We all know we have a conscience. Our conscience is the awareness, the registering of all we do and are. We may want to deny that kind of awareness by delivering our minds and thoughts to worldly affairs, problems and many other idol thorns, which might prevent us to be consulted, advised, rebuked or even encouraged and defended by our own consciousness.
I don’t believe it is possible to lose the awareness of what we are and do –even if we believe it is. Not even a mind-handicapped person or a demon-possessed loses that kind of awareness. Not even a fool loses it – if he did, he would not be that foolish anymore.
I believe the books which will be opened when Jesus sits to judge people are the sealed and the seared consciences of the very people He judges. I might be wrong, though, but it makes sense that it should be so, since even what we may have forgotten is registered somewhere inside us. It also conditions and marks our natural future behaviour. “And I saw the dead, the small and the great, stand before God. And books were opened, and another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works”, Rev.20:12.
I believe, too, that conscience (for the normal daily outfit and needs) can and must be sharpened, trained, awakened, enlightened, quickened and made instantaneous in its reactions towards truth or against lies. Unless it is so, it will become slack, stigmatized, seared, sleepy and lazy or awakened to aggressiveness due to the bitterness every sinner is ascertained to through habits of slackness and lack of solid food and care. The truth is that there are ways to sharpen what we are and do. But, we should always call to mind that there are specific ways that work out in a marvelous and spontaneous way whenever we have found the way of how to follow Christ. There is a way to follow Christ in a most natural way and, also, for real. It opens our hearts and minds up in, by, through and for Christ whenever we keep track and walk through the light we have – however little that light may be at any point of our lives. Keeping a small ray of light hidden and away from our awareness because we fear the greater darkness of that stage and which may still surround us, doing that at the cost of not trusting God and of not walking forward through Christ (because we can and must do so), will inevitably confuse the awareness of truth and of light within us. It is better to be found stumbling, staggering and walking ahead because we have only a little ray of light, than to be found in anguish and afraid to walk on when Christ leads us to the multiplication of light we have. That multiplication must be accomplished anyhow, anytime and without delay or fear. “Blessed is that servant when his Lord comes, finds him so doing…”, Lk.12:43.
Anyway, we cannot but become aware of anything which surrounds us. We act, react and reveal through that what we really are – and not necessarily what we believe we are. Learned habits of acting and reacting can be created; or, one can become resolute and spontaneous enough to live according to the light and the goals set and poured within us through God and Light – as it is done in heaven and no other way. If so (or when it is done so), conscience and awareness can become a mighty tool towards real life within and without in others. Awareness is not force upon our inner being – if it is, it becomes altered, deceiving and deceived. When conscience is clean and spotless, it should be fed and kept awake only – not forced to believe things it already knows or believe it contrary to what it knows. We cannot hinder it to be alive. It has means of its own to react, commune and watch over itself and all of that at the same time; and all of those work together just as a mighty army would do with its different cabinets and aspects. God has made it to work that way – no one will ever be able to change that. It is always aware of everything that goes on, outside and inside – even when not taking notice of certain aspects of things, it registers. If it doesn’t, it means things are not within the realm of awareness. But, when it is, things get registered without a possibility of hindrance. No one can ever avoid conscience to register anything at all. It is unavoidable that it so happens.
There are also people (most people in this world) who seem to be always defensive, as if there is some kind of continual threat aiming at them. Selfishness does that, since enmity is an imaginary quest against life. Since these imaginary questions live in the mind of man, his prayers will be accordingly - if he prays at all. Consequently, the answers to such prayers will also be either imaginary or non-existing.
I have someone in my family who believes he needs to steal and to be dishonest all the time because, he says, this kind of world we live in demands that he does so. Unless he is better than the world, he will lose for them, he believes. Whenever he goes to work, he is always thinking of how he should talk to someone and how he should try all he can to gain the most. He is always on the watch against the threats he imagines there are. Of course, no one can be aware of many things at once and, since he is concentrated upon stealing or not being stolen from, his work does not come out as perfect as it should be. We need our whole heart to do well at something. If it is divided, the success of what we do will also be harmed. “The wicked man flees when no man pursues him”, Prov.28:1. The kind of awareness people have or breed always affects their conduct, actions and reactions and make it poor. Whatever is allowed to live in the mind determines the way we live and act. Also, if conscience is done harm unto, it will never react the same way towards things as when it remains untouched and pure at whatever cost. However, let us never allow realities to be replaced by unrealities.
We find conscience talking all the time. Even when it is at ease because it is spotless and washed, it remains searching for purer light and for stronger, better and more peaceful ways and means to remain as it is or even better. It is from here that came the thought into my heart to write something, some kind of a conversation between a dirty conscience and a clean one, which cannot deny what they are and know. Eventually, a conversation came out which gives some light to the way, to the efforts each of them fights for to be able to keep their kind of peace. Peace within should be a consequence of inner, Godly righteousness and not a forced work. It must be a consequence. Peace inside a free mind means the conscience is clean. And “peace where there is no peace” means the conscience is seared and, also, that the mind is not allowed to move or think freely on any issue it remembers. There is this association between bondage and a dirty conscience no one can avoid having and, also, there is always a great complicity between real freedom and a clean conscience.
We know that consciences act and react for many reasons. It can react because of pressure, because of sin, because of cleanness; and it can be selfish, opposing and always on the guard against accusations; it can be pressured and selfish; or it can be pressured and unselfish because people still maintain those old weapons darkness defended itself through; it can be without pressure and selfish or unselfish, too, depending on what people approve. “And know His will and approve the things excelling, being instructed out of the Law”; “Blessed is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves”, Rom.2:18;14:22. Whatever the case is with you, I pray this writing will be a blessing to you, for without God’s blessing it can achieve nothing.
At first, I thought to write about ten dialogues. However, as I started it, a friend asked to read it as I would write it. He would continually ask for more and more; he would lovingly ‘demand’ that I write another chapter and another and another. He loved it. It encouraged me to double the dialogues. More dialogues could be written, though, because a bad conscience affects many other aspects of our lives. It affects faith deeply and directly, hope, love and, in fact, anything we should or can be in the Lord. So, there is much we can say about a bad conscience and its consequences, excuses and ways. But, I feared it would become too long a book and too boring. I wanted it simple and to the point. I wanted to leave only a hint as to what a bad conscience can do and achieve, or, should I say, can refute, refuse or renounce.
Clean_C wanted to start a conversation with Dirty_C. He did not know how to start. Then he started to talk about filled his heart. It took the first thing that came up into his heart.
CLEAN_C: The image of God within us is perfect. God also saw that what He did was good when He made us. That’s why I believe we are normal when we are perfect, since we have been made to be that way.
DIRTY_C: But, why are we born sinners nowadays? There is someone in my church who lives a perfect life. I hate him. I can’t think of him as a normal person at all. He must have some hidden sins somewhere. I believe he is a hypocrite.
CLEAN_C: Maybe he has no hidden sins at all. If sins are exposed and gone, it causes our face to glow the glory of God and sinners hate it when they prefer no change. And hidden sins are seen in the bitter expression of our face too.
DIRTY_C: I think he has hidden sins somewhere. Everyone in this world has some kind of sin. How can he be without sin? I don’t like the expression of his face. He is too holy for me! He is always smiling for some reason I can’t figure out and it makes me annoyed and feel accused as a bad person. I can’t stand him.
CLEAN_C: If it were not normal to go without sin, Jesus would never have commanded, “Go, and sin no more!” It would be a strange command to give to people who cannot be holy or perfect. But, tell me, aren’t you contradicting yourself somewhat? I mean, on the one hand you say he lives a perfect life; on the other hand, you state he has some hidden sin. Isn’t it a contradiction? Perhaps the heart you have and not the man causes you to say such things about him. Perhaps you are the cause of that grudge.
DIRTY_C: Oh, I don’t like him at all. He makes me feel bad. He annoys me. Having him around makes me feel like a sinner. And I don’t see this as a grudge either, but rather as a kind of annoyance against a hypocrite. Oh, I hate the feeling he brings up in me!
CLEAN_C: And what could the problem then? I mean, you’re saying no one can be without sin and, still, you feel bad because you feel like a sinner. You should be happy that you feel as sinful as you really are and that he feels as holy as he really is! It is a basic principle of honesty to be yourself and to be as you are. Shouldn’t you be honest with yourself as well?
DIRTY_C: No, I don’t know! I feel dirty when he is around! And, besides, he always says he is sinful. How can it be? That sounds plain hypocrisy to me! What is he trying to show? Couldn’t that be what people call a false humility? Why would he demand people around to be holy if he claims to be a sinner? The expression he carries around tells people to be holy. I just can’t stand it. I can’t explain what is really at stake here either. You must experience having him around to understand me.
CLEAN_C: A friend of mine said once that any holy man feels like a sinner; and that any unholy man tries to feel holy all the time and to show off with it! Maybe that’s what is happening with you and with him.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean? Are you saying I am a liar or a bad person?
CLEAN_C: No, not at all. You have said that, not me. It seems to me your reasoning contradicts itself in some ways. You say one thing to prove another. But, tell me, why shouldn’t you like him? Have you tried to love him as he is? Perhaps, by listening and by taking heed to what he shows you indirectly, you would be saved.
DIRTY_C: I am already saved! What do you mean? And I did try to love him once. Not that I hate him either. Let me put it this way: I feel irritability inside my heart when he is around and I cannot control it. It is beyond my control. It seems as if he is able to smile with his eyes when his face is serious! That doesn’t seem normal to me. He seems to me more like a hypocrite when he does that. And the worst part is that he seems to be so unaware that he is smiling! Such natural behaviour must be a very high degree of hypocrisy, so high people who have it can’t be aware of it anymore!
CLEAN_C: Would you prefer that he would smile with his face and his eyes would look hard as a rock, bitter or even unhappy? I mean, if a person smiles with his face and his eyes are not able to smile along, as you often do, isn't that person pretending?
DIRTY_C: I firmly believe that whoever smiles should always be able to show his smile, he should show his teeth too.
CLEAN_C: I believe whoever smiles with his eyes shows his heart around, even when his teeth are hidden and discrete. Jesus said that the light of the body is the eye, not the teeth.
DIRTY_C: It is no wonder that you uphold him that way – I have seen that same look in your eyes before. Why don’t I have it? I sing in church, I have accepted Jesus, I pray as you do, read my Bible, perhaps even more than you do!
CLEAN_C: Well, hardness and glory of the heart is often displayed in the eyes. And, truth be said, the smile many times exists only to hide sin and hardness away from the eyes of people because we might wish to believe only what others see in us. And that’s why we show people what we aren’t or even what we suppose we are or could be, I mean, so that they can say about us what we wish to believe we are. The lightness and the happiness in the eyes often reveal that one is clean before God and people.
DIRTY_C: What kind of lightness are you talking about? We need to feel as sinners or we will never enter heaven.
CLEAN_C: It is not true. You mean we need to carry conviction around every day to be pleasing to God? The Bible says that God will never reject truthfulness coming from the heart, whether it is a sad look or happiness it reveals. A holy heart – or at least a heart which is starting to become holy – is a broken heart which reveals itself as it is. Sinful people who pretend to be holy never have broken hearts. And the eyes often reveal what goes on inside the heart. If I have a sin, I would want to be myself before God and reveal my sin till it is forgiven or gone forever. Jesus is able to take my sin away from me. Why would I want to carry it around forever by hiding it?
DIRTY_C: But, when a sinner starts to live out what he is inside, God will make plans to destroy him! If all sinners start to be what they are or as they are, the whole world shall be like Sodom and Gomorra in a blink of an eye! We cannot dare to be what we are! Sin will take over in no time and this world will be completely corrupted!
CLEAN_C: This world is corrupted already. And you shall become holy if you come to Christ that way and come to people as you are and having Christ with you. What I mean is that we should be honest even towards ourselves. The basic principle of humility is to be outside exactly as you are inside. Besides, what you are saying could be true if God did not create us according to His image and had God committed some mistakes in the kind of creation we are.
DIRTY_C: I agree God created us without making mistakes. However, Adam made a mess out of us. Now we are all like him. And it works for us in such a way that it is as if we have Adam inside us.
CLEAN_C: And why would you have Adam in you? Did you accept Adam as you Saviour perhaps? Or did Adam receive any power to change people? Can you believe Adam can do more in you than God is able to do right now or that he overpowers his Creator? Or isn’t it convenient to you and to all sinners in general to hold on to a reason to sin and which makes them believe their sinning is Adam’s fault? Most people use it as an excuse to carry on sinning. And I am not saying Adam did not start it all. All I am saying is that you are hiding behind Adam to carry on as you would love to do.
DIRTY_C: Oh, I don’t know anymore! It is obvious you know more than me about the Bible. How is it possible that you know more about the Bible than me if it seems I read it more? I don’t know how to explain this. But, my pastor says in every sermon he preaches that we have been born with what he calls an “Old Man” inside of us and it seems he believes we cannot get rid of it until we die. Now you are telling me it is convenient for me and for him to think that way? You cannot say such things of a man of God!
CLEAN_C: And why would Christ care to come down and die for us were there no solution for the problem of sin, seeing that is what He mainly came for? And why would we need to be born again if we will keep the “Old man” still with us all the time? And did Christ not provide a way for the so-called “Old Man” to die at the cross with Him? I mean, really die? What does it mean to be a new creature, then, if old Adam carries on living? I don’t think your pastor is telling you the whole truth and neither to people listening to him; at least, I am sure he is not explaining it as accurately as he should.
DIRTY_C: You are not allowed to talk against pastors, because they are the servants of God.
CLEAN_C: And what could I say in favour of him if he says there is no way out for man and that no one can live up to God’s standards? I don’t think he would say that were he indeed a man of God. Is it, perhaps, Good News he is spreading around?
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: Do you know why it is called the “Good News”? That’s good news only because it is promised and announced that Adam dies if Christ takes full control of our being through His resurrection in us. Choose between Christ and Adam as quickly as you can. Has Christ really been resurrected in you? Had He been lifted up in you, I am sure you would never say such things. Only ignorance can speak in such a convincing way about important things such as these! May God have mercy on you!
DIRTY_C: But, I have already accepted Christ and there is no way I can stop sinning. I have tried so hard to stop, but found that I sin more every time I think of stopping it! This is why I firmly believe my pastor is preaching the truth. The harder I try, the more I think sin and the more I sin.
CLEAN_C: Couldn’t it have another explanation? It could mean that Christ either did not come into you as you suppose He did; or that He got out sometime after He got into you – if He did come in at all. When He comes in, He makes sure He can come to stay. He must be able to dwell freely in our hearts afterwards or His coming would avail us nothing. That is the only reason why He comes in for. And unless He cleanses the house, temptations will grow.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean? I have accepted Jesus! Do you mean I didn’t? And concerning He getting out of me again after He came in, my pastor says that it is impossible. No one loses Christ after having accepted Him! My pastor even quoted from some places in the Bible to prove that salvation cannot be lost.
CLEAN_C: Did Christ make Himself present in you? Were you aware of Him stepping into your heart? Or did your imagination trick you into believing He did?
DIRTY_C: Well, people say Christ comes in when we accept Him. We ask Him to come in and He comes into our hearts. I even went to the front, in my church, to accept Him. My pastor said He came in.
CLEAN_C: Did your pastor see Him coming in? Did he make sure Jesus came in? Did you? This is not something we can play around with. This is a very serious issue! And it is very important that Christ accepts us as well. It could be He did or it could happen that He rejected the offer to come in. I don’t know. But, I am sure we cannot decide on Christ’s behalf to accept us at all. Unless sin goes out, He won’t come in. Of that I am pretty sure. We cannot mix perfume with a rotten smell! Either the perfume is spoilt or the stench is minimized and disguised. Perfume is for clean people just as Jesus is for a clean heart. “Blessed are the pure in heart! For they shall see God”, Mat.5:8. “And the Redeemer shall come to those who turn from transgression, says the Lord”, Is.59:20.
DIRTY_C: What does perfume have to do with accepting Jesus? Why do you always mix up my mind and say things in a way hard for me to understand? The way you talk makes it difficult for me to accept what you say. I have had a hard time understanding people like you. Your eyes shine as if what you are saying makes sense, but it simply doesn’t.
CLEAN_C: The lack of understanding, especially concerning such simple truths as these, only show Christ might not be in your heart as you suppose He is. Maybe He is still knocking. If He did come in as you say He did, you would surely understand truth. If you plead Christ to come in so you can be happy sinning, I am sure He won’t come in at all. If Christ comes into you or makes Himself present while you either hold or simply uphold sin, you shall be the most unhappy and terrified person on earth. Christ shall be a stumbling block to you then, surely. Besides, He does not come in to make happy, but to remove sin which makes people unhappy and bitter.
DIRTY_C: How so? You are just destroying my faith away! I cannot carry on believing after having any kind of conversation with you. I need to go now! I am sorry.
CLEAN_C: Maybe if you stay right here the only kind of faith you lose is a false one. Faith is to believe what is true and is not mere believing. Unless it is true that Jesus indeed came into you to dwell there forever, you cannot believe it is true. That can’t be taken as faith at all. If you believe Christ came into you and it is indeed so, that can be translated as faith. We must be able to believe whatever is true. And there is another thing we should consider: if Christ comes in to dwell in us forever, surely even the consciousness of sin shall depart from us. He indeed cleanses our consciences fully.
DIRTY_C: It seems so easy for you. You are either lying to me or I am missing the whole point somewhere. This is why I don’t like talking to you! It leaves me unsure and without rest in my mind for a long time. I can’t stand it to feel that way.
CLEAN_C: Jesus cleanses our consciences for real. Our conscience is like a book where every deed and every thought is written down to be remembered later on and, also, to correct our behaviour before we die. It serves a twofold purpose. And what is written there manipulates our behaviours along our whole life. If conscience is clean and defends us, we shall be confident and encouraged to carry on the way we should always have been. If conscience is not clean, we shall be bad, restless and an easy pray to temptation, and resentful towards everything; we shall also conceive many false ideas about God and about truth - which is most convenient to a false behaviour. A false behaviour is to live according to sin and not according to what we have been created for. Our conscience has a direct influence over us. It has a direct influence upon our faith as well. It can cause us to shipwreck or to rise to heaven. We can choose between being influenced positively through a clean conscience or by struggling along trying not to think evil or not to be evil. A bad conscience also teaches itself how to hide, excuse or laugh sin away. It is able to deceive us and tell us people around are not able to see or smell our sins if we ignore them. It makes us feel we owe something to people around as well and drives us to please them. But, all it does is nothing but hiding and excusing itself the best way it can.
DIRTY_C: There is another thing I cannot understand from you guys. How is it possible for you to say you have no sin? We are all sinners!
CLEAN_C: If we have been born to sin, if holiness and clean walking were impossible to us at all, then hell is not a righteous decree coming from a righteous God. And, consequently, we may assume God is not as good as He tells us He is. He cannot be righteous by sending any of us to hell then, because people cannot stop sinning. Can He be righteous?
DIRTY_C: I see you also say bad things about God, just as you have said about my pastor whom I consider a man of God!
CLEAN_C: If God created us to be sinful how could He ever damn us for sin and how could He demand holiness from us at all? Can you tell your dog to fly? Or could you demand from a duck never to go into the water? Wouldn’t it be unfair? If you cannot be holy God cannot ask you to be holy, just as you couldn’t ask your dog to fly.
DIRTY_C: And why did my pastor say we are all sinners, every one of us, and that unless we say we are sinners we shall never enter heaven at all?
CLEAN_C: Well, we are indeed sinners, some in one way and others in another. Perhaps that person you do not like is putting it in the light you should see it yourself. Because we are sinners, we need to be transformed. Tell me, why would we need to be transformed were it impossible to us to be holy and were we to remain as we have always been?
DIRTY_C: Well, I believe we shall be pure once we get into heaven for always. But, I just cannot believe it is possible to be that pure here on earth at all. It doesn’t make sense to me. Experience tells me it is impossible.
CLEAN_C: I believe you believe amiss, mainly for two reasons: one is that Jesus said He would be able to save us from our sins and even from ourselves; (and before He tells us to be perfect, He mentions the fact that all power belongs to Him); the other is that the kind of heart we have now shall go with us wherever we go, even if it is to heaven. You cannot believe you shall change by dying physically. You may adapt yourself to some extend were it possible, but it is impossible to change the heart you have there. Only here is it possible to change what you are through the power of God.
DIRTY_C: And how does a person change that way? It seems to me you are putting the standard too high and beyond our reach - quite above what we can reach out to.
CLEAN_C: You have been going to church and it never got through you that we indeed change through the Lord?
DIRTY_C: How, if we are still on earth? While on earth we cannot stop sinning. Consequently, I believe our conscience can’t be as clean as you say it must be.
CLEAN_C: Christ promised to have it whiter than snow and I don’t believe He meant it would happen only after we die. I am sure it is right here on earth we must experience a life which exists in heaven and in holy beings. If we live in Him, we live in a kind of heaven already. In Him we shall be as holy as He is. But, it needs to be real and we need to be indeed in Him. Jesus is our “place” to live in. Our heaven is Jesus and heaven would never be as it is unless people and angels lived in Jesus as they do there.
DIRTY_C: We mustn't believe we can be holy now; only that we shall be transformed later, after we die. That is faith.
CLEAN_C: It can’t be faith at all! You mean faith is to believe a lie? We trust Jesus to be able to change us right now and right away. That’s what He promised to do. And the change is real. We cannot find any promise in the Bible stating we shall be holy only in heaven or changed only there. The physical shall be changed then, but not the spiritual. The promise is for now and so is the commandment. Why would Christ insist so much that His commandments be fulfilled if they are meant to be fulfilled only after we die? I thank God His transformation is real and that it is meant for us now. “For the grace of God that brings salvation… teaching us that we should live discreetly, righteously and godly, in this present world”, Tit.2:11,12. What else can you say?
DIRTY_C: Oh, I don’t know. I believe that kind of life is impossible while on earth. Once we die and go to heaven we shall be holy. And that’s it! Experience tells me that to be the truth.
CLEAN_C: How can you say such things? Physical death is not real death at all. You cannot believe you shall be a different person after dying. The hearts we have now in us, shall carry on with us. I don’t believe God shall change anyone after death, but rather before death.
DIRTY_C: Have you stopped sinning at all?
CLEAN_C: Can you see any sin in me or at least what God considers as sin? If you are able to see as much as a single sin in me, please be so kind as to tell me about it. I will be extremely thankful to you and I am sure I will be able to prove to you just how easy it is to do away with it.
DIRTY_C: Oh, please! No one shall ever be holy, at least not here on earth! I am tired of trying to be holy and have achieved no success, but only failure.
CLEAN_C: If we cannot be holy now, then God has been telling us the wrong things all along! Don’t you think so? He said “Be perfect as your Father is perfect”; “Be holy”. Why would He say that if we can’t be holy and neither be perfect in any aspect of our lives? You have just said I say the wrong things about God and that sounded that you were meaning I was blaspheming against God in some way. But, I believe you are saying the wrong things about God without knowing it! You are saying God is not consistent in what He says. You say He demands from us what we can never be.
DIRTY_C: And, tell me: why do we carry on sinning if our nature is really as holy as you say? If you say God changes us in such a way that we sin no more, why do we carry on sinning all the time? If I have been transformed, why do I still sin?
CLEAN_C: I did not say we have been born holy, but rather that creation made us holy beings by giving us everything we need to be holy. But, as fish dry up outside water, so shall a holy creation dry up outside God. We can be as bad as demons once we are away from God. No water mill works without water and when it works, it shall surely grind only whatever is put into it. If you put stones into a mill it shall grind stones and give you sand. If corn is put in there, you shall have something to make bread with.
DIRTY_C: And why can’t we stop sinning?
CLEAN_C: Who said we cannot stop sinning? The only person saying that is you, isn’t it? Jesus, besides having given us everything we need to be like Him and to be according to His image, also gives us the power to fight through; the Bible and the commandments makes known what we should fight for; and He gives Himself to us so that we can see into what kind of image we are being shaped all over again. When God says we "must come back", He means we must be holy again, returning to our original state. He has given us everything we need to be as He asks us to be.
DIRTY_C: And how shall we handle the world we live in right now? How can we get rid of it and avoid the temptations it is able to exercise over us?
CLEAN_C: This world is the perfect place for us to stop sinning.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean? I am stunned! How can you say that?
CLEAN_C: The people who do not stop sinning here on earth are such who do not wish to stop sinning! In fact, earth is the right to stop sinning because it is here we can learn not to wish, will or desire after sin. It is possible to change the heart on earth -not where there is no sin. A drunkard shall cease to wish to drink alcohol better here, by having it around than far from it. Here, he must change his heart to stop drinking and not only his habits. When people say they cannot stop sinning here, they actually mean they do not wish to stop sinning and to change their hearts. You cannot change your heart in heaven. And, if God manages to get into people, it only means people have free access to what He is as well. By entering into God freely while we still live in this world, we shall indeed show we have changed or, at least, that we can be transformed.
DIRTY_C: I will need to go now. You are confusing me. Perhaps I will come back later to talk again, even if it confuses me. I am still not convinced that what you are saying is true. Honestly, I believe you are too well prepared and you spread false doctrines around.
CLEAN_C: Ok. Have a blessed day.
DIRTY_C: I don’t feel very well. My heart is very strange.
CLEAN_C: What is happening?
DIRTY_C: Everything annoys me, I have no patience, I can’t sit down, I can’t stand up… Whatever I do makes me feel worse and worse. I cannot agree with people on anything, so I decided to avoid being with people. I feel like being on my own, but it doesn’t help much to be alone either.
CLEAN_C: It is soul sickness, I am sure. There must be something God is trying to get through to you and you are not listening. Have you been speaking to the Lord lately?
DIRTY_C: Whenever I try to pray I find myself talking alone. Then, I am tempted to stop talking to God. I cannot talk to a wall. It seems I can’t get through to God and a wall separates me from Him. I can’t read my Bible. I feel accused all the time. The worst part, however, is that I can’t figure out what to do.
CLEAN_C: That explains a lot. The irritability is not the main problem you’re having. When we are far from God and He is trying to bring us closer to Him by showing us what separates us from Him, we usually feel as you are feeling at this point. We feel like a duck far from water in desert sand. We feel we do not belong there and we can’t find where we belong. It is just too obvious that anything will annoy us then.
DIRTY_C: How can I solve that problem? I am already too tired to think about a solution. Besides, it seems I can’t find a solution for it anywhere. I get annoyed even with myself. All I wish to do is sleep and sleep and never wake up again!
CLEAN_C: If you could at least talk to God and be heard, then you could be taken out of it and be led out of any kind of problem. But, if there is no contact between you and the Lord, there is another problem we need to solve first and above all. Your other problems cannot be considered problems at this stage, mainly for two reasons: some of these problems might be a mere consequence of the main one; and even if they weren’t, first things must come first.
DIRTY_C: Oh, I can’t see how shall I ever talk to God and be heard! It seems like a mirage to me! I believe it is God who doesn’t want to hear me. I think He needs to fix that problem from His side. He leaves me alone talking on my own. How can I solve a problem which is not mine? I talk to Him! He is the one who doesn’t talk back to me.
CLEAN_C: The Bible says it is our sins which separate us from the Lord causes the Lord not to hear us, Is.59:1,2. It is true it is God who refuses to talk and even to hear. But, He wouldn’t refuse to hear or to answer for no reason.
DIRTY_C: I believe it is the Lord who does not want me anymore. Maybe I have sinned beyond forgiveness. Maybe I sinned too much or one of the sins was too big a crime to be forgiven. I don’t know. Why else would God leave me alone this way, I mean, without a clue as to why I am left alone? Why would He ever abandon me this way?
CLEAN_C: I am sure you haven’t taken time to think about your sins and bad deeds. You are too obsessed thinking about your many problems and you haven’t put some time aside to deal with what you should deal thoroughly and to do so specifically with your sins. You cannot put your life in order unless you leave your problems as they are and put your whole heart into confessing your sins and your sins only. Do not ‘confess’ problems at this stage. It just can’t work!
DIRTY_C: How can I ever think of leaving my problems unsolved? They demand an urgent solution from me and that is precisely why I find myself demanding a solution from God because I can’t find any of my own. The Lord just doesn’t care about me anymore!
CLEAN_C: You see? You are so obsessed with your problems that even when you talk to God all you think about is the problems you have! Doesn’t God deserve any better? Why would He demand from us more and better than that?
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: God said that if we seek Him we shall find Him. He didn’t say we would find a solution to the problems, but Him. Even though God can solve any kind of problem, our motives should be to find Him and Him alone. If you seek Him to find something else, surely He won’t listen to your prayers. You shall be considered a liar. You need to take a stand against yourself and against the solution of all your problems so you can find God as He is. Unless you do so, nothing will be added unto you. In fact, you won’t find Him who is able to add all things unto you.
DIRTY_C: How can I find God? You mean I will see Him, find Him in such a way that I can touch Him? I mean, have him really around all the time? Why does it seem to me you are preaching a fantasy to me?
CLEAN_C: Jesus said once that the clean of heart shall see God, Mat.5:8. Was Jesus lying? After you see Him, then you could talk to Him about anything, don’t you think? Then I am sure He will answer. “I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he answered me”, Ps.3:4. The answer is the whole point of prayer! He may say yes or no to our requests. We know we cannot ask something from somebody if that person is not around. I know most prayers are made to an absent God. It shouldn’t be so at all. The best part of prayer is that He talks back to us and grants us real answers. We may even become aware of what goes on inside His beautiful heart. If He is not pleased with what we ask Him, we shall surely know about it too. Don’t you think this is a life worth trying?
DIRTY_C: And a “no” is an answer?
CLEAN_C: Of course it is! God can answer by saying “no” to any of us. That is an answer. He said a kind of a “no” to Paul once. I believe He does that so we know He is still with us and, also, so that we shall not lose time feeding false hopes and keep them alive. And if our heart’s desire is indeed God’s will, we shall rejoice whatever the answer is. A “no” makes us as happy as a “yes”. However, behind every “no” of God, I am sure there hides a certain kind of “yes” to something else far better than we can think of or imagine.
DIRTY_C: And if God is saying nothing to us what is the reason?
CLEAN_C: We may never walk a step ahead without knowing for sure that God is indeed with us. If God is not with us, we shall be an easy prey. If He does not share in our ways we should never dare to give another step ahead and neither backwards, whatever we must do at that point. He must know our ways for real. We should not throw experience away and neither step forward. We must be quiet and find God first before making any rush decision. And, if we have a real relationship with God, we must wait for an answer. We must not only expect it, but must wait for it. Unless you give time for God to answer you, you cannot expect God to be happy about you. If you call somebody, you expect that person to answer you, right? God deserves even a better treatment than the one you give the person you call upon. We cannot do our own thing after enquiring God about something. We cannot expect less from God than what we expect from mortal beings. God needs to say something even when I have the wrong request in my heart. Any kind of prayer which receives no answer cannot be considered a prayer at all. It is far better to have a “no” from the Lord than no answer at all. The important part of the prayer is the person we talk to. God deserves the respect of all prayers. He promised to grant answers to all our prayers. We should, therefore, wait for answers and expect them. No answer is a dead end. We should turn back, back to the Lord.
DIRTY_C: This is too complicated for me to understand. I can’t even pray for my pastor. I don’t feel like praying anymore. I am discouraged and in deep despair. It feels I am deeply disappointed with God.
CLEAN_C: Anyone who cannot trust God surely trusts himself a great deal. You need to find out what is separating you from the Lord and you need to do it urgently. I don’t believe that what you are going through can be described as normal at all. Praying and not getting answers cannot be seen as a normal thing ever. What would you think if there was electricity and you turn the light on and there is no light at all? Can you think of it as normal? Wouldn’t you call upon the electrician?
DIRTY_C: In your view, what do I need to do for God to hear me? What did you do? I mean, you are talking as if all your prayers are answered!
CLEAN_C: You need urgently to be on your own - alone in your room. Once you are there, close your door behind you; leave all your problems and cares outside that closed door. You must change your motives when praying to God; and the reasons you uphold to find God must change. You must seek God for the sake of God only, for the sake of the person He is and that alone.
DIRTY_C: I hate being alone. But, at this point I hate being with people as well. I cannot understand myself anymore.
CLEAN_C: But you need to be alone with God, at least for a while. Then, get a pen and a few pieces of paper, sink down on your knees, inquire God about what separates you from Him, and write down all sins you may have committed ever since you can remember up to today. Separate between sins you committed alone and by yourself from those you committed with or against people. You may separate even further religious sins such as idolatry, witchcraft, spiritism and the like.
DIRTY_C: And after I have them all written down, what shall I do with them?
CLEAN_C: After you have done that you need to find those people you sinned with or sinned against. Plead for their forgiveness and plead the Lord to forgive you after you have done that. If you have committed religious sins you must break down with them renouncing them in the name of the Lord and burn everything you still have in your possession that links you back to those sins. This is what putting in the light is all about. By walking in the light and by exposing your sins to God and to people, God shall surely straighten your ways – each one of them! If you go to people, care to tell them what you are doing and why you are confessing your sins.
DIRTY_C: But, God knows each of my sins! Why should I confess to Him what He already knows? And suppose I have slept with my neighbour’s wife… if I confess to him what I had done with his wife, he would kill me on the spot!
CLEAN_C: Even if he did kill you for that reason God would regard that as being persecuted for the sake of righteousness. Anyway, I believe you need to find the woman and have everything cleared between the two of you instead of looking for her husband. God sees such sins in another perspective, I believe. Humans say adultery is committed against a husband or a wife. I believe God sees such a sin as transgression against yourself and against the person you committed it with. You have sinned with her and not with him. If, however, God leads you to talk to the man, you should do so without fear. God is leading, right? And you can never forget that God leads from the moment you start putting everything in the light.
DIRTY_C: I am not saying I have slept with her at all. I was just supposing! And suppose I don’t do as you are telling me, then God shall never hear any of my prayers?
CLEAN_C: No, He won’t hear any of your prayers, I am sure. The Bible says that only those who confess their sins and leave them altogether shall find mercy. It means, shall find God. Unfortunately, people are tempted to do things their own way especially when God is not leading or is not blessing. Then, they blame God for not being with them as they hoped He would. Don’t you do that.
DIRTY_C: This is very interesting. Perhaps you have a point there. I still need to talk to my pastor about this, though. He is the only one I trust. I cannot afford to take your words as infallible.
CLEAN_C: You mean you are going to ask the opinion of the pastor who never taught you this? How can you lose your time consulting flesh and blood about things such as these? Why don’t you go to the Lord instead?
DIRTY_C: I cannot trust my own opinion. And how shall I know God will indeed answer me?
CLEAN_C: You need to get God’s opinion on such issues as these. Paul didn’t consult Peter when he stumbled on truth. Why should you consult someone who is not even as Peter? He said: “I did not consult with flesh and blood”, Gal.1:16.
DIRTY_C: I am afraid if I ask God for His opinion He won’t answer me. Sometime back I asked Him something about my job and I prayed the whole night and there was no answer. The problem was very serious, and, yet, He said nothing. I felt about God as Ball’s prophets felt about Ball when they were praying for fire to come down and to consume the sacrifice Elijah defied them with. There was no answer from heaven. I felt that way.
CLEAN_C: I agree it is very sad when things happen as you say. I found out myself that the saddest part of my sinful life was when I had no answers to my prayers. I would pay anything, do anything just to have a word from God and that for the sake of that word only. I wouldn’t care anymore if He granted me my request or not as long as He spoke to me. Now I am sure God answers all prayers. I believe God did not answer you concerning your job’s problems because He did not see it as the main priority then. Cleansing your life stands on the top of all priorities. God will answer to that as long as there is still time.
DIRTY_C: If God hears you, could you plead for my pastor’s life? He is going through a hard time and asked the church to pray for his needs.
CLEAN_C: Saving or helping others at this point is not a priority to you at all. You need to fix your own life first and leave you pastor to his problems. We must know we can and must do one thing at a time. You wish to talk to God about your pastor and God wishes to talk to you about yours sins. You cannot dare to go against God and take a side track is as good as going against Him! It is suicidal. Jesus said that the Kingdom of God is like a man who went and sowed on his own field. Why would you think it is to sow in other people’s field? Why would you lose your precious time inquiring God about things which are not at His list of priorities? Jesus needs to clean you of all your sins first and that right away.
DIRTY_C: I love my pastor and he asked us for prayer. I think he is a lot like me at this stage of his life. I think God is quiet towards him during this difficult period.
CLEAN_C: Why would a pastor ask for prayer in church concerning basic material needs? Why didn’t he do that alone and asked God on his own? Isn’t it, perhaps, the same as saying, “Please, give me something as you pray for me”? Maybe he is asking for more than prayer from you guys. And that is enough reason for God not to answer him or us about him!
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: If he asks for prayer and mentions the personal needs those people should pray for, he might be expecting people to give the answer and not God.
DIRTY_C: I have seen him pray for other people and even for the sick!
CLEAN_C: And why would God not hear him in secret then? “And your Father who sees in secret shall Himself reward you openly”, Mat.6:4. If you ask believers, you are not asking God. And God answers those who ask Him with faith.
DIRTY_C: Ok, I understood that. We could ask God for him, couldn’t we? That would be “asking God”.
CLEAN_C: Why would you care to pray for your pastor if you already said God does not hear any of your prayers?
DIRTY_C: You are confusing me again! I must go now!
DIRTY_C: Are you reading your Bible?
CLEAN_C: Yes, of course! It is the Word of God! Why shouldn’t I be reading it? “All Scripture is God-breathed, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness”, 2 Tim.3:16. The Word of God is like a phone calling us: when the need rings we should answer to it and when we hear the call we need to take it. Sometimes we call to it instead on it calling upon us.
DIRTY_C: I don’t understand much about the Bible. It confuses me. Whenever I try to read it, my mind is restless and starts wandering. I can’t find much in it to interest my restless mind. I feel I read it only because I fear God will punish me if I don’t. They say the Bible is the book which has sold most copies ever, right?
CLEAN_C: Even if it weren’t a Best Seller, it would still be the Word of God. We would still need to read it and absorb it to the full.
DIRTY_C: The best way for me to read my Bible is when I am in church. I find the environment there more inviting and more appropriate to read my Bible.
CLEAN_C: I don’t like the way people read the Bible in church. They are kind of religious about it and we should be living beings instead. Besides, we need to answer to the Bible everywhere and anywhere and not in church alone. Wherever our phone rings we must answer it.
DIRTY_C: But, the fact is that it doesn’t matter where I read it. I understand very little of it anyway. I understand only the historical part of it and find it boring. I cannot see any connection between reading it and my life at all. I don’t find life in it. The only reason I feel is the obligation to read it. But, I don’t understand any of it.
CLEAN_C: Usually the problem is inside who reads and not inside the Bible. Who reads it and understands it not, he is the one who has the problem. He is the reason why the Bible becomes boring and lifeless.
DIRTY_C: You are saying it is my fault that I don’t understand the Bible?
CLEAN_C: It is not possible to be the Bible’s fault! There is no other explanation. English makes sense to English people, right? They understand it. They use the language to talk about many things and to solve many issues. If an English man doesn't hear, understand or speak English, surely, the fault is in him and not in the language. However, if you are not English you are kind of lost when it is spoken. The Bible makes sense to such as are like it, to such who speak its language. Reading our Bibles far from God who enlightens our understanding causes us to miss every point of it and every simple meaning it has. It becomes lifeless, even though it is full of life. The Bible is a very straight forward and simple book. It is quite simple and objective. However, reading your Bible without God is like hearing an explanation of something important in a foreign language. However important the matter is, it won’t make any sense to you at all. It shall never mean anything to you. If you are sheep you shall hear the shepherd. They speak the same language. If you are haven’t been made sheep, you can’t hear Him at all. It is like hearing a radio station: you need to be in the wave it is broadcasted. It is as simple as that. Is English the problem or the person who does not understand it? Is the problem in the Bible or in who reads it? Should we change it because people don’t understand it? That is what many pastors and theologians are doing nowadays. "...Unstable people distort Scriptures to their own destruction...", 2Pet.3:16.
DIRTY_C: You are hurting me again. Somehow, you are. You always find a way to hurt me deeply.
CLEAN_C: Jesus said that sheep hear the voice of the Shepherd. We may assume the Shepherd hears sheep quite well too. If we become sheep indeed, if we find the way to become real sheep, we shall of course understand the Bible very easily. No goat will ever understand a sheep’s tongue, even if it seems they are alike or walk together. Goats and sheep are not alike, however close they may seem to be. So, we cannot try to figure out which of the many voices is the Lord’s or the Bible’s without becoming sheep first. Usually, people try to figure out the voice so they don’t have to become sheep or be made obedient. Jesus said only sheep hear it, whether it is through Scripture or not. They shall know it quite well because the voice of God shall be very familiar to them in any situation and under any circumstances. If we try to be like sheep instead of being real sheep, surely the shepherd shall not be Jesus, but another. A goat-Christian will not understand the Bible the way he should. Only sheep will.
DIRTY_C: Please, stop offending me! I have already accepted Jesus! Why do you keep saying I do not belong to Him?
CLEAN_C: Well, then you might have another explanation for the reason why you do not understand the Bible seeing it is such a simple, easy book. Do you?
DIRTY_C: Oh, I don’t know! What could be the problem?
CLEAN_C: And why are so easily offended? Have you ever seen sheep complain about anything? Can sheep complain as you do?
DIRTY_C: Why are you always pointing at me?
CLEAN_C: For as long as truth is still an offence to you, Jesus will not regard you as His sheep at all. I may agree to a point that just as goats may try to imitate sheep, sheep might feel they are goats still because they may have lived for too long among goats and their belief. "Woe is me, for I (...) dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips", Is.6:5. What they really are is altered and somewhat influenced through lies. "The LORD instructed me that I should not walk in the way of this people", Is.8:11. They might not easily believe they are sheep because they walk the ways of the people around them. But, surely it shall be strange to sheep to complain as goats do. Jesus said those who are like Him hear Him. We may assume those who are like the Bible shall also understand it because it talks about them as well and explains what is going on in them. If truth still offends you, surely you must still undergo a huge transformation from inside. We should all have the ability to rejoice when Jesus talks, whatever He says. A rebuke from Him should be as comforting as an encouragement from His mouth. It means a lot. We need to change from the heart and not only change attitudes and outward appearances. We cannot afford to be sheep only on the outside, appearing to be what we are not.
DIRTY_C: I go to church, sing from my heart, plead for strength and you still say I am not a sheep? I am not praying to the devil am I?
CLEAN_C: No, you are praying to God, but He hears sheep only. He opens the door to them. I believe people who sing to the Lord for real, sing in such a natural way and so spontaneous that they aren’t even focusing on the environment they are found singing. They are too aware of the Lord they serve. No one uses strength to stay where he belongs or where he loves to be. Do you see worldly people forcing themselves to watch a worldly movie or to read a novel? People sit before television as if nothing else exists on earth. Oh, if they could do that with the things of the Lord! What a blessing it would be for the world!
DIRTY_C: You mean that for us to understand the Bible we should read it that way? Unless we do so we won’t understand it?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. If you ever understand it some other way, it will only be to feel accused. It would be good and understandable if people could read it in a living way, yes. It would only mean they are very familiar with it. They would be friends with the Bible and with God because they would be fulfilling His commandments easily. It would mean the spirit wouldn’t be enslaved to the body anymore. And it could mean many more things. A living spirit would read the Bible much like that, yes.
DIRTY_C: How can I become a sheep and be like that? Can you advise me?
CLEAN_C: Becoming sheep is very easy. The hard part is the willingness of man to let go the goat. Goats go to church, sheep are found in the Lord, whether they are in church or at work. That is one of the reasons we should be very careful about having a religious spirit or mind which does not allow the Lord into it or its world as a familiar Lord. The way Christians read and hold their Bibles nowadays is very religious and is not a living way. This is why I put in my heart I shall read my Bible as hungry people would eat living bread. I don’t like the way people, pastors and preachers read the Bible and the way they teach how to read the Bible at all. At least, that part you shall need to change after you have become sheep. You should know it is the bread of Life, as it is indeed. If it is not real bread to you, you might have a heart which would rather believe lies. I believe it is easier to change a murderer into a living being than it is to change a cold Christian into a living Christian. It takes a lot more to change religious people from the inside. Dead Christians have their own way of doing things already, and they have settled habits as well. And they have their own way of reading the Bible which they fear to put aside. They fear more to put their ways aside than they fear to put the Bible aside. They fear more to leave their own ways than to leave the ways of the Lord. Woe to them! Look at you and find out if you are a good example of that or not.
DIRTY_C: But, I have been going to church for many years now. You think it will be difficult for me to find the Lord that way and live with Him for real in such a spontaneous way as you are telling me? I have never seen people living that way at all. Maybe, I missed them altogether!
CLEAN_C: It shall not be an easy road, surely. Anyway, everyone has a kind of problem of his own. You need to keep in mind God wants living beings and not programmed robots. Many things need to change, especially those you consider good and proper things. I believe the greatest stumbling block to people is what they consider right and holy. Usually, God hates it. If your inside changes for real, you need to put aside each religious habit you gained over the years. The habits should at least be reviewed. They don’t work out with Jesus and they do not fit into real Life at all. Life is Life and it drives people to read their Bibles as they should and to understand it progressively - as they can take it. Each day has its bread. There are a lot of areas in people’s minds they need to renew.
DIRTY_C: Can you give me one more example?
CLEAN_C: For example, people in church are taught a way to preach to others quite well. That’s how people convince themselves they are already something. They believe they are rich, yet are very poor in God’s sight. They just don’t know they are poorer than the poor. Preaching to others is the way of a goat. People assure themselves by trying to convince others. But, one needs to sow in own ground, as Jesus said.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: Jesus said once that people who find the good seed go and sow it in their own ground. Many, however, as soon as they understand something about the Word, they start searching people to whom they can preach and explain whatever they may have learned. It doesn’t work that way anymore, at least once we become sheep. Paul said that, “It is right for the labouring farmer to partake first of the fruits”, 2Tim.2:6.
DIRTY_C: Please, carry on.
CLEAN_C: Let me illustrate it through a story I have heard a while ago. There was a family who never saw a mirror before. They didn’t know what a mirror was. The husband found one and he hid it from everyone else. So now and then he would go to the mirror in secret and smile to it. His wife thought he had an affair with some other woman and resolved to spy on him. She was filled with jealousy and even more so when she saw the husband smiling at it. She thought he was smiling to some woman, something he seldom did to her. After the husband left, she went to the mirror to see the woman he had been smiling to. She saw an ugly woman staring at her and was very sad that her husband would give her up for such an ugly woman as the one she was looking at.
DIRTY_C: And then, what happened?
CLEAN_C: She went out crying loudly. Her mother came and asked her what was the matter. She said her husband had another woman. The mother couldn’t believe it! So, the daughter went to the mirror to show the mother. The old mother looked at the mirror and was stunned that her son-in-law and given up his own wife for such an old, ugly woman as the one she saw in the mirror. She thought at least the other woman would be prettier and younger than her daughter.
DIRTY_C: What does it have to do with the Bible and understanding it?
CLEAN_C: The Bible is like a mirror to us and it reveals the face of whoever reads it. People usually believe they are becoming aware of other people’s problems and other’s faces and sins. Make sure every time something from the Bible touches your heart, you believe it is talking to you. I have seen many people read their Bible and say, “Oh, my family should hear about this! My husband should read this!” And they lose the blessing God intended for them. They cannot easily and promptly figure out that God and the Bible are speaking to them. The Bible has only personal relationships with us and never means to cause us to preach to others before we ourselves partake of it. One of the wrong ways to read our Bibles is to believe one needs to learn from it so we can preach to others. It won’t work out, and it just can’t bring any blessing to us if we secretly believe that. Most people who do so fall from grace sooner or later. In fact, unless someone changes, he shall surely fall in disgrace and will wander far from God one way or another, sooner or later. He just won’t finish his race in the Lord, even if odds and hopes say he will.
DIRTY_C: I fear death! Sometimes I try to figure out what is on the other side. It gives scary thoughts. I know there is life after death and it annoys me to know it.
CLEAN_C: The worst kind of death is not the one you fear. There is a worse death than the physical one.
DIRTY_C: What other kind of death? The one I am thinking about is the only one I know. Is there another?
CLEAN_C: There are others! If you cared to have a real relationship with God I am sure you would know about this. Why do you work so hard against knowing God as He is? He is able to teach you these things personally. He can even teach those who are lost. All it takes is to get in touch with God, to get closer to the Lord Jesus in a real way. You should enquire about the reality of God and the reality of the way of God. Then, He shall teach you all you need to know. If you, then, won’t follow the way you are shown, I am sure the way will follow you and your conscience to instigate sense to both of you. The worst thing about believers is to remain in doubt about these things. They should enquire and ask wisdom from God who denies it to no one who asks with faith. Unfortunately, everyone rather wish to believe according to their mood and choose to believe what they call “good things”. And believing good things only is not real faith unless God has spoken them out. There is nothing good in being deluded. I believe God can teach saints as well as sinners. Why won’t you try to enquire from the Lord? Is it so difficult for you to find reality and truth in a real shape? If you search for what you need to know at this point, I am sure God will teach you. I don’t promise you will like what you are taught, but I am sure He will teach you anyway. In case you do not like what you hear, don’t be like those fools who decide it does not come from the Lord simply because they don’t like it. If you look for what you need to know now, I am sure God will show it to you one way or another. And since you are just one step away from death, I am sure God shall teach you about the great danger of dying in your sins. Just search for what is a priority in the eyes of eternity and God shall teach you, surely.
DIRTY_C: What is there to know that you consider a priority? Learning about death is a priority?
CLEAN_C: Salvation from sin is a priority. Cleaning your whole past and present from sin, making your conscience spotless and as white as snow are priorities no one may ever overlook or despise. Your spirit needs to be so reconciled with God, you need to be one with Him in such a way that there shouldn’t be any differences between you and the living Lord Jesus anymore.
DIRTY_C: What kind of reconciliation are you talking about? How so? How can one so united with the Lord that we don’t differ anymore?
CLEAN_C: Your spirit is dead as long as there is still any sin in you which is not confessed and abandoned forever. The spirit is dead when in sin and that kind of death is a direct confrontation to the Life of the Lord Jesus. Death and Life oppose each other in a most active way. Death wants man to be dead, and Christ wants man to be alive. When man is dead towards God, there is a continual enmity between the inner man and God because of that. Then death puts man against God to withstand Him continually. It means God and man are heart enemies and they don’t get along anymore, at all. In other words, they cannot be reconciled unless one of them changes. God won’t change. To be reconciled with God means you need to be so changed that your spirit and heart won’t only agree with God, but will even feel at home in His very presence, the one it used to be at enmity with. You should feel awkward anywhere else, I mean, outside God’s presence. As long as there is this enmity, there is an inner fight and there is no peace inside man because of the war that is going on. Yet, you need to become one with the Lord in a most natural and spontaneous way. The Psalmist said once, “Whom have I in Heaven? And besides You I desire none on earth”, Ps.73:25. He achieved that kind of reconciliation. At this point, you are in need to be the opposite of what you really are because “the flesh is enmity against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh”, Rom.8:7.
DIRTY_C: I can’t understand what you are talking about.
CLEAN_C: The Bible says that whoever sins puts himself in a state of death against God. That kind of death works against Life itself. It is active. It is always found in direct confrontation with God or with anything that tries to bring life into you. This is a kind of death that will lead to all other deaths eventually. “And death and hell were cast into the Lake of Fire. This is the second death”, Rev.20:14.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: You need to get a kind of spirit in you that shall always be in favour with God and which will love to find itself near the Lord all the time. You need to wish deeply to be ruled by a great King, because Jesus is indeed a great king. And you need to live near Him as if you have never experienced any other kind of life before. You need to come to that point. As far as I can see now, you want to be your own king, one who even demands from God what He should bless. It seems to me all you want is to experience no fear while living on and on in your sin. And it so works that kings easily dispute and fight over a throne, especially when both have claims upon it. Your heart is a throne. Jesus wants it and you want it. Therefore, there shall never be friendship between flesh and Spirit. And, eventually, God shall cease to strive against the flesh and shall hand stubborn people over to themselves. This is the worst curse that can ever happen to any of us, I mean, when God hands us over to ourselves. It is a very bad curse indeed. I believe there is no greater curse than that one. May God never do that to any of us!
DIRTY_C: You are scaring me!
CLEAN_C: Because there is a huge dispute inside man for that throne, obviously there shall never be peace in the inner kingdom of man until Jesus is fully settled down and feels at home inside the heart. Until all inner wars and disputes cease, there shall be no peace inside man. “There is no peace to the wicked, says my God”, Is.57:21. Man without God is wicked, and it doesn't matter what he believes about himself. So, if you wish to be kind, understanding and apologetic towards your own way, you are also in direct confrontation against a life you know nothing about. It should only be expected that there should be an enmity in you against the Living Lord, since you are dead and strive towards death itself. Jesus will come only to be King of Life and to rule over Life. Where He is king He shall surely wish to rule according to His devices, desires, knowledge and wisdom. However, many people sing “Lord, come reign in my heart” while death reigns in them. They are hypocrites who love singing and whose hearts are far from God. They are words without meaning and use God’s name in vain. After their singing, they are the ones who decide what to do, when to do and to whom they shall marry and so forth. Can you consider that as being ruled by God? This is why I said that, by having a stained conscience, one is only one step away from a worse death.
DIRTY_C: How can I be only one step away from death? Here I am, speaking out my heart to you, saying I am afraid to think of death and you don’t care about my feelings. You carry on telling me I am one step away from death! What kind of love is that?
CLEAN_C: As I said, you may ask the Lord and you shall know whether this is all true or not. And there is no love where truth is not spoken. I don’t mind explaining it to you, but I believe you miss the privilege of hearing it from the mouth of God Himself. There are few types of deaths, but being dead towards God is what leads us towards further deaths. The other deaths I know of are mere consequences of the one sin brings into us.
DIRTY_C: How can one death lead to the others? You are confusing me greatly!
CLEAN_C: Why, do you think, did Jesus say that whoever believes in Him shall never die? So, there must be a kind of death which is brought about by not believing and trusting Jesus as a ruler. And that is the kind of death which leads to the others deaths out there.
DIRTY_C: So, you believe I have that kind of death ruling in me which shall lead me to die further?
CLEAN_C: Whoever has doubts about his own spiritual state, I mean, real doubts and not mere emotional states of heart, is surely separated from God. No one doubts for no reason and no one believes for no reason, especially if one is truly honest in his heart.
DIRTY_C: But, I have told you I have already accepted Jesus and there you come trying to convince me I am lost. Why don’t you believe me?
CLEAN_C: Why is it so important to you that I believe you? Would it make you feel better in your lost state? Would it help you feel better or more confident? Let me finish, please. I won’t answer you about emotional states of heart. We are talking about deeper issues here. I am trying to explain something that happens deep inside man. If we do not overcome that inner death towards the Lord, towards a great King, if we are not resurrected into a new life for real, we cannot dare to think we shall have that kind of life after death at all. If we can’t have it now, why would we have it after death? It just doesn’t make sense, does it? Do you experience real life in you now? Or do you just suppose that life is in you? One of the mortal weapons death struggles to maintain is the lie that always says you are alive. And if we do not overcome spiritual death, surely we won’t overcome any other. If one death leads to the other, surely one kind of victory will lead to the others as well. By overcoming sin now, we shall surely overcome death – any type of death. If we don’t overcome sin, however, the salary shall be death upon death. One thing leads to the other. How do you expect to overcome the salary of sin afterwards if you do not overcome sin itself now? The way many preachers talk seems as if we were called to overcome the salary of sin and not sin itself. It just doesn’t make sense! We need to overcome right away, as soon as possible! If we don’t, we might be in for a huge and unexpected surprise.
DIRTY_C: The only reason I would like to overcome now is because you're scaring me to death!
CLEAN_C: You need to overcome it by loving Jesus. You can’t do it because of the love towards self and because of the fear of death. You won’t overcome unless it is because you love Jesus, I mean, unless it is for God’s sake. Let me finish, please. Whoever desires to overcome sin, shall easily overcome death after he is granted the privilege to live forever through the kind of life which starts right here on earth. You need to desire to hate sin if you ever wish to overcome real death at all. You cannot desire to overcome death only, desiring to keep sin still in you. You should forget about death and fight sin with the deadly weapons of light. Then, you shall also overcome death for real and the fear of death shall abandon you. We overcome death now and not when we die. You cannot desire to be alive without desiring to leave sin and to overcome it forever. I have seen many drunkards say they are going to heaven because they believe in Jesus. They are deluded. They live in a fantasy world of their own. That kind of drunkards don’t wish to stop drinking, but only to go to heaven.
DIRTY_C: I am no drunkard! But, I agree I don’t thirst after God as I should.
CLEAN_C: The truth is that in this world people talk about what they drink and the kind of drink they have. In the kingdom of God here on earth, we talk a lot about the kind of thirst we have. Drunkards glory in what they drink and the sons of God glory about what they thirst after. Oh Lord, let there be this kind of thirst for real!
DIRTY_C: Are we changing the subject again? What does thirst have to do with death?
CLEAN_C: Thirst after God, when it is real, stands for life as a fountain would stand for a river. That thirst is the fountain of the rivers of life Jesus promised we would have flowing from inside us. The lack of thirst stands towards death as a flame stands towards a fire. Concerning those who shall live forever (those who started to be alive here on earth), we are talking about many strong rivers and not merely about a small water flow. And those who drink from the water of life talk about their thirst more than they talk about their drinking. Those who drink false water or dirty water, (we hear often Jesus talking about the pure fountains of Life), are seldom able to distinguish between death and real life. They believe death is life. This is why I believe that the inner death in man is much worse than any other kind because it is deceiving and it deprives man from thirsting after God. Death also causes us to feel ashamed of our God in front of others and ashamed of ourselves when we are alone. That kind of death has other’s opinions in a higher regard than God’s, and our benefits above God’s in us.
DIRTY_C: What deprives us of that thirst which causes us to find God in a real way?
CLEAN_C: In the world, thirst is satisfied with whatever kills man inside. Death always desires to die further, just as a drunkard’s drink demand’s another drink from him. Death brings death. In this world, there is no desire to find God in a real way, unless they believe God shall satisfy man’s desires. Can you imagine greedy man believing a most powerful God will always be there for him? Sin kills the thirst after a holy God and opens the way for a false god. Idols in the minds of people allow men to live in sin and to breed sinful claims upon the power of God. That is another consequence we may expect from sin. People in the world live as if they do not need a holy God at all. This is why the Lord says, “You thought that I was like you”, Ps.50:21.
DIRTY_C: Now, tell me about death itself. What do you have to say about it? Why is it so mysterious and why does it seem so frightening to all of us? Why do people mystify it so much? What is real after death and what is not?
CLEAN_C: Fear drives people to do and believe many strange things. People usually find some distracting ways to make them busy-bodies so as to think about death and many other things they fear. They’ll rather be busy than face facts which might not even be so bad facing after all. The Bible states that it is better for us to go to a funeral so now and then so that we may become wise. The world says it is better to go and party. The Bible says it is better for us to go to where people die than to go into a house where people enjoy themselves. Many even make jokes about death. Perhaps, it helps them to overlook the fact that it is coming for sure. However, had people an abundant life from God, I am sure they would never fear to face death. They would know it can't touch them. People fear death mostly because they lust after lies, along with many other things which can never satisfy. Had we a genuine relationship with God, we would never fear to die. In fact, it would be a joy to die instead. It could be something we looked forward to.
DIRTY_C: I cannot agree with you at all! Death is scary to anyone. I believe you are talking like that because you are too self-assured and have never faced death in the eye.
CLEAN_C: It is not true. I think of death and life every single day of my whole life.
DIRTY_C: In your opinion, we should be thinking all the time that we shall die. It means you would want me scared all the time!
CLEAN_C: The Bible says that the physical death of holy ones is sweet in the eyes of God. But, I can agree that people who live with a stained conscience hate to think of death along with every fear it brings up in them. Going to Paradise should not scare anyone. It should bring in us the same joyful expectations a voyage to some beautiful place does. But, the idea of going to hell doesn’t attract us at all. Or, if death is merely facing the unknown, as some say, it could also cause people to tremble, especially when they cannot avoid going down to the grave.
DIRTY_C: It is not easy for me to believe I am going to heaven. Maybe there is no heaven to look forward to. If I just knew there really was a heaven, surely death would not scare me this way anymore.
CLEAN_C: What you have just said is what I am trying to get through to you: if we know, we won’t fear. You are agreeing with me now, at least on this point. You have just said you don’t know about it at all. Do you know what this means? If Jesus' life indeed abounded in you, would you still have these fears in you? This is what you do not wish to understand the way you ought. Faith is a certainty of whatever we can’t see. Because we can’t see, it doesn’t mean it does not exist or that we cannot experience it for real. You don’t see the air, and yet you breathe it and know it exists. You cannot see your thoughts or mine, and yet, you know they exist. And a certainty is not forced down upon people. There has to be more substantial things to make us sure than force, don’t you think? Faith can’t just be accepting things because we must. Genuine faith must be more than that, surely. If not, it would offend God instead of pleasing Him. However, if we are dead towards God, even when we 'believe' in Him, we shall never be sure about important things such as life after death. In fact, the lack of spontaneous and natural confidence in us shows we might be heading towards some other place in the opposite direction.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean by going to some other place? You are scaring me! I can’t understand what kind of love is this you’re showing towards poor me. You mean I am going to hell? How can you say that to me?
CLEAN_C: What I believe or say about you won’t get you to heaven or hell. You are the only one who can decide about that. It is not my words that will drive you to hell at all. I am just interpreting what you’re saying to me. I am translating the way you feel about things and putting it into words for you. You should stop lying to yourself about this, seeing such an important thing is at stake here. If you believe you are not sick, would you go to the doctor still? We are just talking about the symptoms you are revealing while expressing yourself. Can you see why death will be a great surprise for most Christians around the world? And that shouldn’t be so.
DIRTY_C: What other death is there besides dying physically and dying to God?
CLEAN_C: The other death we could talk about is the one where people never die and which shall be spent in hellfire.
DIRTY_C: Hell is a kind of death as well?
CLEAN_C: The Bible talks about it as the second death, yes. And we read that death will be thrown into death. It means people who are dead towards God will be thrown into hell after their physical death has taken place. And it must be a dreadful experience. Just think of it! People shall always be dying as where in heaven they would always be living. Eternal death is an eye for an eye of what people declined to receive.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean? People are always dying and never die?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. Eternal death means people will always be dying and never die. Jesus talked about it as a place “where their worm never dies”. That is the exact counterpart of the eternal life people have refused from the hand of the Cross. In hell, people and angels shall always be dying as in heaven they would always be living. It is an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth of what people have rejected. The measure of happiness people declined reverts to them in an equal measure of suffering and unhappiness. The emptiness in hell shall also be in equal measure to the fullness people experience in heaven. It must be terrible there! I believe the fire will be a minor issue if compared to the inner anguish and emptiness people will experience there, eternally. And it won’t really matter if people believed there was a heaven or not. What people believed won’t change a thing after they die.
DIRTY_C: This is why I hate talking to you. You always make me afraid of something. I can’t explain it. You should encourage me and not put me down this way. You scare me to death. I came here looking for some kind of comfort, a friendly talk about something which troubles me and it seems I going back worse than I got here. I feel miserable and lost now. What kind of love is this? You cause my heart to breed bad feelings about you. It feels I always lose hope and faith every time I talk to you.
CLEAN_C: But, if the faith you have is false and if the hopes you entertain in your heart are useless, isn’t it a good thing that you lose them altogether? I believe a wrong kind of assurance is worse than a doubt. Besides, there are good doubts. Doubting any lie is faith. Believing any lie is unbelief. By losing false hopes, we stand a chance to have the proper ones. Isn’t it so? You are terrified about death because you may have held on to false hopes for too long. You should choose between being dead towards God and being dead to the world and all its false hopes. Every kind of death we may ever experience is an exact replica of its corresponding life. The fear we experience far from God is the exact opposite of the assurance we would experience near Him. That is how it works. No one can avoid it working that way at all. If we are dead to God, we shall be alive to sin; and dead to sin means being alive to God. “For faithful is the Word, for if we died, we shall also live with Him”, 2Tim.2:11. One thing leads to the other. It always works out that way. But, life needs to be real and not merely believed. You can’t just believe you have it – you must really experience it. Religion is not life. God told us not to make any likeness of what is in heaven or in earth. We should have the real thing. We shouldn’t deceive ourselves with likenesses any longer.
DIRTY_C: I think I understood. I am sorry that I have these bad thoughts about you. You talk in such a convincing way about things that scare me. In fact, I don’t like what you say and the way you put it to me. But, deep in my heart I would like to be as you are. Will see you sometime soon.
DIRTY_C: There is something about you which confuses me a lot.
CLEAN_C: What is it?
DIRTY_C: How can you say you are living without sin?
CLEAN_C: You mean, you are asking me if I miss sinning or if the need to sin is still there? I don’t miss sinning at all. In fact, I am glad Jesus frees us completely. I don’t look back to the old life anymore. There is nothing good about any part of it, anyway. Once our eyes are opened, we can easily come to that conclusion. And if the Bible talks about an “old life”, surely it must be old and gone indeed. The Bible wouldn’t lie if it couldn't become an "old life". And sin is not the giant we picture it to be. Besides, that old life hurt me a lot. How could I still miss it? I am not masochist! There are still scars in me which need healing and ointment from the Lord because of old sins. I believe heaven will take them away for good or it might even happen before that. That old life and my old ways have done a lot of harm to me. How could I miss sin? I was born far from God and because of it I lived very distant from my Saviour and God. No, there is nothing good about sinning. I started hating it and needed to watch hard not to hate sinners along, so great is the resentment I have against it!
DIRTY_C: That is not what I was asking you. What I mean is if you believe it is possible to live without sin at all. Anyway, I must be honest with you: I put the question that way because I wanted to hurt you as your old life did. I am sorry, because I can see a lot of honesty in your eyes. How can we ever stop sinning?
CLEAN_C: I understood. I thought you had certain ideas about sin being something good or that its pleasure is needed for living. Sin is bad and it is not idealistic - at least, it shouldn't be. It can never be the ideal life. It only creates the impression that it feels good to sin, but then it never fulfils what it promises. The fact is, if you hate sin and know the Saviour who saves from it, you can’t sin. If you hate Coke you won’t drink Coke. If you love it or if you are indifferent to it, you shall drink of it, surely. If you are dead to Coke, you shall drink water. That is how it works towards sin: if you hate it, you won’t touch it – you won’t even think of it or spend your money or time on it! Then, my soul and heart seek what shall feed indeed and by God’s grace I found the only food able to feed us. I could be feeding on something else, but God was gracious to me.
DIRTY_C: You mean that whoever sins, does so only because he loves sin? Is that the only reason why people sin?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. That is the whole truth about it. If our heart changes, however, sin ceases because the Spirit hates sin and sin hates the Spirit. And enemies do not each other, unless the reason is to destroy the other.
DIRTY_C: I hate to admit I love sinning. If I let people know I love this or that sin, I would surely feel ashamed. I will rather hide my desires from people’s eyes very well. Sometimes, it feels I need to lie to people about the life I would love to live. It feels I live a double life. I live something inside and in the outside I show another.
CLEAN_C: That’s the opposite of walking in the Light. Many people say they can’t stop sinning especially because they won’t stop. They are not willing to give it up. That’s mainly why people breed the convenient affirmation or excuse which says it is impossible to stop sinning. They justify sinning by assuming sin is part of man. They do so because they love sin. Others colour up a sinful life and brag or even joke about it to laugh its awfulness away. They seem to seek the approval of others as if others are the ones who will judge them. They add sentimentality to sinning; they became experts in adding romance, sensationalism and many other things to it so that sinning may not look bad and may resemble like a virtue. Others hide their sins through church rules, through singing and they preach doctrines which they try hard to maintain and defend with aggressiveness. Others change truth into lies. Others struggle against sin partially and feel pleased with themselves and with partial victories. Most people seem to use the opinion of others to measure sin and to decide what is and what isn’t sin. They can’t stand behind God’s opinion about it because they focus so much on what other people think and believe. “How can you believe, you who receive honour from one another and do not seek the honour that comes from God only?” John 5:44.
DIRTY_C: You mean that if we really live for God we won’t care about other’s opinions at all? I hate to hurt people…
CLEAN_C: We won’t really hurt people by being truthful all the time. To believe that is to believe fantasies. The devil uses such lies to cause us to sin more and more through ignorance. Lies never go far and we end up hurting ourselves and people by pleasing them. We should never fear to speak the truth if our heart is truthful and especially if we have God’s motives in mind. It always brings some good fruit back unto us and unto God, sooner or later. Even when it hurts someone in that moment, eventually truth will shine and will be preferred and searched.
DIRTY_C: Is there any special advice you can give me so I can attain a truthful heart? I have always believed if my heart changes, my conduct will change along. But it seems there is something which hinders me greatly to be truthful all the time. I don’t know, but it feels I can’t reach out to what will change my inner being. It feels to me like there is a thick wall between me and a victorious life. Can you help? It seems I am doing it all wrong. I try hard to change my conduct and my outward actions, but my heart does not play along. I get an outward conduct right only by being hypocritical and cynical. Perhaps, there is some way to cause me to stop being a hypocrite.
CLEAN_C: First of all, you should see to it that there is nothing separating you from the Lord. He is the one you must reach to and if something is between the two of you, your heart won’t reach out to Him and neither will His hand reach out to you. “Behold, the Lord’s hand is not short that it cannot save, nor is His ear heavy so that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have come between you and your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you and from hearing”, Is.59:1-2. He is the only one who makes it possible for us to be victorious and blameless. If anything whatsoever is found between you and God, then He can’t reach you and neither can you ever reach Him. Sin separates indeed. It binds even the hand of a Almighty God. Remember how many times David, crying for help, mentioned that he hadn’t done this or that and that his heart was clean and spotless. He saw that he could reach God by being clean and forgiven. That’s what made him confident enough to cry out loud to God. That’s why he also says that those who are cleansed are very blessed people. “Blessed is the man whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord cannot point out any sin and in whose spirit there is no guile”, Ps.32:1-2. And God sees all, nothing can be hidden to Him. If He cannot point out any sin, it is because there is no sin anymore. It means people can try to put forth a spotless conduct while there is “guile in their spirit”. But, it won’t work with God. So, even if you are not aware of any sin separating you from God, nevertheless, you should ask God if there is any. You should be alone somewhere, pray to the Lord and ask Him to reveal if something is separating the two of you. He promised to be a speedy witness against sin. Try to remember your whole life ever since you were born and see if there is anything between you and the Lord which you have never confessed and brought to the light. And see, also, if there is any sin between you and people. Or find out if you offended God by falling back into sins which you may have already confessed. We cannot mock God by confessing something we do not give up for good. Afterwards, you should find those people with whom or against whom you have sinned and tell them that you have sinned but now you are fixing your life them and with God. I am sure you shall reach out to the victorious life you know there is for you. Even if people may have forgotten about the sins you are confessing, you should confess them anyway. Don’t play games, because the testimony is very important as well. If they forgot, God didn’t. “And they do not say within their hearts that I still remember all their evil. Now their own doings have hemmed them in; they are still before My face”, Hos.7:2. Even if you forgot, God remembers. Only after you have brought every single sin out to the light, may we ever talk about sins being forgiven or fully covered. Only after that can we reach ou to victory, because the Lord is victory - He is our victory.
DIRTY_C: And how does sin die after I do that?
CLEAN_C: Every sin dies through a proper exposure to the light. Have you heard about those vampire stories? The vampire would die after being exposed to the sunlight.
DIRTY_C: Please, explain it to me because I have a great deal of difficulty in overcoming sin.
CLEAN_C: People try to be victorious over sin by fighting it blindly, through complaining and ignoring the fact that they are stepping into the territory of the enemy to be defeated by complaining. We cannot use guile to defeat what is guile; we cannot use weapons of darkness to defeat darkness. It just won’t work for many reasons, one of them being the lack of God’s blessing upon us. Besides, the enemy knows his weapons very well. We cannot use sin to fight sin. We need light to fight sin, since sin’s territory is darkness and concealing. Even if we manage to strike the enemy with certain blows, we assimilate his ways and his fighting methods. We will become sinful fighting sin. We cannot use its weapons to fight it. Complaining, fighting back, accusing and force won’t work against sin at all. However, exposure and surrender to the Lord does have a mighty effect against it. If we accuse, we hold on to sin; and by hiding it, we put it back on its own domain. Darkness is where it feels at home and safe.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean by exposing it?
CLEAN_C: Exposing, revealing, and putting in the light. Revealing is revealing, isn’t it? What is the difficulty about it? Many don’t wish to understand how simple it is. Exposing is exposing! Sin dies only through the power of light, by exposing it fully. Sin must be dragged out of its domain to the domain of light. There it can’t be fed and concealed any longer. It cannot live in the light. It dies that way. It perishes through exposure and loses its strength completely. It can’t hide in the light; the ability to hide is what keeps it alive. It can’t live in the light as it does in darkness.
DIRTY_C: I remember the movies about vampires and how they died. Sunlight would put an end to them. And those who had been bitten by them, would recover speedily after the vampire died. I remember.
CLEAN_C: Even if those stories are mere fantasies, at least they can be used as a kind of illustration. Every part of you that has been bitten by the vampire of sin will recover speedily after sin dies away and after it perishes forever. All you need to achieve is its crucifixion in daylight. If the flesh is exposed to the cross as Christ was, if it is brought fully to the light enduring the shame of possible reproach, it shall surely die. Just try. Every part of you shall be re-established and reconstructed. Your whole being will become as God made it originally. That is why God, when telling people to repent, uses the expression “Come back”. They come back to what they should be since creation.
DIRTY_C: Oh, I think what you are saying is too good to be true. I think you are delirious about it all. You mean I can be like Adam was before he sinned? I can’t think that such a good thing can ever happen to me. Only misfortunes chase me. It has been like that since I can remember.
CLEAN_C: Well, if you can’t believe that it is possible that Christ takes us back to what He created us to be, what else can I say to you? “If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how shall you believe if I tell you heavenly things?” John 3:12.
DIRTY_C: This sounds very strange, doesn’t it? But I can believe that it is my sins which make me powerless and defeated. I can believe sin causes us to stay away from God and that it is only through Christ (from whom you say I am separated) that we may ever start thinking about overcoming sin in the whole. Even so, I believe it is too high a price for me to pay. I will die of shame if I expose all my sins the way you say I should. What will my mother think of me?
CLEAN_C: Well, I believe it is a very low price for anyone who wishes to be holy and pure. That is all it takes. It is as easy and as simple as that. All you need to do is to change the way you look at it.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: It should be a pleasure and a joy to you to finally find a way out of sin. You should be singing like angels do because this is such a good news. Being resurrected that way into a new life is a great thing. The shame we may go through to reach it is nothing compared to the joy of it. Please do not despise it through unbelief or through unwillingness to leave sin altogether. The new life causes you to hate sin and to love real life and its living ways. The ways quicken into Life, I mean, the ways of light. Every new day shall hold a refreshing surprise for you after that is done.
DIRTY_C: And what shall happen to all desires and dreams I have right now?
CLEAN_C: They will all die, of course.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean they will die? What do you mean? I will never achieve my goals and dreams anymore?
CLEAN_C: There is no virtue in a goal which God did not set before you.
DIRTY_C: I can’t think of my dreams dying that way. It is a hard to accept you are saying. You mean, I can’t believe I will achieve them? I can’t think of achieving those dreams and goals anymore? What kind of life will there be left for me? What will drive me through this life?
CLEAN_C: After you find God and all His ways, your life shall never be vain again. The choice is yours. If you feel sorry for death, you shall hate life. If, on the other hand, you start to love life and all its ways and expose sin, you shall hate death along with all that causes it. And God shall judge us more for the things we love than for the ones we have done. Jesus also died for the world and now reigns through Life. What better thing could there be or happen to you than hating sin and loving life?
DIRTY_C: Oh well, if I won’t miss sin or any of my old dreams, I suppose it wouldn't make any difference, right? But, suppose I can’t reach to that life after having exposed my whole heart and sinfulness? Would the shame I go through be worth it all?
CLEAN_C: These kinds of doubts exist only in those who haven’t really died to sin yet. After sin dies, all those doubts shall surely perish along with it. Those doubts are only there until sin dies completely. Do not worry about those doubts. Just dare to expose yourself fully to the light of God! Jesus said that, unless the seed dies, it won’t bring forth any fruit.
DIRTY_C: Everything you told me sounds in me like a fairytale would sound. What will happen to me if I can’t accept any of it as possible? What if it is not available for me? What if I am not chosen to experience that sort of life at all?
CLEAN_C: If you do not put into practice everything you have heard from me, you shall become worse and your spiritual health will decline. That shall be the sign that God is knocking at your door to clean up. No one remains the same after he has heard the truth: either he becomes cleaner or dirtier and deader. You may only either live or die now. You are choosing today between life and death. Each day that passes you by, will only become worse and worse. You can’t avoid that happening.
DIRTY_C: This changes all my points of view concerning the gospel. I thought we had to fight our way through to overcome our sins and I also believed it was useless to fight them off us. Why would I bother about them if I would never be victorious? Just to think of fighting sin every moment of my whole life simply puts me down. And if I don’t fight sin, I feel guilty. Feeling guilty about it makes me be bitter and gives me a bad temper. I always suspected there must be something more for us than what I am experiencing right now.
CLEAN_C: What you’re describing are the typical symptoms of most people who wander far from God and refuse to clean their lives thoroughly. If the blood of Christ doesn’t get a chance to make you spotlessly white, you shall always have the effects of it stamped in your face. It shall be visible to everyone around. It also happens to all those who try an alternative way, such as pretending, covering up or sleeping time away. Trying to fulfil without cleansing our lives, trying to live a heavenly life without having a real relationship to God is one of those alternative ways. And all alternative ways seem good to people and eventually end up in discouragement, disappointment and death. There is always a way that seems good to man. Paul talked about it and described the experience as someone who has the desire to fulfil and, yet, he sins more and more by trying to do good. People can try to be good, but they can't be good. He said it feels like having a body of death which leads the opposite way every time one wishes to be holy. Paul was describing people under conviction of the Law who would refuse to have a real relationship to Jesus. However, by meeting the requirements of a genuine life of faith, sin is crucified and we rise up into a new life, and we shall always be more than victors. I believe there is something worse that may happen to us when we refuse to cleanse our lives thoroughly. There is great danger by wandering without a clean conscience. Many simply do not realize it.
DIRTY_C: Tell me about it, please.
CLEAN_C: If we manage to live far from God for a long period, we learn a life of continual defeat which will lead us to believe victory is impossible. We shall be programmed to think defeat, to eat the bread of death and to find ways to have that kind of beliefs and thoughts multiplying themselves inside us. By having preferred a kind of life which brings confusion and causes pain, we shall always refuse to have it dead. In fact, many fear to put an end to that kind of living whenever they are put face to face with the possibility of exterminating it for good. It seems they feel sorry for an old life which kills them. People will rather become inactive and disgusted than give up the old life. Once that program of standing up for death and delaying or postponing life is installed in us, it shall function much like a virus does to a computer. That virus won’t come out and will always hinder the computer to function the way it should. People in sin fear to stop trusting self, and trusting self is the opposite of faith; they fear to give up what they have; they fear to go against what they know as experience; and they also fear to believe some other kind of life is possible. Blessed are all those who rebel against a defeated life and acknowledge that this is not what we have been created for. I have seen many blessed people saying something like this: “Oh, if this is all here is about this life I don’t see the point of living!” It sounds like suicide to many. In fact, it is like looking for a way to kill self for always. That’s where many start looking for the purpose of their life in this vast universe.
DIRTY_C: I understand. And what should we do to be able to deny a defeated life and to stop breeding it?
CLEAN_C: We must deny a life that denies life. It must be exterminated. First of all, we need to cleanse our past sins one by one and plead for forgiveness from people and God. Then, we must reach out to real life from the Lord. It must be real. We must hate lies and fables. If we have done that thoroughly and attain all that has been promised, then we must be prepared to renew our minds fully so we might know, step by step, what the good will of God is for our lives, Rom.12:1,2. The program of our minds must be renewed. Our system must be new. By cleansing our lives thoroughly, we become new from deep within and change our ways and ideas about everything we know. Not knowing that it is so easy to fulfil the law of love, is one of the major consequences of a life of sin.
DIRTY_C: You mean that after we are thoroughly cleansed we won’t need to fight to be victorious? That kind of life shall be ours to live?
CLEAN_C: The fight shall be different. The assuring ways of light will always teach us (if we indeed care to listen) that nothing can separate us from God. And it is truly so. Nothing can bring us to sin. Sin separates from God. However, Paul says that not even death can cause us to be separated from the Lord. Such is the victory. We learn how to use the weapons of light and lay down old weapons and old ways we have learned. It is a completely different thing to fight sin in the domain of light then it is to fight it in its own territory. “For the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds”, 2Cor.10:4. We must unlearn old ways, then. The best way to lose a battle is to use those weapons that will benefit the enemy. And the way to lose a whole war is to lose many such battles.
DIRTY_C: I understand. But, I am still confused about something. Tell me: do we fight or does the inner fight cease altogether?
CLEAN_C: We fight yes, but it shall be a different fight altogether. We shall rest and always be assured our Lord will stand up for us no matter what. We shall know that we can overcome without a chance of defeat if we stick to the Lord and His will all the time. He will fight for us continually. "For since the beginning of the world Men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides You, Who works for the one who waits for Him", Is.64:4. Our main fight is to stay close to Him. If we abandon the weapons of darkness forever as well and learn to make the best use of the weapons of light, we can’t even think of defeat. My opinion is, we won't think defeat. The idea won’t cross our minds, not even for a moment. The most difficult task we shall face is to adapt and to be conformed to that life - to live a kind of life where we shall be more than conquerors. We won't be used to it until many years after we started to experience it for real. Could you live such a life as if you have never experienced any other before? That’s the main challenge we need to face right from then on.
DIRTY_C: Where must we start? Where does that life begin? How shall I know I can take hold of it and stick to it all the time? It seems to me more like a Holy War.
CLEAN_C: First of all, we must know we shall never overcome the love of the world, of the music of the world, or anything from hell by living still in it. We offend God and will be powerless because of it. We cannot approve any of it anymore. We cannot be sustained by the Lord loving or approving any part of the world or of its environment. What surrounds it must promptly and assuredly be denied as well. We need to walk out of that territory. Let the enemies of God (all sins) come and defy us in God's territory. Secondly, we need to be trained to use the weapons of light and those only. And the main strength of that life shall be putting in the light and exposure. We need to be ourselves and ourselves only all the time. Everything must be clear and transparent every moment of our lives. We must know that appearance is the opposite of transparency. We should never again fear to be ourselves, since it is the Lord who has changed us and shall stand for us anywhere, anyhow, all the time.
DIRTY_C: You mean, for each kind of life there are also kinds of weapons we must learn to use. I mean, there are weapons of death and there are the weapons of light and life, right?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is right. You have summoned it up very well. The kind of life we live engraves its ways in our beings from then on and those ways shall always be responsible for its own maintenance. Ways cause us to live the kind of life we become used to. We heard Jesus teaching to pray that things be done here on earth the way they are done in heaven. It means the ways are more important to learn because people always do according to what they are and have learned to be. However, in the domain of God, we are not programmed, but become rather spontaneous and alive in every aspect of our lives. And that shall only work if we are dead to the ways of sin and if Jesus abounds in us. And to have sin exterminated and dead, all we need to do is to have it completely exposed in the light and follow the Lord as He leads. You may not follow as He doesn’t lead. Even if an accuser comes to you, once a sin is put in the light, accusations shall cease. Besides, if God shall be with us, who can or will stand against us? One of the weapons of darkness we do not need to use anymore is self-defense. In the Light, God shall stand for us sooner or later, one way or another.
DIRTY_C: But, it is difficult to know which weapons belong to darkness and which don’t. It seems to me it is very difficult to discern what I may do, or use, and what not. I wish I could become like a child when it comes to doing. Children seem so simple and do things promptly. I don’t find it easy to be that way, especially when it comes to the things and the commandments of God. When I look at people like you, I hate myself for not being better than you guys.
CLEAN_C: Another weapon darkness puts into our hands is competition. You cannot compete with others since the life God gives you to live is exclusively yours and there is no one like you. It so works that each child of God needs to be himself and himself alone. Imitations, competition, admiration along with each kind of suchlike attitudes are either fruit of ignorance or of darkness, which amounts to the same. People in the world do not pretend to love the world because they really love it. In the Kingdom of God, it must be an eye for an eye of that: you cannot pretend there anymore. The way it used to be in the world, it must work towards God also. When you look at people who live a godly life and you try to be as they are through imitation, you will only become a hypocrite. God won’t accept that offering from anyone of us because He has a life for each one of us and that offering is dead in itself. Sooner or later, dead ways shall cause people to give up on God because they find out it doesn’t work with them as they supposed it would. Besides, we can never depend on the public opinion to learn the things of the Lord. We must be totally depended on Him and on Him alone. Even if it is a normal thing in the world to try to be like others or even better than them, it never works that way in the Kingdom of God. The least is the greatest with God and no one will ever be able to change that. This is why Paul talks so much about “the simplicity that is in Christ Jesus”. He even warns us against departing from such simplicity.
DIRTY_C: It surprises me to see how simple these things seem to work out with you.
CLEAN_C: Admiration is another weapon of darkness. People who admire others are refusing to walk the way themselves. They will rather applaud and boast about other’s works. Flattering is the usual way of admirers. You can see that when they talk to people they admire. And flattering people are also able to be critical in the proportion they admire. It just works that way. A tongue that flatters and is smooth in criticism towards others. Admirers have a smooth tongue. Beware of flatterers! Flatterers deceive themselves because they believe they are pleasant people. They deceive themselves through hypocritical feelings. God warned us against making any likeness of what is in heaven or earth. Every kind of likeness is a lie. It won’t work out in the kingdom of God. The simplicity that is with Christ is the only way through which God’s things are meant to work. Whatever is not real, is not coming from the Lord.
DIRTY_C: You believe I can change that way? I mean, can I be that spontaneous and that simple when it comes to the things of God? Shall I love them to that point?
CLEAN_C: Believing you can’t is another weapon darkness uses to intimidate and discourage you from the ways of God. Unbelief says it is impossible to live that way; and even when it says it is possible, it seeks a way to imitate and feign. And what Jesus gives us is real life. He teaches us to live that way as well, since it is a new way we have never walked it before.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean He teaches us?
CLEAN_C: He teaches you the way any child is taught. Whenever we teach a child, we form it. Children learn by being practical about things. The life of God works much the same way with every one of us who never experienced the new ways of God. We shall learn a practical way of a new life of our own, step by step, day by day. People have in their minds that studying the things they suppose are from God is what it is all about. But, God’s things are practical. Learning theology won’t make you a man of God. God doesn’t work in us through dogmas and such things. Since He is able to work His life in us for real, He won’t uphold hypocrisy. God sees hypocrisy as He sees idolatry because both are likenesses of what could be for real. Don’t children learn the ways of their parents and adapt themselves to them? We also learn from our Father if we see Him - if we see Him.
DIRTY_C: I believe I can already do many things the way they should be done.
CLEAN_C: If what you are saying is true, it is good. We may believe something that is not true just as easy as we may believe something that is indeed true. Wrong believing is something any person can do because he can believe. We are made to believe God. Far from God we are able to believe still, but in lies. That is the main reason the Christian world is so confusing nowadays. They believe in certain things which could work out were they indeed living near God. They would work out easily and with no force near God. It could be a normal life to everyone who calls himself a child of the living God. Unfortunately, it it is not that way anymore.
DIRTY_C: I am stunned and without words. It seems everything I say receives a harsh response from you. It feels to me I do nothing right. Will you always have some arrow pointed at me?
CLEAN_C: Another weapon darkness uses against us is feeling accused by those who speak the truth and by the way they speak, especially when they ought to speak that way. Then, it shall be easy for the devil to send some deceiving people to comfort, advise and to deviate you to their side. Beware of feeling accused by truth. Truth makes people well even when they don’t feel well about what they hear. Spiritual health is not a symptom - it is a fact. Will you ever stop feeling accused when you hear truth? There are many who would rejoice by hearing these things, you know? Why can’t you be one of them? What is so wrong with you? Would you feel happier if I told you some lies and comforted you through them? You are the one who accuses yourself - not what I say. You said you would like to be that way yourself, and yet you resent what is being said here. Can you explain that to me?
DIRTY_C: Let’s leave strife. I am tired o fighting. Let me see if I understood correctly what you have been saying. The conclusion I came to is this: I can’t fight having burdens on me, but need rather to expose those burdens, even those I don’t see or don’t regard as burdens. Exposure is able to eventually turn me into a saint and a simple conqueror. Is that right?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is right.
DIRTY_C: I pray quite a lot when I am not discouraged and God never answers me. Can you explain why God does that to me?
CLEAN_C: How do you pray?
DIRTY_C: I have prayed in many ways. I have fasted; I have asked my church brothers to pray for me; and I’ve even cried my heart out in church. Until today, I have received no answer from God ever, as far as I am aware. Everyone was moved in church because of me; and my brothers’ hearts went out for me when I asked them to pray for me as well. But, it seemed God’s heart did not move towards me as my brothers’ did. Even so, I heard many people promise in the name of God I would be helped. Today, I consider those people liars, because nothing happened as they told me it would. They said: “God will bless you my brother!” But nothing happened till now! I don’t know where they heard it from or who told them God would bless me.
CLEAN_C: That is very strange. I find it so sad when people say God does not hear them. Sometimes, it is so hard to figure out why it happens to them. That’s not what happens to me. Usually, even before I start praying, I sense God answering me. It feels He reveals His mind as soon as He reads my mind and my meditations. It happened quite often that I got the answer even before I could say a word to God. One day, I knelt down to intercede for a certain woman and God answered me the moment my knees reached the floor. And I hadn’t spoken a word yet. (Is. 65:24). I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I cannot understand it.
DIRTY_C: That’s not what happens to me! I feel like screaming sometimes! The only reason I do not scream is because I believe God is not deaf. He must be hearing me alright. Perhaps He simply refuses to answer. Maybe He doesn’t feel comfortable with me. Oh brother, I am a desperate man! I don’t know what else I can do! If God does not answer me, to whom shall I turn?
CLEAN_C: Perhaps you should think of cleansing yourself thoroughly first and leave these enquiries and requests for later. You must cleanse your whole life and soul once and for all. The quicker you do that, the easier God shall hear prayers, I believe. I believe at this point you do everything else, except the one thing that is really demanded from you! That way shall lead you to faithlessness because God won’t answer! It usually ends there. The Bible says that an unclean conscience ends up in shipwreck. And it so happens for many reasons. It says: “...holding faith and a good conscience, which some have put away and made shipwreck concerning faith”, 1Tim.1:19. That’s why many people cry and shout to God and receive no answer. I believe we yell and scream to anyone who is afar off. Some yell at those who make them angry as well. I don’t believe screaming will help you out at all because you are either far from Him or angry at Him.
DIRTY_C: But, I am not angry with God. God forbid! May He have mercy on me! I respect God! I fear to do that! I always speak to the Lord as an educated man would speak to anyone. But, not even so God hears me! Do you think it happens to a lot of people, brother?
CLEAN_C: Why you keep calling me brother?
DIRTY_C: If we believe in the same Father, I suppose we are brothers, aren’t we?
CLEAN_C: I see. Maybe we are brothers, I don’t know. It is not that I don’t wish to be your brother, but, we should speak truthfully to one another. I don’t think of it as a normal thing that God does not hear prayers. It can’t be seen as normal, unless God rejects you for some reason.
DIRTY_C: Yes, I believe you are right. We seem to be so different from each other that it is quite hard to regard you as my brother. Bothers are usually alike, and even more if they are twins.
CLEAN_C: “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” Amos3:3. I don’t know if we are that different either. I can’t figure it out as well. I cannot call you brother without thinking I might not be truthful to you; and neither can I say you are not my brother without feeling the same way. We shouldn’t lie to each other or to ourselves concerning others.
DIRTY_C: But, why are we so different? We believe in the same God, right?
CLEAN_C: I don’t know. I believe it is because we are looking at truth from different perspectives. I might look at truth as an encouragement and you as a discouraging accusation. It feels to me you are on that side of truth, and I find myself on this side. I can’t explain how it feels, but I wish we could call each other “brother” without lying.
DIRTY_C: It is so strange that I don’t feel hurt when you say such things. It feels you are very sincere about the whole issue. I can read sincerity in your eyes. It feels you would really love it to be my brother and by questioning it as you do opens a door for us to find a way to be children of the same spirit. I feel you are a truthful person and not an offensive man. Now I understand why my friends do not like talking to you. They always feel offended in some way by your words. You are too truthful for them! Now I understand! You use the same words differently. Your heart expresses itself in another way when you speak and use the same words they use when annoyed. You have another way with words, indeed.
CLEAN_C: I don’t know what you are talking about. What could I say? I hate to speak things which are not truthful. I feel we should never lie to people and neither to ourselves. To love truth is one of those conditions God demands from us to be heard above about anything. God shall never deny any truthful being. We need to have a truthful heart in the overall life to be heard in prayer.
DIRTY_C: Could you tell me why truth is not accepted as truth when we apply force to speak the truth? You do not apply force to it.
CLEAN_C: I would say forced truth is not truth, at least not to ourselves. But, I would say that anyone forced to speak the truth is not a truthful person, not even when his mouth is driven to say the truth. Can you think of a thirsty man being forced to drink? When people are caught up in a corner and they can’t deny the truth anymore, it does not make them truthful. It is a different thing altogether to speak the truth spontaneously and without performing and touching it up. And when others perform, it tempts us to guess about their motives and hearts all the time. It is a stumbling block both for the hearer and the speaker.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean? What do you mean by guessing about others? I don’t understand.
CLEAN_C: Every time we force truth for others to hear us, whoever hears us gets the impression we are not convinced about what we are saying or that we are trying to cover up the liar in us by forcing truth down the throat. It could also be understood that we would rather tell a lie than speak the truth. By forcing truth upon ourselves, we reveal we are not comfortable with it and that we are afraid others take us for liars. Forced truth or lying is about the same thing. In fact, forcing truth might be seen as a cover up for a lying heart. We cannot do that to people and much less to God. In fact, chances are that if we do that to people, we shall also do the same to God. Ananiah and Saphira died because they lied to God. We should always be what we are and not change according to circumstances or people. If we force ourselves to speak the truth, surely, we shall most easily lie as soon as we are distracted from our guard. We must be truthful and we shall avoid lying altogether because lying is not our nature when we are truthful. Only then shall we not fear the temptations to lie. Besides, God sees us as we are and we should be as God sees us. If we are truthful, then God shall answer, surely. He won’t deny truth coming from the inner man. If we are not truthful and patient, we shall easily be tempted to guess what is in God’s mind and what His answer would or could be. This is why many speak up in the name of God and use His holy name in vain. Then, would God speak and hear us, it would be very disappointing for us to hear Him say no to any request.
DIRTY_C: This is not that difficult to understand.
CLEAN_C: No, it isn’t.
DIRTY_C: But, sometimes I think this way: the demons asked God to get into the pigs, right? And Jesus granted them their request. We could say God answered their prayer. They were demons and God answered them. Could I be worse than a demon? Why would Jesus not answer my requests as He did theirs? I can’t carry on lying to myself! I can’t go on saying I believe God will answer me anymore. I don’t know if He will. Can you understand me? Am I too critical to think of myself worse off than a demon in the sight of God?
CLEAN_C: I can understand you, yes. I guess I would feel that way myself if God refused to hear what He promised to hear. The only thing I believe you shouldn’t do is blaming God for what is happening to you right now. I am sure there is nothing wrong on God's side. I believe there are things in your life, either recent or old, which causes God to close down His ears for you. You should cleanse yourself first, before thinking about any kind of request or even about anything you would wish to talk to God about. You need to make a thorough cleansing of your whole being first, bringing all past and present sins to the light, one by one. That’s the first thing you should do. Jesus praises those people who wash themselves in His blood and upholds them faithfully each day.
DIRTY_C: You know that not even fasting works with me? Do you fast often? I think you must fast a lot if God answers you even before you talk to Him! On the other hand, if God answers you that way, why would fast at all? Oh, I am confused. Please forgive me for being this way today.
CLEAN_C: Confusion is a leak in our soul and heart by which faith is drained out. But, a leak is there only because something is broken. And if your relationship with God is broken, you shall be confused, especially when you try to understand how the things of the Spirit work. There must be some dirt inside your heart that stains your conscience and which greatly hinders or annoys God. You should start there and find out what separates you from the Lord. Only then can you be heard by Him and hear from Him as well.
DIRTY_C: Sometimes I think of giving up the whole idea of God. It starts to feel like an idea only. However, what I want to abandon does not abandon me! It follows me everywhere! It pursues me all the time.
CLEAN_C: You shouldn’t be angry against God if His mercy hunts you down that way. You should be thankful God has not given up on you yet. Weren’t you saying God doesn’t hear you? Well, there you are! He keeps knocking, doesn’t He? Perhaps you are the one who is not hearing Him about something He wishes to discuss with you urgently. I have always believed that if God does not hear us about something, He must be talking about something else we don’t want to hear about. Anyway, as long as His mercy follows you, you won’t experience any peace, at least until you clean up your whole life. Just as God said, “Let there be light” and there was light, He also said “There is no peace for the ungodly” and there shall never be any peace for anyone who does not cleanse his whole life thoroughly, Is.57:21. This is an eternal law, that we won't have real peace when our heart is stained by something. And God sees it as good also, just as He saw light was good. That decree against ungodliness still works today because it is an eternal decree, just as the sun’s is and it still shines today.
DIRTY_C: I want to know more about fasting. Tell me, do you fast often?
CLEAN_C: I do yes, but only when I am led to do so. God leads into fasting.
DIRTY_C: How so? God leads people to fast and pray?
CLEAN_C: Yes, of course He does! How else would we know what God’s will is and how would we pray according to it? We shall be heard only by praying according to God’s will.
DIRTY_C: Oh, I feel more confused now.
CLEAN_C: Jesus was taken into the desert to fast for forty days and forty nights, wasn’t He? It is said Jesus was led by the Spirit to do so. We also read in Scriptures about God asking people, “When you come to appear before Me, who has required this at your hand, to trample My courts?”, Is.1:12. This means God requires it from us. If God needs to transmit us something, or if He needs to prepare us for something, He shall call upon us to fast and pray. We also read in the New Testament that the Spirit is able to groan and travail inside us. It means He leads us to achieve all those things which are His will.
DIRTY_C: You mean we may never fast unless God leads us to do so?
CLEAN_C: If the fasting you are doing is not according to God’s leadings, how shall you ever know God shall hear you? God would simply say, “Is it such a fast that I have chosen? A day for a man to afflict his soul? Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? Will you call this a fast and a day pleasing to the Lord?” Is.58:5. You should fast sin! Abstaining from food is not as good as abstaining from sin. That is why the Lord further says, “Is not this the fast that I have chosen? To loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed ones go free, and that you break every yoke?” Is.58:6. That is the kind of fasting you should try! Then, the rest shall be added unto you, because that’s where the kingdom of God will be confirmed and God will choose to rule.
DIRTY_C: In other words, we cannot fast whenever we wish to?
CLEAN_C: You can if you are clean before God. But, it cannot be regarded as a good thing, especially if your eyes can’t be set where God’s are set. How can you pursue what He wants when He is not leading you to it? You cannot do two things at one time. How will you ever exercise faith without knowing what the Lord wants? He is the one who Works in us to will and to do according to His will. You should rather on hearing Him, on following Him and obeying Him - not on sacrificing yourself.
DIRTY_C: And how does it work? How does God do that in us? How does He lead?
CLEAN_C: We need to make sure He is our comforter and helper every moment of our existence. If He is, He shall surely lead us in the right way at the right timing. It is us that fast and pray, but God needs to be with us right where we are. He needs to be there in what we do so that He can hear us. Own-minded people shall never be lead into prayer because they have their own mind about what they need to do and, also, about the will of God. but, were they honest, they would realize they are after their own will their own way and wish God to follow them. They will always tell God what His will should be. And by being led by God, we shall never be late or be ahead of Him. We shall walk as He walks. Our steps will be lead through His. Only when you are led by God, can you consider yourself a child of God. “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God”, Rom.8:14. This portion of Scripture says that anyone who is not led by God can’t be a child of His, not even when we considers himself as such. It is not we who decide we are the sons of God. There is more to becoming a child of God than one can think of.
DIRTY_C: I understand. If it is so, I am in deep trouble, I think. I have never felt led by God in any way, much less in fasting and praying. That is why I always believed it is a useless sacrifice to fast, anyway. It would bring me no fruit and no peace inside. It took me nowhere. Never did it take me anywhere.
CLEAN_C: I am sorry to hear that. Fasting cannot be considered a trade where people get some reward from the Lord by fasting. Fasting can and may serve as a time given exclusively to God to change us thoroughly and to work His will in us. He may use that time of fasting to better prepare us for something He is aiming at. Fasting is able to work a huge transformation in us because we walk into the presence of God and stay there. Remaining there faithfully, and by seeing Him, we shall be changed into His likeness. Fasting does not make God hear us – it makes us hear and see God. But, if we are indeed led to spend some time alone with God, we shall surely be renewed or changed during that period. That’s the whole point of fasting.
DIRTY_C: I thought all people who fasted a lot were saints! Now it sounds to me most are sinful. It seems to me fasting can be sin.
CLEAN_C: Whoever fasts when led by the Lord, may be turned into a saint during that period. But, it may also turn people into worse sinners than they have ever been before. It depends if God is leading them or not. Man cannot lead himself into something good. Man is too own-minded to achieve that sort of goodness by leading himself. If you ever wish to pray the right way, you must get into the presence of God by going through the door and by refusing to jump over the wall into the sheepfold. You need to be led by the Spirit of God if your fasting is ever to mean something to you or to anyone else. Unless the Spirit leads, you might hear words such as these: “Friend, how did you come in here without having a wedding garment?” And you shall also be speechless when thrown out. (Mat. 22:12).
CLEAN_C: I had a little problem. I was close to stumbling. But, God helped me and I am still standing. The word of God is truthful indeed. It says, “So let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall”. It is so true!
DIRTY_C: But, if you fall nothing serious shall ever happen to you. You are a chosen one!
CLEAN_C: What a foolish thing you are saying! How can you say such a thing? What a strange thought to truth!
DIRTY_C: Isn’t it so? God chooses some people to go to heaven and some others to go to hell. I don’t believe He shall ever throw you out of heaven.
CLEAN_C: That’s a foolish way of interpreting some piece of truth. How can you say such a thing? You are misinterpreting truth, surely. Chosen ones and genuine believers who fall back into worldliness are chastised more severely than people who never knew God. How can you say such a thing? “For the time has come for the judgment to begin from the house of God. And if it first begins from us, what will be the end of those disobeying the gospel of God?” 1Pet. 4:17. Jesus said it is much better to be cold than lukewarm. “For it would have been better for them not to have fully known the way of righteousness, than fully knowing it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them”, 2Pet. 2:21. And if the Bible says it is better, than it must surely be better.
DIRTY_C: But, what does it mean to be chosen then?
CLEAN_C: It is true God chooses times, people and even events to start some important things for His Kingdom’s sake. God may choose and select some people among the lost bundle to go and preach to those who may have not been as chosen the way they have been. If everyone is lost, God must start somewhere and, to start somewhere, He must choose where and through whom He will do so. He did that with Paul, Peter and the other disciples. However, every man or woman in this vast world has the duty and the responsibility to be converted and saved. We cannot wait until we hear to decide to be saved. Once we hear, the responsibility is greater. However, that doesn't mean we do not have other means at our reach to search after God. The fact is that if people wait to hear, or if they have been chosen before they decide to be rescued out of sin, they shall be slack after knowing about their election, just as they have been towards salvation before hearing about it.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: If the genuine gospel comes to a certain place, we may say that place has been selected to hear the Good News. No doubt about that! And those who hear the pure gospel are privileged people indeed. The genuine gospel is rare nowadays. It is as if they have indeed been chosen. However, we cannot deny that many of those who have been chosen and selected to hear such Good News will eventually reject it for always. They do not think of it as Good News, as something which came their way, something better than any kind of jackpot. They refuse to be converted and throw away a great and free salvation. How sad! However, God cannot accept someone in heaven still having a thief’s heart, or a liar’s, can He? Many shall go to hell even after having heard the Gospel – in fact, even after having obeyed some of it!
DIRTY_C: Please, don’t talk about hell! It scares me! I don’t like thinking I might start burning for always some day. I hate to think God has not chosen me as He chose you! I don’t think it is fair. It feels to me a chosen one may sin and he’ll still go to heaven. The same cannot be said about me! It is only me who can’t sin and go to heaven! I need to work hard if I ever wish to get as far as the door of heaven! There are some things about God I cannot regard as fair. Things do not work out the same way for everyone.
CLEAN_C: You cannot say or believe such nonsense! Ruth belonged to a nation which was destined to be destroyed forever. Yet, she got saved and even became part of the genealogy of the Messiah! She became the grandmother of David, the great king! In the meanwhile, many chosen Israelites got lost during her time. “Truly I say to you that the tax-collectors and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you”, Mat.21:31. Sometimes, the word "before", as used in this context, means instead. We could say she was not a chosen one and yet became important to God. The Bible has sixty six books and one of them is wholly dedicated to her. She could never believe she had been chosen because she did not belong to Israel, and much less after her husband died. She was a Moabitess. And that tribe has been condemned by the living God to be completely destroyed. Her sister-in-law had the same chance as she to get saved, but she chose otherwise and would rather return to her gods and people. We have many reasons to believe Ruth was not meant to be in heaven. But, she is there, just like Rahab, the prostitute. She repented and lived a faithful life by having denied her old one.
DIRTY_C: You mean I can get into heaven even if I believe I have never been chosen to be there?
CLEAN_C: You shall get into heaven if you become thoroughly saved from every sin just as I need to be saved from them all. Salvation means the same thing for everyone and it saves all people from the same old sins. It works the same way for everyone on earth.
DIRTY_C: I still believe I must be chosen to get into heaven. Besides, I don’t know if heaven is what I really want at this point. Maybe I just want to live well on earth for a long time. I don’t know what I want, really.
CLEAN_C: You can use as many excuses as you wish. I believe it is your way of postponing the inevitable. I believe you want to find a reason to enjoy sin for longer than what you expect it can be done. It is obvious it is convenient to you to think you have not been chosen. It kind of allows you to carry on as you have always been. Would you stop finding excuses for not cleansing your whole life right away? Why do you keep postponing it? A time shall come when you won’t be accepted if you carry on like this - not even through tears and crying will you be accepted! “For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected; for he did not find any place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears”, Heb.12:17.
DIRTY_C: However, my pastor says that unless I am a chosen one, I won’t stand a chance to get into heaven.
CLEAN_C: You know what I would do in case I had the same belief you have, I mean, believing I had not been chosen? I would knock at that door until it opened up for me! I would do nothing else except knock! I would not sleep a single minute until I had received a positive answer from the Lord.
DIRTY_C: And what if the door would not open for you? What then?
CLEAN_C: Jesus said it shall open alright if we keep knocking. How, do you think, would God ever live an eternity knowing He did not fulfil such a solemn promise He made to every human being there is in this vast world? The door shall surely open up! The question is not whether it shall open, but rather if I will keep knocking till it opens!
DIRTY_C: Now I am quite confused about this whole issue. What does it mean that we are chosen then? What is the worth of having been chosen after all?
CLEAN_C: I cannot explain the whole mystery of it, tough. But, I can say a few things I believe concerning the matter. It is a mystery. The only thing I know is that if I find myself hearing the gospel, I must have an immediate response towards it. Hearing the gospel is the same thing as having been called to share in God’s glory. It is as if Jesus was standing at our door saying, “Here is the Kingdom of God! Get in! Do not have second thoughts about entering! Come right away!” Jesus did that to many at the time of the Apostles. And many said the apostles were drunk by living a reality no one could see or explain. Many saw it afar and blasphemed. They did not come near to see for themselves and to experience the reality of God. Some who blasphemed came afterwards and have been fully converted. It is easy to follow our heart’s blasphemy. On the other hand, it is never too late to follow the Lord’s call instead.
DIRTY_C: I understand that. But, I can’t help thinking that it seems I am giving some advice to God about this whole issue. If it depended on me, I would choose at the end of the race and not beforehand. Why choose before? I mean, at the end, the bad people could be separated from the good ones. It is true I choose beforehand where I shall buy potatoes, but it is also true I choose afterwards which I shall buy or not. It feels righteous to me to do it that way.
CLEAN_C: I can agree with you. I don’t see anything in your words that God doesn’t do Himself. God said, He and His angels shall come towards the end to choose between the good and the bad ones to separate them. He shall separate the darnel from the wheat. “Again, the kingdom of Heaven is like a net that was cast into the sea, and gathered some of every kind; which, when it was full, they drew to shore, and sat down and gathered the good into vessels, but threw the bad away. So it shall be at the end of the world. The angels shall come out and separate the wicked from among the just, and shall cast them into the furnace of fire. There shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth”, Mat.13:47-50. It is true that God shall choose at the end. Yet, it can’t be less true that God chooses where to start saving at the beginning as well. For example, if you have a dry forest and you wish to burn it with fire, you need to start the fire somewhere. You shall choose a place to start that fire even if you do not choose (at that point) where it shall end. But, God also chooses where the time of grace shall end. If I do that, and if all people are indeed lost, why shouldn’t God find a place to start the fire of the Holy Spirit? “I have come to send fire on the earth. And what will I do if it is already kindled?” Luke 12:49. God chose Israel to start that fire, but that cannot possibly mean only Israel can or will be saved!
DIRTY_C: I think you are right about this as well. As usual, you are right. And why do people everywhere make such a fuss about this whole issue?
CLEAN_C: I believe people love to feel superior to others and they shall use anything to think highly of themselves. The others will use the idea of not being chosen to excuse themselves off the Kingdom and to further entertain themselves in all sorts of sins. The Pharisees thought highly of themselves. It is true God chose Israel to save the rest of the condemned world. However, we know how God rejected Israel later on, even if they had been chosen since the foundation of the world. “He said, ‘I have sworn in My wrath that they would not enter into My rest;’ although their works were finished from the foundation of the world”, Heb.4:3. Most of them chose rather to feel superior to others than to be as merciful as God, especially if they had no merit in their own salvation. The doctrine of election cannot be used to build sand castles and illusions concerning ourselves or our salvation. It can neither serve as an excuse for those who wish to carry on sinning.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean by that?
CLEAN_C: Many use that doctrine to carry on sinning. Some do so because they believe they have been chosen in such a way that not even sin will ever cause their damnation. Others, again, believe they have not been chosen and have, therefore, a right to carry on living as they think best. Both have lost the fear of God and have abandoned the way of the Lord.
DIRTY_C: Please, can you explain this to me more clearly? I find this very interesting, especially the way you put it. I have never seen it that way.
CLEAN_C: Every person who feels safe behind any doctrine of election usually builds a fantasy world of their own which hinders holiness in their lives greatly. They usually try hard to teach things they don’t understand. Their lives always contradict whatever they preach and they find themselves in need to fabricate doctrines which excuse or explain their usual behaviour. They say it is impossible to be perfect even if the Bible talks so much about us being made perfect. “Watch the perfect and behold the upright one; for the end of that man is peace”, Ps.37:37. The Bible describes such people as “teachers who do not understand what they talk about”. On the other hand, sinners find both the excuse and the reason they have been looking for to refuse to repent. Both “take heed to fables” so they may follow a way of their own, which suits them better.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: Sinners quit the responsibility they have towards God and towards a perfect life. They have the duty to save their own lives from themselves and from sin, and yet they laugh it away. At the end, they will blame God for their damnation, each having own reasons to do so. In the meanwhile, they carry on sinning for a while more because they chose “to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a time”. These trample on their moral responsibility and duty to live exclusively for God and shake it off their shoulders; they even use the Bible to do so because they understand it very poorly. This doctrine is also used to avoid sowing in one’s own field. People use it to preach to others since they believe they are already chosen and are in no need to be taught. They do not take Jesus’ words into consideration. The Lord talked so many times about sowing in one’s own field. That is the whole aim of the gospel, to save me from myself. If we believe we hear and understand only to save others, surely we won’t be saved from ourselves and from all kinds of sin. Certain words in the Bible won’t make sense either, such as, “Escape for your life! Do not look behind you, nor stay in all the plain. Escape to the mountain lest you be consumed!” Gen.19:17. We will tell others to escape for their lives while God is telling us to do so!
DIRTY_C: That makes sense. Now it starts to make sense to me. I believe you are right again!
CLEAN_C: In other words, all people who take pains to preach to others only need to justify their own lack of genuine, visible life. Many shall be condemned because they preach to others only and many will be saved because they preach to themselves. Usually, they put all emphasis on the illusionary assumption that salvation is salvation from hell and not from sin and self. And Jesus came to save us from our sins, Mat.1:21.
DIRTY_C: I heard a sermon about it once. And it made sense to me. But why do people assume that the reward for sinning is death only for those who have not been chosen? That doesn’t make any sense to me.
CLEAN_C: Think of Adam. I don’t believe there has ever been a person as chosen as he was. God made him with such care and devotion one can hardly conceive. It seems it took God the whole sixth day to make Adam and Eve, as much time as He took to create all other things, great and small. Besides, Adam was made through the hands of God, while other things were brought to life through words. God did not say “Let there be Adam”. He made Adam with His own hands. God did not breathe into the animals or trees. Yet, He breathed His own life into Adam. But, even so, Adam sinned. His caring election meant nothing to him, I think.
DIRTY_C: It is true. I am amazed at the amount of things you know about this, you know? It seems you have gone through all these matters which still bother other people everywhere. You have already found the answer to those questions most people do not dare to ask! Many feel afraid to question their own churches’ doctrines and ways - how much more their own lives and perspectives!
CLEAN_C: You should save your words to rather cleanse your whole life. You should do that instead of trying to flatter me with useless compliments. It seems you are afraid God’s pure waters will stain you. Why are you avoiding what is really at stake here? You must decide to cleanse your life right away, or you might become hardened through the amount of truth passing your mind. When truth does not get a positive response from us, we shall be hardened each day that passes us by. Were that hardening against sin, it would be a blessing. But, it is a hardening against the living God! You should be careful with yourself. You should cease to hold on to excuses day in and day out. You remind me of my grandfather. I recall he was very sick once and my father had to take him to the doctor. But, my grandfather hated to wash and did not wish to take a bath. So, my father said that unless he took a bath, he wouldn’t take him to the doctor. My father called for some help and dragged him to the bath. He almost died! He fought back and it was very difficult for my father to get him thoroughly washed and presentable. This is a true story. Now, it seems you need to be forced to wash yourself in the blood of Jesus that way.
DIRTY_C: Everything was going so smooth these last moments of our talk. It was a long time since you last offended me that way. Now you’re starting it again, especially now that I had been understanding these things much better.
CLEAN_C: I am sure you won’t feel offended any longer if you decide to cleanse your whole life thoroughly. You shouldn’t carry on postponing these matters. You will understand all of this after repenting. You do not need to understand them before confessing all your sins, one by one. You may understand them anytime! Please, make up your mind quickly! You might be running out of time.
DIRTY_C: I will try not to feel hurt anymore. It doesn’t matter. I feel left out by God anyway. Let’s carry on please. Our conversation was a blessing to me today. So, are we chosen and selected before we are saved as well as after?
CLEAN_C: I believe we are, yes. But, we should mark what we are chosen for. Many say they have been chosen to go to heaven. But, reading carefully what Paul wrote about it all, especially in the book of Ephesians, we see that he says we have been chosen to live and to experience a holy life here on earth – a life of glory right here on earth. "He chose us, in Him, before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in his presence", Eph.1:4. It is different from the perspective of going to heaven, only. We are chosen to be holy. “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that having denied ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live discreetly, righteously and godly, in this present world”, Tit.2:11-12.
DIRTY_C: I understand. In your view, God does not choose some people above others then?
CLEAN_C: No, He doesn’t. He chooses, but not above others. He chooses some who will learn to save others. God saves many through these chosen ones. Paul said, it all happened so as “to preach the gospel beyond you”, 2Cor.10:16. That is what I believe about this whole issue. But, I know there is a lot more about this kind of wisdom which I don’t understand that clearly yet. It is a kind of wise scheme planned in all details to save every lost soul.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
DIRTY_C: Can I carry on sinning if I am saved?
CLEAN_C: What are you saved from if you carry on sinning?
DIRTY_C: I thought I would never go to hell if I am saved, even when I sin again. Being saved for me means I am going to heaven to live with God forever. It must be a wonderful experience! I would hate myself if I ever got lost. I think I would blame God for it as well.
CLEAN_C: Well, I think you don’t have the correct vision about salvation at all. What kind of salvation is this that saves only from hell? Genuine salvation saves us from sin.
DIRTY_C: You want me to be fully honest about this?
CLEAN_C: I wouldn’t want anything else!
DIRTY_C: Sometimes I feel certain doubts about this whole issue of being saved. I can’t think of myself as saved sometimes. I don’t know, but it bothers me greatly. There are strong doubts that hit me hard. The worst about it all is that I don’t know how to answer those doubts. Some days I really doubt that I will ever sing in heaven with the angels and live around there forever.
CLEAN_C: If even people who are right with God can be hit by a sharp arrow of a poisonous doubt, how much more those who aren’t right with God! However, in case you don’t enter heaven, it shall be only because you have not been saved of something else here on earth. There must be some sin from which you have not been saved. We cannot afford to die in our sins. Hell is not what we are saved from. Hell is just the place where unsaved people will go to and heaven is the place where already saved people shall go. Hell is a horrible place of inner emptiness. If, however, we are indeed saved from our sins and from self, there is nothing hell can do to rob you out of heaven!
DIRTY_C: You believe I have solid reasons to have these doubts? Should I doubt this way, then?
CLEAN_C: If we doubt when we need to doubt - if we doubt a lie for example - surely those kinds of doubts are good. Those doubts are faith. A heart which believes truth causes us to doubt lies easily. However, we cannot doubt truth. If we do, it means we believe lies. If you can doubt lies, you are a believer.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean by that? If I doubt, how can I be a believer?
CLEAN_C: A liar or a sinner shall always breed doubts about truth and shall have a inclination to rely upon lies. A truthful, saved man shall be the opposite of that: he shall be inclined to believe truth and be doubtful every time a lying arrow hits his heart.
DIRTY_C: How so? This is confusing for me.
CLEAN_C: Whoever believes truth easily, will doubt any lie just as easily. It will depend what kind of heart we have and whether we walk with God or not. I can agree that a doubt towards any lie isn’t yet a firm stand against it. But, it is a good thing to be able to doubt a lie. It is a good thing to start with. Doubting, however, is wavering and wavering can cause us to balance between two thoughts – sometimes, between opposing thoughts! One can say that, at least, doubting a lie is not the same as believing it. Neither is it the same as doubting a truth.
DIRTY_C: The only thing that happens to me is that I fear to be deceived about many things. Suppose I believe I am on my way to heaven and when I come to judgment day I am thrown out? I wouldn’t want that to happen to me!
CLEAN_C: I understand. However, even if I understand what you mean, it is true that if truth abounds in you, if God’s life overflows from inside, you can’t possibly breed doubts in your heart concerning heaven and hell. You will just know where you are heading to, and by living with God in the proper fullness He promised, takes all fear away. It is good that you are aware of these doubts now. It gives you a reason to fix your life the way you should fix it. It also gives you time to do so. However, you cannot remain in those doubts. The assurance God gives is much stronger than any doubt. It is so assuring that you can look any doubt in eyes and face it openly. On the other hand, if you are drowning at sea you cannot breed doubts about the dry tree or the board that is floating nearby, even if hits your head. You must be able to trust what comes to rescue you. You cannot doubt it only because it hits you.
DIRTY_C: How could anyone have doubts if a dry tree hits you at high sea?
CLEAN_C: That is what I have been trying to put through to you. You cannot doubt God and neither His words only because they hit you. The Bible says, “Yet they did not listen to Me, nor bow down their ear, but hardened their neck”. “I struck you … yet you did not turn to Me, says the Lord…”. “For the people do not turn to Him who strikes them, nor do they seek the Lord of Hosts”. It is good that you breed doubts against drowning, but not against the piece of wood that strikes you. In fact, you should ask yourself if drowning in sin is what you have been created for. Can you afford to walk on with a stained conscience having Jesus so close by to cleanse you from it thoroughly? Why resent conviction if you are not clean yet? Unclean people are lost people and lost people should feel lost and not assured.
DIRTY_C: Now you are aiming at me again. It seems every time I say something, you turn my own words against me. I like talking to you, but every time I go away from you I have more doubts and fewer assurances. Your assured attitude also annoys me.
CLEAN_C: I am sure you would feel assured by my words were your heart and life clean and spotless. You cannot afford to carry on living without making sure about what God has to say concerning your life. Can you? There is no reason for you to carry on doubting these matters. I am forced to believe there are certain things you wish to hold on to, or which you will not give up for the sake of eternal life; or maybe you are afraid to reveal certain sins to people and to God. It seems to me the kind of doubts you are having are not mere temptations to doubt truth at all. It seems it is a deeper problem, a serious one. I usually say it is a root problem. I think your house is crumbling down because its foundations are very weak. If a tree has problems in its roots, you cannot look at it the same way you look at it when it has a problem in its leaves only. A sickness in the roots of a tree is very bad and kills the tree. You might have a root problem.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean it seems I have a root problem?
CLEAN_C: The kind of salvation Jesus planned for us does not deal with our external problems only. It solves many things deep within us. It heals the roots. Jesus Himself said, “Blind Pharisee! First cleanse the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of them may be clean also”, Mat.23:26. When our deepest being is treated, surely the appearances shall also change naturally. However, you cannot afford to change the appearances only because it is possible to change appearances only. Jesus will call you a hypocrite if you do that! However, if your heart becomes truthful, it is obvious your mouth shall be taken to express itself in a truthful way as well. The problem must be dealt at the roots of your being. It is there where the healings must occur first. Only then may we ever think of applying the new life outwardly. The fact is that unless God dwells deep in us, our being becomes sick because it cannot live without God and without His fullness. And if we hide any past sin; or hold on to any present sin; or fear to ask for forgiveness to anyone, God shall be absent from our inner being. And our inner being changes only by having God very close to it. If we cleanse our lives thoroughly, God shall return to His throne, which is to say, our hearts.
DIRTY_C: But, don’t we have bad roots in Adam’s sin? How can it be healed?
CLEAN_C: We are still what God created us to be. The knowledge of sin and evil, the experiencing of it in everyday life is what takes many people to believe we are no according to God’s image anymore. However, I believe we are like a mill. If we put stones in a mill, it shall grind stones and we get sand; if we put wheat and corn in it, it shall grind wheat and corn. Our hearts work much the same way. Besides, man is evil only because Goodness (God) has left him. If God returns into us in His fullness, surely things start changing again because we shall grind goodness and love. This is why God says “Come back” when He talks about repentance. It is the absence of God which turns man to evil.
DIRTY_C: I understand. You mean that if God is far off, then we shall believe lies because we are liars by trying to live on as if nothing serious happened having God absent. Is that what you mean?
CLEAN_C: Yes, in part that is what I mean. Because you cannot think of yourself as a liar, you shall not plead guilty at the judgment your conscience sets up against you. The fact that people believe the best things about themselves only shows they have been created with goodness inside them. For example, people never think they shall ever die. They don’t live as if they can die the next moment. It so happens because people have been created with the notion of eternity inside them. “He has made everything beautiful in His time; also He has set eternity in their heart”, Ecc.3:11. However, sin has taken over the creation that man is and is using it against him. Man is lied unto by his own heart. This is why faith can’t be mere believing, but rather believing truth. The natural ability to believe must be turned into the ability to believe truth.
DIRTY_C: I think I understand what you mean.
CLEAN_C: In other words, you may find yourself a reliable person, a truthful being and, yet, you might be lying to yourself. Many postpone confessing their sins because they simply don’t believe they can die or that they are bad. People live as if they won’t die right away. That is why we should attend funerals sometimes and ask ourselves how many of them thought they would die and be buried. It shall make us wise. Man simply postpones, avoids or fights against exposing His own sins and will rather highlight others’ sins and the dangers others incur. Man just doesn’t believe of himself the same things he is capable of believing of others. Man just can’t think he is the one who must be saved from his sins. In fact, we must expose our sins, failures and whatever needs to be lighted. We should be transparent all the time, whether we are good or bad. Hiding was the first instinct Adam and Eve had. So, exposing must be the first thing we must do to get saved and fully restored. Sin, when hit by a powerful light, simply dies on the spot along with its guilt. No sin is ever able to resist such a death if it is thoroughly and fully exposed. And if temptations to sin come, we must know sin won’t survive in a heart which is naturally transparent and wholly in the light where all can be seen.
DIRTY_C: You mean, I must put everything in the light to have a chance to overcome every sin in me? I must do the opposite of what Adam did?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. And if you do the opposite of what Adam did, you can no more say you are like Adam, can you? Then, by the fruit that sort of life bears we shall assuredly know we are saved from sin. I agree it is rather strange to people at first, especially to those who have never lived in the light that way, by being themselves all the time. It could happen that they resent light in the first stages of their new lives. It is not easy to live naturally in a way you are not used to and which you do not wish to trust. “Also, no one having drunk old wine immediately desires the new, for he says, ‘The old one is better’”, Luke 5:39. But, the lack of experience on goodness in man does not justify the rejection he makes. Saul ended up in hell long after he had experienced the fullness of God.
DIRTY_C: What is the new wine and the old wine Jesus talked about here?
CLEAN_C: Christ uses a figure of speech to explain better what really goes on inside a man in whom light has shined suddenly. He is talking about the old ways man has been used to and the new ways he must drink from by starting to be fully obedient. Christ talks about it as something that is really inside us and from which we must drink. It is something that is really there and does not need to be forced to be there. Any conduct should always be a mere expression of those inner realities that go on inside man. We should not look at light as accusations, but rather as salvation hitting us.
DIRTY_C: I understand. In your view, it is wrong to put on a smile on our face if our hearts are not smiling. You mean it is wrong to force ourselves to be something we aren’t for real. Is that it? Is it so wrong? My pastor says we must try harder and harder to love when we cannot love the right way.
CLEAN_C: It is very bad to be a hypocrite. However, if you are pure inside, there won’t be anything wrong with trying to live it out fully. However, it is not the same thing as forcing a conduct you should have naturally. Lying about what we are is what makes sin survive. If you are sinful, you must show what you really are. At least the great shame it brings upon you may cause you to seek out a solution for your sin. Sin cannot be seen as a problem without a solution while we are on earth in this present life. Paul talks a lot about becoming holy in this present life. That is what the good news is all about. However, we should never be ashamed to reveal our hearts fully if God is really at work in us. God renews us every moment we spent near Him and we should be able to trust the work is trying to accomplish within. Before being transformed, our minds have been thinking the way darkness has pressed upon us. Darkness is very demanding upon lost souls. It demands from people that they hide and die under that heavy yoke. It makes people weird, weary and tired. But, as soon as God starts to work in us, we should renew our minds about this to attain the truthful point of view concerning the revealing our whole heart and deeds. Our ways should change. We need not hide anymore. Everything is new. We should reconcile ourselves with a new reality which we do not need to hide as we did before. We should feel at home with light where all is exposed and visible. We should never again become ashamed to show and to reveal what is going on inside our hearts. Before light came to shine in us, we tried to be good or to look good while our hearts were bad. It tired us out because it is a stressful matter. It’s hard work to live a lie and to hide. It’s hard because we must always figure out ways to conceal ourselves or to look good so we wouldn’t be rejected. If God changes us for real - from deep inside our hearts - then trying to be good when we can easily afford to be ourselves is a big strain for our souls. It amounts to lying to ourselves about something we know. Imitating goodness when we have no need to do so, stands as the other woman for a married man. The new nature God gives us does not allow us to lie about ourselves anymore. It just doesn’t work that way and it can’t be blessed either. It means we are waiting for or trying to fabricate something we already have inside for free. It is a gift from faith. However, it must be real. It must be there for real.
DIRTY_C: Is that the will of God for every person in this world? Everyone should be that new?
CLEAN_C: Yes, of course. No one should be anything else but new. And the expectation of hope causes us to be changed from within rather than to force ourselves only to appear changed on the outside. Water flows naturally. The New Life flows just as naturally. No works shall ever achieve the perfection of being ourselves while in Christ - as long as we are found in Him for real. If we are separated from Him by any sin, we may not deceive ourselves to the point of believing we are in Him. That kind of expectation to receive from the Lord what He is - when He is real in us - will cause us to fly high and be so light we won’t feel any yoke on us anymore. But, it must be real.
DIRTY_C: I am stunned with the amount of things you are saying and which make sense to me. So, what is salvation all about then? I don’t wish to be confused about this because my pastor does not have the same views you have. My head is whining and I am wavering between two different points of view. There is some knot in my mind I am unable to untie. Please, help me.
CLEAN_C: Someone said once all we need to do to have that knot untied, is to sit still so God can work freely and unhindered to loosen the knot we have made. Then shall we come to the conclusion that He is God indeed. Anyway, Jesus warned that you might not love the new wine at first. And one of the reasons for us not to like the new wine at first is to have a higher regard for the opinions of someone we respect than we have of God’s words of truth. You should make an effort, at first, to drink that wine. Later on, it shall become a natural thing to do so. Your spirit shall agree with it sooner or later. Obedience makes our hearts assured about truth. Obeying lies causes the opposite effect on us. Don’t allow the old mind and the old ways to distract your mind with deriving thoughts and doubts. If you can try to do this and to put it all into practice, you shall easily know how easy it is to fulfil God’s laws and commandments. “If your eye (the way you see things) causes you to stumble, pluck it off and throw it far from you”.
DIRTY_C: I will try!
CLEAN_C: It seems that God saves people who already consider themselves as His people. It says in the Bible God saves “His people” from sin.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean? Aren’t His people already saved ones?
CLEAN_C: You sound like Nicodemus asking things which should already be easy for you to understand at this point! When the angel appeared to Joseph, the husband of Mary, he said God would save His people. We also read that Jesus so loved the world that whosoever believes in Him should not get lost. It means they should be saved after that and not get lost. They can be lost.
DIRTY_C: And why does the Bible says God came to save the whole world? Does it mean I still belong to the world? Or do I still need to be saved?
CLEAN_C: Jesus is able to save the whole world. But, it does not mean the whole world shall be saved, since we are saved from the world itself. We are saved from it. That shall happen if we become His people. Then God takes us from there into full salvation.
DIRTY_C: What does Jesus save us from then? Oh, the knot is getting bigger and tighter! It seems you don’t allow me to think I am already saved – not even for a moment!
CLEAN_C: I agree people have many strange views about this whole issue. Some of these views are even based on what they understand of the Bible. It is not what I am saying that is confusing you at all. The thoughts you had about it is what is confusing you mostly. The old wine is still attracting to you. You need to start to listen to God for a change.
DIRTY_C: Please, carry on. Don’t worry about the knot in my mind. I will try to be quiet so it loosens a bit.
CLEAN_C: If you enquire from the Lord about this, you shall hear the same things in a better way. You shall hear about it in a way you shall easily understand. But, do not dare to see it as accusations. Then, it shall be a confirmation to you that what I am trying to tell you is true. Jesus teaches us for real. You should rely on that and have faith in Him. Rather believe Him. There is no pastor like Him. Fulfillers of the Bible often believe the Bible does not need interpreters or interpretations. The truth shall be understood easily enough by anyone who obeys promptly. The Bible shall make sense to them and to them only. It will a explanation of what is already happening inside them.
DIRTY_C: Ok, I got you. You are trying to tell me I should obey no matter what. You are aiming at me again. I understand. It is true I don’t always understand the Bible very well and neither am I in a state to obey it promptly. Maybe you are right. I should be obedient to it rather than be a mere enquirer after truth. It feels good to me to question everything you say because I can understand it better afterwards. You explain better when I bother you.
CLEAN_C: I am so glad you question everything!
DIRTY_C: Please, explain more to me.
CLEAN_C: I will try. It is very easy to taste truth. May God help us. Let us see if God is able to untie the knot you have made.
DIRTY_C: I surely hope He can!
CLEAN_C: First of all, Jesus saves those who already believe on Him. It means He saves His people. It does not mean those who believe in Him are saved, but rather that they shall be saved. If you believe a synagogue or a church more than Him, it is not the same as believing Him. It can’t be.
DIRTY_C: But, the churches talk about God, don’t they?
CLEAN_C: Surely they do. It is only expected that they do. The unexpected part is the devil is allowed in as a member in most churches nowadays. He takes people to dance, to flirt and to believe whatever they want. Jesus said “Follow Me”. He did not say follow a certain doctrine or a specific church. Unless you follow Him for real, you won’t make it. You might even follow Him into a church, but you can never afford to miss the whole point and not follow Him.
DIRTY_C: I see.
CLEAN_C: Concerning salvation and having in mind that only those who believe in Him can be saved of any kind of sin or temptation in the present and in the future, we must ask openly what He saves from. We should never dare to merely accept a general, undefined kind of salvation. Jesus saves specifically from sin. He saves believers from sin. We shall be made free by experiencing what He is. That truthful reality shall make us free of anything – of any kind of bondage one can think of! The order of events is: faith and then freedom and salvation. If the whole idea of being saved should ever start to make sense to any of us, we should see for ourselves what Jesus saves us from. The salvation He offers is a unique kind of salvation from self, from the world and from sin. We cease to be slaves through the knowledge of God and by experiencing Jesus and truth for real. That shall happen only through a genuine experience of the fullness of God Himself. He needs to be inside us for real and, also, to walk with us as we eat, sleep or talk. Whatever we do, should be done through Him.
DIRTY_C: Where in the Bible do we read it is from sin we are saved?
CLEAN_C: In many places of it. I believe that is the issue that the Bible mostly talks about. In the beginning of the New Testament we read about it expressly: “He shall save His people from their sins”, Mat. 1:21. Our sins are the things we mainly need to be saved from. They are responsible for the lack of inner peace, for the lack of love, for the lack of faith and even for the lack of real hope in us. They are also responsible for the presence of false hopes we may still entertain. If we are not saved from all our sins - if it does not happen for real - we shall always be doubting and lifeless.
DIRTY_C: You know, I don’t like the way you talk to me and yet, as we speak on, I feel some strange peace trying to take over my soul and I am not used to this kind of peace. Can you explain that to me?
CLEAN_C: Have you ever heard about the Kingdom of Heaven or the Kingdom of God coming to people?
DIRTY_C: Jesus used to say: “Repent, for the Kingdom of God has come”.
CLEAN_C: Yes. That means heaven is knocking at you door. It is from there that strange peace comes, to invite you into it. It means the Kingdom of God is at hand and you must grab the opportunity which is being given to you. It is very near you. Anyway, it is only a mere taste of the real thing. You are just experiencing a mere smell of it.
DIRTY_C: According to you I haven’t cleansed my life yet. Why would I feel it if I have not cleansed it?
CLEAN_C: When you smell food, it does not mean you are eating or tasting it already. I believe what you are experiencing is just the smell or the tasty peace God is willing to grant. It might be an invitation to have it. We know the smell of food does not fill anyone. Sometimes God does that, even though it doesn't always work that way. God can invite us in through the taste of what is ahead of us, to grant it to us in case we repent. God says, “Come in”, or, “Run in for your life”!
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: You may be drawn by God towards peace by smelling it beforehand. However, you may also be drawn away from hell and inner turmoil by experiencing how it feels to be permanently separated from God. God may draw Himself away from you in such a way that you feel so sick you wish to die. Both are meant to lead you further into the Kingdom of God. They are both invitations for you to clean up the mess you have made in your life at once. God does not always give that taste of peace because most people become content with very little and they search for no more than that. They become content with nothing. You shouldn’t be happy with the invitation, but rather that you eat at the table of peace. Most people enjoy listening. Yet, what makes a real difference is obedience and not learning how it works. Anyway, I believe what you might be experiencing now is like smelling some good food when you are very hungry. Smelling it is not eating it at all. Smelling it makes you hungrier for it than ever before and causes you to be less satisfied with the state of your life.
DIRTY_C: How can I eat the whole dish then? It feels so good and so tasty I feel I want more.
CLEAN_C: It is tasty yes, and you should eat of it instead of only smelling it from afar. Come near. This is why the Bible talks so much about entering into the rest of God and also talks about a kind of rest which is still there for the people of God, Heb.4:9. You consider yourself a child of God, don't you? This chapter of the book of Hebrews talks quite extensively about people not getting into it because they want to carry on sinning. Many will dare to enter if they only think their sins will come along and if their ways can be maintained in the Kingdom they are invited to. And it doesn’t work that way. It is the way of God and not ours we must follow. It is either His way or none at all. We cannot decide how it shall be, but only God can.
DIRTY_C: But, you believe I can get in and eat from that kind of peace and love?
CLEAN_C: You must get in yes. Of course you may get in. It is your duty to come in. It isn’t a question of whether you can at all. You must get in, whatever it costs. That’s the main reason why peace is calling on you. If it is calling upon you, you must surely go in without delay. That peace which you might be experiencing now is not the real thing yet – it is an open invitation for you to come in and have more. Many believe they are saved only because they become content with what you are experiencing right now. Afterwards, the devil will use them to spread false gospels.
DIRTY_C: I understand what you mean.
CLEAN_C: The good smell of love and peace attracts us to it. It works much like a pleasant person presenting himself to you: that person must show a little of his heart to you. But, it doesn’t mean you are intimate with him already. By having a taste of what it is all about, we are invited into heaven and all its virtues. We cannot possibly mistake it for anything else. Many think of heaven as a place where we can get all without being cleansed. And this peace - in its fullness - is a direct consequence of purity. What you are experiencing now is a fulfilment of what Jesus said: “And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all to Myself”, John 12:32. He is just attracting you to Him. He is drawing you to Him. You should hurry towards Him. “Blessed is the one whom You cause to come near You”, Ps.65:4. You are blessed. Please, do not despise this blessedness!
DIRTY_C: Is that what is happening?
CLEAN_C: Well, it is one of the ways how it happens. Jesus uses many other means to call people unto Him. Sometimes, he gives people a strong odour of hell so they will flee from wrath. It works with some people. Either way, Jesus is simply using the truth about it all to cause people to come to Him as quickly as they possibly can. Some other times, a few miracles or signs call the attention of people towards deeper truths, even though many stay at the miracles and will not enter deep into those truths because miracles has a astonishing effect upon them. "...Be not dismayed...", Jos.1:9. There is no limit to the means He is able to use to talk sense into people. A good look into hell and its horrors works very well sometimes. God uses pieces or smells of truth to redirect your full attention towards the whole of many truths.
DIRTY_C: I think that if Jesus did give me a real smell of hell, I would be paralyzed to death. I wouldn’t even think of repenting! I think I would be simply too shocked to repent.
CLEAN_C: That’s what you think! Jesus usually does something He knows will work out quite well and which shall bring some fruit back to Him. Besides, He only uses truth to show us further truth. It won’t matter if people get scared since it is the truth.
DIRTY_C: I would prefer the smell of heaven to attract me, surely. I hope He will never show me how hell is like! Will He?
CLEAN_C: There you are again! You are asking God to use the means which allow you to carry on with your old life! I don’t believe you wish to forsake sin at all. Why would you be scared of hell if you believe you are going to heaven?
DIRTY_C: Do you think I am scared of hell only because I don’t want to forsake sin?
CLEAN_C: I think so, yes. It happens to everyone who will rather imitate truth to avoid being truthful for real and permanently. People who do not wish to follow truth in a practical way are the ones who would like to be able to choose the means by which they are drawn to be converted. Usually, such people love to meditate on truth very much, and to talk about it and even preach to others. But, they won’t easily be made doers of the truth. Dreaming about truth and heaven is not the same thing as living of it. All those who dream about being truthful are not truthful yet or they wouldn’t be dreaming about it.
DIRTY_C: I see.
CLEAN_C: A false hope can’t be real hope. And what turns a hope or faith false is to deny to experience it in a truthful way. It is most convenient to sinners to dream about truth and heaven for two reasons: it gives them false hopes and makes them believe they are good enough to be with God or that God will accept them unchanged. They won’t feel any need to change rapidly. I have seen people approving and even encouraging others to give back stolen things. Yet, they themselves wouldn’t ask for forgiveness for anything they have committed against others. They delight in hearing about how others did it, though. They love to hear testimonies of converted people. However, it will work only out in your life when you go back to people and to God to give them what you owe them or may have taken from them. Praising the attitude is never enough. The world needs to see how your conscience is being cleansed. People around us need to see how it is done. If you were not ashamed or afraid to sin, you shouldn't be afraid or ashamed of doing the right thing for a change? “Therefore whoever shall be ashamed of Me and of My Words in this adulterous and sinful generation, I shall also be ashamed of him”, Mk.8:38.
DIRTY_C: Now, you are speaking the truth! I would feel very bad to go back to people to give them back things I have stolen from them. Not that I have stolen, but it would be a big trial to me, personally. I remember something I have taken, as a child, from a store of a man who is a friend of my mother. I took sweets from there. How would my mother feel had she known the whole thing? It would be just as humiliating for her as it would be for me.
CLEAN_C: No one may ever hide a city in a mountain. Besides, if that’s what you have done, that’s what needs to be repaired, whatever it costs you or others. It doesn’t matter if it hurts people who reason according to the flesh. Truth is good for anyone. There is no better thing in this present life than to cleanse ourselves thoroughly. At least, it will be set as an example and people would see the way of light. They would come to know how things ought to be done. It shall be a practical example to them.
DIRTY_C: Allow me to ask you an honest question: Is there any way we can avoid going back to people? Is it possible to skip it? I mean, is it really needed to hurt others because we have sinned? If they don’t know about it, why should we go back to them?
CLEAN_C: It is not a question whether they know about it or not, but rather if your conscience is cleansed or not. I am sure there is no other way to go about it. You can’t find peace unless you put all your sins in the light where anyone can see them. If you have sinned, you must clean up the mess you have done. Nothing in this world may ever cause you to waver between good and bad. What must be done, we must do it at once. We cannot avoid the right way if we wish to be right and, also, if we are to be right with God. Jesus almost never used the word “hurry” in His teachings. In fact, there are places in the Bible where we read that to make haste is sin. But, when He spoke about fixing our lives and revealing our bad deeds, He used the word “Hurry”. He said: “Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are in the way with him”, Mat.5:25.
DIRTY_C: I see. Is that only what you believe or is it the truth?
CLEAN_C: The pain or the sadness of a moment should never hinder you from doing what you ought to do. Humiliation is not a bad thing. God says we should humble ourselves and He wouldn’t require it from us if it was a bad thing to do. Besides, what will God do to you if, when He comes, He finds something in your possession which does not belong to you? And there is another thing we should keep in mind: Judgment Day will reveal everything we have done and thought, anyway. If that day shall reveal all to everyone around, why not start right now? Let's bring ourselves to judgment! It shall be known anyway! We cannot avoid it happening. And we would better start right away.
DIRTY_C: You mean that every person in this wide world will be able to see everything I have done so far? How can God do such a thing to me?
CLEAN_C: He won’t do it only to you. Even angels shall be judged that way. No one will ever avoid it being done that way because we shall be judged by Light. God is light. If He is to judge us and if He is light, every piece of thought and deed shall become visible. The Lord cannot avoid being Light. God will ask you “Why have you done this seeing it would be revealed?” We should walk and talk in such a way that we shouldn’t fear the coming of that day. In fact, we should look forward to it. It should sound like good news to us. The best way to go about it is to be judged right now. We should put all things in the light in such a way that it must feel we are already in Judgment Day. “For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged”, 1 Cor.11:31.
DIRTY_C: Why? Why should I do it that way? Why expose it now? It is better to postpone it if it is to be done anyway! Why must I show to everyone around all I have done? Why must everyone see it now? Why would people see me as a bad person if there is no need for that?
CLEAN_C: I am not saying everyone should know about it now. But, those people you have wronged should know about it. And, what is so wrong by having others know about it? So what? Let them know we are cleaning our lives! It will do them good to have a practical example of how it ought to be done. Do you remember the woman people wanted to stone to death because she had been caught in adultery? Everyone knew about it, and yet, she was never condemned. Each person there learned something from the whole situation. Even we are still learning from it. If you have stolen, you must give back, even if what has been stolen was the honour of someone. If you did things in darkness, you must now push them into the light and do the opposite of hiding and of covering up. It must be an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth in the opposite direction. You must do the opposite of it now. Jesus said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness”. The righteous thing to do when you have stolen is to give it back or, at least, to ask for forgiveness if you have already squandered it away and you are not able to pay it back. You seek to be righteous right from the start! You did not feel ashamed to sleep with your neighbour’s wife – why would you be ashamed of doing the right thing now? It must be an eye for an eye!
DIRTY_C: There you are pointing at me again! It is so sad that you always point at me. The only thing you wish is to break me down and to do it speedily.
CLEAN_C: No, I don’t think that is what is happening at all. Perhaps, what I am doing is trying to build you up. Your conscience points at you and you believe it is me who is doing so. You should never conceal yourself behind lies. It is not the righteousness of God which cause us to protect ourselves against healing. Hiding does not come from above. You should never feel sorry for yourself, not even when accusations are false. Usually, accusations (true or false) cease when self-defense ceases.
DIRTY_C: But, I only feel sorry for myself because it is an amazingly hard task to do carry out, if we are to do things the way you say they ought to be done! Can you understand me?
CLEAN_C: Your fears are unfounded. You need not fear to be put in the light the right way. If you, indeed, wish to go to heaven, you must get used to the ways things are done there. The heart you have now will go along with you when you die. If you hate light now, you shall not feel comfortable with it then. You must change now or God will hit you with a curse because you do not love His light when He comes.
DIRTY_C: There is no sin in heaven. So, there is nothing to hide there. There it shall be easy.
CLEAN_C: You are misusing truth now. The proper attitude is have it all in the light; in fact, to be light ourselves is what is demanded from us, whatever it costs and wherever we are. You cannot think you have the right to hide only because your deeds are bad. In fact, it should be a greater reason to expose when they are bad. No one has any right to call upon permission to hide. Hiding is never an option to God. It shouldn’t be to us either. Perhaps, it could have worked some other way if Adam and Eve hadn’t preferred to hide behind those leaves. And if hiding was their first instinct after sinning, surely the opposite is the first thing to do in the way back. Revealing is the way back if hiding was the way to move away from the truth and from God. Besides, if things separate us from God, we won’t live because God is real Life. We must be truthful! We must choose the way of truth! “And justice is driven back, and justice stands afar off; for truth has fallen in the street, and right cannot enter. Yea, truth fails. And the Lord saw, and it displeased Him”, Is.59:14,15.
DIRTY_C: But, what is justice all about then? I always understood justice as something which avenges bad deeds and mischief. I cannot see hell as justice, though.
CLEAN_C: Justice also condemns, yes. Righteousness does that. But, when God talks about us seeking righteousness, it means we are to seek to be righteous the way He is righteous. If we are to be justified, we need to be righteous people. The Bible mentions the “righteous” many times. We must seek to be righteous. Justice does not condemn righteousness in the inner parts. It shall uphold it. And by walking with Christ we ensure the continuance of that sort of living forever. If we really see Christ as He is, we shall become like Him by assimilating what He really is, step by step, going from glory to glory. It really works that way! We cannot but be transformed by enjoying His presence.
DIRTY_C: I thought to seek justice is to seek the vengeance of the deeds someone committed against us! Here, in this world, we have an idea of justice which is much linked to police, courts and judges.
CLEAN_C: That’s true. But, there shall be a Judgement day, also. However, when God says we must seek justice or His righteousness, He means that we seek to be righteous and not vengeance. It doesn’t mean we should seek justice against anyone, but rather that we be righteous people. It is like when the love of God is poured into us: it is not love for ourselves, but it is love for us to love through. When God grants righteousness, love and faith, it means we are to become righteous, loving and believing. We should never expect to be loved or to be believed, but rather love and believe.
DIRTY_C: The way people understand justice is rather confusing then. I am a little confused about it myself.
CLEAN_C: We hear a lot about justification. Justification does not mean that we are justified the way the world understands it. The world sees it as someone being excused of something. But, it only means that we are made just and righteous people. Christ is righteous. If we meet Him face to face for real, and if we become one with Him, we shall be made righteous ourselves. It all works through Him. Grace accomplishes that in willing people. That is the kind of justice we should seek to have in us. It is a kind of righteousness which bubbles out from the inside and runs over towards the outside. Then, we learn how to use Light’s weapons and ways by dealing with it every day of our lives and by refusing to have it done any other way. By living with Christ, we should use the same weapons He uses. “The Word of Truth, in the power of God, through the weapons of righteousness on the right hand and on the left”, 2Cor.6:7.
DIRTY_C: And will it work out with me as well?
CLEAN_C: Of course it shall! Christ would never promise something which He Himself would not be able to fulfil. The only thing He demands from us is that we look to Him through the new eyes He grants. In the world, we used to look at him through the eyes of the world as if He would sustain our worldliness. Christ is not fleshly that we should be selfish about His ways and things. Our visions about righteousness and love and faith should be as heavenly as they are real. They should be changed. God’s love is poured into us so we should become love ourselves. If it must happen, it must be real. We cannot skip the reality of it if we are to love as God loves. We have to think as eternal beings after we meet with Christ in a real way. By rejecting eternal life’s ways, we shall surely reject eternal life itself. And by rejecting eternal life, God will grant us eternal death as a reward. It shall be an eye for an eye of what we rejected.
DIRTY_C: I still can’t see it as fair. I don’t know the whole truth about it, though! Why would I be punished that way?
CLEAN_C: The little peace you are trying to experience is enough evidence against you. Aren’t you being invited to go into His kingdom? In fact, you are being invited to enter into God Himself. Why would you allow stubbornness to deprive you of that greater experience of the fullness of God which He grants freely to anyone who obeys Him?
DIRTY_C: I don’t know. I think it is not fair to condemn me eternally.
CLEAN_C: You have sinned, right? The salary one gets for sinning is according to the rule of heaven and not according to ours. Besides, disagreeing with it won’t change a thing. What is righteous to do is fair. You want an advice from me? There is still a long way ahead of you. You’d better start fixing your life right now or you might not be able to finish it.
DIRTY_C: How can hell be a just reward for us? It makes me angry to think eternal burning is what every person gets as a reward for sinning.
CLEAN_C: Being angry is just one more excuse not to fix your life immediately. Blaming God won’t change the law He must fulfil Himself. If you reject eternal life by sinning, you will have a condemnation which is according to what you have rejected as a reward.
DIRTY_C: And there is something else I can’t understand as well. It is said it is eternal death, right? If it is death why aren’t we dead there? I mean, how will we be burning if we are dead? If we burn and suffer we won’t be dead, right? I don’t understand that! Oh, how I wish I could stop thinking about these things! Maybe, I should give it all up.
CLEAN_C: Giving up is just another form of resistance. Giving up is resisting. Many people will rather give up than change. They prefer it the hard way. Giving up amounts to saying, “I will rather give up than change!” That’s what it is. Because resistance is strong, people give up. If things rolled according to what man wishes, he wouldn’t wish to give up at all. Many people believe that those who give up are weaklings. In fact, they are not that weak at all. They are resisting. They are quite strong and stubborn. Giving up is the last resource people often use against a change and against God.
DIRTY_C: You are aiming at me again, aren’t you? You should feel sorry for me! Instead, you keep attacking me!
CLEAN_C: God does not feel sorry for people who would rather give up than change. If He doesn’t, why should I? It is a harder way to give up than to change. Changing is much easier. Yet, people prefer to have it the hard way. People breed this vain idea that God will feel sorry for them whenever they think of giving up. Giving up is blackmailing God. I believe God becomes angrier when we give up. Giving up means people will deny accepting mercy because it changes them. Giving up is tempting God, since it says to God: “Can’t you see I need my sin? I am so miserable without my sin and I will rather give up than live without it!” God won’t accept that as a valid argument. Any argument against life is never valid in His eyes. “God is angry against sinners every day”. That is what the Bible says. We can’t change His mind through giving up.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean it makes God angrier when we think of giving up?
CLEAN_C: The more we wish to give up the more we are defending sin and the flesh. It just shows God is working hard against the flesh to exterminate it once and for all, to have it annihilated forever, and we won’t allow Him to complete His work. Giving up on God is an annoying way to defend the flesh against its crucifying by God. That’s the work He came to do. Many people go on strike and some even on a hunger strike. They refuse to eat till they are heard. Some others go on a Life strike – they refuse to have life if their demands are not met. “And you will not come to Me that you might have life”, John 5:40. People fight to death for their love towards self. They should be fighting towards living instead.
DIRTY_C: It reminds me of people fighting for the love of their life.
CLEAN_C: Yes, they fight for the love they have towards death. Christ said, however, that only those who lose their lives shall gain it. If you would rather give up than lose your life, it just shows how much you are resisting. People fight for their sinfulness as hard as they can. They even wish to believe many lies with the express purpose of holding on to what they still are. Christ is trying to crucify the flesh and it the flesh is refusing to die at any cost. Giving up is a way out. It is a last resource to avoid being crucified with Christ. It is a huge illusion to think Christ will feel sorry for the flesh when people give up. Love towards self won’t have the power to call upon the mercy of God. Mercy is there specifically to free us from that sort of self-care and not to uphold it. The amount of love a sinner has towards self is the amount of love he should have for God.
DIRTY_C: Even so, I can’t agree with hell. Heaven is good, though. I would love to go to heaven.
CLEAN_C: Hell is the righteous, proportional measure for rejecting eternal life. Sin rejects life and because it does so, it shall have a correspondent kind of death. You cannot believe that because you hate the idea of hell, it won’t be righteous.
DIRTY_C: How can we see it as justice? What is it to die and suffer eternally? How can we suffer after we die? How can it be death if we suffer?
CLEAN_C: Let me try to explain again. If you reject eternal life, you should get a correspondent penalty for it. The righteous penalty for it is dying eternally. It means you shall be in a state of dying without being able to die, eternally. You shall experience a continual state of dying. You shall be dying eternally. Dying is not being dead, but it is a continual dying. You won’t be dead, but dying. You will be dying all the time since you rejected living all the time. If you reject the joy of heaven, you shall live the correspondent sorrow and pain of hell eternally. No one will ever come to an end in hell. Everyone in there shall always be in a process of dying. It shall be an eye for an eye of what we have rejected from the loving hands of God.
DIRTY_C: I am not rejecting heaven, am I? I already said I would love to go and stay there.
CLEAN_C: What you mean is that you wish to go to heaven and take along with you the sinful heart you hold on to. If you reject the ways of life, you are rejecting life as well. You can no longer hold on to sin if you wish to go to heaven.
DIRTY_C: And you are saying we shall always be dying and never die there?
CLEAN_C: That’s right. Christ said hell is a place where “where their worm dies not, and the fire is not quenched”, Mk.9:44.
DIRTY_C: How do you expect me to receive it as a righteous measure against sin?
CLEAN_C: It is justified, alright. Besides, it is a decree of God. No on can ever change that. You should think of cleansing your life instead of trying to change God’s mind about sin and hell. He won’t change. If you change your whole life, the decree against you will change from eternal death to eternal life. You won’t experience the emptiness one usually experiences away from God and which shall only be ten times worse in hell. I believe that sort of emptiness, there, is worse than the fire of hell itself.
DIRTY_C: I cannot agree with you about this. I surely hope you are wrong about this whole issue of hell. You make me scared. You are talking about it as if it shall really happen to me! Your assurance about it drives me crazy!
CLEAN_C: How can I not be sure about something that shall happen indeed? You should be thankful God is granting you a taste of heaven and hell in your present state of mind! If you feel the absence of peace, be sure that it is because you have been delaying cleansing your whole heart. What is coming shall be very real, anyway. It won’t be a mere perception of things, as you are experiencing now. It shall be the real thing then. You have the perception and the knowledge of eternity inside your heart now. You know it is for real. What scares you is what you know is true and not my assurance. “He has set eternity in their heart”, Ecc.3:11. You know eternity is there. However angry it makes you to think about the reality of what lies ahead, try to remember that the peace you are experiencing now is a sort of invitation to enter and the struggle is the smell of the emptiness one experiences in hell. It is not the real thing yet. Don’t trust it as eternal possession, but rather as an invitation to have God in an abundant way. You should take that invitation seriously and dare to let have God dealing His way with you. What you taste is like a sign of times. You should be able to discern it. “When it is evening, you say, ‘Fair weather; for the sky is red’. And in the morning, ‘Foul weather today; for the sky is red and gloomy’. Hypocrites! You can discern the face of the sky, but you cannot discern the signs of the times?” Mat.16:2-3.
CLEAN_C: Sometimes it feels to me we have been talking in vain. You keep struggling with the same problem ever since we met for the first time. Your attitude causes a great deal of mixed feelings in me which I try hard not to pay attention to. It seems you just don’t see how urgent the cleansing of your soul is. Had you cleansed your life, we wouldn’t need to discuss all of this over and over again. Everything would be so different and things would make sense to you because you would be experiencing them yourself. “And they shall no more teach each man his neighbour and each man his brother, saying, Know the Lord; for they shall all know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sins no more”, Jer.31:34. You just need to be forgiven for sure to know about all these things. You must cleanse your life at once!
DIRTY_C: You aren’t, perhaps, becoming tired of me, are you? I love to listen to you! Please, don’t give up on me! I feel miserable enough already. I listen to you quite well. Please don’t give up on me.
CLEAN_C: Yes, you love to hear. “Yet they seek Me daily, and delight to know My ways, as a nation that did righteousness, and one who did not forget the ordinance of their God. They ask of Me the ordinances of justice; they take delight in drawing near to God, Is.58:1,2. Jesus did never condescend towards any person who resists truth. You ought to be doing the will of God by now, but you are still listening and listening. Christ supports whoever does what He says. One day you will wish to do something about it and your time might have run out. Esau cried for the blessing he had despised before, and it was too late for him. The Bible says grace passes by us. If we do not follow where it is leading, we won’t know if grace will repeat the offer ever again. You know, going away from God is not the only way to stop following Him. If you follow Him in a slower pace or in a unwilling mood you are not following Him as well. The same thing happens to those people who walk faster than the Lord is leading. It amounts to the same thing. “This people draw near Me with their mouth, and with their lips honour Me, but have removed their heart far from Me, and their fear toward Me is taught by the command of men”, Is.29:13. I believe they move away from God especially because they praise and glorify Him with their lips only.
DIRTY_C: I really want to glorify God! I sing hard in church, I enjoy my church. We even eat together at church and have some fun together. We are always doing something.
CLEAN_C: That can’t be a way to glorify God.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: “Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die!” Is that the way God is to be glorified? Paul told a church to assemble after having eaten at home because they went to church to eat there. We cannot go to church to eat and to have a good time with friends. We should go there to refill our hearts and not our stomachs.
DIRTY_C: We are just brothers and sisters who come together to read the Bible and to have a good time together.
CLEAN_C: It seems to me you come together for something else and the Bible is a pretext! I don’t have doubts about you being brothers and sisters since you seek the same things the same way! Perhaps, if there were no parties your brothers might stay at home. Perhaps you would also stay at home if there was no party.
DIRTY_C: Now you are being mean to me again and disrespectful to my brothers!
CLEAN_C: No, I am not. I believe I am speaking the truth now.
DIRTY_C: But, the way you say it hurts me. You shouldn't speak about us that way!
CLEAN_C: How, do you think, does God feel about you using food and fun to get together around the Bible? It is the Spirit who should be able to unite us and not food and fun. Jesus once accused people of coming to Him because of the bread He had given them and not because of God or His words. I don’t think following Him for the sake of fellowship with people is what the gospel is about. I believe it is a big sin to do so. It is wrong to give the second place to God and the first to fellowship.
DIRTY_C: Doesn’t singing and praising glorify Him? We even pray and say grace before we eat!
CLEAN_C: Praying is not what glorifies God. What glorifies God are the answers to those prayers. Praying is not as good as praying and having answers. I pray before I ride my car. But, what good would it bring me if God did not hear my prayer? Why would I be praying for? Why would I pray if God did not go along with me in my car for real? What kind of benefit would such praying bring to me or to anyone else? “And whatever you may ask in My name, that I will do, so that the Father may be glorified”, John 14:13.
DIRTY_C: I can’t see what you mean. I am sorry, but I still feel bad about what you said. And now you seem to be saying praying is no good! You should listen to people before expressing such harsh conclusions or definitions about them.
CLEAN_C: Is there any way we can talk that doesn’t really upset you? Can you advise me? I am sure it is not the way I speak that offends your feelings. I believe you would feel offended whatever I say. Even if I keep quiet you would not be happy about it. Perhaps you would wonder why I keep quiet and be upset about it. Your ways will always be heading against mine because I can’t be a hypocrite before you. Is there a specific way I should say the truth without offending you? Please, tell me if there is another way I should say something.
DIRTY_C: I don’t know what you are talking about. There is something in you which is very sharp and smooth against normal people. It hurts them smoothly. I understand we all need to hear the truth, but you hurt people the way you speak.
CLEAN_C: I believe you people need to hear these things the way I talk about them. However, Jesus does not always respond to hypocrites because hypocrites know the truth.
DIRTY_C: How can you say that hypocrites know the truth?
CLEAN_C: Hypocrites complain because they know God is not answering any of their prayers. “Why have we fasted, and You do not see? Why have we afflicted our soul, and You take no knowledge?” Is.58:3. The fact is that people need to have some knowledge of truth to become hypocritical or hardened about it. If you are able to harden yourself against something, it means you know what that something is. In case you did not know about it, how would you harden yourself against it ever? All actors have a script according to which they play reality. Hypocrites also have the knowledge which drives them to become actors of truth. That way, they are able to hide their lies in darkness.
DIRTY_C: You are confusing me again. How so?
CLEAN_C: Hypocrisy is a force against a known truth. To imitate truth is the strongest and most annoying enemy of it. People try to impersonate only what they know. If a hypocrite did not know truth, he wouldn’t be a hypocrite anymore. “Jesus said to them, ‘If you were blind, you would have no sin. But now you say, We see. Therefore your sin remains’”, John 9:41.
DIRTY_C: I don’t see myself as a hypocrite.
CLEAN_C: Of course not. You seem to believe things about yourself which are not truthful and it drives you to make God accept you as you are, as if you are fully prepared to get into His presence. Why else would you complain against God? You pressure God so hard to be accepted that you cease to care about God’s opinions and ways to get you there. Isn't it true that you try to force Him to comply to your ways? In fact, people come to a point where they won’t accept God’s opinion about them anymore. They even say it is the devil accusing them or something. All the while, it is God trying to help them through truth! Besides, everyone has this vain idea that admitting sin will condemn them eventually. People discredit conveniently what God has to say about them. “Therefore, I said to you that you shall die in your sins, for if you do not believe, you shall die in your sins”, John 8:24. We need to believe God and all He says about us. “You did not turn to Me with your whole heart, but with feigning, says the Lord”, Jer.3:10.
DIRTY_C: Can a hypocrite sing to the Lord and praise Him? Doesn’t the Bible say that everyone who is able to mention Jesus’ name belongs to Jesus? I love to sing the hymns I sing!
CLEAN_C: It easier to become a hypocrite when we sing and pray. In fact, I believe there is no better occasion to form a hypocrite than during prayer, fasting and worshipping. The service to God is a perfect cover-up for hypocrites and sinners. The better they sing and pray, the better hypocrites they are. However, the world sees it some other way. It would be very good if you were the one who became pleasant and perfect towards God and not your singing. God hears people for what they are, whether they sing well or not. And many sing believing they are praising God because they sing those hymns they love to sing. Were I to sing to someone, I would sing those things that person loves and not what I love. Could you sing a serenade to your bride using the songs and the kind of music you like? Or would you rather sing the songs she loves the way she loves to hear them? If you sing what you like to sing and be there for the reasons which bring people together, how can it be a serenade for God?
DIRTY_C: You don’t sing to the Lord those hymns you like?
CLEAN_C: Yes, I do. But, I don’t sing them because of the love I have for them, but rather for the love I have for the Lord. But, you should not try deviating the sword from your heart by trying to find fault in me. If you wish to know about my faults, I will most gladly talk about them so you can pray for me - if your prayers are heard at all.
DIRTY_C: You seem to put yourself always high above others.
CLEAN_C: No, I am not higher than anyone else, at all. But, I cannot sit around a table where people scorn God with their singing. How can I distinguish between hypocrisy and holiness if I don’t put truth and lies in their proper light? Hypocrites make it harder for people because they always fabricate means and plans to attract everyone to their way. Hypocrites hate to be lonely. They use truth to lie. They use goodness to do evil. “Offspring of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” Mat.12:34. They pray, but, it does not mean God hears them. And what glorifies God is not that we pray, but, that we find the answers to those prayers. It is good to discern between false religion and real worshipping. One of the things God promised to us was the discernment we would gain through light and by living and experiencing truth. “Then you shall again see the difference between the righteous and the wicked, between him who serves God, and him who does not serve Him”, Mal 3:18. God says here, that it is not easy to discern between a hypocrite and a saint unless we walk with Him.
DIRTY_C: How can you use Jesus’ words to offend people like that? Or, how can you twist those words to back up offenses against people?
CLEAN_C: How can you use Jesus’ words to cover up sin? How can anyone ever use God’s words to refine his own sinfulness? And how can I talk to a feigning faith without using the word “hypocrite”? My intention is not to offend, but to speak the truth. You may not be offended by the truth or it will displease God greatly.
DIRTY_C: Please, let’s change the subject or we won’t stop arguing about this at all. Can we? I can’t figure out why you see me as a hypocrite. But, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I believe those people which belong to your sectarian gospel speak as you do. They are very bold and they enter in doors to which they have not been invited. They act as if they have the right to offend everyone around.
CLEAN_C: We go out inviting. We are not expecting to be invited because time is too short and too precious to wait for an opportunity which they do not desire. Besides, if your house is burning down should I wait till you invite me in to rescue you? We can change the subject, yes. We were talking about the honour of God as far as I can remember.
DIRTY_C: You are a very annoying person! You speak in such a way that no one can trace a hint of anger in you. How can you say such things looking into my eyes without having bad feelings? It is amazing! The way you do it is a mystery to me. It seems you haven’t been fighting all this time! And if I had to call someone a hypocrite, I would need to be very angry with him. You make me feel guilty for the way I talk back to you. And you didn’t change your opinion about me, not even a bit.
CLEAN_C: Do you need my opinion to live on as you do? Why is my opinion so important to you? Does your conviction lack on assurances? Do you need my opinion to support you? Do you need it to feel more comfortable? If I don’t change my opinion about you, will it make you unsure? Why would you like to be sure about something which might not be steadfast and true?
DIRTY_C: I can’t explain this. It seems I understand everything you say in another light. It doesn’t feel you are teaching me the word of God as my pastors do. You seem to be pointing at me all the time! I feel annoyed just b looking at you!
CLEAN_C: I am sorry to hear that. Jesus must have felt sorry when He asked people around Him, “Why do you not know My speech?”
DIRTY_C: I can’t accept that one can sing to God and still be considered a hypocrite. It makes singing to God appear evil. How can singing to God be evil at all?
CLEAN_C: Let me try to explain again. But, please, do not get offended this time!
DIRTY_C: Ok, I will try.
CLEAN_C: We give glory to God through our living, through the way we are. What we are is what counts and not what we do in the name of God. If our behaviour is not something that is found in the inside as well, it can't please God. Unless it really comes from the inside, especially when we are ourselves and unaware of what we are doing, we are hypocrites. We need to be ourselves and that only. If we must change something in us, let’s change for real and through the grace of God which works deep inside man. We cannot afford to pretend before people or God. We cannot change appearances only. Appearance is not transparency at all. In fact, appearance is the opposite of transparency in many ways. We need to become transparent and not apparent. When people look at us, they must see what is inside us. That is how transparent we must be! And inside us must be the glory of God. We cannot be ashamed of any of it either. It is our lives which glorify God and not our words or prayers.
DIRTY_C: I can’t see what is the difference between what ones and what one is.
CLEAN_C: Can’t you see? It is so clear even a child can see it! People say too easily they have accepted Jesus. They accept someone they know nothing about. They hear about Him, but they don’t see Him. Also, it is Jesus who needs to accept them. They are the ones who say Jesus accepted them. It should be Jesus saying He has accepted them and not they. They speak for Jesus and, most of the time, the Lord has not granted them the knowledge of His opinion. We cannot speak on behalf of someone else unless we have the credentials of His true testimony in us to do so. His testimony in us needs to speak for itself. Death cannot speak on Life’s behalf and pretend to be alive by speaking about life!
DIRTY_C: If I clean all my sins will I understand and accept all these things clearly? What you say seems to come out of a personal experience and not out of much studying. I am impressed about how easy you answer my doubts! Sometimes it is annoying, but it seems you answer things even before I ask them. But, it seems rivers of words come out of you freely and no one can stop them. They seem so natural in you! Do you believe I will ever see truth the way you do? In fact, I desire greatly what you have. It annoys me that I can’t have it the way you do.
CLEAN_C: The problem with you is that you wish to get into the sheepfold avoiding the door. It seems you want to get in there by climbing over the wall. We need to get in through the door, using the ways and the means God established. I am sure only then will things become crystal clear to you. But, if you do not get in through the door, the temptation to jump over the wall shall become greater and greater because you will smell the peace inside the sheepfold and the sulphur of hell outside. It will drive you crazy and will cause you to do crazy things. Going in through the door is much easier than to jump over the wall. Yet, people will will rather jump over because they know they are not allowed to enter carrying their sin!
DIRTY_C: Everything seems so easy to you! I don’t think it is easier to tell people about all my sins! You mean that is the only way I shall really be cleansed? Is it the only way that truth will become clear?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that’s what I mean! Paul talked quite often about the simplicity that is found in Christ Jesus. It needs to become simple and straight forward. But, it seems you do not like straight talk.
DIRTY_C: And why is it so complicated to me?
CLEAN_C: I believe it is because you are trying it the hypocritical way! It is not easy to do it that way. Only after we have cleansed our lives with God and people, naming every sin by name and removing them from between us and people and us and God, can we ever come to the full understanding of truth and to the reality of it. Then, shall we understand why a holy life is the normal way to live. All beings created according to God’s image must experience it and live through it alone. If holiness is not simple and natural in us, we shall be considered hypocrites. By being transformed for real from inside, we shall, then, understand and see what it is all about. This is why I keep telling you that you are trying to have it the other way round. Unbelievers want to see first. Believers obey first and immediately. The simplicity of a holy life at your workplace, in church or even at home is what glorifies God. God heard Job and not his prayers. God heard the prayers because of Job and not Job because of his prayers. Were the same prayers offered by Job’s friends, they would never reach God’s ears. When prayers are not heard, there is seldom something wrong with the prayers themselves, but rather with who prays. We read God said He would hear Job and not prayers. And unless holiness is natural to you, unless it is the only way you know how to live and to do all you do, it won’t be acceptable to God. That sort of life needs to be worked on by the Lord from deep inside us and God will do that if we are clean or being cleansed.
DIRTY_C: You talk as if things can really be made that simple and that practical! You scare me to death! You make me feel lost.
CLEAN_C: God’s life is real. God will accept from us only what is offered through His life. His life and everything He is able to work in us is what makes Him accept us. His life in a natural, simple and spontaneous way is the main beauty of the Universe He created. There is nothing more glorifying to Him than that. You take it for free, by abandoning your old life in the whole. Jesus’ blood needs to cleanse us thoroughly of it before we can share in this great glory. Take it or leave it. Trying to imitate it is never an option. You should know it by now. But, instead you use the Bible the way an illiterate man would use a book. Only after we are cleansed can we be filled with His life in an abundant measure. We show obedience before we are filled and not only after. We shouldn’t try it the wrong way, or do it the other way round. “Therefore do not be like them...” Mat.6:8. The people Jesus talks about here are those who have no real life in them. They shall always pretend. They could have it, but, they will rather pretend.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: After we are thoroughly cleansed, every step towards a simple, greater Life will be blessed and God can surely make everything beautiful in us in His own time. We need to have His commandments in us before we can think of fulfilling them. We have to share in eternal life here on earth and before we die. Jesus talks about such who HAVE His commandments. “He who has My commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves Me...” John 14:21. We must think of having them first, before we can think about fulfilling them. It needs to be worked in us and God needs to have His full way in us freely. And if sins separate us from Him, it just won’t happen. Force can never make for the lack of Life we experience. We need to have it and share in its fullness. Jesus will never trust a kind of holiness He did not work on Himself. And He can work it from deep within us through the active grace of God. There is no deepness in us His Life cannot reach to change it.
DIRTY_C: Why is it so difficult for us to go about without sin?
CLEAN_C: It happens for many reasons. It would be like asking why you can’t be dry inside a swimming pool. But, if you get out of the swimming pool you shall have the answer to your question.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: You cannot ask how you can be dry by staying inside the water. Paul said he was crucified to the world and the world to him. And it was a real crucifixion. He was outside the world and the world was outside him. It did not live in his heart anymore. John said, addressing the Children of God, they did not belong to the world any longer. It means they were outside the pool of sin. Outside the water, we will wonder why we do not become wet, instead. If you come out of sin and abandon its domain to live in Jesus exclusively, you can’t possibly sin. That is the promise of God. It seems hard to believe, but the Bible is full of such promises. It is only by remaining in the world and the world in your heart that you shall wonder if it is ever possible to stop sinning. John says that, “Everyone who has been born of God does not commit sin, because His seed remains in him, and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God”, 1 John 3:9; 5:18.
DIRTY_C: I have seen many people becoming fanatics against worldliness and they still carry on sinning. However, many seem unaware of the fact that they are sinning. Why would that happen then? It would seem (from their words) they have abandoned worldliness! Most of them proclaim a kind of holiness they aren’t living. It seems their mind is living in a dream world and absorbs their perception of reality completely. It is easy to see they are liars. Yet, they are the ones who proclaim a certain kind of holiness most aggressively.
CLEAN_C: It is true. It can happen for many reasons. It is easy to explain why that happens to them. Someone said that a fanatic is a person who would love to reach the ends without going through the means. I believe it happens mainly because they refuse to admit they still have a worldly heart in them. They haven’t cleansed their past and present sins in the blood of Jesus. When we have worldliness inside us, we will either become fanatical or will approve sin to be able to excuse, justify or explain our behaviour. Those who refuse to admit their heart has not been changed are often impatient and angry people. Most of them run away with bits of truth with which they try to be content. They are often troublesome and preach to everyone, but seldom to themselves. Those are the ones who often try being or appearing holy instead of becoming holy for real, from inside. They try it the hard way. There is a huge difference between using the means to reach the ends and trying to reach the ends directly to avoid going through the means. They have a heart which makes them think of sin constantly which, by turn, causes them to judge sin. By judging it, they believe they are safe and holy. Unfortunately, they judge others about the sins they are aware of.
DIRTY_C: What you are saying makes sense.
CLEAN_C: They often look back to sin as well. Loth’s wife thought she was fit to be with God and died by looking back to what she had been leaving behind. We may never look back to the things God despises. One of the reasons why their heart has never been fully changed is that they have not confessed or put in the light each of their sins; or, perhaps, they confessed only some of them. It drives them to many traps. The most common ones are: judging others because they are too aware of sin; and looking back because their life is not blessed and seems to take them nowhere. All it takes to make one’s heart bitter and judgmental is one sin left behind, hidden in the dark. We must put them all in the light, even our motives behind good deeds must be looked at. If we refuse to have a thorough cleansing of our soul, we shall not have enough light to see ahead of us and will be driven to and fro; we shall, also, have many strange attitudes and doctrines in our minds which are not born out of light. It happened to the Corinthian church. Many of them gave themselves over to strange doctrines which are not important for a holy life. They discussed a lot about whether women could cut their hair or not; whether they could eat meat or not; and many other things which are not able to work righteousness in our hearts. Then, they find those who oppose them inside their own community to keep the discussion alive. They search out for those who would gladly oppose them to confront them and to keep them discussing the wrong tracks they have chosen for themselves. Under such circumstances, no one will ever become aware of the risen Lord and Him only. We are made holy by beholding Him full-time. This is why Paul mentions those who, “having swerved, have turned aside to foolish talking, desiring to be teachers of the law, neither understanding what they say nor that which they affirm”, 1Tim.1:6-7. Discussions will keep them busy enough to cause them to avoid being fully cleansed in the blood of the Lord.
DIRTY_C: Why would people do such a thing?
CLEAN_C: You might be doing it yourself! It often happens especially because people are not clean and spotless before God and people. They can’t be led out of themselves, out of feigning habits and out of the attitudes they have learned from the world. They can’t find their way ahead of them because they want things to be more acceptable and more pleasant to the flesh. They can’t reach the end of the way because they have not been faithful and practical to the means of known truth. Truth is acknowledged, yet, its means are rejected, despised or neglected. They are not thoroughly clean. As Paul says, “Therefore if anyone purges himself from these, he shall be a vessel to honour, sanctified and useful to the Master, prepared for every good work”, 2 Tim.2:21. We must become useful to the Lord. We need to be faithful in the least things so we can receive the greater virtues from the Lord. We need to use all the means to the full so we may be fit and able to reach the end God purposed for us. “But, the end of the commandment is love out of a pure heart, and a good conscience, and faith unfeigned, from which some, having swerved, have turned aside to foolish talking, desiring to be teachers of the law, neither understanding what they say nor that which they affirm”, 1Tim.1:5-7. Each sin you do not forsake and put in the light now, will be the main reason why you stumble in the future. Justice about every own misdeed has to be fulfilled and accomplished right now and we are the ones called to apply it. We need to judge ourselves thoroughly.
DIRTY_C: I see.
CLEAN_C: Most of the time, such people who try to walk the way of God unclean, don’t know over what they stumble. They are simply not aware of it. Many can’t figure out why they have stumbled. Only those who commune with God in a real way and share in His light shall be able to know over what they can possibly stumble. “The priest and the prophet have sinned… they err in vision, they stumble in judgment”. “We grope for the wall like the blind, and we grope as if we had no eyes. We stumble at noonday as in the night; we are in deserted places like dead men”, Is.59:10. It is very strange to see people preaching the right way and everyone around sees they are still groping the walls as blind men do. Even if the sun shines brightly, the blind wouldn’t be able to see anything at all. If there is light and people can’t see, it means they must be blinded and hardened by sin! That is the only explanation there is!
DIRTY_C: What you are saying makes sense to me. But, what I asked you was how does one stop sinning? It is easy to preach about it, but I have seen it does not work out with me. What I experience in daily life is different from what it is supposed to be.
CLEAN_C: Jesus opens the eyes of the blind. I am not saying it is easy to keep crying out to Jesus as the blind men did in Jericho while people around say Jesus won’t listen to your pleading (Lk.18:35-40). Thank God it is possible, though. If your eyes are not opened when Jesus or truth is passing by, it means you don’t really desire to see. You need to search for holiness as men seek for gold.
DIRTY_C: Are you judging me again by saying I don’t wish to see?
CLEAN_C: No, I am not judging you at all. I am only diagnosing your true state of heart. A doctor needs to have good discernment to diagnose what is wrong with people. Isn’t that so? You cannot say a doctor is judging you when he is diagnosing your heart.
DIRTY_C: You are surprising me. Every word you use is always sharp and makes defense impossible. My pastor often preaches against judging others. But, I can’t figure out if this is your way to judge others in a very subtle way or if you are just trying to help me.
CLEAN_C: I am not judging you, I believe.
DIRTY_C: What you say and the way you say it is so different from what I am used to hear. My pastor doesn’t teach us that way.
CLEAN_C: You haven’t been speaking about your pastor for a long time to justify your actions. I have almost forgotten you had a pastor or a church!
DIRTY_C: There are things he taught us that makes sense. There are some others which don’t make sense to me, though. I loved the way he preached against judging others. Ever since, I try not to judge others.
CLEAN_C: Sin is an illusion. Every sinner loves to be deluded and deceived about something. Sin, however, always builds some barriers and defense walls against truth invaders. Truth is considered an intruder and an invader. If sin hates truth, it must be only because it is some kind of illusion. One of those self-defensive walls it has built along the time is the wrong notion about judging. Of course judging is wrong if its intention is not to bring holiness, healing and peace into the heart. There are places in the Bible, however, where we read that God loves judgment (Is.61:8). “Do you not judge those who are inside?” 1Cor.5:12.
DIRTY_C: And why would Jesus say we shall be judged if we judge others?
CLEAN_C: Jesus said that, yes. However, he did not say that all those who judged would be condemned, but rather judged according with the same measure. All of us will be judged, whether we judge others or not. What Jesus means is that those who judge shall be judged and condemned by the sins they see in others because such people use judging to escape being judged themselves. The Bible says that, if we judge ourselves, however, we won’t be judged. But, we choose rather to judge others. As I said, a doctor is not judging when he is diagnosing a sickness and its origin faithfully. What Jesus meant is that you can’t think that you can escape the judgment of God by judging others. People who judge others often seek support for themselves in those who listen to them and agree with them. Many even yell when they judge so they will be heard far off and supported.
DIRTY_C: I can’t understand what you are saying. Please, explain some more to me.
CLEAN_C: When people judge instead of showing the way of mercy, it means they want to cover up the sins they are conscious of. Many times, people who are judged don’t even have those sins they are judged about. The one who judges has them and sees them in others because he is conscious of them. For example, if you wish to remain unclean for some reason and don’t wish to expose your deeds completely, you shall judge me of being judgmental and mean. It just shows how much you are defending yourself against the way of light where every deed must be voluntary shown and revealed.
DIRTY_C: It makes sense. So, you mean it is not always wrong to judge? How can judging be right?
CLEAN_C: Judging is right when you judge yourself according to the light you receive from the Lord. You cannot judge yourself according to your best wishes and aiming to those things you wish to have. Many people judge themselves only because they wish to be seen as good and holy. They believe self-pity will be able to attract grace towards them. It attracts the attention of people. But, you can judge yourself the wrong way or for the wrong motives. And just as you can judge yourself through sin, you can judge others using the darkness your heart is dumped into. That is what Jesus strongly warned us against. Jesus is not against the loving attitude which leads us to take the splinter out of our brother’s eye. It must be displeasing to your brother to have something hurting his eyes and love will surely reach out to him. However, very few people allow anyone you to touch their eyes. One needs to be careful and caring to do so. Jesus is not against such an act of pure love. He can’t be. He is against the attitude which refuses to see the beam in one's own eye. One ought to judge oneself.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: Helping a brother and crying out for his holiness when you are holy yourself, can never be considered as an attempt or attitude to excuse your own sin. It just can’t be! The judging Jesus stands against is of the kind that sees own sins in other people’s actions, whether those people have those sins or not. The awareness of sin and the consciousness of it is what cause people to be judgmental and evil. Just try cleansing your own sins and you will see how less your brother is sinful in your own eyes! The sins of your brothers reduce quickly every time you cleanse your life thoroughly from all sin. You could try it and prove it yourself! It is the best way to cease to have the wrong kind of judging in you. Accusations have become the best means to cover up own guilt. “God shall wound the head and the hairy crown of him who walks on in his guilt”, Ps.68:21. Own sin in the heart is what makes people to be drastic and mean against others, whether others really have the sin they see in them or not.
DIRTY_C: You mean we may judge?
CLEAN_C: You cannot judge people. You can judge sin, but not people. You can diagnose the illness of a person and be precise about it in order to exterminate the illness to save the person. You cannot afford to misinterpret the diagnosis light makes available or you will mislead people around and fool yourself.
DIRTY_C: You mean there is a wrong way to judge which we should not approve and there is a right way to judge things which God loves and which is according to light? Is that what you mean?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. Whoever judges people harshly often mentions the sins his own heart is conscious about. Were that sin not in the heart, the whole attitude would be different. The approach on people would change as well. It is easy to see our own sins in others and judge them away from us. When people judge and are harsh on the sins they see in others (even when others don’t have them), it shows they have much experience-knowledge about those sins they see. The bitterness, the harshness, the haste and the temperamental way they judge it just shows how much they are stung themselves by the sins they judge. Unless people had those sins, they wouldn’t judge the way they do. And the quicker they judge, the more dearly they hold on to those sins and the more they refuse to exterminate them from their own lives.
DIRTY_C: Could you give me a clear example?
CLEAN_C: Let us use an example from the Bible then.
DIRTY_C: That will be good.
CLEAN_C: You know about the woman who had the flow of blood and worked hard to touch the garment of Jesus.
DIRTY_C: I remember. I know the story.
CLEAN_C: Imagine how she must have lived at home. She must have had a bad odour and I suppose very few people would sit around her.
DIRTY_C: I guess I wouldn’t sit near her either. I think I would feel uncomfortable.
CLEAN_C: However, Jesus would sit around her because the only thing that stinks to Him is the stench of sin and hypocrisy. Now, let’s suppose that woman had a woman neighbour with the same problem. Let’s suppose further, no one knew about the neighbour’s problem. We know all women with such problems were banned from the society of Israel until they healed, just as happened to lepers. We have reason to believe most of those women would never wish to let their problem become known. They would hide their problem from as many people as they could.
DIRTY_C: I can imagine that. It must have been awful.
CLEAN_C: Let’s suppose the first woman had a loving family who supported her and had been divided between telling the priest about it and taking care of her. Perhaps, there were little children at home who needed her cares. Suppose further that the neighbour woman hated her. So, the neighbour woman might use the other one’s problem to hide her own. To hide it from others she must only start judging her. Suppose a doctor comes to see the first woman and gives her some advices on how to heal herself. The mean neighbour would be very unwilling to talk to the doctor herself to try to be healed because she wouldn’t wish to have people know she had a similar problem. She judges the other one and tells everyone around about her neighbour’s sickness and people would automatically assume she has not the problem she judges the other woman about. Judging helps her covering herself up. The mean woman also feels bitter because she knows she has a serious problem in a part of her body she is ashamed of and that kind of bitterness drives her into being mean towards the other one. Jesus taught us to take our cares and heaviness to Him instead of trying to have it satisfied and fed at the expense of others. We shouldn’t try to find lightness by throwing at others the heavy stones we carry within us.
DIRTY_C: I understand what you mean. It must be awful to be judged that way, knowing what the accuser says is not a lie. It makes people defenseless before a mean slaughterer.
CLEAN_C: It is surely bad. Here, in this example, we have many people feeling a different way about someone’s problem. We have the caring family which is divided between the Law of Moses and the love they have towards the woman; and we have a mean woman who wishes distance between her and her neighbour for personal reasons.
DIRTY_C: Please, carry on.
CLEAN_C: Now, let’s suppose the doctor tells the first woman something like this: “You have a bad smell on you. We need to treat your problem as fast as we can”. The mean woman might also say, “You have a bad smell on you! You must treat yourself”. She might use the same words the doctor uses. The same words are used in a different context driven through different motives. The doctor says what he says to help the poor woman while her neighbour uses the same words to despise her and to hide her own problem.
DIRTY_C: I understand. You mean it is not wrong for the doctor to tell her she has a bad odour on her. Yet, for her neighbour it is wrong because her motives are evil and abstract.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. We could never say the doctor had been judging her, since the doctor’s motives are pure, responsible and, perhaps, loving. It would be absurd to accuse the doctor of judging, right?
DIRTY_C: Yes, it would. I agree.
CLEAN_C: Now, let’s suppose further the mean neighbour comes by and the doctor smells what seems to him like a similar problem on her. The nose of a doctor is good in detecting certain things. So, the doctor asks her if she wishes to be treated as well. How, do you think, would that mean neighbour react being exposed that way? She had invested a lot in hiding and now she couldn’t hide any longer!
DIRTY_C: I believe she would feel caught and she wouldn't expect to hear that because she worked hard on hiding it. Everyone would have many things to say about the way she had judged her neighbour as well! I suppose she would start hating the doctor. She would hate him for life!
CLEAN_C: That is precisely what would happen, isn’t it? The mean woman would feel exposed and judged because she had been judgmental all the time. Her heart would resent being exposed that way. However, it is clear that sooner or later her problem would be discovered out and people would know about it. Hiding it was useless. The same will happen with all sorts of sin: it shall eventually be exposed! No one should attempt to hide it now. It is useless to hide it now. Sin’s stench will soon be in the air and everyone will know about what we have done. Very few people can hide sin for long. But, even if they could, it will eventually be exposed in the light. The best way to deal with it is to expose it ourselves right away.
DIRTY_C: It is true. I understand. The mean woman you are talking about will also be suspicious about everyone around, because she will think someone must have told the doctor about her problem. Her judging would bring many sins to life.
CLEAN_C: It is true. Now, tell me: why are you always saying I am judging you? Can’t you see there are different ways to approach sinners and sinfulness? No everyone has a need to be bitter about others’ sins. Not everyone is criticizing you, even if most would do so easily.
DIRTY_C: I understood that.
CLEAN_C: Did you? Will you say again I am judging you?
DIRTY_C: I hope I will not. It feels, sometimes, you are always pointing your guns at me!
CLEAN_C: It is good that you understand this. Now we can start solving your problem. We need to get your heart find peace, at last. And remember that every person who does not clean His whole soul and conscience will sooner or later forget about what he has learned.
DIRTY_C: Why would they forget about it?
CLEAN_C: Because their heart has many tribulations which consume their whole attention. Thorns and cares will keep them busy. They are taken away from a sound, quiet mind by thousands of bitter thoughts and it shall hinder them to think about what they have learned of truth. Their tribulations will take over and their mind won’t be settled in truth. They have many things to think about, even though only one thing is required of them.
DIRTY_C: I understand. When we have many inner unsolved problems we cannot think about anything else. I understand.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that’s right. Every problem in a heart where Jesus does not reign is a natural consumer of the mind. It tires people out completely. However, different people will react differently towards problems. Some will be bitter; some will drink and smoke; some will seek fun and worldliness; some others might even kill themselves and find out dying has made it much worse for them. There is no peace in hell. However, it is good to remember every bit of truth we have come across during our lifetime. Cleansed people are the only ones who can do it.
DIRTY_C: I understand. I think every person shows what he is really made of under such circumstances. Trials reveal the genuine heart of people, isn’t it?
CLEAN_C: Yes, it is true. “And Simeon blessed them and said to Mary His mother, Behold, this One is set for … a sign spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed”, Lk.2:34-35. It is good that our hearts change for sure. Trials will always reveal our true being. They will be responsible for its visibility, as well. To start well and end well, we need to cleanse our lives at first. Only then can Jesus take us further and further into what needs to be done in the light of eternity, peace and love.
DIRTY_C: So, you agree that trials are there to reveal our hearts to us?
CLEAN_C: Yes, I agree. However, it is not the only reason why trials come our way. Trials are also instrumental in fixing the heart from deep within. Jesus is able to use many ways to save us from ourselves. However, there are problems which are direct consequences of sin which people misinterpret or mistake for trials.
DIRTY_C: You have been telling me that sin is an illusion. Can you explain to me what you mean by it?
CLEAN_C: It is true sin has some strength. But, its strength is a lie. It uses bluffing and lying to keep people captive. It seduces, entices, lies, makes some noise to attract attention upon it, it feigns and uses any means to menace and destroy. If it were really strong and powerful it would never use lies to get hold of the hearts of people. It wouldn’t need to lie. Sin makes sure it creates the mind that will believe it. Then, it manipulates that mind as it wishes. Besides, if it is true that truth sets us free, it means that sin must be a lie or an illusion of some kind. It must be. Why else would truth set us free if sin was not a lie? If sin hadn’t been lying to us, truth would not be able to free us.
DIRTY_C: You mean that we live in an imaginary castle and we are the ones who keep ourselves captive in it?
CLEAN_C: That is more or less what I mean, yes. People also believe sin is a good thing. They seem to believe it is something one is able to enjoy. If sin is seen as something enjoyable, surely holiness must be seen as an unwanted, undesirable thing. The devil has made sure people would prefer sin above peace, since he could not possibly make them choose disaster above joy. He made sure joy and fun is linked to sin and filth. Many people consider certain virtues as crap because the devil has managed to lie to them quite a lot. He assured his ground first. Sins are lies which take hold of the minds, the thoughts and the daily actions of everyone who hands himself over to it and believes it. Sin created its own kind of environment and society with own laws and own ways by which it rules all those who stick naturally to it. People are also told they cannot live holy, not even through God's power. The power of God is linked to miracles and signs, but, not to change lives for real. People in that environment live as if there is no other way to live and their behaviour is pre-established. People believe they are eternal slaves of sin. They are prepared to believe lies. The ground is settled and based upon lies. Slavery inside its bars an outcome and illusion keeps people in it. That is the main consequence of having a heart which easily believes lies. This is why we say that people remain in sin by choice because sin has nothing strong enough to hold them back from real life. Its bars are lies. Slavery to sin is a wilful, stubborn slavery in stupidity and ignorance. “Do you not know that to whom you yield yourselves as slaves for obedience, you are slaves to him whom you obey; whether it is of sin to death, or of obedience to righteousness?” Rom.6:16. That is why the Bible often states that people have a “vain mind” in them.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: Have you ever seen people who are afraid of everything? Any noise startles them and anything you say is withstood automatically because they just don’t trust anything besides themselves and what they feel.
DIRTY_C: Yes, I know what you mean.
CLEAN_C: Fear is often a great deal of confidence in self and in the flesh. They fear easily each time they suspect the flesh they trust might not support them through anything. Such people are driven and manipulated by vain ideas about many things. They believe every corner hides a danger and their mind and hearts are not available and disposed to see that it is the heart they have which is to blame for their fears. Their heart is what makes them react and act the way they do. It is conditioned to believe the flesh and self only. Just as blind people can’t feel safe without their sticks, so do many feel unsafe without their fears. The fears of people often guide them. And if you have anything besides Jesus guiding you, you are lost.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: Their personality is driven and manipulated by the way they feel. They are always on the watch against dangers which exist only in their mind. The same principle is applied to any kind of sin. Sin cries out to say, “Here is pleasure!” And people believe it. It grants people an enticing way out which seems right in their own eyes. Yet, it leads towards death and destruction. The devil shall not cease to use frauds and lies to entice, threaten and mislead people. It works rather well with people who are set to believe lies.
DIRTY_C: I understand. But, there is something I can’t help thinking about. Why do people state we have been born in sin and there is nothing we can do about it?
CLEAN_C: Even if it is true that people are born in sin, it does not mean sin isn’t an illusion. It means people are born into illusion and lies. It cannot possibly mean illusion is reality or that a lie is truthful. The fact is that God promises that it is through truth that we shall be completely free. We should distinguish between what we are as an original creation, and the place where we are born into.
DIRTY_C: You mean we are made according to God’s image and are born where sin and lies rule.
CLEAN_C: The world created an environment where lies are easily believed. The way people go after the opposite sex makes them forget God, and not desires, joins people and because they will rather trust the flesh to join them. They might believe God if they can assume God also uses fleshly means to join people. Also, the way people drink, curse and smoke makes them believe they need never fear God since He is seen as a good God who will never cause any harm to them. The devil has prepared his ground quite well, indeed. Every deed and thought is settled around a false idea of peace and pleasure which cause people to live around an illusion as a never ending circle. If people are found preparing themselves to get out of sin, they start believing they are leaving something valuable behind or that they it is useless to try to run away for their lives because sin is too powerful and too smart to let them go. The devil made them believe any effort in the direction of true freedom is in vain. People love to believe that what sin offers is either worth fighting for or useless fighting against. They will rather believe that sin will be fulfilled and not God’s words. I suppose one of those reasons is what made Loth’s wife look back. People start missing sin even before they have left it behind. It offends God greatly because is has nothing in it to hold us back. There is nothing in sin which should be able to make feel nostalgic about it and its domain. Then, we get into church secretly believing these things and we see how those ways and means the world upholds have settled themselves around the pulpits. It seems sin is eating from the tree of life. They say it is possible to live in sin and in Christ at the same time. However, the Bible says expressly, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity!” 2Tim.2:19. However, people will rather believe lies than the Bible. Pastors and preachers around the world preach the gospel through the same spirit the world proclaims its illusions. They assimilate the language and the ways the world uses. They interpret the Bible according to their worldly mind. And we read that our whole mind should be serving God wholly and not flirt vain ideas. People learn the ways of the world better than what they hear what God has to say to us. An example teaches more than words, whether the example is good or bad.
DIRTY_C: I see you as a revolutionary kind of man. You seem very critical about today’s Christianity and pastors.
CLEAN_C: You promised before you wouldn’t misinterpret my words again.
DIRTY_C: That’s true. I am sorry.
CLEAN_C: You said you are sorry? That’s a change! You should learn to ask for forgiveness from people and to God about all your past sins as well. You think you can?
DIRTY_C: I have too many sins. It would be an endless task, I think. But, let’s talk on the subject of sin and illusions and why you have so many things to say against pastors. Let’s not change the subject to confession of sin again, please.
CLEAN_C: I am not changing the subject at all. I have been aiming at confessing all your sins all the time and on putting them all in the Light for a change. "If the wicked restores the pledge, gives back what he has stolen, and walks in the statutes of life without committing iniquity, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of his sins which he has committed shall be remembered against him...", Ez.33:15,16. The fact that sin is an illusion is one more reason to convince you to do it right away. You can no longer delay such an important thing as putting your whole life, past and present, fully in the light and ask for forgiveness. That is a more important issue than to speak about my views against the ways churches have preferred lately.
DIRTY_C: We can talk about confessing my sins later on. Please, tell me why do you attack pastors so much?
CLEAN_C: I believe you are postponing something you should not delay one single day anymore. You should cleanse your whole life immediately. Besides, you are running into conclusions which I have not made statements about.
DIRTY_C: I would prefer that you explain to me why you state pastors are misleading people. Maybe, you are wrong about many pastors and ministers. Maybe it is my chance to exhort and correct you about this. You shouldn’t be talking against the servants of God.
CLEAN_C: My attitude is not critical. I mean only to put truth on the table, so it may be visible and clear before our eyes - your eyes. We should clearly see what is going on around us. If I don’t do it the right way, God won’t be happy about me. I wouldn’t want God angry at me.
DIRTY_C: But, pastors talk about God. They dedicate their lives to preaching the gospel.
CLEAN_C: Of course they talk about God. However, most of them miss the whole point! They use a deceitful heart to aim at the goals of God which are not deceiving. The lack of power in their lives shows us just how far God is from them and how much of the strength of the flesh they use to proclaim something spiritual. Most of them don’t live the truth they so easily preach about. When sinful people come into church they already treat them as brothers. They treat sinners who dishonour God in a way which tells them they are not dishonouring God! It is unacceptable! That is not love they are showing towards them at all!
DIRTY_C: But, if the bars and the dungeons are illusionary, why do we refuse to get out of them?
CLEAN_C: That’s a good question. Perhaps, if our enemy had been real and visible, it could be easier for us to run away and hide in the Lord. Perhaps, then, we could fight it openly. However, being invisible and surreal, sin became a strong myth in the minds of people. It built strong lies in the minds of people. It has taken hold of the whole mind. It seems people look at it as invincible and a life without sin as unthinkable!
DIRTY_C: Do you think sin is a myth?
CLEAN_C: I believe it is, yes. Paul says, “And they will turn away their ears from the truth and will be turned to myths”, 2Tim.4:4. In fact, all the foundations of sin are built upon myths and lies. This is why only truth is able to free us from them. It has always been a fight between lies and truths, realities and unrealities. And it will become worse and worse. “For a time will be when they will not endure sound doctrine, but they will heap up teachers to themselves according to their own lusts, tickling the ear” 2Tim.4:3. What sin promises as lies appeals a lot to a heart used to lie to itself. And, unfortunately, people are the ones who create the pastors they want and it is not the pastors who change people any longer. Pastors preach what people love to hear.
DIRTY_C: And why won’t truth reach the heart of people easier than lies do?
CLEAN_C: Because lies are too bold in words. Most people that start becoming truthful are usually not as bold as liars are. And liars are not ashamed. They fight to the end because the flesh backs them up easily, even if it is the flesh of others that do so. The worst part of it is that lies are so obvious! Yet, people accept it easier than truth. “Surely in vain the net is spread in the sight of any bird”, Prov.1:17. People seem to be greater fools than birds. And we cannot say God created us that way at all.
DIRTY_C: It is true. However, I believe the greatest struggle of any bird is after it is entangled in the net. The worst fight starts only after it is caught. It is not that easy to get loose. I believe the same happens to us after we are caught up in sin. The more we struggle to free ourselves, the more we are entangled.
CLEAN_C: When a bird is entangled and caught up in the net, it is unable to stay quiet and still. It should be still to call upon God. Jesus can free us of any sin or any sin’s network. We should discredit the feelings of hopelessness sin keeps us captive with and hand ourselves to the Lord as we are. The feeling of loss drives people to do crazy things. As someone said once, “we need to be still so God can untie the knot we have made upon ourselves”.
DIRTY_C: It is true. But, in the case of sin, what is the net and what is not?
CLEAN_C: Let’s use an example. Suppose the devil uses someone to irritate you. After that, he gives you or the person some problems and tempts you through irritability. We have reason to believe that when the devil strikes, he often uses many things in one single strike. That is a kind of a net spread in front of you. You need to deal with your heart exclusively and try to use the whole situation to make yourself a better person, rather than to try to change the situation. God can use such situations as well. If you look at it, you could easily see it is a net which has been laid out before your eyes. And such a net has many ways to catch you. Then, you should react as any woman would with a skirt were the wind blowing: she would rather hold her dress instead of trying to hold back the wind.
DIRTY_C: Does the devil have that much power over people?
CLEAN_C: Yes, he has, even though it was God who allows him that power. However, once I heard a person say something like this: "Oh, there is a banana skill on the floor! There will I fall again!" John says the whole world lies under the power of evil. Many give up after having been caught up and start believing there is no hope for them anymore. They seem to say, “Oh, I just don’t care anymore! It is useless fighting sin”. They talk like that because the only source of strength and power they know is the flesh's and it seems useless. They have only the arm of the flesh to hope upon. That is when people start becoming melancholic about the times they used to fly around in sin instead of becoming hopeful in God and His new way to make alive. We should not offend God by assuming we are hopeless since Jesus died for us. We should instead cry out to God and find the way out of the net the devil has thrown over us. “Deliver yourself as a gazelle from the hunter's hand, and as a bird from the hand of the fowler”, Prov.6:5. We should remember that Jesus came to change our hearts and not turn circumstances better for us in the world of sin.
DIRTY_C: What you say makes a lot of sense to me. But, sometimes I would rather have God save me from the person who irritates me than save my heart from irritation having that person still around. I understand better now what salvation is all about. Jesus saves us from irritability, from impatience, from lust and so forth and not so much from the temptation people bring over us. I am starting to understand you. Is that what salvation is all about?
CLEAN_C: Yes, it is. And we should also know we must never use the arm of the flesh to annihilate the flesh. Its strength won't work against itself. It just doesn’t. It simply refuses to harm itself! Your eye can’t see itself; your ear can’t scratch itself; the flesh can’t kill the flesh either. And we need to start through the Spirit in such a way that we shall go to the end through His power only. We need to reach the goal set there for us by avoiding ending in the flesh. We may never give up along the way and if we try to do away with the person who irritates us, we have already abandoned the way and we are neglecting the transformation of our hearts. That is one way of giving up. Getting entangled in the wrong battle means we have given up the only thing which is asked of us. That is to say, we have forgotten it is our hearts Jesus is aiming at, along with its transformation. If we get involved in the wrong battle, the Bible says “Even the young shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall”, Is.40:30.
DIRTY_C: But, when I don’t like someone, it is very hard to me to admit I am the one who is wrong. Anyone who annoys me is wrong, but the way I react to it makes me feel bad, especially if I react through irritability.
CLEAN_C: It is not that hard to admit before God your heart is being tempted to sin. You should just try it. Afterwards, you will need to keep doing it because many expect to get rid of the problem by admitting instead of by getting rid of the heart they have. They believe the trial shall be lifted up by admitting. But, it will depend on God’s will. “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done”, Lk.22:42. Their aim is not holiness, but rather getting rid of the problem. However, if you diagnose the real problem correctly, you have greater chances to receive the best prescription for it. One of the reason people do not get answers to their prayers when they are in deep in trouble, is the wrong diagnosis they make of their situation. They should admit (in case they are clean before God) that the situation they’re in, can achieve some kind of change in them or in someone else. We must learn to rest in God and fight for what God is fighting for in us. If God’s aim is the change of the heart, we should know how to gather with him instead of trying to change our circumstances. “To whom He said, ‘This is the rest; cause the weary to rest; and this is the refreshing’. Yet they were not willing to hear”, Is.28:12. Every trial has an obscure capability and we need to find out what it is, if we can. After we find out and if we find out, we must cooperate with God towards what He intends to achieve in us. If not, we should remember to remain quiet and close to God. It shall become immediately easier for us.
DIRTY_C: It makes sense. But, it doesn’t seem that easy to me. It is easier said than done! As you said, making a good diagnosis of the whole situation makes it easier for us. We wouldn’t want God to say to us, “Yet, they were unwilling to hear!” Would we?
CLEAN_C: No, we wouldn’t. If the bird gets impatient against the net, he becomes more entangled. It should look away from the net and look up to God for help. If a bird ceases to be sober and it starts fighting against the net which holds it, its situation shall become worse and worse by the hour. Anger and dreaming about revenge can’t free us from any kind of trap. We cannot fight sin through sin. We should be able to deny ourselves at times like these. The goal of the devil is to kill us, surely. However, God is able to use it to achieve the best in us.
DIRTY_C: Could you give me an example? Perhaps I would understand it better.
CLEAN_C: Let’s talk about sexual problems.
DIRTY_C: I feel ashamed to have a talk about such subjects, especially with you.
CLEAN_C: Well, we need to face sin – any kind of sin. This is no time to feel ashamed about anything at all. We cannot afford not to let light shine upon anything that is able to take us to hell or away from God. Only by having all in the light are we able to be free of the sinfulness people threw on sex. Sex, in the minds of people, is not what God made it to be at first, anymore. God created it and made it holy. People, however, perverted it completely.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: This kind of sin is what makes the best example of what we have been talking about. Unless we are able to put sex in the light God made it to be, we won’t easily find out what about it is sin and what is not. It is obvious people shall curse something meant to be a blessing.
DIRTY_C: Please, explain more to me. I am interested.
CLEAN_C: Many people do crazy things because of sex. Some do crazy things against it and some for it. The great majority of people gets involved in illicit sex because they feel empty and dry inside. They seek adventures and try to boast about it so that they won't feel guilty. Boasting is, often, a remedy for guilt. Afterwards, they marry and find out they are as dry as they have always been before marriage and marrying did not change a thing in them at all. They feel disappointed in the partner they chose and start doing crazier things such as finding an illusionary satisfaction in adultery. And sex cannot give more to people than what it is meant to give. God created it only to reach a certain purpose and no further. However, people conceived many things around and about sex, all of them illusionary. We can say the same things about riches and many other things. It can’t give man more than it is supposed to give. It cannot fill man inside at all. Only God can.
DIRTY_C: You are right about it. All amounts to illusion, right?
CLEAN_C: Yes, it does. Afterwards people start fighting for those things their minds tell them is worth fighting for. And illusion is an addiction. People become easily entangled in it. And the worst part of it is that people find themselves fighting against God instead of fighting what is illusionary. They are unaware that they are found fighting God and truth. Some even say the devil is against them and not God! This is why the Bible says that every man who fights in favour of sin is fighting against God and truth. “Why do the nations rage, and the peoples meditate on a vain thing? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers plot together, against the Lord and against His anointed”, Ps.2:1-2. People conceive war and their imaginations are always found in a fighting mood. They can’t understand peace because of it. “I am for peace; but when I speak, they are for war”, Sal.120:7. Every sinner is always ready to war against God. That is part of the heritage of sin. Part of what we get by sinning is being at war against God without knowing about it. The flesh is enmity against God. It is enmity itself.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: Under such circumstances and thoughts, it is easy to see that any kind of sin does us wrong. Many find themselves pleading and praying to God to satisfy their deceit and lust. Sin is blind and does not easily become aware God is against it! It always assumes God shall be with it.
DIRTY_C: And what can we do to get free of that net sins launches over us? It seems to me that kind of warring mind is intensified by the net in which we are found.
CLEAN_C: At first, we need to do and to carry out a certain task which you seem unwilling to carry out. And it must be carried out faithfully.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean? What is there I don’t want to do? I would gladly live for the Lord!
CLEAN_C: You would really live for the Lord? And why won’t you clean up your past sins immediately? You need to hand over to the Lord all the weapons you learned to use. You need to surrender to the enemy of the flesh once and for all after you have cleansed each sin. Full surrender is what is required from you straight away!
DIRTY_C: It feels very risky to me to hand all my defences away like that. How shall I know I am handing them over to God and not to uselessness?
CLEAN_C: It is not risky at all! I think living the way you live is what is risky and not surrendering yourself fully to God once and for all. You cannot dare to have a fighting spirit in you, not even against sin. We should unlearn resisting God and conviction. Even God says “resist not evil” for that purpose. We must unlearn to resist. We may fight evil only by surrendering ourselves to God once and for all. Do it at once. Delay it no more, please.
DIRTY_C: I would love to be holy, work miracles and understand God better than I do. I would really like to do things holy people do.
CLEAN_C: Not all saints work miracles. In fact, very few of them do.
DIRTY_C: That is not what I have heard.
CLEAN_C: Do you know what makes people holy or saints?
DIRTY_C: What is a saint?
CLEAN_C: A saint is someone who is totally dependent on God and on Him alone. Then, through His workings deep in the heart, man becomes alike to God in character inside and outside, till there is no difference between the outward and the inward part of him.
DIRTY_C: You mean that, only if someone is holy inside and outside he shall work miracles?
CLEAN_C: No, that is not what I mean at all. If someone walks with God that way, totally depending on Him, he is the miracle himself. The changed person is the miracle. Not all holy people are able to work miracles, but all are enabled to do God’s will.
DIRTY_C: You mean I can be that miracle? What is there that prevents me from being a miracle?
CLEAN_C: Unless you clean up your soul first, you won’t be able to become any kind of miracle. Only those who break down the wall that separates them from God are able to become a miracle as they walk. Now, you need to decide what to do through your life. As I said before, you wish to jump over the wall into the sheepfold. You are avoiding going through the door, which is much easier for your soul.
DIRTY_C: But, I wish I could have the strength and the courage to clean my whole life! However, there are some difficult sins I feel I should not confess publicly.
CLEAN_C: I wish you would put them all in the light right away! There is nothing to fear besides the death of the flesh when we put all sins in the light. And the death of the flesh is a great motive to rejoice. It is not a sad happening. You should start right now and find out for yourself how easy and how exceptionally good it is to live in the light, even if the first stages are somewhat hard to bear. The peace we experience will encourage us, though. You should start right away. Just try, please.
DIRTY_C: No, not now. I am not ready for it. Besides, I don’t feel like confessing my sins before you. You are the only man of God I know who shall pray with me about my sins. My pastor won’t help me because he won’t accept such a doctrine. Tell me: after I cleanse my whole life I shall be holy? I shall be a saint?
CLEAN_C: No. As soon as you break down the wall sins made and which separates you from the Lord, you shall easily find the way towards total holiness. You shall be set on your way. You will find the way as soon as all sins are removed from between you and the Lord. “For He is our peace, He making us both one, and He has broken down the middle wall of separation between us”, Eph.2:14. Each sin in your past and present is like a brick in that wall. You should remove them one by one, just as you have committed them one by one. Even if you had committed only one sin, you would need to put that in the light. Only then will you find your way open towards holiness and consecration.
DIRTY_C: I thought cleaning was all there was to it. What do you mean I will be set on my way?
CLEAN_C: After you cleanse your whole life thoroughly, you will be able to walk the way God purposed for all of us. Nothing will be the same after you are fully cleansed. Nothing will feel the same either. You should be clean and forgiven by men and God, even though to be clean before men does not mean you should confess what man sees as sin. Many times man sees sin where there is no sin because of the way he sees things. Man has in mind only his own views and interests. You should know what God considers as sin and what not. And, after you are thoroughly cleansed. your way has scarcely started. Only then are you able to start it and to carry on in a narrow way and never get tired.
DIRTY_C: You mean that I still need to work hard after I have humbled myself before people? Why should I clean up my past and present then? Isn’t it supposed to make it easier for me? What is it worth then? I thought that would be the end of it! What is that humiliation worth for, then?
CLEAN_C: Only after you clean your whole life are you able to start to accomplish what God has in mind for you and, in fact, for all of us because God is the one who works things in us. If you are separated from the Lord by any sin, He won’t work it in you. Unless you are clean, you can’t start anything on that way at all. Besides, what you consider a humiliation at this point is not a humiliation for many. People feel sorry for their sins and, by confessing, they are made light and free of all guilt. They consider it a blessing and not a humiliation. And God demands that you confess to people and to God, just as He might demand from you that you confess any kind of sin with people. Not only to people, but confess with them. That is what happened to Job’s friends. God told them to go to Job so he would pray for the forgiveness of their folly. (The Bible says, “Confess your sins one to another and pray one for another... Brothers, if a man is overtaken in a fault… bear one another's burdens, and so you will fulfil the Law of Christ”, James 5:16; Gal.6:1,2).
DIRTY_C: You mean, we should confess our sins as people do to a priest? Is it right to confess to priests then?
CLEAN_C: No, it is not right at all. The principle of authority of a priest is wrong. You may confess all your sins together with someone whom God hears easily. I can’t believe God hears idolatrous priests at all. The Bible adds that, “the prayer of a righteous man avails much” - not of an unrighteous one. James, the half-brother of the Lord Jesus, said it must be a prayer of a righteous man and not of an idolatrous one.
DIRTY_C: I would die of shame if I had to let someone like you know my sins. And what would happen if such you tell others what I had confessed?
CLEAN_C: The person who prays with you must be such a one who carries your sins as if they were his own. He must pray as if he had been the one who has sinned and not only you. If that person tells others what you have done, you cannot consider him as a righteous person anymore. And the Bible talks here about the prayer of a righteous person. You must seek and find such righteous people whom God hears easily when they pray for such an important issue as forgiveness of sins. However, I believe that if you do such a confession under the blessing of God, even those people who hear about your sins will have the impression and the awareness that you have confessed and that they should do the same. They will learn about the way and not about the sins. The way will stand out. They will have a practical way of set before them about what it means to walk in the light. Their eyes will see it clearly and God will urge them to see it the way they should. It shall be highlighted to them. And, the more people resist you, the more clearly they have seen it.
DIRTY_C: And why would God demand from us that our sins be confessed that way and to people?
CLEAN_C: Not to people, but with people. It is a commandment to walk in the light. You shouldn't be too proud to do it. However, it is a big step ahead towards accomplishing what God has in mind for us. We learn to be ourselves and to walk in the light right from the start. Most sinners are hypocrites and walking in the light has the power to undo hypocrisy and to untie it. It is a very good help to gain the attitude and the idea of what it is all about. The Bible requires of all of us that we walk in the light. The way we start to learn, if maintained, will help us kill our sins and slaughter wrong attitudes and bad motives from our whole life very easily. It is the best medicine against all sin. Sin will simply die that way. It really works if you are not sympathetic towards yourself. Light shows all, annihilates all by confessing all in details. We should learn to do it that way and practice its ways faithfully. Besides, God hears any righteous man or woman about anything – how much more about someone’s sins and broken heartedness!
DIRTY_C: Please, explain this better to me. I am still a little confused about it all. I still believe it could work much better some other way.
CLEAN_C: I think you are not confused at all, but rather unwilling to do it that way. Besides, you are just postponing things. It is not confusion you are feeling, but rather unwillingness. However, let me try to explain it in a better way. You recall Lazarus, the man who died and has been resurrected by Jesus four days later. He was the brother of a prostitute who anointed Jesus with a very valuable perfume, (John 11).
DIRTY_C: Yes, my pastor mentioned the story once. He mentioned the miracle.
CLEAN_C: When Lazarus came out of the tomb, he was bound with linen and could not move his arms and legs freely, even though he had been resurrected. We read, “And he who had died came out, bound hand and foot with sheets, and his face was bound with a cloth. Jesus said to them, ‘Untie him and let him go!’” Even if had been resurrected from death, he was bound and could not move freely. It would be a hard task for him to untie himself. When we talk about sins, it works much the same way. Jesus commands free and righteous people to untie us and let us go without accusation. That is what Job did to his friends. God would hear Job only. They confessed their sins and Job prayed for them. They went free and forgiven.
DIRTY_C: I understand. That is a good example you have given me. You mean there are free and able people who know how to untie us from our sins.
CLEAN_C: Yes, there are people who have that gift of faith. Jesus said that whatever any righteous man unties here on earth, shall be untied in heaven. However, that is not the only thing we benefit by confessing all our sins together with one righteous man or more people. There are more benefits to it.
DIRTY_C: What other benefits are there?
CLEAN_C: By doing so, we start to put in practice one of the pillars of a holy life: walking in the light. That also enables us to do the opposite of temptation when it strikes us.
DIRTY_C: This is confusing to me. I never understood walking in the light as you are explaining it to me.
CLEAN_C: Adam and Eve’s first action after sinning was hiding from God. We can easily assume the opposite of hiding should be the first action required to come to God and for holiness.
DIRTY_C: I can understand that.
CLEAN_C: They have erred by sinning. Yet, hiding was a bad consequence of their fears. Now, the way back to God asks that we reveal and expose. It can’t be any other way at all. It must be the other way round, the reversing way. We need to do the opposite of what they did! Exposing sin is the only way back.
DIRTY_C: This is a hard saying, isn’t it? It is hard to accept that it is the only way there is back to the Father.
CLEAN_C: Putting all in the light must be the first step one needs to take towards holiness. Even if thousands of people are looking and listening to our sins being confessed, we should put all in the light before them as if we are alone with God. God says that, if we do not reveal our sins, all shall be revealed any way, sooner or later. Jesus promised that, “There is nothing covered that shall not be revealed, and nothing hidden which shall not be known”, Mat.10:26. It is useless to have anything hidden at this stage. We should reveal it all ourselves. Why hide if it all shall be revealed, anyway?
DIRTY_C: It scares me to death to think that it is the way God’s judgment shall be! It makes me tremble with fear! Just think of it: every person shall see everything I did to them or thought about them! It is terrible! It is not easy to agree with God on such an issue as this.
CLEAN_C: God does not need you to instruct Him on how He must accomplish justice, does He? You should think of it before you had sinned and not after. Even if He needed some counselling, I don’t think He would receive it from someone who hasn’t cleansed his life thoroughly. But, we know He doesn't need a counsellor!
DIRTY_C: I understand. However, the thought of how it shall be in Judgment Day makes me think of asking God to have it done some other way with me! Will He hear me?
CLEAN_C: If you really wish to help God, you must rather do things as He purposed they should be done. You must let God advise you and help you out of sin by using light and its ways. God won't use darkness or its ways to do so.
DIRTY_C: Are you asking me to confess al my sins to you? Is that what you are aiming at?
CLEAN_C: No. But, I would love to have you fully cleansed and pure before God as a bride needs to be before her bridegroom. The way it happens doesn’t really matter to me, as long as it really works.
DIRTY_C: I understand. I don’t think you shall hear me confess all my sins at all. At least, I hope it won’t happen!
CLEAN_C: I really hope God gets a chance to clean your whole life and make it spotless forever, one way or another. I hope you won’t make it more difficult for you than what it is already. I will know about your sins sooner or later anyway, because God will judge all of us and He won’t do that in private. It wouldn’t change a thing if I heard about your sins now or not.
DIRTY_C: Better later than now! At least the shame is postponed.
CLEAN_C: It would be much better for you to reveal it right away though. By doing it now, God would work righteousness in you. You won’t find forgiveness in Judgment day. But, you can find it now.
DIRTY_C: You mean I shall be condemned if I postpone it?
CLEAN_C: If you postpone it until Judgment Day or until you die, I am sure you will be condemned.
DIRTY_C: And what must I do after I have confessed all my sins to you?
CLEAN_C: You don’t have to confess them to me at all. You haven’t sinned against me, as far as I can remember!
DIRTY_C: I understood that part. But, suppose I confess all my sins. Then what? What comes after that? What am I supposed to expect?
CLEAN_C: When we confess all our sins by name, we will also learn the way to deal with each sin separately and individually. Besides, we learn that only through light can sins be annihilated forever. And they must be annihilated and not merely put asleep. Walking in the light is what secures holiness to us, replacing the annihilated sins with a new life and a new way of living. The future of our steps depends on how well we manage to walk in the light now and later. The principle of exposing and expecting salvation from those sins we push to the light, is the basic principle of a holy life. The foundations of holiness are based upon walking in the light. However, we should do more than expose it at first.
DIRTY_C: What else should we do?
CLEAN_C: One thing we should do right from the beginning is to do the opposite of temptation. I mean, if an arrow of temptation strikes you, you should know you must do the opposite of what temptation tells you to do. And it should be easy enough.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: Let’s suppose you are easily tempted to steal. Under such trials, you simply give to people instead of stealing. Not stealing is never enough. The opposite of stealing is giving away. It shall open a new perspective to your vision of the new life.
DIRTY_C: Is that what you mean by doing the opposite? You mean, if I am tempted to say bad things about people I should not only keep quiet but rather tell good things about them? Is that what you mean?
CLEAN_C: You could put it that way, yes. Suppose you sit around with people who are gossiping about someone. You should tell those people they are wrong or wrong about the person they are talking about. However, if you are tempted to say bad things, you should think of some good things about that person and tell them about it. It will surely hinder temptation and might silence those gossipers. It shall hinder sin. “Love covers a multitude of sins”. If you have been stealing, you should work to give to people. That is what Paul says. “Let him who stole steal no more, but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, so that he may have something to give to him who needs”, Eph.4:28. Not stealing shouldn’t be enough to any of us. To stop lying shouldn’t be enough either. We should speak the truth and not merely not lie. Keeping quiet and not lying is not enough - it is not, yet, speaking the truth.
DIRTY_C: Now I understand why Jesus said it was a narrow way. I just didn’t think it was that narrow.
CLEAN_C: Well, the degree of difficulty lies only in the unwillingness of the heart of man. The heart is not that hard anymore when man is willing to do the right thing the right way. The only reason why it is hard is because man is unwilling. As I said, you shouldn’t make it harder for yourself. It is difficult enough already. The more you delay it, the harder it shall become for you. Don’t expect that it shall become easier as time runs out. It won’t. However, it is not that hard when people are willing. If people are obedient, it shall be easy enough and their yoke shall feel as light as it is.
DIRTY_C: I understood that. You mean, I should do the opposite of what I think I must do. As I understand it, I don’t wish to confess my sins and I should do the opposite of it right now. I want to postpone, but should instead hasten it. Is that so? I should go against myself, deny my fears and expose myself fully.
CLEAN_C: That seems a good idea, yes. You have seen the point I am trying to put forth to you. You haven’t started the way towards heaven yet, and you already know what to do. Can you see you haven't started it yet?
DIRTY_C: I think I have already started my way towards heaven. I go to church every time there is a service; I read my Bible quite often; I pray. How can you say I haven’t started yet? My pastor says I am already a Christian.
CLEAN_C: I shouldn’t need to comment on that, should I?
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: It is obvious your pastor shall agree with your attitude. Perhaps he doesn’t walk in the light himself. The Bible says, “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” Amos 3:3. It is clear to me the two of you are agreed. It also says that “For there will be a time when they will not endure sound doctrine, but they will heap up teachers to themselves according to their own lusts, tickling the ear”, 2Tim.4:3. The reason why there are so many churches is, mainly, because there are so many different carnal ways people wish God to accept from them.
DIRTY_C: I am the one who shouldn’t comment on that now! You are offending me deeply again! I don’t think you are being nice to me right now!
CLEAN_C: I don’t mean to be polite and nice. I only mean to express truth the best way I can.
DIRTY_C: Why do you keep telling me my pastor is wrong?
CLEAN_C: If you would just clean your life up, you would easily understand what I mean. It is so easy to understand truth if we experience it. But, if you do not experience it and do not obey it, it shall be hard to have a good understanding of it. I don’t expect you to accept these points of view unless you clean up your life thoroughly. Why would you be held back and refuse to clean up your whole soul by confessing all your sins? Is it only because your pastor does not agree with it?
DIRTY_C: It is the way you talk that offends me. You hurt people, you are not nice to them.
CLEAN_C: Besides, if you clean your life, your whole church might benefit from the example and from the blessing God bestows on you as a consequence of being in the light. It will be a blessing for your church if you clean up your own life. You shouldn’t stop going there only because you changed your mind. Unless God tells you to go away from there, you should stay right where you are and be a light among your people. Nevertheless, I can’t find a reason why you are postponing it if your church does not practice it! It just doesn’t make sense to me! There are so many blessings attached to it and you keep refusing them all!
DIRTY_C: But, tell me what will happen to me personally after I clean my life the way you are telling me to do it. Can you tell me?
CLEAN_C: Being clean before man and God makes it possible for us to be strong during those trials and temptations that make us grow in holiness. That closeness to God is what makes us strong - not the trials themselves, at least, not in a direct way. And when you decide to do the opposite of temptation, you will be able to fulfil what you purpose. Then will you be able to purpose and carry out. You will be able to perform what you purposed in God. It won’t work as before anymore. You know that if you are not clean, you won’t be able to do holiness or any right thing at all, at least not in a constant way. And even if you get it right to do some things the way you ought, sooner or later you won't be able to do so anymore.
DIRTY_C: You mean I shall be driven to wrong doctrines and away from what I ought to believe?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean, even though knowing about the right way is not the only thing we should be able to do. Doing is required of all of us who know. However, God requires even more than doing. And knowing is less than doing. And God requires more than doing. He demands of us that we become what we do, that we are what we do, and that we become such people who do His will in a natural way, as if it has always been our way. The Lord requires that we are what we do. God’s ways and commandments should be as natural to us as our breathing. We don’t think about breathing – we just do it! That is more than knowing or of forcing ourselves to do so. If we do not become such people, we shall be of the kind that looks back easily and be cursed as Loth’s wife has been. Or, we won’t be aware of God leaving us as happened to Samson.
DIRTY_C: I understand. Loth’s wife was turned into a salt pillar, right?
CLEAN_C: Yes, she was, (Gen.19:26). And not even Abraham’s prayers hindered it, (Gen.18:16-33).
DIRTY_C: It seems strange that she had looked back after the angels told her not to look back.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what happens to any person who is not in a continual fellowship with God. And having any sin between us and God will surely kill the fellowship with Him and God shall be absent. May we be able to be aware of His absence! Many people leave novels and fantasies behind, and they don’t see the need to have their hearts changed. If the heart still reasons according to the old ways - even if it has left all rubbish behind - it shall sooner or later, one way or another fall back into some kind of trap. Many stop drinking with friends, and yet, they still tell jokes which God is not pleased with. Unfortunately, they leave the door open to sin. Sin shall always be at the door if we do not do the right thing. (Gen.4:7)
DIRTY_C: And that is why people easily and eventually become salt pillars?
CLEAN_C: Yes, I believe so. They should not rest until their whole heart is changed for real. It must change as well. Now that they have left illusions, they should gain a new heart which thinks according to the new ways the Lord entrusted to them. They should never keep the old heart in them anymore. They cannot afford to do so.
DIRTY_C: If that is true, then I am not only a salt pillar! I am a salt tower!
CLEAN_C: If you say so! The amazing part about this is that you seem not to fear becoming a salt pillar at all. Why don’t you clean your life right away?
DIRTY_C: After I clean up I will be a holy man?
CLEAN_C: No, probably not. But, you will easily know how to become holy. There is a way to become holy, Deciding to be holy is very short. It shall work differently then. You should not postpone this first step one second more! Cleaning yourself will turn your way light and your yoke very soft. Then - and only then - shall you be able to finish the way you have started to experience. It shall become easy to persevere and to end the work that has been started in you!
DIRTY_C: What do you mean by finishing the work in me? Didn’t Christ cry out and say “It is finished”?
CLEAN_C: Everything starts when we are able to accept Christ and His way to comply ourselves to them. Then, we can easily become holy and fully sanctified. Paul said: “Follow sanctification, without which no one shall see the Lord”, Heb.12:14. And he was talking to revival Christians there, surely.
DIRTY_C: I understand. In other words, cleaning ourselves is the way to start and not the end of the race.
CLEAN_C: Yes, it is. By being cleansed, we shall be allowed into God’s will and, most especially, into the ways and means to accomplish it to the end. Cleaning our lives is the only way to start. In fact, we won’t be able to start carrying out God’s will any other way at all.
DIRTY_C: And what is God’s will for us?
CLEAN_C: Sanctification, for example, is God’s will for us. “This is God’s will, even your sanctification”, 1 Thes.4:3.
DIRTY_C: What is sanctification?
CLEAN_C: Sanctification is when our actions and members are able to perform in a natural way whatever is inside a justified heart. A justified heart is a heart made just and righteous through a new birth. Our mind and everything else we have in us are used to old habits and old ways. We think according to the old way, reason the old way, talk the old way and do most things the way we were used to. Now that we become changed for real inside, we need to teach our whole being to live and to be according to what our heart has been changed into. A sanctified person is someone who is new inside and his outside is according to it in a natural way. If God fills us with virtues inside, sanctification is living according to them as if we have never lived any other way before. We need to reach that point where God’s life is our life. However, we should change ourselves from inside first. And that starts happening only when God cleans our soul and fills us with Himself.
DIRTY_C: So, you are sure I need to clean up before I can be allowed into God’s will for my life, into sanctification?
CLEAN_C: Yes, I am sure of that. You need to clean up before you can know what God's will is and before you can think of being fit and enabled to carry it out in a faithful way. “And a highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called, The Way of Holiness. The unclean shall not pass over it. But He shall be with them; the wayfaring men, though fools, shall not err in it”, Is.35:8. If you do not clean up your whole life, past and present, you can’t have free access to God’s will and neither get to the means to accomplish it. Jesus said once: “Not everyone who says to Me, Lord! Lord! shall enter the kingdom of Heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in Heaven”, Mat.7:21. And even if we know what God’s will is, unless we get hold of all the means which cause us to be able to accomplish it, God’s will won’t be done by us at all. That is why God promises to punish more those who knew His will and were unable or unwilling to carry it out. One needs to get hold of the means to accomplish it faithfully. We need to be taught how to get it done and how to fulfil it. That is why I keep insisting with you that you should start right away, because there is still a long way ahead of you.
DIRTY_C: You are discouraging me. I hoped it would be easier than that.
CLEAN_C: It should be easier through the Lord. But, you need to be in the Lord first. Unless you do it God’s way, you won’t reach the end of your path faithfully. And to be in God, you need to clean your life first.
DIRTY_C: You never have doubts?
CLEAN_C: You don’t believe sometimes? Can’t you trust so now and then?
DIRTY_C: Sometimes I am able to believe. But, most of the time my trust or faith doesn’t result in anything; it does not bring any fruit.
CLEAN_C: Sometimes I have doubts about certain things. Some of those doubts are valuable, though. Some others aren’t that good. However, when I see temptation leading me to mistrust the Lord or His words, I am able to pull myself together and find my way back to the Lord for assurance. I do that because I can’t afford to have false assurances. God has to reassure me. But, I found myself doubting lies already. So, I consider those as good doubts and I can thank God for them.
DIRTY_C: You mean it is possible to have good doubts? I thought we should believe all the time. I believed doubting was bad.
CLEAN_C: Doubting truth and Jesus is bad. However, breeding mistrust towards lies is good. In fact, I consider it as faith when we are able to doubt a subtle lie. God can strengthen faith in truth and strengthen doubt in lies. Faith and doubts can both be virtues or they can be sin, depending what you doubt and what you believe. You can believe a lie and that sort of believing can never be considered as faith. And doubting a lie can never be considered as unbelief. It is possible to believe aright and believe amiss, just as it is possible to doubt aright and doubt amiss. We cannot afford to doubt the Lord when He speaks just as we cannot afford to trust a word coming from the devil. And genuine faith must be there only when God speaks. Abraham did not believe before God spoke. He trusted God in his overall life, but started building his hopes upon a specific word which the Lord spoke. Faith is much related to obedience as well. We cannot obey unless God has spoken. And we cannot obey unless it is the truth and accept it as such. We can accept a lie as truth and obey it; however, it can neither be considered as obedience.
DIRTY_C: So, when is it sin to doubt then? I have always been told I should never doubt.
CLEAN_C: Doubting is sin when your heart is responsible for not being able to take a word from God as trustworthy and infallible. God’s words are far above any contradiction or trial it may suffer. Usually, doubt and faith are the fruit or a consequence of the kind of heart we have. Jesus associated doubting to an evil heart. He said, “O faithless and perverse generation...” Mat.17:17. Only a perverted and crooked heart is able to doubt God. Honest people are also able to lack faith when they are separated from God for some reason. The way to solve it is to confess instead of trying to have faith. However, we should know the heart is the problem. Forcing a bad heart to believe won’t solve the problem, at least not for long. We should have a change of heart because it is the only one responsible for whatever we are able to doubt or believe. If you can believe lies, you shall surely breed a natural mistrust towards truth; if you are able to believe truth, you shall build a natural mistrust towards lies. It just works that way. If you turn your face to truth, your back is naturally turned to lies. It is not possible to turn your face to lies and to truth at the same time because they are on opposed sides.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: A thief trusts a thief because they are alike. They walk together because they are alike. Their souls “are agreed”, Amos3:3. An honest person trusts an honest person for the same reason. People who walk together are in some kind of consent or inner agreement. Sort seeks sort. If you have a truthful heart to which God is drawn and called to, you shall easily hear and believe the Shepherd. It all depends on what you really are or are changed into. If you are sheep, you will hear Him. To become sheep is better than to trying hard to hear Him and to understand Him.
DIRTY_C: You mean that if I have a spontaneous mistrust towards lies it means I am able to trust God and to entrust myself to Him fully? And if I am not able to entrust myself fully to God I am good at believing lies? Is that what you mean?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. You can entrust your whole being into His hands and be changed also. That’s why Jesus calls upon people to deny themselves.
DIRTY_C: And why did Jesus talk so strongly against all those who doubted?
CLEAN_C: He spoke against those who doubted Him and the words He spoke – not against doubting. Jesus reprimanded all such who could not believe truth because it meant they could believe lies. He would do the same were they able to believe a lie. If people were found doubting a word from God, even when it had been a disciple who carried it, He would surely be displeased against them. The fact is that it is the Holy Spirit who is trying to lodge truth in the heart of man. Doubting it is resisting a profound conviction worked by God. Doubting is camouflaged disbelief, either in God or in lies. Disbelief towards lies isn’t bad. However, we have no reason to doubt truth because the Holy Spirit would never mislead us or lead us to lies.
DIRTY_C: So, it is not always sin to doubt?
CLEAN_C: No, it isn’t always bad to doubt. Jesus praised the Church at Ephesus because they “tried those pretending to be apostles and have found them liars”. It was not easy to doubt an apostle. Yet, they did it and God praised them the same way He reprimanded Thomas for not having believe his brothers when they told him Jesus had risen from the dead.
DIRTY_C: This is interesting.
CLEAN_C: What Jesus solemnly condemns is that we doubt truth or anything that He said or says. However, Jesus would just as solemnly condemn a trust in a lie. If we are found unable to expose a lie as such, or at least doubt it, Jesus will surely be greatly displeased with us.
DIRTY_C: I understand. If we are not able to believe truth when it is brought before our eyes, Jesus won’t feel happy about it. It means we would rather believe a lie. And if we believe a lie, He will be just as unhappy about it.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that’s right. Christ calls a liar to anyone who is able to believe lies. But, if lies are spoken and we aren’t able to believe them, Christ will see us as truthful people. He’ll praise us because we “found them liars”.
DIRTY_C: I understand it much better now.
CLEAN_C: And what did you think faith was?
DIRTY_C: To me faith sounded like believing anything. I thought we weren’t allowed to doubt anything at all.
CLEAN_C: That couldn’t be regarded as faith. The devil could use such a heart to his benefit. Christ wants us to be sober and not fools. Faith is the ability and the act of believing truth and disbelieving lies even when they are invisible. Jesus did not call us to believe, but to believe truth. There are invisible lies, as there are invisible truths.
DIRTY_C: Truth can be invisible?
CLEAN_C: Yes, it can. Are your thoughts visible? They aren’t. Still, you live by them and you trust them quite a lot. The air you breathe is invisible, yet, it exists. If you breathe polluted air, you will notice the difference.
DIRTY_C: What you mean is that faith is an ability to believe truth. One needs to be able to believe it. And there are some people who won’t believe it because of the kind of heart they have in them. They can't believe truth because they have a bad heart.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. This is why Jesus mentioned those who “can believe” Him, Mk.9:23. Many just aren’t able to believe truth and they won’t obey it. People will rather believe lies because it suits the flesh. Many, however, will believe truth as long as it is not spoken by God. Their ways are not God’s and their heart is not like God's. If you are separated from God by some sin, I am sure truth won’t take hold of your heart and being. Truth won't be able to accomplish its work.
DIRTY_C: The heart is what makes us believe or disbelieve. Is that what you mean?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. People shall react towards truth or lies according to the kind of heart they have and according to its desires. If it is lies that suits them, they shall be able to believe it easily and will rather believe it.
DIRTY_C: And why would they have it that way?
CLEAN_C: There are people who would not believe were they honest. Others would easily believe were they simple and honest with themselves. Truthful people don’t need to force themselves to believe truth. They smell truth out. The sheep of Israel shouldn’t do it the old way anymore. They can believe. Faith is as easy as breathing once we belong to the truth. At least, it should be. After we have changed, we shouldn’t try believing the way we used to. Peter talks about faith being attained. If it is attained, it can’t be forced. It is fruit of a relationship. Peter talks about “those who have obtained precious faith through the righteousness of our God and our Saviour Jesus Christ”, 2Pet.1:1. Because they experience being righteous, they are enabled to believe. Faith is a gift to those who commune with God in a real way. Truth needs to be turned into reality and experience or it will avail us nothing. If any sin still separates us from the Lord, any kind of faith won’t be a living one, unless it is exercised during the confession of that sin and the consequent turning away from it. It might be obstinacy, at the most, if it believes in any other time. We should not dare to believe without God in our lives. We must have Him for sure, assuring us, or the devil will act as God. If God is indeed with us, we should be able to believe He is with us; if God is against us, we should be able to believe He is against us. That kind of faith would be able to save us.
DIRTY_C: How can it work be? This is a new thing to me.
CLEAN_C: If something is new to you and it is real, you have the option to take it, believe it and live through it. You must never doubt truth, but you must, also, allow it to become real to you once you trust it. You must taste and live truth or it will be as good as a lie. “Prove all things, hold fast to the good”, 1Thes.5:21.
DIRTY_C: But, isn’t it dangerous to put God to the proof and to try Him in some way?
CLEAN_C: God can confirm anything to you if you are tempted by lies simultaneously with hearing truth. God told King Ahaz to ask a sign to confirm with Him. Ahaz refused and God granted Him the sign anyway, because God knew he had a doubting heart, Is.7:10-16.
DIRTY_C: I understand. It happens only because God is not real to people, isn’t it so? God is fair and wishes people to take Him as real. It wouldn’t be hard to trust Him if we could just behold Him the way He is, I think.
CLEAN_C: Yes, it is true. You may behold Him and experience Him inside your heart for real. He can become as real to you as the consciousness you have of your own being. That should be better than seeing Him with the naked eye. We can see someone outside or afar, but God needs to be near and inside, moving in there. He must be real in us each moment of our lives. Believing can be easy then. It is not the same when we do not walk with God. Believing must be very difficult then. Anyone believing far from God is a hypocrite.
DIRTY_C: You mean that God assures everyone who experiences Him?
CLEAN_C: Yes, He does. “You shall call, and the Lord shall answer; you shall cry, and He shall say, ‘Here I am’”, Is.58:9.
DIRTY_C: God will be fair and talk to anyone who proves all things, even to any who proves Him?
CLEAN_C: He will, if our desire is to experience and to know truth. Many wish only to prove God won’t say a certain thing to them which they don't wish to hear. I believe those will see nothing. However, obedience to God and to all known truth is what proves Him best. The experiencing of real life is what convinces us most.
DIRTY_C: And God will accept anyone who puts Him to the test?
CLEAN_C: It we are not sure about certain things and our motives are pure, God can confirm many things to us. We need to near Him with humility and faith and He shall have mercy on us. “And test Me now with this, says the Lord of Hosts, to see if I will not open the windows of Heaven for you”, Mal.3:10. There are many wrong ways to put God to the test and only one right way to do so. If our intention is to believe the Lord, I am sure it isn’t the same as when we do not wish to believe Him. Our motives and ways are what make it acceptable or rejectable. God knows when we wish to flee away from lies and escape from them for our lives. If you have good beans and bad means in the same bag, I cannot believe it is wrong to separate between them so you may be able to eat only the good ones. God’s intention is to do us good, especially if our motives and intentions are good. He can even use evil temporarily when our intentions are to know truth.
DIRTY_C: I understand. God can use anything to achieve what is right.
CLEAN_C: Yes, He can. He does.
DIRTY_C: And why does God send plagues and curses upon people?
CLEAN_C: God’s intention is to make people repent of whatever evil they have. “And the fifth angel poured out his plague... And they did not repent of their deeds”, Rev.16:10-11.
DIRTY_C: And why don’t people get saved?
CLEAN_C: Because they are not able to believe. Sin makes people’s hearts dark and hardened and leads them to bitterness rather than to God. Under a plague, they choose to curse God because they don’t see the point of loving Him since He does not love their sin. They had high hopes in sin, they thought highly of themselves and God is not friendly to them.
DIRTY_C: Please, explain some more.
CLEAN_C: People in sin seem always to have a bitter heart. Anger is their daily bread. However, they expect God to bless them. And anger breeds many children, such as impatience, harsh speaking, judging and cursing. It just works that way. Anger and bitterness deprives people from grace. “…Looking carefully lest there be any man that falls short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby the many be defiled”, Heb.12:15.
DIRTY_C: And, by cursing God, people shall move further away from Him, and the further they are, the harder it shall be to believe and trust Him. Is that right?
CLEAN_C: That is right. We cannot afford to be away from God or we will be further and further by the day. We shouldn’t afford to have a single sin separating us from Him. If people are honest and simple, faith will come out of a genuine communion with God. However, if we try or pretend to have faith while separated from God, if we would rather force ourselves to believe instead of recognizing we are far from the Lord, Jesus will look at us and say we are trying to get into the sheepfold by jumping over the wall. We are not willing to get in through the door (John 10:1). Hypocrites do that. And they are thrown out!
DIRTY_C: And what hope is there for people who are separated from God since they are unable to believe? What can they do?
CLEAN_C: They can clean up their sins and remove them from the sight of God through the blood of Jesus. They should dare to come near. It is good to challenge ourselves towards God. Their only hope is to clean their life as they near the Lord, and to turn from it to become wither than snow. “How blessed are those who wash their robes so that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city!” Rev.22:14. This means that those who do not wash will not get in through the gate, but will try to get in some other way. We should only put every sin in the light to annihilate it. We have consciousness of those sins which hinder us from being heard in prayer and which hinder us to believe. Putting them all in the light should be no problem to us. It is a privilege to do so. Grace calls us and enables us to do so.
DIRTY_C: Is there nothing else that can separate us from the Lord besides sin?
CLEAN_C: No, there isn’t. Nothing can separate us from the Love of God once we share in its fullness through spotlessness. We shall be able to love, to believe and to hope through that love which is poured into us abundantly. However, it is poured so we can love and not be loved.
DIRTY_C: And why would people say all we need to do is to believe in God?
CLEAN_C: Even though it is true, we cannot expect that an honest person can trust God without breaking down his heart to plead for specified forgiveness. Besides, we need to believe God will take us to His fullness and not to remain as we are. Preachers should, at first, try to bring people to a thorough cleansing before telling them to believe in Jesus for anything else besides their forgiveness. They will trust on by themselves once they see the light of God.
DIRTY_C: I understand your point. But, I don’t know if I agree with it. What else is there to do after people are cleansed?
CLEAN_C: Then, faith shall be as easy as breathing. You should try it. That is how people become aware of how easy they will be able to fulfil and keep the commandments of God. People need to be taught how to keep them and not merely told to keep them, Mat.28:20. They need to know how to come to that point and not only why!
DIRTY_C: This is very interesting.
CLEAN_C: Only then are people able to believe because the nearness of Jesus’ Spirit will make them bold enough to enter further into His presence. Everything is made new and everything becomes different and marvellous enough to cause people to praise God with their whole heart and soul. “The old things are passed away; behold, they are become new”, 2 Cor.5:17. After people have cleansed their soul, they should be exhorted to believe and take truth as truth and lies as lies. Telling them that before they have light won’t achieve anything, even though it is good to do so. Jesus knocks at our door for each situation’s main purpose: to achieve it and to have it for real.
DIRTY_C: And if Jesus is not knocking at my door, what should I do?
CLEAN_C: That would be a huge catastrophe. It would be disastrous to anyone. But, we know God’s eyes run to and fro through the whole earth to find anyone whose heart seeks Him in a perfect way, 2 Chron.16:9.
DIRTY_C: This is confusing to me. How can I fix my life with God if I can’t believe He shall save me?
CLEAN_C: You recall when we talked about the effect the smell of food has upon us? Do you recall us talking about the limited experience of peace before being thoroughly cleansed from sin?
DIRTY_C: Yes, I remember. I will never be able to forget about that. It is written in me. I am not able to forget the experience. What about it?
CLEAN_C: The same principle can be applied to faith. The eternal, constant life of God nears us and makes it possible for us to believe. After that Life is fully settled in us, and it can be considered eternal (constant) in us, it shall be easier for us to have a fuller faith. “I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed, therefore I have spoken”, Ps.116:9-10. It seems the Psalmist believed because he walked with God. Through that eternal Life, we are made people capable of believing every word of God. The option will be there and it shall be easy for us to decide to trust Him fully. It won’t be as before. Before, we would not believe God or we would only believe amiss. In the presence of God, faith and hope become fruit of the Spirit. All other fruits of the Spirit are born much the same way. And faith is a fruit of a relationship between us and God, just as a child is fruit of a relationship between husband and wife.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean by fruit of the Spirit?
CLEAN_C: Fruit is caused and brought about by a real relationship with God’s Spirit in all holiness. You should try it. Have you ever wondered how can you love your enemies? Try it. Good things will surely come out of a real relationship between you and God.
DIRTY_C: His relationship with me?
CLEAN_C: Yes. It is a solemn promise to all. Just as my child is fruit of the relationship between me and my wife, so will faith, love, peace, joy, hope and many other virtues be a fruit of the Spirit inside you. After a woman becomes pregnant, no one can hinder that tiny fertilized egg to become a person. No one can hinder love, hope and faith to be in you if your relationship to God is kept pure and clean, especially when your motives are pure and the same as God’s.
DIRTY_C: And why are they called fruit of the Spirit if I am the one who loves, believes and hopes? Aren’t they my fruit as well?
CLEAN_C: For the same reason why a child is named after the father. The mother and the father bring it to life. Yet, the child is named after the father.
DIRTY_C: I see.
CLEAN_C: God is the father of all good fruit in the soul of man. That’s why it is called fruit of the Spirit and not fruit of man. If it is not His child, He won’t accept it. It won’t be acceptable to Him. It must be acceptable to God. This is why we read so much about acceptable service, acceptable offer and many other things which need to be acceptable. Unless it is God’s child and fruit, it will be a strange fire in God’s altar. Filthy rags they are. However, we are equally responsible for bearing fruit since we are the ones who shall give birth to it. Self-control is mentioned to be fruit of the Spirit. However, we say it is self-control. It means we control ourselves. Yet, it is a fruit of the Spirit.
DIRTY_C: It is worked by the Spirit and we are the ones who are able to control ourselves.
CLEAN_C: Yes. Likewise, it is us who believe. Yet, it is a fruit of the Spirit. And we may apply the same principle to love, hope and to the exercise of holiness. Yet, they are all fruit of the Spirit. Faith, therefore, is born out of the life worked by God in His presence. It is there in all those who commune with Him. It is there because God fertilized man’s spirit and soul with His seed. Both the Father and the mother take care of that child and bring it to life.
DIRTY_C: You mean, it is life which drives us to believe? It doesn’t sound right to me, though! I am used to look at it the other way round. I always heard we need to believe to have life. We need to believe before we can have it.
CLEAN_C: Jesus said: “Whoever believes in Me, has eternal life”. He did not say “shall have eternal life”, but rather that he has it already. Because he has it, man believes. By having that life, one is able to believe. If someone refuses to believe when the Spirit is quickening, in us, faith which saves, that person simply condemns himself. “If you don’t believe in me, you shall die in your sins”. It is through life we are able to have faith and trust the Lord. The Kingdom of God has come, we should believe it. Let there be more such real faith!
DIRTY_C: I am still confused. Shouldn’t it be the other way round? Shouldn’t we believe to have life?
CLEAN_C: It is the same as asking which came first: the egg or the chicken?
DIRTY_C: God created the chicken first. So, the egg comes after.
CLEAN_C: That’s what I believe too. In other words, Life is responsible for faith which brings more life into being. My faith can bring life into you as well. It just works that way. We should near Jesus to have life which quickens the faith by which we can be fully saved. “…And you will not come to Me that you might have life” John 5:40. John also talked about us believing to have life, John 20:31. We don’t know where it starts and where it goes. “The Spirit breathes where He desires, and you hear His voice, but you do not know from where He comes, and where He goes; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit”. An egg ends up in a chicken and a chicken ends in breeding eggs.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: However, Life and faith are gifts from God. He grants it to us, so we to have them, whether they are attained easily or the hard way; whether we seek to have it or God seeks us to have it. We need to give up all so we may have access to real life. We need to exchange own righteousness for real life. “But no, rather, I also count all things to be loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them to be dung, so that I may win Christ and be found in Him; not having my own righteousness, which is of the Law, but through the faith of Christ, the righteousness of God by faith”, Phil.3:8-9. Paul had that righteousness in himself for real. It wasn't a fairy tale to him at all.
DIRTY_C: Can you show me more about it out of the Bible?
CLEAN_C: There are many truths in the Bible around that issue. “For they, being ignorant of God's righteousness and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves to the righteousness of God. For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness for everyone who believes”, Rom.10:3-4.
DIRTY_C: So, if faith is a gift from God and even if I am the mother of it, the womb of it, I wouldn’t be able to believe unless I had life in me?
CLEAN_C: We must find life in Jesus. After we find life in Him, truth becomes our experience as well as our belief because faith is to believe truth. We cannot opt to believe unless we are aware of truth. And Jesus is the Truth.
DIRTY_C: And it is wrong to try to have faith when we don’t have life? Unless we have it we should attempt to believe?
CLEAN_C: You can try to believe, but the first trial will prove you to be a liar and you will take God for a liar. God won’t fulfil and your 'faith' will show you are a hypocrite. However, the sinner’s heart will continue to believe in himself only and interpret the experience of having been denied his own way. You would condemn yourself easily by climbing over the wall into the sheepfold because you won’t see God but to throw you out again, in order to talk sense into you by showing He is against you for as long as you don’t clean up. You might even start believing God does not exist! You will be able to believe a lie. And you would do it against your own conscience!
DIRTY_C: We can be condemned if we breed a faith which is not worked through righteousness in us?
CLEAN_C: Yes, we can easily condemn ourselves if the righteousness which works that faith is not God’s.
DIRTY_C: This seems a little confusing!
CLEAN_C: That will be the main reason why most now-a-days preachers shall be condemned soon. They proclaim peace and faith where there is no peace and where there is no real faith. “They have also healed the hurt of my people slightly, saying, Peace, peace, when there is no peace”, Jer.6:14. They use their last breathes to rob the people of God of their money and turn their attention from true issues. They have been thrown into the deep sea of deceit and still proclaim the faith they have denied, to take many along with them.
DIRTY_C: How did they get deep into the sea of deceit, as you put it?
CLEAN_C: Their faith has shipwrecked! Their stained consciences cause them to shipwreck in the faith. “…Holding a good conscience, which some have put away and made shipwreck as to faith”, 1 Tim.1:19. They haven't kept their consciences clean and spotless. Real faith is the fruit which the soul of man attains purity and salvation. If we try it through deceit and filth, we will be rewarded with more deceit and filth. Through faith and by faith we are able to be saved from all our sins. We shall see God by being clean, Mat.5:8. That inner experience of seeing God is far better than an eye contact of His glory. God inside of us is the experience of glory; eye contact of His glory means God is outside. Thinking the thoughts of God is far better than to know about those thoughts from outside and from studying. “Blessed are the clean in heart, for they shall see God”, Mat.5:8. That is why the apostles often spoke about people “purifying their hearts by faith”, Act.15:9. Without a spotless conscience and a thorough cleansing of your whole life it shall just be impossible to have a kind of faith that saves from sin. Faith suffers shipwreck if the conscience is stained by some sin because it separates us from real life, which is responsible for genuine faith. Faith is the power or the means by which we can be saved from all our sins. That is why we need to believe before we can be saved.
DIRTY_C: Without faith we lose a lot then. And without life we lose the faith that really works.
CLEAN_C: Yes, of course we lose much. And after we share in the faith which is a genuine gift of God, we must know things work out some other way after we take hold of the whole of it. It doesn’t work as before anymore. Everything has become new, even the way to do things. We have new weapons of light, new ways of thinking and new ways to do everything we know from then on. Without that faith, it shall be impossible to come to a state where we can please God. Not that faith pleases God, but through faith we are able to have full access to a state which is pleasing to God. We don’t need to have or to breed a false faith at all. We should forsake a forced faith forever as an image of what is in heaven. We cannot afford to neglect having real life or we will lose on a genuine kind of faith as well. And that kind of faith is valuable - so valuable God tries it and shapes it up daily. “For everything that has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that overcomes the world, our faith”, 1 John 5:4. There is nothing like it. It is important to have a close relationship to Christ because it imparts into us the faith which is able to save us from anything in this present world. Other miracles are not as important as salvation, no matter how important they are. Salvation is the biggest miracle there is!
DIRTY_C: I fear the thought of eternity. I can’t even imagine how eternity shall be. Sometimes it seems I am the only one who is not going to die. I can’t see myself dying at all.
CLEAN_C: You are an honest man. I firmly believe no sinner thinks much on his own death. The sinner knows he is going to die, yet, lives on as if death should or would never knock him down.
DIRTY_C: I agree with you.
CLEAN_C: This is why the Bible says it is good for us to go to a funeral so now and then so that we could realize what will also happen to us - sooner or later, one way or another. The Bible says it is better to go to a funeral than to a party. That is where many people’s eyes can face unavoidable facts.
DIRTY_C: And why do people live as if they will never die, even if they know they will die?
CLEAN_C: There are many reasons why man thinks that way. However, there is a main one, which is: God created us as eternal beings. We have been created with the idea of eternity engraved in us. It is part of us. However, we have ceased to be eternal beings and the heart still has eternity burnt into it as part of creation. Man is full of contradictions and antagonisms in him because the creation he is doesn’t fit into his sinful state anymore. His true state is not the same as the reality he is aware of as creation. Man thinks and reasons as an eternal being.
CLEAN_C: Because the Bible says that, when God created man, “He put eternity in his heart”, Ecc.3:11. This man with the concept of eternity burnt in him by creation is the one who has fallen into sin and whom God forbid to eat from the Tree of Life. He is the one to whom God said, “You shall not eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. For in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die”, Gen.2:17. Now, man is not eternal anymore. He can’t live forever unless he eats from the Tree of Life. “And God said, Behold, man has become as one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever, therefore God sent him out from the garden of Eden to till the ground from which he had been taken. And God placed cherubs at the east of the garden of Eden, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the Tree of Life”, Gen.3:24. Now we have a being that shall die and still has a mind which thinks and reasons in an eternal mode. The way man thinks is still according to creation.
DIRTY_C: I think I understand. It makes sense. We all think evil will strike others only and not us.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is true. But, there are many more reasons why man avoids thinking of death.
DIRTY_C: Which reasons?
CLEAN_C: Man has been created to be pure, clean and obedient to truth, constant and without ups and downs. Consequently, man also has this mind which assumes he is all that. However, he is not pure, he is not a constant being anymore, and does not obey God naturally. Man's mind trick him into lies. He is too lazy and too unwilling to realize his situation has changed drastically. Man’s inner world is a contradiction of many things he experiences. There are exterior facts which do not work according to the creation that man still is. We cannot deny we are still created beings. What man experiences in daily life is far from the way he has been made to be.
DIRTY_C: Is that why people believe they are always right?
CLEAN_C: Perhaps it is, I cannot say for sure, and perhaps it is why man also refuses to acknowledge sin, even though we cannot ascribe it to that reason only. Man has also become stubborn in what he is. Ignorance and unbelief also play a huge role here. The facts are that man is a world of contradictions. He is an abortion of his own creation. Until we eat from the Tree of Life, we won’t find ourselves and neither our place in the Universe. If we meet the conditions to eat from Christ and drink His blood, we shall also find the main reason why we have been created for, and we will understand our existence. This is mainly why God always uses the words, “Come back” to all lost people. They must “come back” to their origin. He even says "come back" to people who have never been converted before.
DIRTY_C: And what else causes humans to be confused beings?
CLEAN_C: God is absent from them. Man does not know he needs to search for God because he naturally assumes God is with him all the way. People have been made as beings who would experience God’s presence continually and walk with Him all the time out of love. Man cannot think goodness will miss him at all. This is why God tells people to seek Him to find Him and very few obey this commandment. Even pessimists have a kind of mind which contradicts their daily expectations. All sinners use God’s name in vain, one way or another. Humans struggle to believe God is not with them. They hate to face such a reality.
DIRTY_C: And why is it so hard to believe God is not with us?
CLEAN_C: The devil, together with the perverted heart of man, uses the whole situation to his benefit. When man is against God or God is against man, the devil entices man to believe God will help or bless him all the time. When God is indeed with man, the opposite happens and the devil tempts man through unbelief. When man has made his life right with God, the devil uses most of man’s remembrances of when God was not with him. It can be easy to make man unstable if he doesn’t hold on to the Tree of Life, Christ, at any cost with full assurance. I have seen many people recalling false prophecies of their time of deceit every time God speaks with them truthfully. The devil used lies before to keep them in darkness concerning the true nature of God; and now he uses old facts to tempt man and rob him of his faith, saying to man he had been a liar. Faith is the main thing he wishes to destroy in us; that is the target the devil aims at. He does anything to make man unbelieving and to offend God. Unbelief is the same as tempting God.
DIRTY_C: Sometimes I feel so confused I feel like giving up.
CLEAN_C: It can easily happen. The devil may tempt you to give up what you have never started for real. It makes you believe you are right with God.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: If you have never cleansed your life, if you are really separated from God, you can breed ideas of giving up, because you believe you are right with God. It is another way to believe you have been following Jesus.
DIRTY_C: You mean I have never had God in me at all?
CLEAN_C: I don’t know. All I know is that you have never cleansed your whole life the way you should have cleansed. If you had cleansed it thoroughly you, wouldn’t ask these questions the way you do. By your fruit, I know you.
DIRTY_C: In your view, I have no chance to be saved?
CLEAN_C: You have the same chances of being saved as any other sinner who has never cleansed his own soul from all transgressions. This means you must cleanse your heart and soul to be able to start genuine life the way it should be started!
DIRTY_C: Which way?
CLEAN_C: Do I have to repeat it all over again? You must make your life right with God and people the way I have explained before.
DIRTY_C: But, if I already believe in Jesus and I talk to people about God, why should I go back on my sins to ask people and God to forgive me? Aren't all my sins already forgiven?
CLEAN_C: I think you speak to people about Jesus so you can find one more reason to avoid pleading for forgiveness. No teacher believes he should be a student and a student who teaches may think highly of himself. When a thief gives some money to the poor, he believes he is a good man. But, God still says he is a sinner. And because man rather believes himself, he assumes God is lying even though he doesn’t say God is a liar openly. A sinner will rather say such words are not coming from God.
DIRTY_C: I don’t think that is what is happening to me.
CLEAN_C: We read in the Bible that, “Nevertheless the foundation of God stands sure: Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity!” 2Tim.2:19.
DIRTY_C: And what do you think departing from iniquity means?
CLEAN_C: What else should it mean? Departing from iniquity is getting sin away from our hearts getting free of all guilt and stain. Those who get it right are the only ones capable of remaining in the Lord and to become eternal beings for real. Unless you become clean, your foundations will always be weak and you can easily become “a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain came down, and the floods came, and the wind blew and beat on that house. And it fell, and great was its fall”, Mat 7:26-27. Unless you depart from anything God considers sin, you won’t be an eternal being in daily life. And unless you break the wall that separates you from God, you won't be able to depart from sin, at least not for a long time.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean by “eternal being”?
CLEAN_C: Eternity means without end. However, it also means being constant and without ups and downs. It is a kind of solid life which remains forever. It doesn’t change and grows in one direction only. Eternal life means it is a kind of life which is steadfast, permanent, constant, without ups and downs and without end. We need to become eternal beings again and stop trying to live through appearances only. Man needs to repent for real.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean by that? What do you see as repenting for real?
CLEAN_C: Tears may mean nothing. Many people feel sorry for themselves and preachers take it for granted they are repenting. They might only be good hypocrites and people take them into the sheepfold because they may have cried. We should wait until the tree bears fruit.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: When a person cries because of frustration, it doesn’t mean he is crying about his many sins. Maybe he is just crying because he is sorry he can’t get what he wants. Frustration leads many to cry. There are so many selfish reasons why people cry. Maybe people cry only because sin did not grant them what they expected it would.
DIRTY_C: Is it wrong to cry because of frustration?
CLEAN_C: No. The wrong part about it is to believe that, because we have cried and are frustrated beings, we may avoid fixing our lives the way we ought. Crying leads people to seek acceptance. It can’t be seen as repentance at all. Repentance means you not only give back what you have stolen, but also start giving away what you have worked for. You do the opposite of stealing. It is not the same as crying. Repentance means we try to straighten all our ways and make up for the wrong we may have done. Repenting is not crying over the spilled milk, but is rather milking the cow again in a new way and for nobler purposes. And one does not always cry milking the cow again.
DIRTY_C: I see.
CLEAN_C: I have seen pastors crying because they have been caught with prostitutes. They weren’t crying for their sins, but rather because they have been caught. They were seeking acceptance and not forgiveness. Others look back and miss their old sins for a moment. It causes them to cry as well.
DIRTY_C: I think people also cry because others won’t accept them.
CLEAN_C: It is true. It all happens that way because they wish only to be accepted.
DIRTY_C: Please, carry on. This is interesting. Forgive me for interrupting you so much.
CLEAN_C: So, when people have something separating them from the Lord, I am sure they will be unstable one way or another. The way they feel about things means nothing. The fact is that separation from the Lord makes people inconstant and wavering. Inconstant people cry easily. However, there are also many who feel inconstant because of the emotional habits they gained and not because they are separated from the Lord. We should be able to take only facts into consideration and not emotions.
DIRTY_C: You mean that an unclean person is not eternal and it doesn’t matter how stable he feels. You also mean that any unconfessed sin makes us unstable even if we feel strong and safe.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. On the other hand, any clean person is strong, even when he feels weak and unsure. The Bible says, “Let the weak say ‘I am strong’”. Emotions come and go, but truth and facts will stand forever. The way of the Lord is a way where unclean people shall surely stumble and fall. “And a highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called, ‘The Way of Holiness’. The unclean shall not pass over it. But He shall be with them; the wayfaring men, though fools, shall not err in it”, Is.35:8.
DIRTY_C: I understand now. Eternity means something constant and without ups and downs. Even if we feel otherwise, facts are facts. That is what you mean, isn’t it?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is right. I can see you are understanding things much quicker now. You are not too far away from experiencing truth in a real way, I think.
DIRTY_C: I also sense you are more patient towards me. You are explaining things better to me. Before, I only felt as if you were pressuring me. Now I feel you are explaining.
CLEAN_C: People have the notion of eternity in them, but sin makes them unstable and dying. No one who clings to sin may ever consider himself as eternal. However, man cannot stop thinking and reasoning in an eternal way. It is good that sinners feel unsecured and lost. Their lack of peace might teach them something about their real state. “There is no peace for the wicked, says the Lord”, Is.57:21.
DIRTY_C: So, it is important that we become constant people and not only feel constant. The way we have been made may confuse us sometimes and cause us to take certain things for granted which can’t be true anymore, because we have sinned.
CLEAN_C: That is right.
DIRTY_C: Tell me a bit more about the way we can become constant and eternal people, can you?
CLEAN_C: We cannot decide to be constant. We must be clean. There is a way to become constant. We may decide to clean up and humble ourselves and the consequence of it will be an experience of eternity and of eternal life within our being. Only then will it be a real experience. We cannot assume we shall become constant and eternal only by deciding to be so. We need to go through the whole process of cleansing, at first. We may not skip any part of it. That is where everything starts to be eternal. After that has happened, God’s things may be done in us and by us through the Lord's power. God will be able to gather with us, and we with Him. We shall have a genuine, unbreakable communion with the King of kings. And the best part is that it can be an eternal communion. All our ways and manners will change and new ways shall gradually be conceived in us. It will slowly take grip of whole being to confirm God is true. Our minds need to change and become conformed to the Lord. We mustn’t be conformed to this world anymore and neither to the mind habits it works in people. But, before we can be conformed to the Lord, we must clean the temple we are so that He shall settle down and feel at home.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: Before, we lived in the world and we used to think and reason the way the world normally thinks and reasons. There was nothing unusual for us to reason along that line of thought. However, we need to know even our ways need to change after we meet the Lord for real. In fact, the most important part is the change of our ways. We cannot look at things or at people the way the world taught us to look at them. The experiences through which the world maintained itself need to be replaced by truth, its ways and the reality of the Lord.
DIRTY_C: I understand. This means, if I speak to God or about God without having a genuine communion with Him, all I do is in vain.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is right, especially when there is still something we can do about our situation or about saving ourselves. “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build it; unless the Lord keeps the city, the watchman stays awake in vain”, Ps.127:1. If God is near and trying to save us, it is obvious our plans will never work out outside Him. It is mercy which causes them not to work out. Usually, people far from God achieve many things they planned to do. They are at random and Judgment Day awaits them. They shall die in their sins. There is very little that frustrates them even if their soul is in deep turmoil because of the lack of peace. However, all those who have the blessed chance to get saved are often frustrated people until they cease to refuse the salvation God is offering to their souls.
DIRTY_C: And how is this related to being inconstant and wavering?
CLEAN_C: In the appearance, all such people who live far from God aren’t disturbed by the devil and live a quite existence. God doesn’t bother them much either. That is what I believe happens to most of them. However, their foundations are rotten and they shall never be sustained in trouble. When death comes their way, they are hopeless and faithless. For as long as they live, their eyes are blind to the fact that they shall die and that their foundations are rotten and their ways slippery. They feel safe, they seem safe and their appearances delude and mislead others into false Christianities. They are slipping into hell and know it not. “Surely You set them in slippery places; You cast them down into ruin. How have they been brought into grief, as in a moment! They are fully eaten up with terrors”, Ps.73:18,19. Their final fall will be great and hopeless! Once they fall, there is no return.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: However, that doesn’t happen to those who have a chance to get saved. As long as they resist the truth or as long as they need trials to live according to God’s precepts and commandments, God shall not give them rest. God strives with them against sin in their lives. Many of them may reject the gospel before the end, though. They can even accept an easier 'gospel'. However, their living on earth shall be quite different. These won’t have a good time on earth unless they change. Many holy ones remain poor and troubled to the end so they can be fully saved from everything that brings earth and heaviness to their hearts. These people may be emotionally unsure, but their foundations are strong and untouchable. God will be there to guide them right through. The lost people, however, may be emotionally stable, but their foundations are rotten. They will not stand in the Judgment of God. "Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous", Ps.1:5. The Bible exhorts us quite often to face facts and rejoice each time we are tried or go through occasional difficulties. What counts is whether our foundations are solid and not our feelings.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: It would be good if all of us could express emotionally and practically the reality of our soul and life. However, what counts is the reality of the truth in us, even if we can't express it the way David could do. You may seem unstable while you have sound foundations; or you may have the appearance of stability while God is your enemy. It would be good if the appearance could be a precise reflection of your true state.
DIRTY_C: Can that happen?
CLEAN_C: You cannot expect God to bless you in those things which He does not approve and neither may you ever think God won’t bless the person He approves. Unfortunately, people start praying to God holding in the heart and desires what God can’t bless. They pray and God doesn’t answer. Once they clean up their motives and their lives, they are tempted to remember the previous sinful experiences of unanswered prayers. We must assume everything has changed after we really changed. We must live in reality and stick to it.
DIRTY_C: I see.
CLEAN_C: The other unfortunate thing that usually happens to humans is that evil people don’t have evil appearances. They are not used to reveal their hearts and minds. Once we come to the Lord and all becomes new, we have nothing to hide anymore. We shouldn’t be afraid to reveal all in the sincerity of our hearts as the habit used to be. "He who practices truth comes to the Light so that his works may be revealed, that they exist, having been worked in God", John 3:21. In practical life, we should be able to assume truth as truth, lies as lies and evil as evil. None of it should be hidden or helped to be hidden any longer. We cannot afford to be divided between two thoughts anymore, 1 Kings 18:21. If Ball saves, let’s live for him; if only Jesus saves, let’s live for Him alone. We shouldn’t be wavering between sin and God anymore. Let’s take a stand. If sinning is good, why should people hide it? And if God is good to them, why hide Him from anyone? Because people learn to hide sin, they will carry on hiding God in them after they are renewed.
DIRTY_C: We cannot live in a house where some rooms belong to the flesh and some others to God, right? It would be like expelling the devil only from certain parts of our house.
CLEAN_C: Yes, we could put it that way. And God wants the whole house for Himself so He can rule over the whole Temple. It belongs to Him forever. The fact is that we must be firm when God is at work and unstable when God leaves us for some reason. That is the normal way to live and to be in this creation. It shouldn’t work the other way round. But, sinners overshadow and cover their instability by being proud. Arrogant sinners usually feel safe and strong alone and unstable when God nears them because their strength and the ways they know and use are resisted by God and their ways resist God’s. This is why the strength of man has become such an offense to heaven. Sinners don’t know God’s ways and trust their own only. The ways of the flesh don’t work out when God’s presence is real and felt. And when people are used to the ways of the flesh, they become wavering because they don’t know any other way to make things work out. Now, because the ways of the flesh don’t work out in a spiritual atmosphere, it doesn’t mean the ways of the Spirit won’t work out at all. Man is not used that God’s things work out for them. They feel at home only when they pray and things do not work out. But, they will work out as soon as we become spiritual and clean. Then, there is a new reality one must become used to as soon as possible. So, when Jesus nears us for real, we need to believe Him or we will be in trouble. Things aren’t as they used to be anymore. “If you will not believe, surely you shall not be established (stable)”, Is.7:9.
DIRTY_C: You make me afraid. You mean that if I am still fleshly, I will be unstable as soon as Jesus is made real to me?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what I mean. You need to change and, before you can change, you must clean up.
DIRTY_C: And how can I make sure I am spiritual and not fleshly?
CLEAN_C: As soon as you clean up you will have enough light to distinguish between light and darkness, and between those things you need to lay down or give up and the ones you must take hold of. Usually, fear to fail near the Lord is a sign of excessive trust in the flesh. After your life is clean, things simply start to work out in a spiritual way and cease to work out in a way man is used to. If the things of God did not work out before, they might work out after a thorough cleansing is accomplished and done. You shouldn’t rely on previous experiences when the Lord did not hear your prayers. We need to become eternal beings and cease to be unstable.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: The biggest problem we may ever face is a wavering heart or an unstable soul. We should not live one minute of our lives with unstable foundations. Man is used to seek security in the way he feels or feels about things. That cannot be regarded as assurance anymore, since it has never been secure, even though genuine security grants us a kind of assurance beyond imagination. However, because the source of real security is not based upon emotion, but rather in spiritual facts and attainments, and because man seeks “peace where there is no peace”, any worldly person knows only how to trust only when he is emotionally stable. This means, he trusts in himself or in the flesh. If he feels safe, he believes he is safe. Facts do not count to him. The truth is, we should feel safe only when we are safe indeed. It shouldn’t work the other way round. We may find people praying, “Lord, your will be done”, while they have in mind their own desires, thinking those desires are what God wills for them. And they feel safe thinking they are praying for God’s will. Were they truthful, they could pray, “Lord, we wish you to do our will through your power! You love us, so do it Lord!” They see that as love, when they or the flesh are pleased.
DIRTY_C: And can we do that? May we ask things from God because He loves us?
CLEAN_C: If it is to fulfil the desires of the flesh, we can’t. We must ask things for God’s sake and in God’s name, it is, in Jesus' behalf. We cannot tempt God beyond that and make Him accomplish things because He loves us. It sounds like blackmailing Him into something. We should know God won’t leave us alone, ever. However, it does not mean we must demand from God the fulfilment of own, carnal interests. Our salvation is God’s will and salvation is being saved from thoughts and motives which are pleasant to the flesh or to self. Why would God feed something He wishes dead? We should take into account what God really has in mind for us and for all around for His sake.
DIRTY_C: What you are saying makes sense to me.
CLEAN_C: As much as praying for self grants man a special emotional comfort and assurance, it doesn’t make people secure for real, since they are not in God but rather in an emotional trip of self-love. Selfishness is the opposite of love. People have weak foundations and strong deceiving feelings about their own true state. Because people seek to be loved, thinking God does all for their sake, it makes them feel well and fulfilled. They have this vain idea that this is what faith is all about: to believe God shall satisfy the flesh and self will be carefree. One thing leads to another. Love towards self leads to tempt God. And when people cease to pray for own sakes, they shall easily believe they are not loved by God or that God won’t grant them any petitions. The truth is that only then will God grant answers to their prayers. If genuine faith comes out of love, a false one comes out of the love for self. Selfishness is the opposite of love and not hatred as many suppose. Hatred is just one more kind of selfishness. And, consequently, a false faith or the absence of real faith is always born out of selfishness. Even when people pray for signs and miracles, they breed a kind of selfishness which seeks their own glory. Even when man thinks of doing the things of God, he takes himself into account. This is one more reason why people become faithless and unbelieving.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: When people love themselves and worry about themselves easily, they ask God for certain things which God seldom is able to grant. However, they have this inner selfish assurance which makes them carry on asking without realizing there are no answers to their carnal requests or even to their spiritual requests made in a selfish, carnal way. But, as soon as man’s motives change, and since man’s inner habit is always to take self into consideration, when he prays for the right thing, he will be reminded of how often God has denied him his requests when he prayed in sin. They start believing God’s hand is too short to save them, Is.59:1,2. All man needs to do is to think and realize he has changed. He must take notice it must be different since he has changed and God will most likely answer all his unselfish prayers sooner or later, one way or another. It should give man more and better confidence and not less. Such people may not dare to feel unstable once they have changed. And they might feel unstable and unsure because self is not loved or has not been taken in consideration. What should make them more confident causes them to doubt and become unstable in God’s will. They often look back because of that. Now that they are secured for real, they must feel accordingly. Doing God’s will for real and accomplishing it should assure us of facts and of God’s grace and means.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: We cannot carry on thinking God won’t change towards us when we have already changed towards Him and our ways have been changed from sin to holiness. God will give grace to the humble under any circumstances. However, we need to be clean. “Cleanse your hands, sinners; and purify your hearts, double-minded (wavering) ones”, James 4:8. We should refuse to give up or cease to pray before we have accomplished all of God’s will about anything at all. Things won’t be as before from the moment that everything has become new!
DIRTY_C: You mean that after we have cleansed our lives and if our motives have changed from self to God, we may feel better and have the assurance God will grant our requests, especially when self doesn’t feel loved? If self feels hated it should be good news to us and not sound like bad news? This means, we can have faith once we are clean and spotless, and before we shouldn’t be able to believe at all.
CLEAN_C: You could put it that way! “And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us”, 1 John 5:14. It doesn’t work out as it did before when we were not used to ask according to God’s will. Now, He hears us. Things may have changed because we have changed.
DIRTY_C: You mean, if my life is dirty I am unstable in my faith, even when I feel safe?
CLEAN_C: Unless you clean up your whole life, you shall always have a fight in you about believing or not believing. You will reveal a wavering soul and mind for as long as you have one single dirty spot in your conscience and soul. Don’t delay the cleansing of your soul one single day more!
DIRTY_C: Why is it so hard for me to clean up my life?
CLEAN_C: It is not hard when you are willing. It is still hard because you haven't decided to be willing. It will be easy as soon as you are willing. You need to come to the point where you say, “I will do it right now whatever it costs me!” Then it becomes easy. You make me anxious and that’s why you feel I am pushing you into it! Things are so clear, and yet, you seem to delay it time after time. Why postpone one minute more? You should know about all these things by now! They should be making sense to you already! You have been a Christian for such a long time! None of this should be unknown to you by now! You should be practicing all these things in a simple, natural way already. “For indeed because of the time, you ought to be teachers, you have need that one teach you again what are the first principles of the oracles of God. And you have become in need of milk, and not of solid food. For everyone partaking of milk is unskilful in the Word of Righteousness, for he is an infant. But, solid food belongs to those who are of full age, even those who, because of use, have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil”, Heb.5:12-14.
DIRTY_C: Please, stop forcing me and explain to me. This is interesting!
CLEAN_C: I can’t explain it forever! You need to clean your life once and for all! You seem hasty and impatient because you have been delaying things. Hasty people are often behind schedule. They want to skip many things because they are behind schedule and are unwilling to do it the way they should. You should believe and stop looking for a way to jump over things. “He who believes let him not be hasty!” Is.28:16.
DIRTY_C: Please, carry on.
CLEAN_C: Ok, I will. Unstable people become more unbelieving and unbelieving people become more unstable. Things just get worse and worse until the whole situation is reversed by doing what we ought to do and the way it ought to be done. There is very little left to explain! You should be doing truth by now! You act as Job’s friends did! They just wouldn’t be convinced and moved by truth!
DIRTY_C: If this is all true, if what you are saying is all according to truth, I am surely lost. I have never confessed my sins one by one before because I have never heard it should be done that way. I believe we are saved forever as soon as we accept Jesus.
CLEAN_C: People who do not clean up their lives will always fall into many traps of unnecessary temptations. It is just a question of time until they fall or even fall forever. You should not delay it one minute more. If you do, you will never know what the next moment will bring to you. You will always be wavering between two thoughts. You must start doing what you know is truth. You should also avoid being assured by other means which do not coincide with practical truth and with practical confession. Jesus said that if you are willing to do His will, you shall know whether the doctrine is His. You cannot expect to know whether it is true or not until you do what you have been shown to do. It just works that way. Even a lie can be exposed by trying it out. We shouldn’t practise lies, though. But, we cannot deny that lies are often exposed when tried. It just works! “If anyone desires to do His will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it is of God”, John 7:17. A wavering heart, soul or mind is part of the salary we get from sin. It is part of death.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: And there is another problem: wavering people often give up too easily. They only know how to be wavering. A wavering person is often own-minded as well because he fears to change and become eternal. He does not know the eternal way! It feels like heresy to him to feel that way, unable to trust self. And if that person can’t get things his way, he shall give up. And all those who give up reveal just how much they still love self and how much they keep it secret.
DIRTY_C: And what does all of this have to do with eternity?
CLEAN_C: Can’t you see? Every wavering mood any person has is the opposite of eternity. We must become eternal now. An eternal being is a constant being. Giving up cannot be eternity, can it? Any eternal being does not give up upon good. He simply knows and experiences what eternity is all about because he is a constant being in the things he should be constant. And people become un-eternal for many reasons. They may be constant people with an inconstant lookout; or they are not constant beings and appear to be sober and constant; or they can be a mixture of both. If our lives are indeed clean and spotless, we may live as eternal beings and deny what is not true in the way we feel about things. However, if God does not find our soul and conscience clean and spotless, we should not be able to believe we are safe and sound at all because our lives are at risk then. Sinners, usually, seek to be convinced so that they may suppose things and believe they do not need to change. The fearful feels well by fearing; the wavering ones by wavering and the worrying man by worrying. Unless a worried person does not worry, he will feel bad and unsafe. People feel well only by satisfying their own lusts and emotional demands. “For they do not sleep, except when they have done mischief”, Prov.4:16. You cannot regard that sort of peace and accomplishment which cause sinful people to sleep in peace as eternal.
DIRTY_C: It makes sense.
CLEAN_C: We may never cease to know or cease to believe that the life Jesus grants us is eternal in its essence. Unless the fruit reveals itself to be eternal, we must rather go back to the Lord and find out what is the matter with us. We must wipe out of our minds even the smell of wavering when we are clean. Even the remembrance of it should be gone from us. Then, we won’t be tempted to look unstable when our hearts are settled for real in the Lord because they are grounded upon the Rock of Ages. It should be enough to make eternal beings look eternal, and it should be able to do away with feigning forever.
DIRTY_C: And how can we accomplish that? What do I need to do?
CLEAN_C: It is accomplished through the working of the blood of Christ within our souls. But, it must be real and practical. Knowing about it and believing it is not enough: it must be practical. A clean person finds it easy to live in accordance to facts. The reality we start to experience in the Lord will assure us, our ways and all we do shall easily glorify the Lord. Any false security won’t stand a chance if our lives are real and genuine. Christ has promised it would be so. Our souls will be healed.
DIRTY_C: And will we always be clean?
CLEAN_C: Of course we will. “Great peace is to those who love Your Law, and there is no stumbling for them”, Ps.119:165. It is a promise from God.
DIRTY_C: It seems like something to desire deeply. It sounds wonderful and desirable.
CLEAN_C: Yes, it is a wonderful thing. This is why I can’t figure out why you keep postponing it.
DIRTY_C: I think I will try cleansing my life soon. We will see how it works out.
CLEAN_C: This is just another un-eternal attitude.
DIRTY_C: Which one?
CLEAN_C: Postponing things. You are afraid to leave your way and exchange it for a better, solid one. It seems you don’t take these things seriously. That is a sure sign of the lack of eternity inside your heart. You seem to be so unbelieving and so lacking on a resolute spirit, that one doesn’t know what else to tell you or to convince you fully. You keep postponing what should be accepted at once! You should be a grown up Christian by now and there you are postponing things the way fools usually do.
DIRTY_C: And all of this is a consequence of not being clean before the Lord? Should I clean all things first?
CLEAN_C: What things? What things you need to clean?
DIRTY_C: My lack of faith, the lack of eternity in my heart and some other things I would rather not mention.
CLEAN_C: Surely, you must clean yourself of any sin and stain. But, the worst ones are the ones you refuse to reveal and confess openly. After you have confessed them, you need to forsake all those sins forever as well. The moment God sees the disposition in you to forsake whatever you reveal and confess, you will be forgiven.
DIRTY_C: What you are saying is that the more I delay confessing my sins the more dirt will gather in my soul because sin grows? In your view, I am full of dirt inside? And all of that have bad consequences in my overall behaviour?
CLEAN_C: I don’t know how dirty your heart is. But, I am sure you know. And it is true that sin brings more sin because it separates you from the Lord. If you find yourself separated from God by some sin, you will do whatever sin or the devil wishes demands from you. Sin indeed separates from God. And you won’t know how much you need to clean until you start. The more you delay, the worst it will become and the more sins you shall need to bring to light later on. It will also become harder by the hour to comply with truth and to obey it. The choice is yours.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: The task is urgent and, the more you delay, the more confusion you will bring upon yourself by the hour. Besides, the devil won’t leave you alone and he will give you a hard time. Conviction will also take all your peace away from you. Consequently, your mind, disposition and heart will be a mess. It may come to a point where there is no way to revert it anymore.
DIRTY_C: I wouldn’t want to reach that point!
CLEAN_C: I know you wouldn’t. This is why I keep warning you about delaying it each day, especially when you already know about something which should have been done a long time ago. You must come to a point where not even God finds a stain in you. Daniel said he had been innocent in God’s eyes. And we know God’s eyes see all. Nothing is hidden from Him at all.
DIRTY_C: But, Daniel had many problems, didn’t He? He was thrown into the lions’ den.
CLEAN_C: That wasn’t really his problem because God did care for him. His main problem was to keep his heart clean and blameless through the power of God. The lions and the persecution were God’s problems – not his. God is not afraid of the mouth of lions.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: We could say ignorance is the opposite of the New Testament. Christ does away with ignorance forever.
DIRTY_C: You keep confusing me!
CLEAN_C: What confused you now?
DIRTY_C: How can the New Testament be the opposite of ignorance?
CLEAN_C: Ignorance is also sin.
DIRTY_C: How so? How can ignorance be the opposite of the New Testament if the New Testament is a part of the Bible?
CLEAN_C: Do you know what a testament is?
DIRTY_C: I think I do. When someone dies, he leaves a testament behind. In it is the will of the deceased touching what he leaves behind. How is it related to the New Testament?
CLEAN_C: Jesus died for us, we are left behind together with whatever He taught and the New Testament is written for us. Not that the Old Testament is not important, but it is complemented by the New one.
DIRTY_C: Ok, I know that. But how can it be the opposite of the ignorance? After you answer that to me, can you tell me why is it called the “New” Testament.
CLEAN_C: The Old Testament used mainly the Law of Moses as a basis and maintained the promise of a New Testament alive and burning within its prophets’ hearts. It contains many important prophecies and words of God which are fully alive and very important for the New Testament era. The only thing that changed from the Old to the New Testament is the way the Law of God is applied, accomplished and obeyed. The way has changed and not the Law. Moses’ law was a way to accomplish God’s Law at the time. The Law of God did not change. The way did. The Law of God needs to be obeyed and fully fulfilled and the difference between them is the way things are done. In the Old Testament, we would know God by doing. However, now we do by knowing God. The Law of God did not change and a holy life is now a higher demand than ever. It is much easier to fulfil now. Now we have all the means to accomplish all of God’s will. Jesus died for us and left a New Testament and a New Way to fulfil the will of God in and through our lives. Now we are able to fulfil and obey. We can accomplish it now. To fully fulfil it is what God's will is all about.
DIRTY_C: If we still need to live the Law of God out, what did change then?
CLEAN_C: We could say everything changed and nothing changed.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: Now it is easy to fulfil, even though people could fulfil in Old Testament times as well. Now every believer has all the means to fulfil the Law of God. The only thing that changed is the way it is accomplished. We can fulfil all through faith in Jesus, while during the Old Testament people could fulfil the same Law through the laws of Moses, by doing. However, the holy men of old lived by faith and fulfilled by faith, even though it was faith that made it possible for them to fulfil the whole law.
DIRTY_C: Please, explain it to me.
CLEAN_C: “For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh; so that the righteousness of the Law might be fulfilled in us…”, Rom.8:3-4. Jesus came to fulfil. He said, “Do not think that I have come to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I have not come to destroy but to fulfil”, Mat.5:17. The Law of God can now be fulfilled in us through the Lord Jesus. We have read that it was sin which was condemned and not Christ. Christ died, yet it was sin which was condemned through His death. We read clearly that, “God sending his own Son condemned sin”.
DIRTY_C: You mean now we can fulfil the Law of God and all His commandments?
CLEAN_C: Yes, now it is easy to fulfil.
DIRTY_C: How does it work? It seems quite confusing.
CLEAN_C: The laws of Moses pressured man from the outside to have him changed. The Holy Spirit, in the New Testament era, works from the inside out. It changes man in the inside first. The very roots of man are changed. This is called justification, it means, man is turned just. And if that happens, then it is easy to have man changed accordingly on the outside as well, through some dedication and sanctification from his side. Man only needs to be conformed to God and cease being conformed to this world and all its ways. Man can no more think or do the way the world thinks and does things after he has been made just, or, should I say, after he has found justice (righteousness) from God. Man cannot dare to touch sin from then on.
DIRTY_C: It sounds simple to understand. However, it seems to me there is a long way to go before it can become practical.
CLEAN_C: Of course it is very simple to understand. And now, through patience we can possess our souls and lives. Jesus does away with ignorance and sin in us forever. There are no more excuses and, consequently, no more lack of accomplishments.
DIRTY_C: It seems easy to understand, but my mind has a knot in it now. I understand, but, at the same time, I don’t. You say it is easy to fulfil and it makes sense to a certain extend. But, I fear I may get disappointed along the way. The expectations are too high and I am weak and so is my flesh. I am, also, afraid to fail.
CLEAN_C: I see. It doesn’t matter if the flesh is weak because you won’t use it to accomplish any of the things of God at all. God even wants it dead and not merely weak. Being dead is a worse state than to be just weak. However, these things work out only in a practical way. And the reason it seems you don’t understand what you know is because you never tried it in a practical way. You must try it out and practice it the way things are done in heaven.
DIRTY_C: I see.
CLEAN_C: There are only two reasons which cause us not be holy. One of them is if we try to walk with the Lord in a way which is not God’s, I mean, when we try to walk the way of God on our own and without Jesus. The other is when we try to walk our way with God’s strength. It won’t work out at all. You can walk your own way in your own strength or walk God’s way through Jesus and His strength. We must know that the way of Jesus is not a theory only. It must be as practical as our own, or even more. It is better understood when practiced and lived. We need to experience it for real. To walk with the Lord, we need to clean and be spotless. And to walk with Him, we need to walk where He leads the way He leads. This seems to be the reason why you don’t seem to understand what you understand. “Because seeing they see not, and hearing they hear not; nor do they understand”, Mat.13:13. We need to be practical and truthful before the ways of the Lord can start to make sense to us. “Because it is given to you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of Heaven”, Jesus said. The only thing that really puzzles me is how such simple things can be so hard to understand by most people!
DIRTY_C: In other words, people do not understand because they do not find truth practical? We need to find the way to practice before we can understand it?
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is true. Because they do not practise truth or are disobedient, they are very easily confused and trapped. By doing, we shall understand and know. But, when I say we must be doing, I mean we must do it the New Testament's way. If we refuse to go in through the door, we will be assaulted by ignorance and stupidity concerning God’s things and ways and we will believe we are wise enough to walk them. We need to do things here on earth exactly the same way they are done and accomplished in heaven. “Here on earth as it is done in heaven”. It means doing God’s will the same way it is done carried out over there.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: As I have already mentioned before, Jesus said: “If anyone desires to do His will, he shall know…”, John 7:17. If someone is not willing to do and does not do, he won’t know.
DIRTY_C: And why is everything so complicated to me? I wish I could understand all these things the way you do. But, it just feels as if I cannot reach out to such wisdom and understanding of the things of God!
CLEAN_C: It is not complicated at all. Man’s heart is what makes it hard and complicated. I am repeating myself all over again. It seems most of the things we have already talked about meant nothing to you. I feel you keep refusing to do things the way everything is done in heaven. Did you become aware of the fact that I have been using such simple words that even a child would understand their meaning? The only reason for this huge confusion in you must be a kind of unwillingness to comply with truth and to obey it without putting forth conditions of your own to God. I am sure you are refusing to clean your whole life right away. Maybe, you started to fear that these things I am telling you about are indeed true, and this fear makes you numb. Sometimes, I also sense you love to hear so you won’t do. Hearing keeps you busy. It seems you convince yourself that you do not need to obey and clean your life because you hear a lot. This is not a soothing story. You cannot use it to sleep and be turned off spiritually. It is not a bedtime story! You might still entertain a secret hope that these things are not binding truths and that you may come to skip it in some way. What Jesus wants is that you give yourself up to Him unconditionally. But, God won't accept you unconditionally. Unless you come to Him for a change, a real one, He won't accept you.
DIRTY_C: What does it have to do with ignorance?
CLEAN_C: The sinner is not really ignorant – he makes himself ignorant and foolish. He causes himself to be that way. I believe sinners need to be exceptionally intelligent to live a hardened life of sin. I believe every sinner is a specialist in his field. And the biggest sinners are those who know the truth. People are hardened by living against any known truth, even when entertaining it.
DIRTY_C: And why does it seem I am totally ignorant and far from everything you have been telling me?
CLEAN_C: People far from the Lord seem to ignore only those things which matter to God. They are not that ignorant in sinning. This is why the Bible talks about the people who are wise concerning the things of this world. The truth is that they are ignorant only concerning those things which are able to save them from their much loved sin.
DIRTY_C: And what must we do to stop being ignorant concerning the things of God?
CLEAN_C: You keep asking the same things over and over again! It seems you don’t wish to cleanse your life at once.
DIRTY_C: Oh, I think I know what you will say to me: I need to make right and fix my life by confessing my sins, right? I need to give back everything which does not belong to me and ask people to forgive me, pleading for forgiveness sin by sin. I think that is what you are going to answer me. You don’t accept an overall asking for forgiveness. It must be specific and global.
CLEAN_C: You are right about it. You see? You don’t seem that ignorant about it all! You know just too well what you ought to start doing. And you know why you keep postponing your duty. And I am sure you also know the reasons why you put up so many excuses to avoid doing. The Bible is learned and fully understood in a practical way, because it speaks quite a lot to our hearts and exposes it fully. Studying those things is not the same thing as experiencing them in daily life. The Bible is a practical book and not a study book. You do not get a degree by studying it, but a Life. And a life needs and demands to be lived.
DIRTY_C: You don’t study the Bible? You only practise it?
CLEAN_C: I study it a lot, of course! But, my intention is to gain the practical knowledge which is able to lead me to a real life of fullness which is, also, very practical. The fuller that life is, the more practical it is made or vice-versa. I won’t study it so I can stay in the old life with the same old heart soothing me into death. Some people take anaesthetics before they die, thinking they won't feel dying. Spiritually, many hear a lot about the Bible while dying in order to avoid thinking they are going to hell.
DIRTY_C: I understand. Some read to learn about a life and some learn how to live by it.
CLEAN_C: That is true. It means any believer may have an old heart or a new heart, just as the Bible has a New and an Old Testament. We need to reach out to our personal New Testament. We cannot afford to live on without experiencing real life, which shall be responsible for a real walk which pleases God. Didn't Enoch walk with God? This is why the Bible says that without faith it is impossible to please God, since by faith we are able to attain and live a heavenly life. We cannot remain in our old ways after we met up with Christ for real.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: People who read the Bible a lot and do not find the Life it is trying to lead them into, are often harder people than anyone else we ever know. They change some external things, but we can see it is the same old fox which is trying a new scheme to try to keep its old heart in the temple of God. I believe that anyone who is unable to find the Bible practical and saving has some hidden sin separating him from the Holy Spirit and His power.
DIRTY_C: Now you are calling me a fox? Is that it?
CLEAN_C: I don’t know if you are! Jesus said Herod was a fox! (Luk.13:32)
DIRTY_C: I don’t think I act like a fox. I am not that smart with schemes.
CLEAN_C: A fox is someone who finds many excuses and ways to try to escape the loop of salvation. Sinners wish to carry things out their way and God commands that we do it His way for a change. If people could be saved using the “arm of the flesh”, I am sure they would gladly be saved. However, God does not accept strange fire on His altar. So, sinners need to clean up first, so that they may find the way through which God will have them fully saved from any kind of sin or accusation. A partial salvation can never be considered salvation at all. God’s ways cannot mislead, they will save indeed either from all or from nothing. Unfortunately, man is too used to his own ways and loves them unconsciously above anything else. Man thinks he cannot afford to live on without his ways and without being able to trust himself.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: Sinners know only how to save themselves using their own power and ways. If it could work, they would easily be saved. But, man’s ways are too selfish and, consequently, too powerless. Any kind of selfishness is powerless. Besides, it would save the flesh and not the spirit. It is the flesh that keeps the spirit of man bound in slavery to it. Man's spirit is dead to God under the yoke of the flesh. We need to learn how to do, how to be able to be obedient to everything Jesus has taught and still teaches us. That is what Jesus commanded His disciples to do.
DIRTY_C: What did Jesus command them to do?
CLEAN_C: He told His disciples they should go out into the whole world to teach the way one is to obey and to show how one should go about to observe anything or everything He has taught or commanded, and how it should be done and accomplished. This is what He left us as a New Testament: the way to become able to do. This is what He said: “Go into the world, (...) make disciples of all nations (...) teaching them (how) to observe whatever I commanded you”, Mat.18:20.
DIRTY_C: What does that mean?
CLEAN_C: It means we should not only teach people what Jesus taught, but also teach them how to find the way to do and to fulfil. There is a certain special way to go about it and it really works out. It is an awesome way and it simply works. Jesus specifically instructed His disciples to teach people how to observe. It is not the same as teaching them what the things are that Jesus commanded. We need to do things the way they are done in heaven. We need to reach out and find heaven’s way by ourselves or we will never make it, not even when Jesus’ commandments seem to be simple and easy. Doing and obeying through Jesus makes them even easier and lighter. This is why Jesus said He came to fulfil. He fulfils in us and through us.
DIRTY_C: You mean, we should learn the way to carry it out at first and not jump blindly into doing as ignorant people are often tempted to do. You mean we should learn about the way it is done before we do, right?
CLEAN_C: That is what I mean. The Bible says God directs our steps, even when our hearts have already made decisions, Prov.16:9. “O Lord, I know that the way of man does not belong to man; it is not in man who walks to direct his steps”, Jer.10:23. We can assume that a man who doesn’t walk with God will direct his steps, but not any of those who really walk with the Lord. However, when there are things separating us from God, He can’t possibly direct our steps in a way that suits us. Sin between us and God causes us to be abnormal creatures. We cannot be normal beings under the yoke of sin at all. If people’s minds were not in complicated turmoils, surely they would understand God’s things much better and much easier. We would learn the ways of God as easy as children learn an inner instruction or an inner prumpt. If God is really at work within us and we seek to be quiet in our souls to live under the influence of God, we would learn as easy as babies learn to suck from their mother’s breasts. Under such circumstances, it is very easy to learn. Nothing can hinder that happening that way, not even death, hunger or anything else under the sun. We only need to be clean and childlike.
DIRTY_C: I hate being childish.
CLEAN_C: I don’t mean you should be childish, but rather childlike. Little children are not complicated beings. Their heart works in a very simple way. I only mean to be as simple as they are and not to be foolish or childish. We must be ourselves and function inside without hindrances, fears or annoyances. “Brothers, do not be children in your minds, but in malice be like infants, and in your minds be mature”, 1 Cor.14:20.
DIRTY_C: What did you mean when you said I need to find my own New Testament?
CLEAN_C: God said: “Behold, the days come, says the LORD, that I will make a New Covenant… Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they broke, although I was an husband unto them, says the LORD: But this shall be the covenant that I will make… After those days, says the LORD, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD’: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, says the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more”, Jer.31:31-34.
DIRTY_C: What does that mean?
CLEAN_C: Can’t you see? Jesus will be able to teach intimately even a little one! This is why I said the New Testament is the opposite of ignorance!
DIRTY_C: I think I understood now. God will instruct us and lead us if we are found in a continuous fellowship with Him.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that is what the New Testament is all about. It is different from telling people what they ought to do or when to do. Jesus works on forming man from inside so that he can do and accomplish. John says, “But the anointing which you have received of him abides in you, and you need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teaches you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it has taught you, you shall abide in him”, 1John 2:27.
DIRTY_C: You mean, we do not need pastors to teach us anymore?
CLEAN_C: Well, it would be good if you did not need them and still managed to carry out all right things the right way. It would only mean your fellowship with the Lord has been made perfect. But, God also appointed holy leaders to teach us the way, even if most leaders are unholy nowadays. If these holy leaders teach you, surely the Holy Spirit will also apply it deep into your being. What counts for the teachers is whether they are able to walk close enough to God to hear the words from His mouth to share them in a proper time, and whether those teachers deliver the words they heard from God faithfully. And, as for the hearer, what counts is the fellowship he is able to maintain with God during all times, including when he hears. God teaches things through plain applications of truth in us and uses the preacher’s words to accomplish just that. Whether you learn things from men or angels, or from Bible reading or dreams, you must know there is still the applicative part after the learning about it and after the hearing.
DIRTY_C: I understand. Ignorant people also love to teach other people. They feel wise whenever they are able to teach others.
CLEAN_C: It is true, I can agree with you there. But, wise holy men do everything hoping people will come to a point or stage where they can learn all from the Lord Himself and are able to reach the end of the way still spotless and clean, whether that way is walked with the preacher side by side or not. We need to be taught by God personally, even when people teach us. Any preacher or pastor who does not take you all the way to come to a point where you learn from the Lord personally, cannot be a good pastor. He is a hireling, surely. Anyone who does not lead you to learn from Christ is a worthless wolf, even when he does not admit it!
DIRTY_C: There are times when I feel upset and angry for no reason at all. I feel like hitting anyone who talks to me. I hate it to be in a bad mood, especially because people see it and I feel ashamed about it.
CLEAN_C: The good news is that as soon as you clean up your whole life that kind of bad mood dies away easily.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: Let me explain – once more!
DIRTY_C: Please. I cannot recall you talking about it.
CLEAN_C: We have talked a thousand times about you cleaning your life immediately. Remember?
DIRTY_C: Oh no, not again the same speech! You are tiring me out! When I go to sleep, I hear your voice saying, “Clean up!” If you talk to me about it again, I think I will think it over to go somewhere else where I can’t hear you again.
CLEAN_C: I hope you don’t do that, though. You won’t have peace because wherever you go, you will be taking the heart you have along. It will be with you as you go. And there is a chance God will hinder you using any means He sees fit to use for or against you. You cannot allow bitterness to play around with your heart as a cat plays with a mouse.
DIRTY_C: Please, don’t start desiring curses upon me! I am too tired to hear you telling me the same things over and over again.
CLEAN_C: Fine! You are the one who will continue to be angry and bitter. I have my share of peace. You don’t have any! And the promise is calling on you to include you into it – it includes anyone who does not harden himself in itself.
DIRTY_C: And how does it work that anger ceases once we clean up the way you are saying must be done?
CLEAN_C: I wouldn't say all kinds of anger exist because your heart is dirty, even though I believe most kinds of anger are direct consequences of filth in the heart which has not been thoroughly cleansed. All sins can be either directly responsible for more consequent sinning, just as any sin may be a consequence of being separated from God. Some types of anger are the very things you need to be cleansed from and, some other times, anger is the consequence of the things you need to be cleansed from.
DIRTY_C: Explain it to me please. I have had many bad experiences with anger and bad temper.
CLEAN_C: There is the anger that makes you dirty and there is a kind of anger and bitterness that comes about because you are not clean. When you are far away from God because of any sin, including anger, your heart becomes a nest for bitterness and impatience. It can be described as lack of peace as well, which leads to many bad things. Anger is a kind of perversion when found in man.
DIRTY_C: I can’t see the difference between one and the other.
CLEAN_C: The kind of anger that makes you dirty in the sight of the Lord and stains your conscience separates you from God. Form that kind of anger you need to clean yourself up on the spot. Any such bad mood needs to be kicked out of you and confessed thoroughly to people against whom you have been angry and to God. After you have cleansed your whole life from that kind of filth, you need to learn to do the opposite of anger.
DIRTY_C: And the other kind of anger?
CLEAN_C: Let me explain it from the beginning. I feel I am explaining something you should know by yourself by now. You should be so near God by now and after you heard everything you heard, that light would help you distinguish between one and the other.
DIRTY_C: Don’t start condemning me again. Please carry on. I will try hard to understand and accept you point of view.
CLEAN_C: Have you ever seen a dry leaf on the ground, especially in the autumn?
CLEAN_C: Can you guess which direction that leaf will take when the wind blows?
DIRTY_C: It will depend much on what direction the wind blows, I guess.
CLEAN_C: That’s right. Any person separated from God is like a dry leaf which is carried away according to the wind that blows upon it. When the wind comes from the left it will be blown in one direction and if the wind blows from the right, it will take the opposite direction. It has no power to avoid going the way the wind is blowing.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: Any person who is separated from God is taken in the direction the devil tempts to go. And if that man withstands the devil, he will only follow his own heart - even if it is against the devil. Wherever the winds of temptation blow, the person follows. The devil can cause your heart to be bitter and you will be bitter, impatient and angry even when it is over nothing. If the devil decides to tempt you with mean or dirty thoughts, you will be an easy prey to him and your mind will be blown into all directions. He will play with you as a cat plays with a mouse it has caught. You will be just like a dry leaf fighting against the wind or hoping the wind won’t blow. And those winds may even take you where you wouldn’t wish to go. Many people become homosexuals because they are handed over to their own sin. God hands people to themselves and anything can happen to them after that. God left them at random and anger, sex, or any other kinds of perversion or vices are what people will be blown to by owning their own hearts. “…They became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened… Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their hearts, to dishonour...”, Rom.1:21,24.
DIRTY_C: If I were a leaf, I would be crying by listening to you! Your description is amazing and touching! It makes me more angry than I already am.
CLEAN_C: So, you think I am exaggerating? Anyone separated from God is like a dry leaf in the ground. Who shall hinder it being so?
DIRTY_C: Why do you keep telling me I am separated from God? Why do you keep pointing it out to me?
CLEAN_C: Because you told me you have never cleansed your life! That is why. If that is true, you are surely separated from God.
DIRTY_C: I have tried to cleanse my life many times. Yesterday, I even apologized to my mother for having been nasty and impatient to her. The only thing I felt bad about was that I could not pray in front of her about it. I felt ashamed to pray. She has never seen me praying before and she was staring at me. I tried hard to pray, but my heart wouldn’t.
CLEAN_C: I see. Maybe that is the reason why you are bitter today, because you have been ashamed of the Lord. You have been disobedient to Light. Perhaps, you are still suffering the effects of having been ashamed of God. It would be better if your mother thought you were crazy or something, than having you the way you find yourself in right now. At least, God wouldn’t deny you and your heart would feel somewhat better now. Whatever your mother would think about you, wouldn’t be a real problem, at least not as this one you have now. You still seek the honour of flesh and blood an that sort of problem exists only in your mind. It is not a serious problem at all. But, if God becomes ashamed of you, that is a huge problem! You should have that in mind, Luk.9:26.
DIRTY_C: You think I am bitter today because of that?
CLEAN_C: It might be! One never knows! I don’t think you would feel bitter for no reason.
DIRTY_C: There are certain things one can’t do in public. Would you kiss your wife in front of people?
CLEAN_C: Perhaps, if I needed to apologize to her for something. One never knows. If I needed to, I surely would!
DIRTY_C: The thought to pray in front of her was insistent and I felt bad about it. It was so insisting that I thought it could be a temptation or something. I felt angry because it wouldn’t let me alone. I am still angry about it.
CLEAN_C: Now, I am sure you have been disobedient to the Lord!
DIRTY_C: You think so?
CLEAN_C: You have resisted the Holy Spirit and now your heart is affected by it and you are still refusing to acknowledge you should have done it.
DIRTY_C: How can it be? Why, do you think, I have resisted Him?
CLEAN_C: It must be. If you do not honour your father and mother, grandmother and grandfather, or even your father-in-law and mother-in-law, the Bible says your lifetime on earth will be short and full of bad days. If dishonouring your mother or father is bad enough to make your days on earth short and miserable, can you imagine how bad a sin it must be when you to dishonour your God and to resist Him in front of people?
DIRTY_C: Is that what the Bible says or is it just an idea of yours?
CLEAN_C: That is what the Bible says. And it says you will not live for long if you do not honour your parents.
DIRTY_C: Oh, if that is true I am sure I will live for a very short time! I hated my father! He died a while ago and he used to beat my mother till the day he died. The day before he died, he did beat her for the last time.
CLEAN_C: I understand. The only way to cease being bitter about it is to cleanse your whole life. Only then can your heart be helped to change. Until then, you will be angry and bitter every time your mind or feelings are challenged or tempted by the devil.
DIRTY_C: Please, don’t tell me again I need to clean my life. It is not the best day to keep repeating it to me.
CLEAN_C: Any day is good enough to hear this. You should never resent the idea of becoming spotless before God and to change your status in the eyes of heaven.
DIRTY_C: Is there anything else you need to tell me, anything that I am able to understand?
CLEAN_C: The only problem with a bad spirit is that it takes only itself into consideration. It seems to be blinded to anything else. It turns anyone into a very selfish, blinded mule.
DIRTY_C: Please, stop annoying me. I am not a very patient person today.
CLEAN_C: Ok. I am sorry to hear about that. I will leave if my conversation annoys you. I can’t change the subject and there is nothing else we can talk about besides what I consider very important talking about at this point.
DIRTY_C: Please, don’t go!
CLEAN_C: Why shouldn’t I?
DIRTY_C: Explain to me what I should do to be in a better mood today.
CLEAN_C: Have you heard about John the Baptist?
DIRTY_C: Yes, I have.
CLEAN_C: Do you know what he came to do on earth?
DIRTY_C: Didn’t he come to prepare the way for the Lord?
CLEAN_C: Yes, He did. But, in what sense did he do that? He came to fix men’s hearts for God to live in them. His mission was to prepare man to receive Jesus once He came. They had to be receptive when the Lord came or the earth would be cursed. Remember how Zachariah, the father of John, was cursed for more than nine months because he was not prepared enough to believe the Lord and to receive His word without questioning it? He was caught by surprise and was not prepared to believe the angel sent to him. He knew the Scriptures, he knew how God gave Sara and Abraham a son in their old age. Yet, he did not believe it for himself.
DIRTY_C: How was he cursed because of it?
CLEAN_C: He could not speak until he could find a heart which could be filled with the Spirit of God, even though he was an active and faithful believer in his time. And this is what the Bible said about John, his son, four hundred years before: “Behold, I am sending you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the sons, and the heart of the sons to their fathers, that I not come and strike the earth with utter destruction”, Mal.4:5-6. Zachariah, John' father, should be able to believe anything could happen to anyone and he could just be the one chosen to fulfil Scripture. It can happen to anyone of us. All of us should be a ready people for the Lord, expecting anything from Him, either great or small. We should be able to do both at any time.
DIRTY_C: And to prepare the heart means people should repent and confess their sins?
CLEAN_C: That is what he came to do: to convince people of that. That would cause people to be prepared for what came next. However, there are many other sins which cause us to be unprepared people. This means that people would change by confessing their sins and by coming back to God. Not that the confession of their sins was the preparation, but that it would turn it possible for them to be made ready for the Lord to carry on with His work. John prepares the people for Jesus, Jesus prepares the people for the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit prepares the people for heaven.
DIRTY_C: Did they really change by confessing?
CLEAN_C: It made them be in the proper spirit and mood to receive the Lord when He came to work further in them.
DIRTY_C: Confessing our sins changes our mood as well, then?
CLEAN_C: Yes, it does. Of course it does. In fact, it is sin which is able to change our mood for the worst things we can think of. By exterminating sin form us and from our consciences, we become normal and come back to the Lord. Light has that power: to make us fit for heaven and for Jesus. We must be according to Him when He comes. We all know that what John came to do, was to put people in a state of heart which was according to God's by putting them, at first, face to face with their sins. He would do that “to make ready a people prepared for the Lord”, Luc.1:16,17. Later, the same people would be put face to face with the Lord. By cleansing their lives and their past and present sins, they could be made a ready people for the Lord. It means their heart would be found in the proper mood and would accept the Lord the way He is. By clinging to sin, we shall only accept a Lord of our imaginations and reject the true one. By confessing their sins and by putting their lives right with the Lord and people, the heart of people could be found in the disposition the Lord would like to find in them. Unfortunately, Jesus came to many He considered as His people and they did not receive Him because they were not “a prepared people for the Lord”, John 1:11. And the Lord did not curse the earth because there were some who accepted Him the way He is. When John talked, even the Pharisees listened to Him. They wouldn’t mind hearing John addressing them as “vipers” and suchlike things. Most of them did not resent it. It was amazing. He must have been an amazing preacher.
DIRTY_C: And why wouldn’t those Pharisees turn their backs on him?
CLEAN_C: They saw the truth of his words and that he did not speak out of bitterness, but rather out of truth. I believe John was a very meek person. Only a meek person could speak the truth the way he spoke, using words anyone would consider offensive were they spoken by any other man. His intention had not been to hurt people, but rather to tell them the truth about themselves in the most plain and short way.
DIRTY_C: And did they repent?
CLEAN_C: I am sure many of them repented and many became a ready people for the Lord. If that did not happen, the earth would have been greatly cursed. Many people made their peace with God and people. Even some roman soldiers did.
DIRTY_C: I see. So, in your view, that is what I must do now so that my heart and mood may change and accept the Lord the way He is and His ways. After I confess al my sins, I will experience a good mood?
CLEAN_C: I believe you will. Of course you will. But, you will still need to stay truthful to it. I believe, many times a bad spirit is mostly a consequence of sin. When it is not the cause, it is the consequence.
DIRTY_C: And if it is the cause, what then?
CLEAN_C: When it is the very cause, you shall need to ask for forgiveness and apologize to people and the Lord Jesus. However, consequences may easily become causes as well. If you hurt people because you already have a bad spirit in you, you will still need to apologize to them. Sin breeds sin, and sin breeds the heart that breeds sin. You need to near people and apologize to them.
DIRTY_C: That doesn’t sound good. Suppose the thought of praying in front of someone assaults me again?
CLEAN_C: It would be good to pray in front of them then, as if they weren’t there at all. Just be conscious of God and your sins will be forgiven.
DIRTY_C: Perhaps, I would prefer to be in a bad mood my whole life! I don’t think I am a prepared people to pray in front of people, much less to pray about my own sins in front of them!
CLEAN_C: Well, it is up to you! There is only one thing which puzzles me about you. When you yell at people and reveal to them your bad temper, you don’t feel ashamed of it, right? Why would you feel ashamed of praying with them?
DIRTY_C: That’s a good point you have there! I wouldn’t know. Why?
CLEAN_C: Next time, simply refuse to be aware of “praying in front of them” and pray! Just pray and that’s it! Why would you in an inner battle between praying or not praying? Just do it! That would be an eye for an eye of your previous sinful attitude! Wouldn’t it?
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: When you become angry and feel like yelling at people, you do that without blinking an eye or even wavering, right? You just do it! So, next time you just pray! The way you would reveal anger, now pray. It must be an eye for an eye of your previous behaviour. Then, people would believe you have changed. That would be a testimony to them as well, and it would never be like those times when you say you have changed and people doubt the truthfulness of your statement! You won’t need to tell people you have changed because they will be aware of it themselves!
DIRTY_C: I suppose so. But, if that is the only way to make it acceptable to the Lord, I don’t think I will ever be able to do it. I think shame would have the upper hand all the time! The first natural reaction would simply be to feel ashamed.
CLEAN_C: Ashamed of what? Of the Lord and of praying to Him? Why would you consider it a shameful act? Anger and a being in a bad mood should make you more ashamed and not praying to the living God! Don’t you think so?
DIRTY_C: The way you talk about it makes it seem very simple and easy to do it!
CLEAN_C: It is simple and easy enough! How can you consider yourself prepared for heaven if you are not prepared to live out truth and love? How can you love the Lord after you die if you do not love Him now? I don’t believe a bad temper will be fit to enter heaven, and nor shall a heart which is given to a bad temper be prepared for the Life up there. Jesus said that whoever is ashamed of Him and of any righteous deed in this crooked generation, the Father shall be ashamed of him in return. Don’t you consider it a serious warning, especially if you are someone who thinks about experiencing heaven one day, or even experience heavenly virtues and its fruit right now? How can you ever have peace in your heart when the Lord is not at peace with you? How, do you think, will the Lord feel when you are ashamed of Him and His good ways in front of a crooked generation such as this?
DIRTY_C: So, God will never accept me into heaven, right? Unless I change He won’t even look at me.
CLEAN_C: Yes, that’s right. How can you think that to be ashamed of God is a minor issue? How can you be ashamed of doing the right thing the way it ought to be done?
DIRTY_C: It is too difficult for me to do it that way. Can’t you see?
CLEAN_C: I am not able to see what is so difficult about any part of it at all! Which part of it is too hard for you? It is much easier to do the right thing than the wrong one, isn’t it? And how can you ever believe you are forgiven by people if you do not go back to them to ask for their forgiveness? Can you speak for them on their behalf? How can it be possible? How can you ever think you will ever enter heaven if there is someone who has something against, or you against someone? Can you explain that to me? What kind of forgiveness is that, the one that you attribute to yourself? Shouldn’t it be the people telling you they have forgiven you? Why is it you telling yourself you have been forgiven? Isn’t that a way to avoid pleading for forgiveness? Believing you have been forgiven is an excuse and not an assurance. It cannot be seen as a truthful attitude from you.
DIRTY_C: Can you guarantee that I will gain another mood after I have confessed all my sins? I don’t think you can!
CLEAN_C: Of course it will happen! But you must consider being ashamed of God as sin as well. In fact, it is a very bad sin! The truth is, your bad temper might reach its own death as soon as you have cleansed your whole life.
DIRTY_C: How can it be? Why would it work out that way?
CLEAN_C: The main cause for heaviness and for a bad spirit in us is the separation from the Lord. Just as the cause for bad breath is from eating food, and just as cleaning your teeth solves the problem, so it works with sin when we eat it and when we cleanse our hearts. He is our peace. Our heart is of the bitter kind as long as it stays far away from Him. If you are bitter, it means you are not near Him, whatever you think of it or of yourself. God is the one your heart needs, and it can feel at home and at peace only with Him, or through Him. Any heart away from the Lord feels like a duck in dry, hot desert far from water. Even if the duck was born in the desert, he will remain unfulfilled until he finds water. In the desert is where we can come to a point we can’t believe anymore. We won’t accept what we resent and won’t wish to experience the nearness of Him against whom we have sinned greatly. Our hearts will always feel like rejecting anything it does not know. The hatred is proportional to the love we should have and which we have lost forever. The hatred of a betrayed wife shall always be proportional to the amount of love she had for her husband. And any sinner always feels betrayed by the Lord. It makes him bitter and unprepared to receive Him as He is. That is where bitterness comes from - mainly from there!
DIRTY_C: It is hard to believe that works that way, isn’t it?
CLEAN_C: Jesus also granted us a good example by telling us about going the second mile when people demand one mile of us. By going through to the end of the second mile, you not only show yourself there is nothing wrong with doing the opposite of what the flesh commands us to do, but your enemies will see you are not a person who refuses to do and you are someone who is not proud like them. Your enemies will, also, be easily convicted of their evil against you. That we can consider as true love. And, if you really walk the second mile, sooner or later you won’t even be aware of what it is the second mile!
DIRTY_C: I understand. You mean that by obeying the Lord’s commandments my heart is changed along the way. And those evil people are instruments which are used to have it established.
CLEAN_C: That is right. But, for it to work out perfectly, you need to be in communion with God and the Abundant Life needs to be real in you. When we are not clean before God, the second mile will be sacrifice and will puff the heart up if we walk it. It won’t be an act of love, but of sacrifice or even of revenge. The heart we have may change, or it may be maintained if it has already changed, by walking near the Lord. You should be so intimate with the Lord that to be more intimate should be impossible. Unless we share in that kind of fellowship, our hearts will be pending to evil and to think of self. Then, the heart will also be bitter and in a continual bad mood. “Your way and your doings have brought these things on you; this is your evil, because it is bitter, because it reaches to the heart” Jer.4:18.
DIRTY_C: It is really hard to believe that this is how things work.
CLEAN_C: It really works that way. Why, do you think, did John say you shall love you neighbour if and when you really love the Lord with the whole of your heart in a most spontaneous way?
DIRTY_C: I don’t know! You are the one who knows the Bible! According to you I wouldn’t know, right? I am separated from the Lord and can’t know these things at all. I also have a bitter heart because I am not closely related to the Lord and do not walk with Him. According to your views, people may do anything against me and I must sleep in peace about it! I should live as if their evil is my fault! Do you really believe those ideas will ever enter my mind? Why do you keep picking on me? Won’t you please let me alone for a change?
CLEAN_C: It is very hard for you to struggle against the pricks. If you look at these things from a bitter point of view, I mean, if you muse on them having a bitter heart still in you, it is obvious you won’t love the people who harm you. But, these things you have been listening to are precious jewels of truth. I pray I haven’t thrown them into the pigsty. When Jesus says we should never throw our pearls to the pigs, He meant that we should not sow while the heart is bitter and annoyed. But, I feel there is no other way to get your heart changed unless it is through truth. Unfortunately, you are not like those Pharisees who listened to John even after he said they were vipers of the worst kind. I believe, had you another kind of heart in you, you would rejoice in all the things I have tried to explain with great care and concern.
DIRTY_C: In other words, to have the kind of heart which accepts all you have been saying, I need to bring all my past and present sins to the light? Is that how it all starts? Can’t it start any other way? Did those Pharisees become “a prepared people” easily, did they get a heart without bitterness after they had confessed?
CLEAN_C: That is what the Bible says! But, you shall experience it only if you start cleaning up. Just try it! Stop listening to what a bitter heart says you should do. Just start cleaning and never mind how you feel! What is so hard about it? God will add the rest. He shall give the peace you need, to go further and further. Do not wait until you feel like cleaning up. Just do it! You cannot wait until your heart stops being bitter, because it won’t. It can’t because it is separated from the Lord. Why do you keep postponing bringing your sins to the light?
DIRTY_C: Is that what John came to do? He came to put people in a good mood so they would accept the Lord?
CLEAN_C: That is what I believe he came to do.
DIRTY_C: They needed to get that kind of heart before they could accept Christ’s teaching and life?
CLEAN_C: Yes, the heart would need to be reconciled to the Lord and be at peace with Him, especially when His presence is real. “Would two and two walk together unless they are agreed?” Amos 3:3.
DIRTY_C: I have great difficulty accepting that as truth. Maybe it is just an interpretation of the Bible coming from you.
CLEAN_C: No, it is not a mere interpretation. It is really what the Bible is trying to tell us we should do!
DIRTY_C: Where does it say we shall be taken into a good mood by confessing all our sins openly?
CLEAN_C: “And he shall turn many of the sons of Israel to the Lord their God; And he shall go before Him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready a people prepared for the Lord”, Luc.1:16,17. When people are prepared and ready it means people are ready and expectant for what must come next because they are clean. Being clean breeds hope in us.
DIRTY_C: Is that what it says there?
CLEAN_C: Yes, it is. Of course it is. You mistrust me to the point of thinking I would misquote the Bible? If your Bible is well translated, that is what it says.
DIRTY_C: So, it is my heart which is bitter because it is separated from the Lord?
CLEAN_C: Yes, it is. You are feeling bitter because the heart is bitter. And don’t think your heart will change if you change circumstances or something else. It won’t, because the heart you have will go with you wherever you go and will defile whatever you touch along the way.
DIRTY_C: Even if I change my job it won’t help? Or, let’s say, if I change town and stop seeing you?
CLEAN_C: Changing job or place won’t change a thing. Your heart will always go along everywhere you go. Perhaps, your heart will be asleep or hibernating for a while because circumstances have changed, but soon that bear will rise out of its sleep again and will come out of the cave of darkness. You need to have a change of heart before you may change place or job! And the heart starts changing by putting all our sins in the light and by starting to regain that special fellowship with the Lord we should have never lost.
CLEAN_C: Because the heart you have will go with you everywhere, and so shall a changed heart. If you change beforehand, where you go, you will go as a changed person. Don't wait until you change church, place or job. Change now, right where you are! Let the new man change place, if he needs to. The he will continue to be new wherever he goes. A bitter heart or a bad temper is the first consequence of a separation from the Lord. I advise you, right away, not to carry on the way you are because that sort of bitterness will create patterns of bitter behaviour which will soon pass on as acceptable and as normal to you. That is the main reason why most people never acknowledge sin as sin. They have never experienced holiness before. Had they experienced holiness fro real, they would be able to differentiate between sin and holiness!
DIRTY_C: There is something I can’t understand that well.
CLEAN_C: You should consider it normal that you do not understand many things or, at least, that if you argue against them, understanding them becomes difficult. Unless we have abounding life in us, we won’t understand many of the important things we should understand, especially in the way we should find and experience them. It is eternal life inside us which makes us understand many things. Unless we have life in abundance, we shall easily understand many things in a wrong way and misinterpret them quite easily.
DIRTY_C: Is there a wrong way to understand the right things? Is it possible?
CLEAN_C: Of course! There are many ways to misinterpret or misunderstand those things we need to understand through the same light which that abounds in heaven. The fact that you read the Bible and understand it does not mean you understand it the way you should. Not necessarily. Let me put it this way. When a pilot takes a plain, he can choose from many directions and routes, but only one of them is right to take. Taking that plain does not make him automatically take the right direction, does it? There is only one way to understand truth and all the things of God: by God and obeying it all the time. The main reason why many people miss the point is that they do not have this in mind and do not take it seriously to be led and reigned by God. Only such people who are led by the Spirit are the children of God, Rom.8:14. In fact, only those who are led by God have a chance to be made children of God. God has the power to make all His children, if they only are led by Him. Many, also, give up the right way because they will rather give up than fix their lives properly, in such way that they will gain a relationship with the Lord. That’s why their plain often crashes against the mountains of sin.
DIRTY_C: Why would people give up on abundant life? Oh, if I just could have it! I would never give up on it!
CLEAN_C: Mainly because they forget there is only way to do things: through the Lord. If we give up on the way things should be done and try to carry them out through strange fire, then what David said will happen: “Let their backs be always bowed”. It is a heavier thing to try to do the right things the wrong way than do the wrong things. I believe it is harder to bear a Christian life in sin than to be in the world altogether. We cannot do things because we find ourselves impatient about them; nor believe God can’t do them or that He can’t carry them out through us. For every right thing or right way to carry those things out, there are, in this present life, thousands of alternative ways through which we can easily be deviated. We should never ignore that. I agree it sounds very strange that people so easily give up on true, abounding life. But, most are put on that course unwillingly.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean?
CLEAN_C: I mean that people do not give up the abundant life directly, but are rather forced to go without it because they want to carry it out through a power or a righteousness of their own. Maybe, they wish that life to establish their own righteousness and not God's. They won’t subject themselves to the righteousness and the ways of God. Consequently, they will try to do the right things the wrong way and it won’t work out for them. However, people become obviously desperate after a point and give on life instead of giving up on what hinders that life. It means they should not have wished to have that abundant life along with their sin. God needs to grant that Life to destroy sin, but, many will try to use it to be sinful. Sin won’t ever eat from the tree of life because it is closed up to sin. If they wish to take sin on, they will surely be forced to step out of the way. It is not up to them to decide to remain on the way because it is the tree that holds the branch. They wish to hold the tree. The branch cannot decide for the tree or on its behalf. Any kind of way that seems right and seems right, is a greater curse than a way which is clearly and obviously wrong. A theologian has greater difficulties believing he is ungodly than a prostitute or a murderer.
DIRTY_C: Maybe you have a point there. Any plain has a range of 360º to choose a route. And you mean we should not give up on God because there are many wrong ways. We should rather look for the right and only one. It makes sense.
CLEAN_C: There are thousands of ways and opportunities to set your foot or mind on the wrong track. And, to give up walking because there are many wrong ways, would be the same as hiding the talent God entrusted you with. He trusted you enough to hand his life to you. The talent in your hand is a sign both of trust and responsibility bestowed on you. He demands that you remain faithful to it. It would be the same thing as saying one should not speak by God only because most prophecies (or what people call prophecies) are false and forged by selfishness, and inspired by personal sin. When the devil can’t get us in a wrong track, he will try to make us take no track at all. That is his alternative plan. And, we know most people who heard false prophecies and saw them as false shall surely breed a mistrust against genuine ones and, also, against genuine prophets of the Lord, if they ever find them along the way.
DIRTY_C: And how can we know we are taking the right way at all?
CLEAN_C: The right way, the only way, is that we take hold of abundant life and to stick by it. Whatever happens, we must stay in Him. "You have been with Me from the beginning", John 15:27. If abundant life takes full hold of us, we won’t miss the way. But, if it doesn't, we won't find the way. It is just not possible. And in case temptation causes any person to err temporarily, that Life shall easily be able to put him on track again, if that is what that persons is looking for, and if cleaning the life is what the erring one seeks with a sincere heart before the Lord.
DIRTY_C: It seems you are contradicting yourself now. According to you, the right way is kept by staying clean. And now you are saying one may step aside and still be clean and spotless. Isn't the right way to clean up and to remain clean?
CLEAN_C: That is the priority for your personal life. For any person who has already cleansed his life, walking in the light and being honest with yourself before God assures and guarantees that life in us. Whoever walks in the Light keeps both His feet, as well as His heart, in the right track. “And a highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called, The Way of Holiness. The unclean shall not pass over it. But He shall be with them; the wayfaring men, though fools, shall not err in it”, Is.35:8.
DIRTY_C: I am confused now. The right way for me is cleaning up or is it abundant life?
CLEAN_C: Abundant life is the right way for you. But, to get there, you must clean up before or, perhaps, while it is being granted to you. There is no other way to live out our lives, but through abounding life.
DIRTY_C: And why do you keep insisting with me that I should clean up if I can clean up during the receiving of that life?
CLEAN_C: Because very few people are granted that life before they clean up. Suppose there is somebody who finds God in a real way and didn’t know or never heard one needs to be cleansed first. That person, by having an obedient spirit and heart, will obviously clean up as soon as he finds truth. He will surely obey and do something about that conviction. However, I don’t believe God will ever grant or entrust His own life to anyone who has not in him an obeying heart disposition. “The way is called HOLINESS; the unclean shall not pass over it”, Is.35:8. It doesn't matter what they believe, they won't pass it. They won't make it to heaven. The unclean shall not walk on it and the unrighteous man shall not be able to stand among the holy ones, not even by believing he shall be able to do so. "Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous", Ps.1:5.
DIRTY_C: What do you consider as an unclean person? I have always heard, if we believe in Jesus, we are automatically clean.
CLEAN_C: An unclean person is any who hides his own sins or refuses to make restitution of goods, honour or anything else he might have taken from others. An unclean person is anyone who hides his own heart from others. He is the opposite of a clean person. I am sure you understand the language I am using. You have been hiding your heart and sins most of the time. And what did you get for it? Did you find abundant life? Has it availed you in any way?
DIRTY_C: You make me feel scared talking the way you talk.
CLEAN_C: To be unclean, one does not need much. It is very easy to be unclean and dirty. The main problem with unclean people is that they seldom consider themselves as such. However, we should come to the point where the opposite happens, I mean, the point where it is not easy to sin. John talks about reaching a point where sin is simply impossible.
DIRTY_C: I see. Why can’t an unclean person enter into the way of God? How can the unclean become clean unless he enters that way?
CLEAN_C: The way of God is a holy way. We read that, “There shall be a way and it shall be called the Holy Way”. If it is a holy way, how can the clean walk it? Can dirt be clean? Can dry be wet? Can day be night? Can black be white?
DIRTY_C: No, it can’t.
CLEAN_C: If dryness is not wet, the way of the Lord can’t be the way for any unclean person. God’s way is a holy way and can’t ever be anything else. How can anyone ever think he shall enter holiness and remain unclean? Why is the Spirit of God, who is also Abundant Life itself, called the HOLY Spirit and is not called by any other name at all? Abundant life is a life of purity as well. It must be because that Life is the Holy Spirit. Therefore, if you are asking God for an abundant life, you must have in mind you are pleading to be holy and to be able to live in all holiness forever more.
DIRTY_C: This is the answer to the question I was not able to ask. I was in doubt when you talked about abundant life. You have answered something I wanted to ask you about. You have mentioned the words “Abundant Life” quite a few times and I was intrigued by it. Yesterday, I went to bed thinking about it. Explain to me what that life is. How can it be called Abundant Life and why is it not just called life? It also seems you kept telling me I shall never be able to experience it as a believer.
CLEAN_C: You shall be able to experience it as a clean believer if you look for Him with your whole heart. And, how or what that Life is, you need to find out by yourself. Understanding how it works often hinders the experiencing of it and the living of it in its proper fullness. I don’t understand how I breathe, but I breathe. I do not need to understand the composition of the air before I am able to breathe it, do I? All I need is pure air and healthy lungs along with whatever God gave me to be able to breathe. And, to experience eternal life inside my heart, all I need is to have a pure heart because the Bible says that the pure in heart shall see God, Mat.5:8. There is nothing difficult in that since it is available to anyone who is purified thoroughly. Let those who want to have it, come. So, abundant Life is God Himself present in us in such a way that our cups run over. He gives Himself unto us. At the Cross, He gave Himself for us, while now He gives Himself to us. He entrusts His own life to us. Would you entrust your life, the thing you consider most precious, to anyone on earth at all? Jesus does that and demands that we stay faithful to Him all the time. If He can entrust His life to you, He will give Himself to you.
DIRTY_C: So, you will not explain to me how it is like? I must find it by myself?
CLEAN_C: I can explain a little, but I am sure it won’t avail you much. It will be like explaining a married life to a child. The child won’t experience a married life by hearing how it is lived. In fact, it might hinder him to have a healthy married life in the future. I don’t know, it just doesn’t make sense to me that people prefer to hear about eternal life instead of wanting to experience it. There are certain things we can’t talk about, especially when those things are to be lived and fully experienced.
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: What do you wish to know that I haven’t talked about?
DIRTY_C: How is that life?
CLEAN_C: That is a kind of life which does not depend on the place you live, or on what or how much you have. If you have a job or not that life is not influenced by it at all. However, everything else is directly dependent on that life in us. Whether you work or sleep, you should be doing it through and for the sake of that life, having it always in mind and at work in the inside and on the outside, through grace and providence. Whatever you do, you must do it for and through the Lord and for eternity’s sake.
DIRTY_C: But, people say life is marrying, making money and enjoying oneself. In your view, that is not the definition of life at all, right? When people have money or do the things they like, they usually say, “My life is going well”, or, “I have a life”.
CLEAN_C: That is not what life is all about. In fact, life is inside us and not on the outside. Jesus warned us about having this vain idea that life is what we have on the outside. “Watch... For a man's life is not in the abundance of the things which he possesses”, Luk.12:15. And, if we are honest enough, we will agree this life passes by very quickly and there is nothing we can get of it, indeed. Life does not consist of the things we have or own, and neither does death consist of come because of what we didn't do, or didn't have, or didn't own! Real life has nothing to do with what people say a life is!
DIRTY_C: What can you define as life then?
CLEAN_C: Life is inside us. You can be a living being in prison, just as well as inside a palace. It doesn’t really matter where you are or what you have or lack. Life is does not depend from those things. That life may, at the most, make use of everything you have. However, God demands that we forsake all especially because people have this vain idea that what they have is what life is all about. I can’t be. Consequently, God asks of all of us that we forsake and deny it because we are holding a lie.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: Does your breathing depend on the place you find yourself? Is it as easy for you to breathe inside a prison as it is in the field filled with birds? When you are beaten or tortured, will breathing be affected at all? Breathing never depends on the place or situation you find yourself. Breathing is breathing, just as life is life.
DIRTY_C: It is true. I will be able to breathe anywhere, unless they torture my lungs or nose.
CLEAN_C: So, if breathing is not conditioned by the country you find yourself in, or by the problems you face, surely life can neither be affected by it!
DIRTY_C: I understand. And what scares me most is that everything you say to me makes a lot of sense. You scare me to death by your words and by the way you talk.
CLEAN_C: Suppose you were a kind of mad person who believed breathing was “not having problems”. Then, you would never breathe under trials or problems. You would refuse to breathe in prison. This is what people act towards life: they refuse to live when their problems are not solved. Can't you agree with the fact that this is stupidity?
DIRTY_C: I suppose if I believed that, I would have died at birth because I was born into problems. My problems started the day I was born!
CLEAN_C: I see. However, real Life does not depend on circumstances of any kind to manifest itself - at all. Unfortunately, people are weakened in their inner life because of problems. They offend that life by seeing it as the main conceiver and keeper of a sinful life. Since people easily sin under trials, and since Life is separate from them because their sin, they start believing trials affect Life in them. They can't see that it is sin that affects that Life in them, directly, and neither that the Life God grants affects sin to destroy it. We cannot walk as if Life will not be the enemy of sin in us. It is sin which affects Life and not trials. And it is Life that counteracts against sin and fleshly living, and not the devil as many suppose. Many even rebel against God under trials and hard circumstances. It would be like someone refusing to breathe because of having a mean mother-in-law. It just doesn’t make sense!
DIRTY_C: I understand.
CLEAN_C: Whether people are rich or poor, they must breathe and they cannot stop breathing. They can breathe or die, whoever they are and wherever they are. In other words, eternal life is not affected by what we experience on the outside. If our mood is affected by trials and problems, it may extinguish or sadden the Holy Spirit. However, if trials and problems do not affect our living, it will cause Him to rejoice in us. “He will rejoice over you with joy; He is silent in His love; He rejoices over you with joyful shout”, Zep.3:17. It is wonderful to have God rejoicing because of us. We have made Him so sad many times! However, the Holy Spirit is Life. Riches cannot improve eternal life and neither can poverty affect Life for the worst because Jesus is inside us and is not kept there by what we have. You can have problems in a place where there is plenty of air to breathe, just as you can have those problems anywhere else. That Life is God Himself and He does not depend on problems or even on the absence of them to be better or worse. It is an awful blasphemy to believe God depends on anything to be Himself. It is a very incorrect image of Him. To make an image or to conceive a false experience of what is in heaven is very wrong in itself already. How much more is it to make an image of what can't be found in heaven at all! However, people say “God is good” only when they feel blessed. God is always good, even if they burn in Hell. God never changes. God was good when he indirectly took all that Job possessed, and God did not change when Job received all back.
DIRTY_C: And how is that Abundant Life like?
CLEAN_C: Can you imagine how God is like? If you can imagine Him and if your imagination is correct, you might have a good perception of how He really is. But, it is not easy to imagine that life, especially because we can only imagine things we have been able to experience before.
DIRTY_C: Is it happiness, peace and joy?
CLEAN_C: It can work those things out very easily, yes. But, those things you just mentioned, along with many others, are just side effects and consequences of having that kind of life in us for real. There are many people who do not experience joy when the Holy Spirit is around. They hate God.
DIRTY_C: Please, do not frustrate me with you ducking answers. I really want to know how it is like.
CLEAN_C: There is no life like it. There is nothing like it. It is a kind of life which has no ups and downs. It is a constant life and it causes people to be constant and eternal for as long as they stick to it and prefer its ways. That is precisely what the Bible calls Eternal Life. Eternal Life is Abundant Life.
DIRTY_C: I keep thinking Eternal Life is what comes after we die.
CLEAN_C: No. Eternal Life happens with sin’s death and not with our physical death.
DIRTY_C: How so? You mean, Eternal Life is experienced here on earth?
CLEAN_C: It is also experienced here. I am certain that, whoever does not experience it here, won’t experience it after death either. We must find, experience and learn to live through it right now. The sooner we find Him in His fullness, the better.
DIRTY_C: So, I won’t go to heaven unless I find and experience it here? Is that what you mean?
CLEAN_C: That is what I mean, yes. That life is not heaven – that Life is in heaven also – it is Jesus Himself. And He can be in you right here as well as there. As you see, Life does not need to be in heaven to be Life. He is Life. He was on earth and was, even so, real Life. Here, on evil earth, Life is still Life. “On earth as it is in heaven”. And by having life in abundance right now, guarantees we shall have it after we die physically. That is the seal we must keep at any cost till we die. "That [Spirit] is the guarantee (seal) of our inheritance [the first fruits, the pledge and foretaste, the down payment on our heritage], in anticipation of its full redemption and our acquiring [complete] possession of it--to the praise of His glory", Eph.1:13,14(Amplified Version). Let us lose anything else, but not that seal. Even if heaven is the most beautiful place to live in, were Jesus not there, there would be no abundant life at all. Jesus is what makes the difference. He is the way, the truth and the Life. “As the eye without moisture, the eye without sight, water without humidity, so would heaven be without Jesus”.
DIRTY_C: This seems to me something very hard to understand.
CLEAN_C: I don’t think it is that hard to understand. Maybe you are just unwilling to understand it the way it must be understood. Maybe you would like it to be something else. Besides, you don’t need to understand it to have it. All you need is to find it!
DIRTY_C: And why does it feel impossible for me to have or experience real Life then?
CLEAN_C: Oh, please! Should I explain everything all over again to you? Are you so hardened that I need to repeat everything all over again? You need to clean your life once and for all and to hand yourself over to the Lord as a clean virgin. I am sure that after you do that, you shall stop asking these questions! Why do you keep delaying it? Why?
DIRTY_C: So, I will never have that life, right?
CLEAN_C: Will you clean up your life? Can you say you will? If you can, I am sure you will also stretch your heart to have that Life in you. Can you seek it and seek to be fully ruled by it? If you can and clean up, then you will have all the answers to the questions you put to me. Will you give up this present life for another?
DIRTY_C: I don’t know.
CLEAN_C: Well, then I don’t know if you can or can’t have that Life either. How do you expect me to answer to your question if you can’t answer mine affirmatively?
DIRTY_C: You could know, you know.
CLEAN_C: I wouldn’t know! It seems you ask questions which only you are able to answer!
DIRTY_C: Are you becoming impatient with me? Do you wish me to leave you alone?
CLEAN_C: No, I don't. I just can’t answer those questions which you should be asking yourself. Don't ask me because you are the only one who is able to answer those questions. The Bible says, “Come to Me and I will give you Life”; “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners; and purify your hearts, double-minded ones”. If you think you are a sinner, clean yourself quickly! Only then will you have the answers to all the strange questions you keep asking me.
DIRTY_C: Now you are being mean to me. All I asked was an explanation.
CLEAN_C: Have you never read what Philip told Nathanael? He told him: “Come and see”, John 1:46. I am also saying to you, “Come and see for yourself!”
DIRTY_C: Every minute that passes by, I feel more and more I won’t ever experience that Life in me.
CLEAN_C: What I believe is that you keep refusing to have it the way it needs to be accepted.
DIRTY_C: You discourage me greatly because I thought it would be easier.
CLEAN_C: You make me think of a mule that refuses to rise and move on. Mules are stubborn and do only whatever they want to do whenever they wish to do it. You stuck to that shallow hole you wish to be. It is so easy to come out of it. Sin is so shallow! Life is so deep! The only thing that hinders you is the unwillingness you seem to hold on to all the time. It seems you love to be stubborn, dead and unwilling.
DIRTY_C: No, I want the Lord Jesus.
CLEAN_C: I think you would love to have a Jesus of your own mind or have Him your own way.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: You don’t wish to change, and seem to be looking for a loophole all the time by which you can find a Christ of your own, who is commanded around by what you think or believe. You seem to be a nest of stubbornness and unwillingness. You should give up that spirit.
DIRTY_C: What will happen to me if I refuse to listen to you and refuse, also, to do the things according to your views?
CLEAN_C: If you want to know a Christ which does not exist, you are surely refusing to know the real one. Is there a greater curse than that? You can do that, but you won't be able to avoid the curse it brings. You can only choose between life and death. There is no third option. There is nothing worse than to be bound to that sort of stubbornness. If you deny abundant life and its ways, you can’t think you will live at all. Life is not acted upon as actors do – it is lived out! It doesn’t matter how good actors are, they will never create life.
DIRTY_C: And does Jesus really grant us that sort of Life? Aren’t you just misleading me?
CLEAN_C: Christ Himself is the Abundant Life. If you find Him, you will find it. But, you must seek Him and not the one which is in your imagination.
DIRTY_C: How should I seek Him?
CLEAN_C: He said, “Then, you shall call on Me, and you shall go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you shall seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart”, Jer.29:12,13. The Lord did not say you would find this or that, but that you would find Him, if you seek Him. You cannot expect to find something else by looking for Him. If you do, you are a hypocrite in that search. If you seek Him, you must find Him and not something from Him.
DIRTY_C: But, how is He like?
CLEAN_C: “Come and see”.
DIRTY_C: You are a very annoying person.
CLEAN_C: When you find Him, you shall find Abundant Life, Eternal Life, Constant Life, life without ups and downs and without end as well, because that is what He is. Take it or leave it.
DIRTY_C: But, if you could just try to tell me how He is, maybe it would help. And you have confused me by saying I am seeking to find God to suit me and to satisfy my own interests.
CLEAN_C: I also said you shall not find Him unless you clean up your whole heart and life. However, if you find Him still holding on to a dirty conscience, I am sure you won’t be happy to see Him at all.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: To see Him is to reach the point where you can’t be wavering anymore, or looking back. You won’t be able to postpone cleansing your soul anymore, or the Lord might curse you forever. It is very dangerous to have a heart which decides for sin in His sight, or that looks back to the source of sin, it is, the the old life. In case you find Him right now in His abundance, you will either die or live on the spot. You won’t be able to limp between two thoughts anymore. He shall always become a stumbling block to whoever is found in some sin. It just won’t work any other way. But, you have a chance to repent and cry out for mercy, if you are not too scared. Then, He shall purge you and refine your heart as gold and silver is refined through fire. “But who can endure the day of His coming? And who shall stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner's fire, and like fuller's soap. And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver. And He shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may be offerers of a food offering in righteousness to the Lord”, Mal 3:2,3. “The sinners in Zion are afraid; terror has surprised profane ones. Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? Who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings?” Is.33:14. We must be able to take the whole Bible into account, and not only what suits us. All those who are not found clean will either refuse to throw themselves into the light to be further exposed or they will hide and be cursed forever. Either way, it won’t be easy for anyone who is not found spotless and pure. Do you recall what I was saying about my grandfather who would not take a bath? When someone forced him to take that bath, he almost died! Maybe, you won’t survive if Jesus appears now.
DIRTY_C: Why do you think I will not be clean by the time Jesus comes and reveals Himself to me? You scare me to death! How can you talk to me like that?
CLEAN_C: I talk that way because I know that if you postpone now, tomorrow you will still be postponing. That is the kind of heart you have. If you do not want it now, if you are unable to react to the word now, you won't be willing to do it then. Unless you change now, tomorrow you will just be the same person or even a worse one. Maybe, you will still be postponing by the time He comes to you. If you say today, “Tomorrow I will do it”, I am sure when tomorrow comes, you will be still saying, “Tomorrow I will do it”. The heart and the attitude you have now will live on with you. However, if you decide to change today, surely, tomorrow you will be changed and working on your life.
DIRTY_C: And how does it feel to know Jesus that intimately? Can any of us live with Him in peace?
CLEAN_C: “Come and see” for yourself! The Bible talks about having peace in His presence. It is possible to experience peace far from Him, but, it will be this world's peace. What hinders you to know Him the way He is? Do you know Him? Remove what hinders you to know Him the way He really is. And, only in His presence can clean people (those who are in a disposition of heart to obey Him unconditionally) have peace. No one else shall be able to have peace in His presence ever. The unrighteous shall not stand in His presence. It is good to experience His presence and still have peace.
DIRTY_C: Is it really so important to know Him that intimately? Can’t we just believe in Him? I am scared to meet Him face to face after what you have said.
CLEAN_C: To find Him and to know Him that intimately is the only way for us to be made living beings. We won’t live and won’t have part in His Abundant Life unless we are in peace in His presence, when it is real.
DIRTY_C: I don’t know Him that way.
CLEAN_C: Can’t you see God is giving you a unique chance to repent and to make peace with Him? Why, do you think, are you still around? Can't you see it is grace keeping you? Why do you keep postponing it?
DIRTY_C: But, why would it be necessary to know Him that way?
CLEAN_C: Because He is eternal Life and to know Him that way is what eternal Life is all about. “And this is life eternal, that they might know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent”. John 17:3. If He is abundant and great, how can you know Him otherwise? If you say you know Him and do not share in His abundance, surely, you are lying. You must know Him as He is and not as you suppose Him to be. He is not in your imagination. He is real and that is the way you must come to know Him. If you do not know Him as Abundant Life and as Holy, I am sure you know another christ and not the One who died on the Cross.
DIRTY_C: Now, I am really discouraged. If it is indeed needed to know Him that way to be saved, I am sure I will get lost and be thrown out forever. Maybe I should just give up right now and just go away somewhere.
CLEAN_C: Please, do not misunderstand me. You must not get saved to see God, but rather see God to get fully saved.
DIRTY_C: I can’t see what the difference is. Maybe there is no way out for me anymore.
CLEAN_C: It is up to you. As soon as you put all these things we have been talking about into practice, you shall also be able to see what the difference is. You shall know and experience as soon as you start doing. You shall see the way out from all your sins as well. But, if you carry on refusing to be made spotless through the Blood of the Lord, I know you won’t find your way out at all. Just start doing and cleaning and everything shall become clearer to you.
DIRTY_C: I don’t know if there is a way out for me.
CLEAN_C: You are so stubborn and unbelieving! How is it possible that such hardness exists in you after everything we have talked about? “Be not like the horse, or like the mule, who have no understanding, whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, so that they do not come near you”, Sal.32:9.
DIRTY_C: Now, you are offending me! I think I will not come to you ever again. You do not seem willing to understand me at all. I think I will go now. We might never see each other again. I am done with listening to you.
CLEAN_C: Wait. I understand you very well. Maybe, I understand you just too well. This is why I took the liberty to speak to you this way. If you go away it might be as good as suicide. It is much easier to repent and make your life right with God right now. People who commit suicide can’t come back to this present life. You shouldn’t commit spiritual suicide. Maybe, there is no chance for you to come back.
DIRTY_C: I don’t feel like listening to you anymore, hearing the same things over and over again. You haunt me even in my sleep! You seem to accuse me all the time. I feel worse now than before I had met you for the first time. I don’t want to talk to you again. I feel worse and worse every time I talk to you. You put me in deep agony. I feel bad near you. You don’t give me a moment of rest!
CLEAN_C: Maybe it is the Lord who does not give you a break and you say it is me. You are so near life and there you are turning to death. How sad.
DIRTY_C: I don’t know if I am turning to death at all. There is a chance you are wrong. I am not sure I am turning to death by not listening to you.
CLEAN_C: There is a difference between feeling accused and being accused for real. I am not accusing you at all. That is not my intention. However, you should know your conscience is the one which has been accusing you ever since you sinned for the first time. I am not the one accusing you at all. Your conscience is the one who is doing that.
DIRTY_C: You seem not to understand me at all!
CLEAN_C: I am sorry you think that way. I think you are looking for a way to escape back into your old life style.
DIRTY_C: It was very nice talking to you. I am saying goodbye to you now.
DIRTY_C: Do not feel bad about it. Maybe it is not your fault, but I cannot carry on listening to you anymore. I am much happier in my church without than with you.
CLEAN_C: You were the one who came looking for me, remember? I am sorry you go away disappointed.
DIRTY_C: Maybe I shouldn’t exist. I don’t know. Why do you keep telling me I have no chances and I am lost?
CLEAN_C: Unless you clean up everything that stains you in full details, you won’t stand a chance. But, you have all chances by cleaning up.
DIRTY_C: You keep saying the same things. It seems what I just said did not affect you a bit!
CLEAN_C: I cannot tell you a lie. I really mean to save you.
DIRTY_C: Goodbye. I am going now. I hope we will never meet again.
That is how DIRTY_C turned His back on a great salvation. The hope is that Life has not turned its back on him.
What about you? Will you react the same way towards life and salvation? Will you also despise life simply because you think you are already a believer? Will you carry on in your pride, and in your fear to expose yourself fully to find real forgiveness? In my short experience as a disciple of the Lord, I have seen many preachers and church leaders refusing to live because the price they imagined it would cost them was too high, and to be exposed and known as sinful was unbearable. However, most of them carried on preaching and working as if they were in right standing with God. Few of them abandoned their pulpits after realizing they were not clean enough for the work. On the other hand, many still defend their doctrinal points of view as if most people are against them and as if holy ones are persecutors and not loving brothers. Sometimes, it feels they imagine enemies which do not exist and who fight their doctrines. It seems they invent a world where they are attacked to, in order to find reasons to remain as they are. Cleaning their lives and confessing their sins openly is something they will always refuse to do. It makes us feel they are the ones trying to convince themselves of something when they preach.
It would be so easy otherwise, wouldn’t it? I have heard about preachers who cried out after they became old, saying, “I have done nothing with my life! I have wasted my time and preaching carelessly! I have been wrong my whole life long and now it is too late to have it the way it should be”. It must be sad to come to such a point. I often recall these words in the Psalms: “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build it; unless the Lord keeps the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep”, Ps.127:2. Unless we do all through the Lord and carry it out the Lord’s way, we shall be squandering all we are and have.
Come on friend. Make right with God today. Promise yourself and the Lord you will do it right away, even if your congregation needs to hear about your sins from the pulpit. Who knows if even your immediate life depends on what you do the next moment.
And, now that you will clean up your whole life, take time to do a thorough cleansing. Do not leave any sin or spot untouched in your life. Do not take half measures and do a proper work. What will it avail you to clean only parts of your life? Now that you are cleaning, use you time to do a thorough cleansing! It will be worth the effort.
Every genuine revival has started off after its leaders and church members have dealt with their sins by name. As soon as preachers and church leaders start confessing their sins from the pulpits and to God in a personal way, revival starts. And every revival ended up in the rocks as soon as people stopped walking in the Light. Try not to be the next victim of deceit – not before and not after you have cleansed your life thoroughly. May God bless you.
DIRTY_C: I came back. I changed my mind. I can’t stand living this way. The way of doubt is a terrible one, especially when we are sure about truth. I decided I can’t go on resisting what I know is true. I can’t stop thinking about Judas who burst in the middle. I need to change right now. I can't postpone any longer
CLEAN_C: Welcome, my friend. Welcome back. What happened and what caused you to change your mind? Why are you so transfigured and serious? There is a strange shine in your face. But, we can see it shining already. Have you been touched by God?
DIRTY_C: I realized I was too proud and too fearful. And, if I kept hiding my sins, in what would it help me? Better to be in prison than to live this way in a false liberty. I was determined in my heart you would never hear from me again. Besides, I had promised myself you would never hear a sin of mine, at least not from my mouth. But, as I went to bed the other day, the day I turned my back on you, I simply couldn’t sleep.
CLEAN_C: It is not important that I hear about your sins, but that the Lord is able to forgive you. His forgiveness is forever. The important part is that you break down your pride and trample on it; and that the Lord hears the prayer which pleads for your forgiveness and leads to it. All that counts is whether you are saved from all your sins or not. However, if you build any sort of pride against it - such as refusing to confess in front of people - God will demand that you do just what you have been refusing to do, or do it the way you have been refusing to do. Welcome on board. I am sure Life welcomes you as well. But, tell me what happened.
DIRTY_C: In my anguish and struggle, I was talking to the Lord and saw just how resentful my heart was. I realized I had grudges built up in me, and there I found, also, a grudge against God. That was when I realized I had been angry against the Lord and not merely against you. I realized every word you told me was true. I talked my heart out to Him. I think I have never been so clear in exposing my feelings and heart to Him. I felt I was blaming Him for the kind of life He has delivered me into.
CLEAN_C: So, you have been talking to Jesus? No wonder there is some kind of brightness on your face today.
DIRTY_C: Yes, I have been talking to Him. However, the most beautiful part is that He answered me. I could never imagine Jesus answering my prayers, especially those expressing the bitterness of my heart. Before, I would simply hide it and talk to Him in a hypocritical way. That is how I realized that Jesus wants us to be sincere and expose our hearts fully to Him. That we are bad, He knows already. He doesn’t become aware of it only when we pray. He knows it by far. So, if He knows, why not be sincere and talk it out with Him? The offense has already taken place long before we pray, right?
CLEAN_C: That is right. And what did He tell you?
DIRTY_C: Well, I think it was Him talking. At that moment, I knew it was Him, even if now time has washed some of the conviction away. The fact is that I found some peace only after I had promised Him I would come back to talk to you and confess all my sins to Him in front of you so you could pray for me. Now I know what is the peace you have been talking about. I can smell it.
CLEAN_C: I understand. And what did the Lord tell you?
DIRTY_C: There was a strange repetition of a certain sentence in my mind and heart. It said, “Make your list of sins! Go talk to Job! Him will I hear!” Job 42:7,8. That is the main reason why I came back to you. I know your name is not Job, but I can understand the figure of speech.
CLEAN_C: I am glad that you have come and that God could convince you with a single phrase. I couldn't convinced you with a thousand words. You brought your list then? Let’s lose no more time.
DIRTY_C: Yes, I have brought it with me, even though I think I would not need it. I think of most of my past sins all the time. However, it took me three days to make the list and come to you. That is why I could come only today.
CLEAN_C: No problem. It took three days for Jesus to be resurrected. So, I guess the same happened to you.
DIRTY_C: I brought two lists, actually. I seem to recall that is what you advised me to do. I thought that if I was to follow one advice of yours, I might just follow all. One of the lists has the sins I committed against or with people; the other consist of those sins I believe did not affect anyone besides God and me. These are all sins which I tried to conceal and hide even from people’s suspicions. But, I promised I will not delay confessing it any longer. I will confess them now and I don’t care what the consequences will be. I want to feel forgiven every time I look at a mirror.
CLEAN_C: I see. How do you wish to go about it then?
DIRTY_C: I don’t know. What do you suggest?
CLEAN_C: Well, we could pray that the Lord be with us, first. Then, you can mention your sins and the three of us will be the only ones to know about it. Afterwards, we can talk to the Lord and plead Him to forgive you. How does that sound to you?
DIRTY_C: It sounds good.
CLEAN_C: But, are you promising me all your sins will be mentioned before the Lord? You wouldn’t leave one of them behind would you? If the list is not complete, and if you pretend to hide one single sin, I don’t think it will be worth the effort at all.
DIRTY_C: The list is complete. And if I remember one more sin, I will make sure I will bring it to the light. I also promise I will search and find every person against or with whom I have sinned if it is still in my power to find them. I also promised to God and to myself I will not go away from here until my whole list is read in a loud voice and in detail by me.
CLEAN_C: That is good. Let’s start then.
DIRTY_C: Please, forgive me for being so nervous about it, but, I feel very much ashamed. I have never done this before. I have never confessed sins this way at all.
CLEAN_C: Don’t worry. Only the three of us will know about it.
DIRTY_C: What do you mean the three of us? Are you going to tell someone else about what we will talk here?
CLEAN_C: No, I will never do that. I mean, it is me, you and the Lord.
DIRTY_C: Oh, ok! I am so nervous I was not thinking clearly. I am sorry.
CLEAN_C: And why did you promise to do it this way?
DIRTY_C: I have no other way out. And the Lord showed me to do it this way. Who am I to withstand Him? Please, let’s start before I lose courage.
CLEAN_C: Let’s start then. Can we pray that the Lord be with us as well? He is the one who should be listening.
DIRTY_C: Yes, we can.
CLEAN_C: Let’s pray.
And they bowed down and asked the Lord Jesus to be with them. It was a very short prayer, to the point and very objective. They did not ask or pray for anything else, but for the Lord to be present. However, the presence of the Lord was being felt and the environment was soaked with God’s nearness even before they prayed. It was so real that even CLEAN_C trembled. He also felt the prayer had been answered before they started to pray. It felt as if the air was impregnated with God’s beauty. After they both said “Amen”, they started to talk again and it felt there was a new atmosphere in the air.
CLEAN_C: Let’s start brother.
DIRTY_C: Where do I start?
CLEAN_C: Well, I suppose it would be better and easier for you if you start with the one you feel worst about. The sin which is most difficult for you to confess should be at the top.
DIRTY_C: It makes sense. If I start with that one, it will feel the rest will be less painful to confess.
CLEAN_C: That is right. Please, open your heart and share it as if you were alone with the Lord and as if I do not exist.
After a moment of hesitations DIRTY_C started to talk His heart out and immediately started to feel better and clean.
DIRTY_C: I have killed my father. No one suspects it was me.
There was a sob in the air and DIRTY_C started to cry. For a while, he couldn’t carry on. However, after he calmed down, he started talking again.
CLEAN_C: Carry on brother. Please, do not waste anymore time. Let’s grab forgiveness for you. It must have been hard for you to hide that sin for so long, wasn’t it? How did that happen?
DIRTY_C: I am sorry. This hurts me quite a lot. What do you think should I do about this sin?
CLEAN_C: What do you think is the right thing to do?
DIRTY_C: I don’t know. I think the right thing to do is to turn myself in and confess to the police what I have done.
CLEAN_C: How did it happen?
DIRTY_C: I used to poison my father gradually, putting something in his food every day. He went down gradually. The reason I did that was because he used to beat my mother every day. He also used to beat me and my brothers. He drank a lot and every time he drank, he would beat all of us. He would start with one of us and end with the other because we often tried to hinder him from beating whoever he was beating. He would become angrier because of that. When he died, the doctors said he died from kidney failure. But, only I know I was responsible for it. My only fear was that the police would be suspicious of my mother. The doctors did not suspect of anything. So, I thought I was being blessed by God. Ever since, I feel guilty about it.
CLEAN_C: Does you mother know about any of it?
DIRTY_C: No, she doesn’t. At least, she never told me she suspects about what I have done.
CLEAN_C: If she knew, it would be very important to talk to her about it, though. But, it is important to talk to her before you take any other decision.
DIRTY_C: Can I go and speak to her now? Will you wait till I come back?
CLEAN_C: Yes, I will wait. Go in peace.
One hour later DIRTY_C came back.
DIRTY_C: Thank you that you have waited for me. You are a very patient man. That was one of the things that annoyed me.
CLEAN_C: Should we carry on then? Let’s lose no time. Your life is more important than all the gold of this earth put together. If I did not wait for you, it would be like refusing to wait for a treasure God desires to have for Him. Please, let’s carry on.
CLEAN_C: What did you talk to your mother about?
DIRTY_C: I called her and my brothers to the living room and said I wished to have a serious talk with them. I asked God to be with us, just as you did here. I felt such peace and such boldness as I didn’t think it possible. My heart was quiet. And there was also a silence in the living room which was deeply felt. It was as if God was with me. Everyone was staring at me and they were uneasy and constrained. They waited for my next words. I told them how I went about poisoning my father and explained that I felt very bad and sad about it. I told them how guilty I was and that I thought of turning myself in, to justice. I said there was no justification for what I did. I told them I was responsible for a crime, even though our father has beaten them. I also said that the kind of heart I had was to be blamed for it; and that I could have prayed to the Lord for His deliverance, but, my heart was too far from God to be able to trust Him and to expect any deliverance; I said I was sorry that I chose to kill him because I couldn’t pray at the time in a way that God would hear me. I asked them to forgive me. My mother was stunned. She said, afterwards, she suspected about it because she found some suspicious stuff in my room. She did not tell me anything about it, though.
CLEAN_C: You have done the right thing. Please, carry on and at the end we shall reach out to the forgiveness of the Lord as well.
DIRTY_C: You think this is solved now?
CLEAN_C: I believe so. However, you must not fail your conscience and heart again. You must do whatever you believe is the right thing to do and, also, which God blesses and approves.
DIRTY_C: I will do so.
There were a few silent moments again. It was clear it was a hard task for DIRTY_C. However, CLEAN_C did not easy it up for him. CLEAN_C remained in silence waiting for the confession to start again.
CLEAN_C: Carry on.
DIRTY_C: This is very difficult to me.
CLEAN_C: Don’t lose time. The more you hesitate, the more you will outstretch the pain of it.
DIRTY_C: Thank you for being patient with me. I’ve always had strange thoughts about sex since I was a little boy. I had and still have many illusions about it; and bad wandering thoughts about sex. I always imagine many naked women. When I was a little boy, I used to peep through the hole of the door of the bathroom. I wanted to see how a naked woman looked like. This is so terrible! I feel so ashamed about it!
There was some more sobbing and DIRTY_C blushed with shame. After a while he carried on.
DIRTY_C: Do you think I need to confess this sin to the women I saw naked? I will die of shame!
CLEAN_C: I don’t think so. However, you should ask the Lord about it. I personally believe there are certain sins we should keep between us and God. But, it seems it is a sin between you and the Lord. However, care to enquire the Lord about it. If God tells you that you must go to them, I am sure you have nothing to fear and God will be with you just as He has been a while ago. Don’t fear.
DIRTY_C: I will try. I will put it before the Lord. The worst part is that I used to masturbate and became addicted to it.
CLEAN_C: Ok. Carry on.
DIRTY_C: I ill-treated my brothers pretty much. Once I was very angry against my brother because he saw me doing what I just confessed to you. I couldn’t forgive him for that. Our relationship has never been the same after that.
CLEAN_C: And masturbation has ceased already? Have you stopped with it?
There was another heavy silence.
DIRTY_C: No, I still can’t stop it. It is still a problem to me. But I need to stop, right?
CLEAN_C: Yes, you need to stop or your confession won’t bring you any forgiveness at all. The Bible says only those who leave their sins as they confess will ever find mercy in the Lord, Prov.28:13.
DIRTY_C: Even after I married, I couldn’t stop it. It is an addiction. I never told my wife about it, though. I must stop.
CLEAN_C: Surely it must. Please, carry on.
DIRTY_C: Is it possible to stop?
CLEAN_C: Of course it is. It is possible and desirable as well. But, if you seem unable to stop it, you should think seriously about cutting your hand off! It would be better to live without your one hand than to end up in hell. “And if your right hand offends you, cut it off and throw it from you. For it is profitable for you that one of your members should perish, and not that your whole body should be thrown into hell”, Mat 5:30.
DIRTY_C: Are you serious? Do I need to cut my hand off if I don’t stop?
CLEAN_C: That is one of the options. The other is to cut off something else. Cut off your hand or the other member you use to sin. The choice is yours. However, if you can stop it, you may keep all your members and use them all for the glory of God.
DIRTY_C: I will stop then. I will surely stop with God’s help. There is no condescending, right?
CLEAN_C: No, there isn’t. Please, carry on.
DIRTY_C: I betrayed my wife in a few occasions. Do I need to tell her about it?
CLEAN_C: I don’t know. The Lord will lead you. I think you must find those women you betrayed her with and confess your sin and tell them it was wrong and now you will live for the Lord.
DIRTY_C: I understand. Is there no possibility to be misled and do the wrong thing concerning this?
CLEAN_C: If you really wish to do what God tells you, I think it is very easy to be led. You only need to be obedient to Him when he shows you something, or next time, He might not lead you at all.
DIRTY_C: I will do it. I am feeling much better already.
CLEAN_C: Good. However, do not be satisfied with the little that happened. Clean all and do not build your hopes and joy upon half peace. I know this is already more than you expected to find, but I assure you, this is much less than the promise of God. Search your soul out to the last sin!
DIRTY_C: I will do so. I have lied many times. I stole from people…
And the two friends stayed there talking and confessing together for a whole while. All the sins in the list were thoroughly dealt with and confessed; and even some other sins have been confessed which DIRTY_C was remembering during their talk and which were not in the list. For the sake of the dialogue we will keep calling DIRTY_C by his old name, even though we could change his name to CLEAN CONSCIENCE by now. God will grant us all a new name. After they finished their conversation and confession, they knelt down and pleaded for the forgiveness of the Lord and that He would blot out those sins forever. DIRTY_C stood up from his knees and he started to experience a joy that he never thought possible. However, we all know it was very little if compared to what still lay ahead of him and if he keeps his course in the Lord’s ways. After hey prayed for forgiveness, CLEAN_C said:
CLEAN_C: Before I go, can I give you some advices about what you should do from now on? I would like to tell you a few things concerning walking with God.
DIRTY_C: Sure! I feel so relieved and so peaceful! I never thought I could feel this way! It was indeed foolish of me to postpone things for so long! Now I understand what you were trying to tell me. It feels as if I have never sinned!
CLEAN_C: I told you that postponing it was foolish. But, let’s carry on. Don’t be amazed by anything that happens inside you or outside, from now on. Whatever you have found now did not come by musing your feelings or by trying to work them up. The joy is there because you have done something important for God, something which you should have done a long time ago. This life will not end, it will go away and you need not to worry. Fear God and try to walk with Him all His ways instead of trying to work on the way you feel like doing.
DIRTY_C: Ok, I will try. What else do you want to tell me?
CLEAN_C: Now, you need to read the word of God faithfully every day. In addition to that, you shall also need to read where and how the Lord Jesus tells you. Choose the best hours of your day for that purpose. I mean, you should find out what time of the day you are at your best. You should not give any other time to God then the best.
DIRTY_C: I think I understand what you mean. I should use the time for reading the word when my mind is at rest or not tired out. Should I read some other books besides the Bible as well?
CLEAN_C: Only those God shows you to read. But, you cannot replace Bible reading and studying for any type of reading. In between, it can be good to read some books, even though I do not advise people to read too many of them, especially in the beginning. However, God knows best. Always put the reading before Him. Remember that what you read gets into your heart, one way or another. Let God choose. You should take some special hours every week to read the Bible. I know each day will be different from the day before, and some days will be better than others. However, close your door behind every trouble and affair and let it be only you and God. Spend as much time as needed, or as God tells you. Have in mind that what counts is the amount of truth that burns into your heart above the amount of time you spend reading it. What remains with you is what the heart holds on to.
DIRTY_C: I understand. And what time, you think, is the best time for that?
CLEAN_C: I don’t know. You must find out by putting yourself to test. That is another thing you shall need to talk to the Lord about. However, you need to do use that time fully and be faithful to it. Make as if you have an appointment with God. Make an appointment as if it was an appointment with a doctor. Don't the doctors make the appointments? Let God make them for you and be faithful to the time God stipulates to be with Him.
DIRTY_C: How so?
CLEAN_C: If you make an appointment with the dentist or the doctor, will you miss it? Will you skip it?
DIRTY_C: No, I wouldn’t.
CLEAN_C: If someone invites you for something important, will you forget about it or go there some other time?
DIRTY_C: No, I wouldn’t!
CLEAN_C: With the Word of God, you should have the same attitude. You need to make an appointment with God every day as if you have a scheduled meeting with Him, which you may never miss under any circumstances. If your phone rings during that meeting, you should never answer it, unless God tells you to do so. If there is an earthquake while you are reading and being instructed, you should carry on reading. There is nothing big enough to call you away from that meeting and neither should there be a joy big enough to be able to distract you either. Can God count on you to do that?
DIRTY_C: I believe He can.
DIRTY_C: Why, do you think, am I feeling so light and so strange? It feels as if I have just been born. I am a new being. I can’t explain it, but it seems I am in heaven. This sensation won’t end, will it?
CLEAN_C: I suppose it won’t. But, the important part is not to “be in heaven”, but to do things the way heaven does them and to be with the Lord. However, every step ahead will give you new perceptions of truth to which you must be obedient. When you have grown in truth, you will sense you have grown when you grow in practice; when God hears you, you shall sense you have been heard. That perception is important for our lives. Everything you do must carry that seal of God’s approval and blessing. That sense should work as a reference, but it should not be made an addiction. Every time you are accused or even praised, care to be aware of God’s opinion only. His opinion is the only one that counts.
DIRTY_C: I think I understand. And how should I pray now? I feel I cannot pray the way I have been doing. It feels so unprofitable and so unfitting. I think I used to pray to impress myself and others, but never to impress God.
CLEAN_C: Whenever you pray, talk to Him the way you are talking to me. Just talk to him and ask the same questions with the same assurance that you will get an answer from me. I answer you, right? So will God. He will answer you as well, even in a much clearer and more delightful way. You should talk to Him as you would talk to your best friend. Have no secrets to Him and do not let anything untouched, especially sin and those things which dwell in your heart. There are no secrets to God and we should never live as if we needed to keep something back from Him. Also, have in mind that if you hear Him, it means He hears you. You cannot believe God hears you unless you hear Him just as easily.
DIRTY_C: Now I feel like a brother to you. You never let me believe you were my brother.
CLEAN_C: That was because we were not washed in the same blood. Now we are brothers. I can see you as a friend, as a brother and as a child of the King. However, take hold of Christ with all you have in you. Go, brother, and be in peace with God. May God bless you richly.
DIRTY_C: Thank you for everything you have done for me.
CLEAN_C: Don’t thank me for anything, at least not yet. Let’s save it for the end and for the Lord. Your way has scarcely started. May you become an eternal being. The best way to be eternal is to live each day as if there is no other to think of. In fact, there is no other day to live out besides today. Try not to waste your time on tomorrow and neither on the way you shall do things the next day. “Take no thought how or what you shall speak”, Mat.10:19. You should be faithful to today’s work and only to it. Tomorrow will take care of itself. There is not a tomorrow for eternal beings – only an endless today. That is the basic principle of eternity. Feel free to come and share with every time you wish to. It has been a joy to share the truth with you. May God bless you.
And this is how these dialogues between consciences ended. I pray it has been a blessing to you. DIRTY_C has turned himself in to justice and went to jail. The judges had a great difficulty to condemn him because he was the one who accused himself. He made it hard for the judges. However, he is having a great time in jail and every man there has heard the gospel, and most of them have been converted. CLEAN_C often visits his new brother in Christ. DIRTY_C has said that His favourite verses in the Bible are these: “And in this I exercise myself, always to have a blameless conscience toward God and men”; “…because before Him purity was found in me…”, Act.24:16, Dan.6:22. He also said that his time in prison will soon be over because the judges have taken many things into consideration before condemning him. He is not eager to come out until every person in jail is fully converted, he said. He is patiently waiting upon God’s will and God’s time. He also said any place is good to be when we have peace with God and are found in Him. May God be with you as well.