems to me you are putting the standard too high and beyond our reach - quite above what we can reach out to.

CLEAN_C: You have been going to church and it never got through you that we indeed change through the Lord?

DIRTY_C: How, if we are still on earth? While on earth we cannot stop sinning. Consequently, I believe our conscience can’t be as clean as you say it must be.

CLEAN_C: Christ promised to have it whiter than snow and I don’t believe He meant it would happen only after we die. I am sure it is right here on earth we must experience a life which exists in heaven and in holy beings. If we live in Him, we live in a kind of heaven already. In Him we shall be as holy as He is. But, it needs to be real and we need to be indeed in Him. Jesus is our “place” to live in. Our heaven is Jesus and heaven would never be as it is unless people and angels lived in Jesus as they do there.

DIRTY_C: We mustn't believe we can be holy now; only that we shall be transformed later, after we die. That is faith.

CLEAN_C: It can’t be faith at all! You mean faith is to believe a lie? We trust Jesus to be able to change us right now and right away. That’s what He promised to do. And the change is real. We cannot find any promise in the Bible stating we shall be holy only in heaven or changed only there. The physical shall be changed then, but not the spiritual. The promise is for now and so is the commandment. Why would Christ insist so much that His commandments be fulfilled if they are meant to be fulfilled only after we die? I thank God His transformation is real and that it is meant for us now. “For the grace of God that brings salvation… teaching us that we should live discreetly, righteously and godly, in this present world”, Tit.2:11,12. What else can you say? 

DIRTY_C: Oh, I don’t know. I believe that kind of life is impossible while on earth. Once we die and go to heaven we shall be holy. And that’s it! Experience tells me that to be the truth.

CLEAN_C: How can you say such things? Physical death is not real death at all. You cannot believe you shall be a different person after dying. The hearts we have now in us, shall carry on with us. I don’t believe God shall change anyone after death, but rather before death.

DIRTY_C: Have you stopped sinning at all?

CLEAN_C: Can you see any sin in me or at least what God considers as sin? If you are able to see as much as a single sin in me, please be so kind as to tell me about it. I will be extremely thankful to you and I am sure I will be able to prove to you just how easy it is to do away with it.

DIRTY_C: Oh, please! No one shall ever be holy, at least not here on earth! I am tired of trying to be holy and have achieved no success, but only failure.

CLEAN_C: If we cannot be holy now, then God has been telling us the wrong things all along! Don’t you think so? He said “Be perfect as your Father is perfect”; “Be holy”. Why would He say that if we can’t be holy and neither be perfect in any aspect of our lives? You have just said I say the wrong things about God and that sounded that you were meaning I was blaspheming against God in some way. But, I believe you are saying the wrong things about God without knowing it! You are saying God is not consistent in what He says. You say He demands from us what we can never be.

DIRTY_C: And, tell me: why do we carry on sinning if our nature is really as holy as you say? If you say God changes us in such a way that we sin no more, why do we carry on sinning all the time? If I have been transformed, why do I still sin?

CLEAN_C: I did not say we have been born holy, but rather that creation made us holy beings by giving us everything we need to be holy. But, as fish dry up outside water, so shall a holy creation dry up outside God. We can be as bad as demons once we are away from God. No water mill works without water and when it works, it shall surely grind only whatever is put into it. If you put stones into a mill it shall grind stones and give you sand. If corn is put in there, you shall have something to make bread with.

DIRTY_C: And why can’t we stop sinning?

CLEAN_C: Who said we cannot stop sinning? The only person saying that is you, isn’t it? Jesus, besides having given us everything we need to be like Him and to be according to His image, also gives us the power to fight through; the Bible and the commandments makes known what we should fight for; and He gives Himself to us so that we can see into what kind of image we are being shaped all over again. When God says we "must come back", He means we must be holy again, returning to our original state. He has given us everything we need to be as He asks us to be.

DIRTY_C: And how shall we handle the world we live in right now? How can we get rid of it and avoid the temptations it is able to exercise over us?

CLEAN_C: This world is the perfect place for us to stop sinning.

DIRTY_C: What do you mean? I am stunned! How can you say that?

CLEAN_C: The people who do not stop sinning here on earth are such who do not wish to stop sinning! In fact, earth is the right to stop sinning because it is here we can learn not to wish, will or desire after sin. It is possible to change the heart on earth -not where there is no sin. A drunkard shall cease to wish to drink alcohol better here, by having it around than far from it. Here, he must change his heart to stop drinking and not only his habits. When people say they cannot stop sinning here, they actually mean they do not wish to stop sinning and to change their hearts. You cannot change your heart in heaven. And, if God manages to get into people, it only means people have free access to what He is as well. By entering into God freely while we still live in this world, we shall indeed show we have changed or, at least, that we can be transformed.

DIRTY_C: I will need to go now. You are confusing me. Perhaps I will come back later to talk again, even if it confuses me. I am still not convinced that what you are saying is true. Honestly, I believe you are too well prepared and you spread false doctrines around.

CLEAN_C: Ok. Have a blessed day.





DIRTY_C: I don’t feel very well. My heart is very strange.

CLEAN_C: What is happening?

DIRTY_C: Everything annoys me, I have no patience, I can’t sit down, I can’t stand up… Whatever I do makes me feel worse and worse. I cannot agree with people on anything, so I decided to avoid being with people. I feel like being on my own, but it doesn’t help much to be alone either.

CLEAN_C: It is soul sickness, I am sure. There must be something God is trying to get through to you and you are not listening. Have you been speaking to the Lord lately?

DIRTY_C: Whenever I try to pray I find myself talking alone. Then, I am tempted to stop talking to God. I cannot talk to a wall. It seems I can’t get through to God and a wall separates me from Him. I can’t read my Bible. I feel accused all the time. The worst part, however, is that I can’t figure out what to do.

CLEAN_C: That explains a lot. The irritability is not the main problem you’re having. When we are far from God and He is trying to bring us closer to Him by showing us what separates us from Him, we usually feel as you are feeling at this point. We feel like a duck far from water in desert sand. We feel we do not belong there and we can’t find where we belong. It is just too obvious that anything will annoy us then.

DIRTY_C: How can I solve that problem? I am already too tired to think about a solution. Besides, it seems I can’t find a solution for it anywhere. I get annoyed even with myself. All I wish to do is sleep and sleep and never wake up again!

CLEAN_C: If you could at least talk to God and be heard, then you could be taken out of it and be led out of any kind of problem. But, if there is no contact between you and the Lord, there is another problem we need to solve first and above all. Your other problems cannot be considered problems at this stage, mainly for two reasons: some of these problems might be a mere consequence of the main one; and even if they weren’t, first things must come first.

DIRTY_C: Oh, I can’t see how shall I ever talk to God and be heard! It seems like a mirage to me! I believe it is God who doesn’t want to hear me. I think He needs to fix that problem from His side. He leaves me alone talking on my own. How can I solve a problem which is not mine? I talk to Him! He is the one who doesn’t talk back to me.

CLEAN_C: The Bible says it is our sins which separate us from the Lord causes the Lord not to hear us, Is.59:1,2. It is true it is God who refuses to talk and even to hear. But, He wouldn’t refuse to hear or to answer for no reason.

DIRTY_C: I believe it is the Lord who does not want me anymore. Maybe I have sinned beyond forgiveness. Maybe I sinned too much or one of the sins was too big a crime to be forgiven. I don’t know. Why else would God leave me alone this way, I mean, without a clue as to why I am left alone? Why would He ever abandon me this way?

CLEAN_C: I am sure you haven’t taken time to think about your sins and bad deeds. You are too obsessed thinking about your many problems and you haven’t put some time aside to deal with what you should deal thoroughly and to do so specifically with your sins. You cannot put your life in order unless you leave your problems as they are and put your whole heart into confessing your sins and your sins only. Do not ‘confess’ problems at this stage. It just can’t work!

DIRTY_C: How can I ever think of leaving my problems unsolved? They demand an urgent solution from me and that is precisely why I find myself demanding a solution from God because I can’t find any of my own. The Lord just doesn’t care about me anymore!

CLEAN_C: You see? You are so obsessed with your problems that even when you talk to God all you think about is the problems you have! Doesn’t God deserve any better? Why would He demand from us more and better than that?

DIRTY_C: What do you mean?

CLEAN_C: God said that if we seek Him we shall find Him. He didn’t say we would find a solution to the problems, but Him. Even though God can solve any kind of problem, our motives should be to find Him and Him alone. If you seek Him to find something else, surely He won’t listen to your prayers. You shall be considered a liar. You need to take a stand against yourself and against the solution of all your problems so you can find God as He is. Unless you do so, nothing will be added unto you. In fact, you won’t find Him who is able to add all things unto you.

DIRTY_C: How can I find God? You mean I will see Him, find Him in such a way that I can touch Him? I mean, have him really around all the time? Why does it seem to me you are preaching a fantasy to me?

CLEAN_C: Jesus said once that the clean of heart shall see God, Mat.5:8. Was Jesus lying? After you see Him, then you could talk to Him about anything, don’t you think? Then I am sure He will answer. “I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he answered me”, Ps.3:4. The answer is the whole point of prayer! He may say yes or no to our requests. We know we cannot ask something from somebody if that person is not around. I know most prayers are made to an absent God. It shouldn’t be so at all. The best part of prayer is that He talks back to us and grants us real answers. We may even become aware of what goes on inside His beautiful heart. If He is not pleased with what we ask Him, we shall surely know about it too. Don’t you think this is a life worth trying?

DIRTY_C: And a “no” is an answer?

CLEAN_C: Of course it is! God can answer by saying “no” to any of us. That is an answer. He said a kind of a “no” to Paul once. I believe He does that so we know He is still with us and, also, so that we shall not lose time feeding false hopes and keep them alive. And if our heart’s desire is indeed God’s will, we shall rejoice whatever the answer is. A “no” makes us as happy as a “yes”. However, behind every “no” of God, I am sure there hides a certain kind of “yes” to something else far better than we can think of or imagine.

DIRTY_C: And if God is saying nothing to us what is the reason?

CLEAN_C: We may never walk a step ahead without knowing for sure that God is indeed with us. If God is not with us, we shall be an easy prey. If He does not share in our ways we should never dare to give another step ahead and neither backwards, whatever we must do at that point. He must know our ways for real. We should not throw experience away and neither step forward. We must be quiet and find God first before making any rush decision. And, if we have a real relationship with God, we must wait for an answer. We must not only expect it, but must wait for it. Unless you give time for God to answer you, you cannot expect God to be happy about you. If you call somebody, you expect that person to answer you, right? God deserves even a better treatment than the one you give the person you call upon. We cannot do our own thing after enquiring God about something. We cannot expect less from God than what we expect from mortal beings. God needs to say something even when I have the wrong request in my heart. Any kind of prayer which receives no answer cannot be considered a prayer at all. It is far better to have a “no” from the Lord than no answer at all. The important part of the prayer is the person we talk to. God deserves the respect of all prayers. He promised to grant answers to all our prayers. We should, therefore, wait for answers and expect them. No answer is a dead end. We should turn back, back to the Lord.

DIRTY_C: This is too complicated for me to understand. I can’t even pray for my pastor. I don’t feel like praying anymore. I am discouraged and in deep despair. It feels I am deeply disappointed with God.

CLEAN_C: Anyone who cannot trust God surely trusts himself a great deal. You need to find out what is separating you from the Lord and you need to do it urgently. I don’t believe that what you are going through can be described as normal at all. Praying and not getting answers cannot be seen as a normal thing ever. What would you think if there was electricity and you turn the light on and there is no light at all? Can you think of it as normal? Wouldn’t you call upon the electrician?

DIRTY_C: In your view, what do I need to do for God to hear me? What did you do? I mean, you are talking as if all your prayers are answered!

CLEAN_C: You need urgently to be on your own - alone in your room. Once you are there, close your door behind you; leave all your problems and cares outside that closed door. You must change your motives when praying to God; and the reasons you uphold to find God must change. You must seek God for the sake of God only, for the sake of the person He is and that alone.

DIRTY_C: I hate being alone. But, at this point I hate being with people as well. I cannot understand myself anymore.

 CLEAN_C: But you need to be alone with God, at least for a while. Then, get a pen and a few pieces of paper, sink down on your knees, inquire God about what separates you from Him, and write down all sins you may have committed ever since you can remember up to today. Separate between sins you committed alone and by yourself from those you committed with or against people. You may separate even further religious sins such as idolatry, witchcraft, spiritism and the like.

DIRTY_C: And after I have them all written down, what shall I do with them?

CLEAN_C: After you have done that you need to find those people you sinned with or sinned against. Plead for their forgiveness and plead the Lord to forgive you after you have done that. If you have committed religious sins you must break down with them renouncing them in the name of the Lord and burn everything you still have in your possession that links you back to those sins. This is what putting in the light is all about. By walking in the light and by exposing your sins to God and to people, God shall surely straighten your ways – each one of them! If you go to people, care to tell them what you are doing and why you are confessing your sins.

DIRTY_C: But, God knows each of my sins! Why should I confess to Him what He already knows? And suppose I have slept with my neighbour’s wife… if I confess to him what I had done with his wife, he would kill me on the spot!

CLEAN_C: Even if he did kill you for that reason God would regard that as being persecuted for the sake of righteousness. Anyway, I believe you need to find the woman and have everything cleared between the two of you instead of looking for her husband. God sees such sins in another perspective, I believe. Humans say adultery is committed against a husband or a wife. I believe God sees such a sin as transgression against yourself and against the person you committed it with. You have sinned with her and not with him. If, however, God leads you to talk to the man, you should do so without fear. God is leading, right? And you can never forget that God leads from the moment you start putting everything in the light.

DIRTY_C: I am not saying I have slept with her at all. I was just supposing! And suppose I don’t do as you are telling me, then God shall never hear any of my prayers?

CLEAN_C: No, He won’t hear any of your prayers, I am sure. The Bible says that only those who confess their sins and leave them altogether shall find mercy. It means, shall find God. Unfortunately, people are tempted to do things their own way especially when God is not leading or is not blessing. Then, they blame God for not being with them as they hoped He would. Don’t you do that.

DIRTY_C: This is very interesting. Perhaps you have a point there. I still need to talk to my pastor about this, though. He is the only one I trust. I cannot afford to take your words as infallible.

CLEAN_C: You mean you are going to ask the opinion of the pastor who never taught you this? How can you lose your time consulting flesh and blood about things such as these? Why don’t you go to the Lord instead?

DIRTY_C: I cannot trust my own opinion. And how shall I know God will indeed answer me?

CLEAN_C: You need to get God’s opinion on such issues as these. Paul didn’t consult Peter when he stumbled on truth. Why should you consult someone who is not even as Peter? He said: “I did not consult with flesh and blood”, Gal.1:16.

DIRTY_C: I am afraid if I ask God for His opinion He won’t answer me. Sometime back I asked Him something about my job and I prayed the whole night and there was no answer. The problem was very serious, and, yet, He said nothing. I felt about God as Ball’s prophets felt about Ball when they were praying for fire to come down and to consume the sacrifice Elijah defied them with. There was no answer from heaven. I felt that way.

CLEAN_C: I agree it is very sad when things happen as you say. I found out myself that the saddest part of my sinful life was when I had no answers to my prayers. I would pay anything, do anything just to have a word from God and that for the sake of that word only. I wouldn’t care anymore if He granted me my request or not as long as He spoke to me. Now I am sure God answers all prayers. I believe God did not answer you concerning your job’s problems because He did not see it as the main priority then. Cleansing your life stands on the top of all priorities. God will answer to that as long as there is still time.

DIRTY_C: If God hears you, could you plead for my pastor’s life? He is going through a hard time and asked the church to pray for his needs.

CLEAN_C: Saving or helping others at this point is not a priority to you at all. You need to fix your own life first and leave you pastor to his problems. We must know we can and must do one thing at a time. You wish to talk to God about your pastor and God wishes to talk to you about yours sins. You cannot dare to go against God and take a side track is as good as going against Him! It is suicidal. Jesus said that the Kingdom of God is like a man who went and sowed on his own field. Why would you think it is to sow in other people’s field? Why would you lose your precious time inquiring God about things which are not at His list of priorities? Jesus needs to clean you of all your sins first and that right away.

DIRTY_C: I love my pastor and he asked us for prayer. I think he is a lot like me at this stage of his life. I think God is quiet towards him during this difficult period.

CLEAN_C: Why would a pastor ask for prayer in church concerning basic material needs? Why didn’t he do that alone and asked God on his own? Isn’t it, perhaps, the same as saying, “Please, give me something as you pray for me”? Maybe he is asking for more than prayer from you guys. And that is enough reason for God not to answer him or us about him!

DIRTY_C: What do you mean?

CLEAN_C: If he asks for prayer and mentions the personal needs those people should pray for, he might be expecting people to give the answer and not God. 

DIRTY_C: I have seen him pray for other people and even for the sick!

CLEAN_C: And why would God not hear him in secret then? “And your Father who sees in secret shall Himself reward you openly”, Mat.6:4. If you ask believers, you are not asking God. And God answers those who ask Him with faith.

DIRTY_C: Ok, I understood that. We could ask God for him, couldn’t we? That would be “asking God”.

CLEAN_C: Why would you care to pray for your pastor if you already said God does not hear any of your prayers?

DIRTY_C: You are confusing me again! I must go now!





DIRTY_C: Are you reading your Bible?

CLEAN_C: Yes, of course! It is the Word of God! Why shouldn’t I be reading it? “All Scripture is God-breathed, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness”, 2 Tim.3:16. The Word of God is like a phone calling us: when the need rings we should answer to it and when we hear the call we need to take it. Sometimes we call to it instead on it calling upon us.

DIRTY_C: I don’t understand much about the Bible. It confuses me. Whenever I try to read it, my mind is restless and starts wandering. I can’t find much in it to interest my restless mind. I feel I read it only because I fear God will punish me if I don’t. They say the Bible is the book which has sold most copies ever, right?

CLEAN_C: Even if it weren’t a Best Seller, it would still be the Word of God. We would still need to read it and absorb it to the full.

DIRTY_C: The best way for me to read my Bible is when I am in church. I find the environment there more inviting and more appropriate to read my Bible.

CLEAN_C: I don’t like the way people read the Bible in church. They are kind of religious about it and we should be living beings instead. Besides, we need to answer to the Bible everywhere and anywhere and not in church alone. Wherever our phone rings we must answer it.

DIRTY_C: But, the fact is that it doesn’t matter where I read it. I understand very little of it anyway. I understand only the historical part of it and find it boring. I cannot see any connection between reading it and my life at all. I don’t find life in it. The only reason I feel is the obligation to read it. But, I don’t understand any of it.

CLEAN_C: Usually the problem is inside who reads and not inside the Bible. Who reads it and understands it not, he is the one who has the problem. He is the reason why the Bible becomes boring and lifeless.

DIRTY_C: You are saying it is my fault that I don’t understand the Bible?

CLEAN_C: It is not possible to be the Bible’s fault! There is no other explanation. English makes sense to English people, right? They understand it. They use the language to talk about many things and to solve many issues. If an English man doesn't hear, understand or speak English, surely, the fault is in him and not in the language. However, if you are not English you are kind of lost when it is spoken. The Bible makes sense to such as are like it, to such who speak its language. Reading our Bibles far from God who enlightens our understanding causes us to miss every point of it and every simple meaning it has. It becomes lifeless, even though it is full of life. The Bible is a very straight forward and simple book. It is quite simple and objective. However, reading your Bible without God is like hearing an explanation of something important in a foreign language. However important the matter is, it won’t make any sense to you at all. It shall never mean anything to you. If you are sheep you shall hear the shepherd. They speak the same language. If you are haven’t been made sheep, you can’t hear Him at all. It is like hearing a radio station: you need to be in the wave it is broadcasted. It is as simple as that. Is English the problem or the person who does not understand it? Is the problem in the Bible or in who reads it? Should we change it because people don’t understand it? That is what many pastors and theologians are doing nowadays. "...Unstable people distort Scriptures to their own destruction...", 2Pet.3:16.

DIRTY_C: You are hurting me again. Somehow, you are. You always find a way to hurt me deeply.

CLEAN_C: Jesus said that sheep hear the voice of the Shepherd. We may assume the Shepherd hears sheep quite well too. If we become sheep indeed, if we find the way to become real sheep, we shall of course understand the Bible very easily. No goat will ever understand a sheep’s tongue, even if it seems they are alike or walk together. Goats and sheep are not alike, however close they may seem to be. So, we cannot try to figure out which of the many voices is the Lord’s or the Bible’s without becoming sheep first. Usually, people try to figure out the voice so they don’t have to become sheep or be made obedient. Jesus said only sheep hear it, whether it is through Scripture or not. They shall know it quite well because the voice of God shall be very familiar to them in any situation and under any circumstances. If we try to be like sheep instead of being real sheep, surely the shepherd shall not be Jesus, but another. A goat-Christian will not understand the Bible the way he should. Only sheep will.

DIRTY_C: Please, stop offending me! I have already accepted Jesus! Why do you keep saying I do not belong to Him?

CLEAN_C: Well, then you might have another explanation for the reason why you do not understand the Bible seeing it is such a simple, easy book. Do you?

DIRTY_C: Oh, I don’t know! What could be the problem?

CLEAN_C: And why are so easily offended? Have you ever seen sheep complain about anything? Can sheep complain as you do?  

DIRTY_C: Why are you always pointing at me?

CLEAN_C: For as long as truth is still an offence to you, Jesus will not regard you as His sheep at all. I may agree to a point that just as goats may try to imitate sheep, sheep might feel they are goats still because they may have lived for too long among goats and their belief. "Woe is me, for I (...) dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips", Is.6:5. What they really are is altered and somewhat influenced through lies. "The LORD instructed me that I should not walk in the way of this people", Is.8:11. They might not easily believe they are sheep because they walk the ways of the people around them. But, surely it shall be strange to sheep to complain as goats do. Jesus said those who are like Him hear Him. We may assume those who are like the Bible shall also understand it because it talks about them as well and explains what is going on in them. If truth still offends you, surely you must still undergo a huge transformation from inside. We should all have the ability to rejoice when Jesus talks, whatever He says. A rebuke from Him should be as comforting as an encouragement from His mouth. It means a lot. We need to change from the heart and not only change attitudes and outward appearances. We cannot afford to be sheep only on the outside, appearing to be what we are not.

DIRTY_C: I go to church, sing from my heart, plead for strength and you still say I am not a sheep? I am not praying to the devil am I?

CLEAN_C: No, you are praying to God, but He hears sheep only. He opens the door to them. I believe people who sing to the Lord for real, sing in such a natural way and so spontaneous that they aren’t even focusing on the environment they are found singing. They are too aware of the Lord they serve. No one uses strength to stay where he belongs or where he loves to be. Do you see worldly people forcing themselves to watch a worldly movie or to read a novel? People sit before television as if nothing else exists on earth. Oh, if they could do that with the things of the Lord! What a blessing it would be for the world!

DIRTY_C: You mean that for us to understand the Bible we should read it that way? Unless we do so we won’t understand it?

CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. If you ever understand it some other way, it will only be to feel accused. It would be good and understandable if people could read it in a living way, yes. It would only mean they are very familiar with it. They would be friends with the Bible and with God because they would be fulfilling His commandments easily. It would mean the spirit wouldn’t be enslaved to the body anymore. And it could mean many more things. A living spirit would read the Bible much like that, yes.

DIRTY_C: How can I become a sheep and be like that? Can you advise me?

CLEAN_C: Becoming sheep is very easy. The hard part is the willingness of man to let go the goat. Goats go to church, sheep are found in the Lord, whether they are in church or at work. That is one of the reasons we should be very careful about having a religious spirit or mind which does not allow the Lord into it or its world as a familiar Lord. The way Christians read and hold their Bibles nowadays is very religious and is not a living way. This is why I put in my heart I shall read my Bible as hungry people would eat living bread. I don’t like the way people, pastors and preachers read the Bible and the way they teach how to read the Bible at all. At least, that part you shall need to change after you have become sheep. You should know it is the bread of Life, as it is indeed. If it is not real bread to you, you might have a heart which would rather believe lies. I believe it is easier to change a murderer into a living being than it is to change a cold Christian into a living Christian. It takes a lot more to change religious people from the inside. Dead Christians have their own way of doing things already, and they have settled habits as well. And they have their own way of reading the Bible which they fear to put aside. They fear more to put their ways aside than they fear to put the Bible aside. They fear more to leave their own ways than to leave the ways of the Lord. Woe to them! Look at you and find out if you are a good example of that or not.

DIRTY_C: But, I have been going to church for many years now. You think it will be difficult for me to find the Lord that way and live with Him for real in such a spontaneous way as you are telling me? I have never seen people living that way at all. Maybe, I missed them altogether!

CLEAN_C: It shall not be an easy road, surely. Anyway, everyone has a kind of problem of his own. You need to keep in mind God wants living beings and not programmed robots. Many things need to change, especially those you consider good and proper things. I believe the greatest stumbling block to people is what they consider right and holy. Usually, God hates it. If your inside changes for real, you need to put aside each religious habit you gained over the years. The habits should at least be reviewed. They don’t work out with Jesus and they do not fit into real Life at all. Life is Life and it drives people to read their Bibles as they should and to understand it progressively - as they can take it. Each day has its bread. There are a lot of areas in people’s minds they need to renew.

DIRTY_C: Can you give me one more example?

CLEAN_C: For example, people in church are taught a way to preach to others quite well. That’s how people convince themselves they are already something. They believe they are rich, yet are very poor in God’s sight. They just don’t know they are poorer than the poor. Preaching to others is the way of a goat. People assure themselves by trying to convince others. But, one needs to sow in own ground, as Jesus said.

DIRTY_C: How so?

CLEAN_C: Jesus said once that people who find the good seed go and sow it in their own ground. Many, however, as soon as they understand something about the Word, they start searching people to whom they can preach and explain whatever they may have learned. It doesn’t work that way anymore, at least once we become sheep. Paul said that, “It is right for the labouring farmer to partake first of the fruits”, 2Tim.2:6.

DIRTY_C: Please, carry on.

CLEAN_C: Let me illustrate it through a story I have heard a while ago. There was a family who never saw a mirror before. They didn’t know what a mirror was. The husband found one and he hid it from everyone else. So now and then he would go to the mirror in secret and smile to it. His wife thought he had an affair with some other woman and resolved to spy on him. She was filled with jealousy and even more so when she saw the husband smiling at it. She thought he was smiling to some woman, something he seldom did to her. After the husband left, she went to the mirror to see the woman he had been smiling to. She saw an ugly woman staring at her and was very sad that her husband would give her up for such an ugly woman as the one she was looking at.

DIRTY_C: And then, what happened?

CLEAN_C: She went out crying loudly. Her mother came and asked her what was the matter. She said her husband had another woman. The mother couldn’t believe it! So, the daughter went to the mirror to show the mother. The old mother looked at the mirror and was stunned that her son-in-law and given up his own wife for such an old, ugly woman as the one she saw in the mirror. She thought at least the other woman would be prettier and younger than her daughter.

DIRTY_C: What does it have to do with the Bible and understanding it?

CLEAN_C: The Bible is like a mirror to us and it reveals the face of whoever reads it. People usually believe they are becoming aware of other people’s problems and other’s faces and sins. Make sure every time something from the Bible touches your heart, you believe it is talking to you. I have seen many people read their Bible and say, “Oh, my family should hear about this! My husband should read this!” And they lose the blessing God intended for them. They cannot easily and promptly figure out that God and the Bible are speaking to them. The Bible has only personal relationships with us and never means to cause us to preach to others before we ourselves partake of it. One of the wrong ways to read our Bibles is to believe one needs to learn from it so we can preach to others. It won’t work out, and it just can’t bring any blessing to us if we secretly believe that. Most people who do so fall from grace sooner or later. In fact, unless someone changes, he shall surely fall in disgrace and will wander far from God one way or another, sooner or later. He just won’t finish his race in the Lord, even if odds and hopes say he will.





DIRTY_C: I fear death! Sometimes I try to figure out what is on the other side. It gives scary thoughts. I know there is life after death and it annoys me to know it.

CLEAN_C: The worst kind of death is not the one you fear. There is a worse death than the physical one.

DIRTY_C: What other kind of death? The one I am thinking about is the only one I know. Is there another?

CLEAN_C: There are others! If you cared to have a real relationship with God I am sure you would know about this. Why do you work so hard against knowing God as He is? He is able to teach you these things personally. He can even teach those who are lost. All it takes is to get in touch with God, to get closer to the Lord Jesus in a real way. You should enquire about the reality of God and the reality of the way of God. Then, He shall teach you all you need to know. If you, then, won’t follow the way you are shown, I am sure the way will follow you and your conscience to instigate sense to both of you. The worst thing about believers is to remain in doubt about these things. They should enquire and ask wisdom from God who denies it to no one who asks with faith. Unfortunately, everyone rather wish to believe according to their mood and choose to believe what they call “good things”. And believing good things only is not real faith unless God has spoken them out. There is nothing good in being deluded. I believe God can teach saints as well as sinners. Why won’t you try to enquire from the Lord? Is it so difficult for you to find reality and truth in a real shape? If you search for what you need to know at this point, I am sure God will teach you. I don’t promise you will like what you are taught, but I am sure He will teach you anyway. In case you do not like what you hear, don’t be like those fools who decide it does not come from the Lord simply because they don’t like it. If you look for what you need to know now, I am sure God will show it to you one way or another. And since you are just one step away from death, I am sure God shall teach you about the great danger of dying in your sins. Just search for what is a priority in the eyes of eternity and God shall teach you, surely.

DIRTY_C: What is there to know that you consider a priority? Learning about death is a priority?

CLEAN_C: Salvation from sin is a priority. Cleaning your whole past and present from sin, making your conscience spotless and as white as snow are priorities no one may ever overlook or despise. Your spirit needs to be so reconciled with God, you need to be one with Him in such a way that there shouldn’t be any differences between you and the living Lord Jesus anymore.

DIRTY_C: What kind of reconciliation are you talking about? How so? How can one so united with the Lord that we don’t differ anymore?

CLEAN_C: Your spirit is dead as long as there is still any sin in you which is not confessed and abandoned forever. The spirit is dead when in sin and that kind of death is a direct confrontation to the Life of the Lord Jesus. Death and Life oppose each other in a most active way. Death wants man to be dead, and Christ wants man to be alive. When man is dead towards God, there is a continual enmity between the inner man and God because of that. Then death puts man against God to withstand Him continually. It means God and man are heart enemies and they don’t get along anymore, at all. In other words, they cannot be reconciled unless one of them changes. God won’t change. To be reconciled with God means you need to be so changed that your spirit and heart won’t only agree with God, but will even feel at home in His very presence, the one it used to be at enmity with. You should feel awkward anywhere else, I mean, outside God’s presence. As long as there is this enmity, there is an inner fight and there is no peace inside man because of the war that is going on. Yet, you need to become one with the Lord in a most natural and spontaneous way. The Psalmist said once, “Whom have I in Heaven? And besides You I desire none on earth”, Ps.73:25. He achieved that kind of reconciliation. At this point, you are in need to be the opposite of what you really are because “the flesh is enmity against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh”, Rom.8:7.

DIRTY_C: I can’t understand what you are talking about.

CLEAN_C: The Bible says that whoever sins puts himself in a state of death against God. That kind of death works against Life itself. It is active. It is always found in direct confrontation with God or with anything that tries to bring life into you. This is a kind of death that will lead to all other deaths eventually. “And death and hell were cast into the Lake of Fire. This is the second death”, Rev.20:14.

DIRTY_C: What do you mean?

CLEAN_C: You need to get a kind of spirit in you that shall always be in favour with God and which will love to find itself near the Lord all the time. You need to wish deeply to be ruled by a great King, because Jesus is indeed a great king. And you need to live near Him as if you have never experienced any other kind of life before. You need to come to that point. As far as I can see now, you want to be your own king, one who even demands from God what He should bless. It seems to me all you want is to experience no fear while living on and on in your sin. And it so works that kings easily dispute and fight over a throne, especially when both have claims upon it. Your heart is a throne. Jesus wants it and you want it. Therefore, there shall never be friendship between flesh and Spirit. And, eventually, God shall cease to strive against the flesh and shall hand stubborn people over to themselves. This is the worst curse that can ever happen to any of us, I mean, when God hands us over to ourselves. It is a very bad curse indeed. I believe there is no greater curse than that one. May God never do that to any of us!

DIRTY_C: You are scaring me!

CLEAN_C: Because there is a huge dispute inside man for that throne, obviously there shall never be peace in the inner kingdom of man until Jesus is fully settled down and feels at home inside the heart. Until all inner wars and disputes cease, there shall be no peace inside man. “There is no peace to the wicked, says my God”, Is.57:21. Man without God is wicked, and it doesn't matter what he believes about himself. So, if you wish to be kind, understanding and apologetic towards your own way, you are also in direct confrontation against a life you know nothing about. It should only be expected that there should be an enmity in you against the Living Lord, since you are dead and strive towards death itself. Jesus will come only to be King of Life and to rule over Life. Where He is king He shall surely wish to rule according to His devices, desires, knowledge and wisdom. However, many people sing “Lord, come reign in my heart” while death reigns in them. They are hypocrites who love singing and whose hearts are far from God. They are words without meaning and use God’s name in vain. After their singing, they are the ones who decide what to do, when to do and to whom they shall marry and so forth. Can you consider that as being ruled by God? This is why I said that, by having a stained conscience, one is only one step away from a worse death.

DIRTY_C: How can I be only one step away from death? Here I am, speaking out my heart to you, saying I am afraid to think of death and you don’t care about my feelings. You carry on telling me I am one step away from death! What kind of love is that?

CLEAN_C: As I said, you may ask the Lord and you shall know whether this is all true or not. And there is no love where truth is not spoken. I don’t mind explaining it to you, but I believe you miss the privilege of hearing it from the mouth of God Himself. There are few types of deaths, but being dead towards God is what leads us towards further deaths. The other deaths I know of are mere consequences of the one sin brings into us.

DIRTY_C: How can one death lead to the others? You are confusing me greatly!

CLEAN_C: Why, do you think, did Jesus say that whoever believes in Him shall never die? So, there must be a kind of death which is brought about by not believing and trusting Jesus as a ruler. And that is the kind of death which leads to the others deaths out there.

DIRTY_C: So, you believe I have that kind of death ruling in me which shall lead me to die further?

CLEAN_C: Whoever has doubts about his own spiritual state, I mean, real doubts and not mere emotional states of heart, is surely separated from God. No one doubts for no reason and no one believes for no reason, especially if one is truly honest in his heart.

DIRTY_C: But, I have told you I have already accepted Jesus and there you come trying to convince me I am lost. Why don’t you believe me?

CLEAN_C: Why is it so important to you that I believe you? Would it make you feel better in your lost state? Would it help you feel better or more confident? Let me finish, please. I won’t answer you about emotional states of heart. We are talking about deeper issues here. I am trying to explain something that happens deep inside man. If we do not overcome that inner death towards the Lord, towards a great King, if we are not resurrected into a new life for real, we cannot dare to think we shall have that kind of life after death at all. If we can’t have it now, why would we have it after death? It just doesn’t make sense, does it? Do you experience real life in you now? Or do you just suppose that life is in you? One of the mortal weapons death struggles to maintain is the lie that always says you are alive. And if we do not overcome spiritual death, surely we won’t overcome any other. If one death leads to the other, surely one kind of victory will lead to the others as well. By overcoming sin now, we shall surely overcome death – any type of death. If we don’t overcome sin, however, the salary shall be death upon death. One thing leads to the other. How do you expect to overcome the salary of sin afterwards if you do not overcome sin itself now? The way many preachers talk seems as if we were called to overcome the salary of sin and not sin itself. It just doesn’t make sense! We need to overcome right away, as soon as possible! If we don’t, we might be in for a huge and unexpected surprise.

DIRTY_C: The only reason I would like to overcome now is because you're scaring me to death!

CLEAN_C: You need to overcome it by loving Jesus. You can’t do it because of the love towards self and because of the fear of death. You won’t overcome unless it is because you love Jesus, I mean, unless it is for God’s sake. Let me finish, please. Whoever desires to overcome sin, shall easily overcome death after he is granted the privilege to live forever through the kind of life which starts right here on earth. You need to desire to hate sin if you ever wish to overcome real death at all. You cannot desire to overcome death only, desiring to keep sin still in you. You should forget about death and fight sin with the deadly weapons of light. Then, you shall also overcome death for real and the fear of death shall abandon you. We overcome death now and not when we die. You cannot desire to be alive without desiring to leave sin and to overcome it forever. I have seen many drunkards say they are going to heaven because they believe in Jesus. They are deluded. They live in a fantasy world of their own. That kind of drunkards don’t wish to stop drinking, but only to go to heaven.

DIRTY_C: I am no drunkard! But, I agree I don’t thirst after God as I should.

CLEAN_C: The truth is that in this world people talk about what they drink and the kind of drink they have. In the kingdom of God here on earth, we talk a lot about the kind of thirst we have. Drunkards glory in what they drink and the sons of God glory about what they thirst after. Oh Lord, let there be this kind of thirst for real!

DIRTY_C: Are we changing the subject again? What does thirst have to do with death?

CLEAN_C: Thirst after God, when it is real, stands for life as a fountain would stand for a river. That thirst is the fountain of the rivers of life Jesus promised we would have flowing from inside us. The lack of thirst stands towards death as a flame stands towards a fire. Concerning those who shall live forever (those who started to be alive here on earth), we are talking about many strong rivers and not merely about a small water flow. And those who drink from the water of life talk about their thirst more than they talk about their drinking. Those who drink false water or dirty water, (we hear often Jesus talking about the pure fountains of Life), are seldom able to distinguish between death and real life. They believe death is life. This is why I believe that the inner death in man is much worse than any other kind because it is deceiving and it deprives man from thirsting after God. Death also causes us to feel ashamed of our God in front of others and ashamed of ourselves when we are alone. That kind of death has other’s opinions in a higher regard than God’s, and our benefits above God’s in us.

DIRTY_C: What deprives us of that thirst which causes us to find God in a real way?

CLEAN_C: In the world, thirst is satisfied with whatever kills man inside. Death always desires to die further, just as a drunkard’s drink demand’s another drink from him. Death brings death. In this world, there is no desire to find God in a real way, unless they believe God shall satisfy man’s desires. Can you imagine greedy man believing a most powerful God will always be there for him? Sin kills the thirst after a holy God and opens the way for a false god. Idols in the minds of people allow men to live in sin and to breed sinful claims upon the power of God. That is another consequence we may expect from sin. People in the world live as if they do not need a holy God at all. This is why the Lord says, “You thought that I was like you”, Ps.50:21.

DIRTY_C: Now, tell me about death itself. What do you have to say about it? Why is it so mysterious and why does it seem so frightening to all of us? Why do people mystify it so much? What is real after death and what is not?

CLEAN_C: Fear drives people to do and believe many strange things. People usually find some distracting ways to make them busy-bodies so as to think about death and many other things they fear. They’ll rather be busy than face facts which might not even be so bad facing after all. The Bible states that it is better for us to go to a funeral so now and then so that we may become wise. The world says it is better to go and party. The Bible says it is better for us to go to where people die than to go into a house where people enjoy themselves. Many even make jokes about death. Perhaps, it helps them to overlook the fact that it is coming for sure. However, had people an abundant life from God, I am sure they would never fear to face death. They would know it can't touch them. People fear death mostly because they lust after lies, along with many other things which can never satisfy. Had we a genuine relationship with God, we would never fear to die. In fact, it would be a joy to die instead. It could be something we looked forward to.

DIRTY_C: I cannot agree with you at all! Death is scary to anyone. I believe you are talking like that because you are too self-assured and have never faced death in the eye.

CLEAN_C: It is not true. I think of death and life every single day of my whole life.

DIRTY_C: In your opinion, we should be thinking all the time that we shall die. It means you would want me scared all the time!

CLEAN_C: The Bible says that the physical death of holy ones is sweet in the eyes of God. But, I can agree that people who live with a stained conscience hate to think of death along with every fear it brings up in them. Going to Paradise should not scare anyone. It should bring in us the same joyful expectations a voyage to some beautiful place does. But, the idea of going to hell doesn’t attract us at all. Or, if death is merely facing the unknown, as some say, it could also cause people to tremble, especially when they cannot avoid going down to the grave.

DIRTY_C: It is not easy for me to believe I am going to heaven. Maybe there is no heaven to look forward to. If I just knew there really was a heaven, surely death would not scare me this way anymore.

CLEAN_C: What you have just said is what I am trying to get through to you: if we know, we won’t fear. You are agreeing with me now, at least on this point. You have just said you don’t know about it at all. Do you know what this means? If Jesus' life indeed abounded in you, would you still have these fears in you? This is what you do not wish to understand the way you ought. Faith is a certainty of whatever we can’t see. Because we can’t see, it doesn’t mean it does not exist or that we cannot experience it for real. You don’t see the air, and yet you breathe it and know it exists. You cannot see your thoughts or mine, and yet, you know they exist. And a certainty is not forced down upon people. There has to be more substantial things to make us sure than force, don’t you think? Faith can’t just be accepting things because we must. Genuine faith must be more than that, surely. If not, it would offend God instead of pleasing Him. However, if we are dead towards God, even when we 'believe' in Him, we shall never be sure about important things such as life after death. In fact, the lack of spontaneous and natural confidence in us shows we might be heading towards some other place in the opposite direction.  

DIRTY_C: What do you mean by going to some other place? You are scaring me! I can’t understand what kind of love is this you’re showing towards poor me. You mean I am going to hell? How can you say that to me?

CLEAN_C: What I believe or say about you won’t get you to heaven or hell. You are the only one who can decide about that. It is not my words that will drive you to hell at all. I am just interpreting what you’re saying to me. I am translating the way you feel about things and putting it into words for you. You should stop lying to yourself about this, seeing such an important thing is at stake here. If you believe you are not sick, would you go to the doctor still? We are just talking about the symptoms you are revealing while expressing yourself. Can you see why death will be a great surprise for most Christians around the world? And that shouldn’t be so.

DIRTY_C: What other death is there besides dying physically and dying to God?

CLEAN_C: The other death we could talk about is the one where people never die and which shall be spent in hellfire.

DIRTY_C: Hell is a kind of death as well?

CLEAN_C: The Bible talks about it as the second death, yes. And we read that death will be thrown into death. It means people who are dead towards God will be thrown into hell after their physical death has taken place. And it must be a dreadful experience. Just think of it! People shall always be dying as where in heaven they would always be living. Eternal death is an eye for an eye of what people declined to receive.

DIRTY_C: What do you mean? People are always dying and never die?

CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. Eternal death means people will always be dying and never die. Jesus talked about it as a place “where their worm never dies”. That is the exact counterpart of the eternal life people have refused from the hand of the Cross. In hell, people and angels shall always be dying as in heaven they would always be living. It is an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth of what people have rejected. The measure of happiness people declined reverts to them in an equal measure of suffering and unhappiness. The emptiness in hell shall also be in equal measure to the fullness people experience in heaven. It must be terrible there! I believe the fire will be a minor issue if compared to the inner anguish and emptiness people will experience there, eternally. And it won’t really matter if people believed there was a heaven or not. What people believed won’t change a thing after they die.

DIRTY_C: This is why I hate talking to you. You always make me afraid of something. I can’t explain it. You should encourage me and not put me down this way. You scare me to death. I came here looking for some kind of comfort, a friendly talk about something which troubles me and it seems I going back worse than I got here. I feel miserable and lost now. What kind of love is this? You cause my heart to breed bad feelings about you. It feels I always lose hope and faith every time I talk to you.

CLEAN_C: But, if the faith you have is false and if the hopes you entertain in your heart are useless, isn’t it a good thing that you lose them altogether? I believe a wrong kind of assurance is worse than a doubt. Besides, there are good doubts. Doubting any lie is faith. Believing any lie is unbelief. By losing false hopes, we stand a chance to have the proper ones. Isn’t it so? You are terrified about death because you may have held on to false hopes for too long. You should choose between being dead towards God and being dead to the world and all its false hopes. Every kind of death we may ever experience is an exact replica of its corresponding life. The fear we experience far from God is the exact opposite of the assurance we would experience near Him. That is how it works. No one can avoid it working that way at all. If we are dead to God, we shall be alive to sin; and dead to sin means being alive to God. “For faithful is the Word, for if we died, we shall also live with Him”, 2Tim.2:11. One thing leads to the other. It always works out that way. But, life needs to be real and not merely believed. You can’t just believe you have it – you must really experience it. Religion is not life. God told us not to make any likeness of what is in heaven or in earth. We should have the real thing. We shouldn’t deceive ourselves with likenesses any longer.

DIRTY_C: I think I understood. I am sorry that I have these bad thoughts about you. You talk in such a convincing way about things that scare me. In fact, I don’t like what you say and the way you put it to me. But, deep in my heart I would like to be as you are. Will see you sometime soon.  





DIRTY_C: There is something about you which confuses me a lot.

CLEAN_C: What is it?

DIRTY_C: How can you say you are living without sin?

CLEAN_C: You mean, you are asking me if I miss sinning or if the need to sin is still there? I don’t miss sinning at all. In fact, I am glad Jesus frees us completely. I don’t look back to the old life anymore. There is nothing good about any part of it, anyway. Once our eyes are opened, we can easily come to that conclusion. And if the Bible talks about an “old life”, surely it must be old and gone indeed. The Bible wouldn’t lie if it couldn't become an "old life". And sin is not the giant we picture it to be. Besides, that old life hurt me a lot. How could I still miss it? I am not masochist! There are still scars in me which need healing and ointment from the Lord because of old sins. I believe heaven will take them away for good or it might even happen before that. That old life and my old ways have done a lot of harm to me. How could I miss sin? I was born far from God and because of it I lived very distant from my Saviour and God. No, there is nothing good about sinning. I started hating it and needed to watch hard not to hate sinners along, so great is the resentment I have against it!

DIRTY_C: That is not what I was asking you. What I mean is if you believe it is possible to live without sin at all. Anyway, I must be honest with you: I put the question that way because I wanted to hurt you as your old life did. I am sorry, because I can see a lot of honesty in your eyes. How can we ever stop sinning?

CLEAN_C: I understood. I thought you had certain ideas about sin being something good or that its pleasure is needed for living. Sin is bad and it is not idealistic - at least, it shouldn't be. It can never be the ideal life. It only creates the impression that it feels good to sin, but then it never fulfils what it promises. The fact is, if you hate sin and know the Saviour who saves from it, you can’t sin. If you hate Coke you won’t drink Coke. If you love it or if you are indifferent to it, you shall drink of it, surely. If you are dead to Coke, you shall drink water. That is how it works towards sin: if you hate it, you won’t touch it – you won’t even think of it or spend your money or time on it! Then, my soul and heart seek what shall feed indeed and by God’s grace I found the only food able to feed us. I could be feeding on something else, but God was gracious to me.

DIRTY_C: You mean that whoever sins, does so only because he loves sin? Is that the only reason why people sin?

CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. That is the whole truth about it. If our heart changes, however, sin ceases because the Spirit hates sin and sin hates the Spirit. And enemies do not each other, unless the reason is to destroy the other.

DIRTY_C: I hate to admit I love sinning. If I let people know I love this or that sin, I would surely feel ashamed. I will rather hide my desires from people’s eyes very well. Sometimes, it feels I need to lie to people about the life I would love to live. It feels I live a double life. I live something inside and in the outside I show another.

CLEAN_C: That’s the opposite of walking in the Light. Many people say they can’t stop sinning especially because they won’t stop. They are not willing to give it up. That’s mainly why people breed the convenient affirmation or excuse which says it is impossible to stop sinning. They justify sinning by assuming sin is part of man. They do so because they love sin. Others colour up a sinful life and brag or even joke about it to laugh its awfulness away. They seem to seek the approval of others as if others are the ones who will judge them. They add sentimentality to sinning; they became experts in adding romance, sensationalism and many other things to it so that sinning may not look bad and may resemble like a virtue. Others hide their sins through church rules, through singing and they preach doctrines which they try hard to maintain and defend with aggressiveness. Others change truth into lies. Others struggle against sin partially and feel pleased with themselves and with partial victories. Most people seem to use the opinion of others to measure sin and to decide what is and what isn’t sin. They can’t stand behind God’s opinion about it because they focus so much on what other people think and believe. “How can you believe, you who receive honour from one another and do not seek the honour that comes from God only?” John 5:44.

DIRTY_C: You mean that if we really live for God we won’t care about other’s opinions at all? I hate to hurt people…

CLEAN_C: We won’t really hurt people by being truthful all the time. To believe that is to believe fantasies. The devil uses such lies to cause us to sin more and more through ignorance. Lies never go far and we end up hurting ourselves and people by pleasing them. We should never fear to speak the truth if our heart is truthful and especially if we have God’s motives in mind. It always brings some good fruit back unto us and unto God, sooner or later. Even when it hurts someone in that moment, eventually truth will shine and will be preferred and searched.

DIRTY_C: Is there any special advice you can give me so I can attain a truthful heart? I have always believed if my heart changes, my conduct will change along. But it seems there is something which hinders me greatly to be truthful all the time. I don’t know, but it feels I can’t reach out to what will change my inner being. It feels to me like there is a thick wall between me and a victorious life. Can you help? It seems I am doing it all wrong. I try hard to change my conduct and my outward actions, but my heart does not play along. I get an outward conduct right only by being hypocritical and cynical. Perhaps, there is some way to cause me to stop being a hypocrite.

CLEAN_C: First of all, you should see to it that there is nothing separating you from the Lord. He is the one you must reach to and if something is between the two of you, your heart won’t reach out to Him and neither will His hand reach out to you. “Behold, the Lord’s hand is not short that it cannot save, nor is His ear heavy so that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have come between you and your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you and from hearing”, Is.59:1-2. He is the only one who makes it possible for us to be victorious and blameless. If anything whatsoever is found between you and God, then He can’t reach you and neither can you ever reach Him. Sin separates indeed. It binds even the hand of a Almighty God. Remember how many times David, crying for help, mentioned that he hadn’t done this or that and that his heart was clean and spotless. He saw that he could reach God by being clean and forgiven. That’s what made him confident enough to cry out loud to God. That’s why he also says that those who are cleansed are very blessed people. “Blessed is the man whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord cannot point out any sin and in whose spirit there is no guile”, Ps.32:1-2. And God sees all, nothing can be hidden to Him. If He cannot point out any sin, it is because there is no sin anymore. It means people can try to put forth a spotless conduct while there is “guile in their spirit”. But, it won’t work with God. So, even if you are not aware of any sin separating you from God, nevertheless, you should ask God if there is any. You should be alone somewhere, pray to the Lord and ask Him to reveal if something is separating the two of you. He promised to be a speedy witness against sin. Try to remember your whole life ever since you were born and see if there is anything between you and the Lord which you have never confessed and brought to the light. And see, also, if there is any sin between you and people. Or find out if you offended God by falling back into sins which you may have already confessed. We cannot mock God by confessing something we do not give up for good. Afterwards, you should find those people with whom or against whom you have sinned and tell them that you have sinned but now you are fixing your life them and with God. I am sure you shall reach out to the victorious life you know there is for you. Even if people may have forgotten about the sins you are confessing, you should confess them anyway. Don’t play games, because the testimony is very important as well. If they forgot, God didn’t. “And they do not say within their hearts that I still remember all their evil. Now their own doings have hemmed them in; they are still before My face”, Hos.7:2. Even if you forgot, God remembers. Only after you have brought every single sin out to the light, may we ever talk about sins being forgiven or fully covered. Only after that can we reach ou to victory, because the Lord is victory - He is our victory.

DIRTY_C: And how does sin die after I do that?

CLEAN_C: Every sin dies through a proper exposure to the light. Have you heard about those vampire stories? The vampire would die after being exposed to the sunlight.

DIRTY_C: Please, explain it to me because I have a great deal of difficulty in overcoming sin.

CLEAN_C: People try to be victorious over sin by fighting it blindly, through complaining and ignoring the fact that they are stepping into the territory of the enemy to be defeated by complaining. We cannot use guile to defeat what is guile; we cannot use weapons of darkness to defeat darkness. It just won’t work for many reasons, one of them being the lack of God’s blessing upon us. Besides, the enemy knows his weapons very well. We cannot use sin to fight sin. We need light to fight sin, since sin’s territory is darkness and concealing. Even if we manage to strike the enemy with certain blows, we assimilate his ways and his fighting methods. We will become sinful fighting sin. We cannot use its weapons to fight it. Complaining, fighting back, accusing and force won’t work against sin at all. However, exposure and surrender to the Lord does have a mighty effect against it. If we accuse, we hold on to sin; and by hiding it, we put it back on its own domain. Darkness is where it feels at home and safe.

DIRTY_C: What do you mean by exposing it?

CLEAN_C: Exposing, revealing, and putting in the light. Revealing is revealing, isn’t it? What is the difficulty about it? Many don’t wish to understand how simple it is. Exposing is exposing! Sin dies only through the power of light, by exposing it fully. Sin must be dragged out of its domain to the domain of light. There it can’t be fed and concealed any longer. It cannot live in the light. It dies that way. It perishes through exposure and loses its strength completely. It can’t hide in the light; the ability to hide is what keeps it alive. It can’t live in the light as it does in darkness.

DIRTY_C: I remember the movies about vampires and how they died. Sunlight would put an end to them. And those who had been bitten by them, would recover speedily after the vampire died. I remember.

CLEAN_C: Even if those stories are mere fantasies, at least they can be used as a kind of illustration. Every part of you that has been bitten by the vampire of sin will recover speedily after sin dies away and after it perishes forever. All you need to achieve is its crucifixion in daylight. If the flesh is exposed to the cross as Christ was, if it is brought fully to the light enduring the shame of possible reproach, it shall surely die. Just try. Every part of you shall be re-established and reconstructed. Your whole being will become as God made it originally. That is why God, when telling people to repent, uses the expression “Come back”. They come back to what they should be since creation.

DIRTY_C: Oh, I think what you are saying is too good to be true. I think you are delirious about it all. You mean I can be like Adam was before he sinned? I can’t think that such a good thing can ever happen to me. Only misfortunes chase me. It has been like that since I can remember.

CLEAN_C: Well, if you can’t believe that it is possible that Christ takes us back to what He created us to be, what else can I say to you? “If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how shall you believe if I tell you heavenly things?” John 3:12.

DIRTY_C: This sounds very strange, doesn’t it? But I can believe that it is my sins which make me powerless and defeated. I can believe sin causes us to stay away from God and that it is only through Christ (from whom you say I am separated) that we may ever start thinking about overcoming sin in the whole. Even so, I believe it is too high a price for me to pay. I will die of shame if I expose all my sins the way you say I should. What will my mother think of me?

CLEAN_C: Well, I believe it is a very low price for anyone who wishes to be holy and pure. That is all it takes. It is as easy and as simple as that. All you need to do is to change the way you look at it.

DIRTY_C: What do you mean?

CLEAN_C: It should be a pleasure and a joy to you to finally find a way out of sin. You should be singing like angels do because this is such a good news. Being resurrected that way into a new life is a great thing. The shame we may go through to reach it is nothing compared to the joy of it. Please do not despise it through unbelief or through unwillingness to leave sin altogether. The new life causes you to hate sin and to love real life and its living ways. The ways quicken into Life, I mean, the ways of light. Every new day shall hold a refreshing surprise for you after that is done.

DIRTY_C: And what shall happen to all desires and dreams I have right now?

CLEAN_C: They will all die, of course.

DIRTY_C: What do you mean they will die? What do you mean? I will never achieve my goals and dreams anymore?

CLEAN_C: There is no virtue in a goal which God did not set before you.

DIRTY_C: I can’t think of my dreams dying that way. It is a hard to accept you are saying. You mean, I can’t believe I will achieve them? I can’t think of achieving those dreams and goals anymore? What kind of life will there be left for me? What will drive me through this life?

CLEAN_C: After you find God and all His ways, your life shall never be vain again. The choice is yours. If you feel sorry for death, you shall hate life. If, on the other hand, you start to love life and all its ways and expose sin, you shall hate death along with all that causes it. And God shall judge us more for the things we love than for the ones we have done. Jesus also died for the world and now reigns through Life. What better thing could there be or happen to you than hating sin and loving life? 

DIRTY_C: Oh well, if I won’t miss sin or any of my old dreams, I suppose it wouldn't make any difference, right? But, suppose I can’t reach to that life after having exposed my whole heart and sinfulness? Would the shame I go through be worth it all?

CLEAN_C: These kinds of doubts exist only in those who haven’t really died to sin yet. After sin dies, all those doubts shall surely perish along with it. Those doubts are only there until sin dies completely. Do not worry about those doubts. Just dare to expose yourself fully to the light of God! Jesus said that, unless the seed dies, it won’t bring forth any fruit.

DIRTY_C: Everything you told me sounds in me like a fairytale would sound. What will happen to me if I can’t accept any of it as possible? What if it is not available for me? What if I am not chosen to experience that sort of life at all?

CLEAN_C: If you do not put into practice everything you have heard from me, you shall become worse and your spiritual health will decline. That shall be the sign that God is knocking at your door to clean up. No one remains the same after he has heard the truth: either he becomes cleaner or dirtier and deader. You may only either live or die now. You are choosing today between life and death. Each day that passes you by, will only become worse and worse. You can’t avoid that happening.





DIRTY_C: This changes all my points of view concerning the gospel. I thought we had to fight our way through to overcome our sins and I also believed it was useless to fight them off us. Why would I bother about them if I would never be victorious? Just to think of fighting sin every moment of my whole life simply puts me down. And if I don’t fight sin, I feel guilty. Feeling guilty about it makes me be bitter and gives me a bad temper. I always suspected there must be something more for us than what I am experiencing right now.

CLEAN_C: What you’re describing are the typical symptoms of most people who wander far from God and refuse to clean their lives thoroughly. If the blood of Christ doesn’t get a chance to make you spotlessly white, you shall always have the effects of it stamped in your face. It shall be visible to everyone around. It also happens to all those who try an alternative way, such as pretending, covering up or sleeping time away. Trying to fulfil without cleansing our lives, trying to live a heavenly life without having a real relationship to God is one of those alternative ways. And all alternative ways seem good to people and eventually end up in discouragement, disappointment and death. There is always a way that seems good to man. Paul talked about it and described the experience as someone who has the desire to fulfil and, yet, he sins more and more by trying to do good. People can try to be good, but they can't be good. He said it feels like having a body of death which leads the opposite way every time one wishes to be holy. Paul was describing people under conviction of the Law who would refuse to have a real relationship to Jesus. However, by meeting the requirements of a genuine life of faith, sin is crucified and we rise up into a new life, and we shall always be more than victors. I believe there is something worse that may happen to us when we refuse to cleanse our lives thoroughly. There is great danger by wandering without a clean conscience. Many simply do not realize it.

DIRTY_C: Tell me about it, please.

CLEAN_C: If we manage to live far from God for a long period, we learn a life of continual defeat which will lead us to believe victory is impossible. We shall be programmed to think defeat, to eat the bread of death and to find ways to have that kind of beliefs and thoughts multiplying themselves inside us. By having preferred a kind of life which brings confusion and causes pain, we shall always refuse to have it dead. In fact, many fear to put an end to that kind of living whenever they are put face to face with the possibility of exterminating it for good. It seems they feel sorry for an old life which kills them. People will rather become inactive and disgusted than give up the old life. Once that program of standing up for death and delaying or postponing life is installed in us, it shall function much like a virus does to a computer. That virus won’t come out and will always hinder the computer to function the way it should. People in sin fear to stop trusting self, and trusting self is the opposite of faith; they fear to give up what they have; they fear to go against what they know as experience; and they also fear to believe some other kind of life is possible. Blessed are all those who rebel against a defeated life and acknowledge that this is not what we have been created for. I have seen many blessed people saying something like this: “Oh, if this is all here is about this life I don’t see the point of living!” It sounds like suicide to many. In fact, it is like looking for a way to kill self for always. That’s where many start looking for the purpose of their life in this vast universe.

DIRTY_C: I understand. And what should we do to be able to deny a defeated life and to stop breeding it?

CLEAN_C: We must deny a life that denies life. It must be exterminated. First of all, we need to cleanse our past sins one by one and plead for forgiveness from people and God. Then, we must reach out to real life from the Lord. It must be real. We must hate lies and fables. If we have done that thoroughly and attain all that has been promised, then we must be prepared to renew our minds fully so we might know, step by step, what the good will of God is for our lives, Rom.12:1,2. The program of our minds must be renewed. Our system must be new. By cleansing our lives thoroughly, we become new from deep within and change our ways and ideas about everything we know. Not knowing that it is so easy to fulfil the law of love, is one of the major consequences of a life of sin.

DIRTY_C: You mean that after we are thoroughly cleansed we won’t need to fight to be victorious? That kind of life shall be ours to live?

CLEAN_C: The fight shall be different. The assuring ways of light will always teach us (if we indeed care to listen) that nothing can separate us from God. And it is truly so. Nothing can bring us to sin. Sin separates from God. However, Paul says that not even death can cause us to be separated from the Lord. Such is the victory. We learn how to use the weapons of light and lay down old weapons and old ways we have learned. It is a completely different thing to fight sin in the domain of light then it is to fight it in its own territory. “For the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds”, 2Cor.10:4. We must unlearn old ways, then. The best way to lose a battle is to use those weapons that will benefit the enemy. And the way to lose a whole war is to lose many such battles.

DIRTY_C: I understand. But, I am still confused about something. Tell me: do we fight or does the inner fight cease altoge